THE ORGERON HAS TIME NOT FOR YOUR AUTOGRAPHS

We can’t look past Hate Week just yet–but the Shadow of the Orgeron is long, and tinged with fire and the smell of smoked meats of many species. Erik at Deep South Sports spies our favorite kind of story–rank hearsay!–concerning a young autograph seeker and the Orgeron at a local little league game.
He waited until the game was over, so as not to bother him while the game was going on. He stood there waiting with his Florida Gator team hat (the five year old that is). When his turn came, he was very rudely turned away by Orgeron. He told my son he was not going to sign his hat because it was a Florida hat.
Nancy Grace is outraged, OUTRAGED WE TELL YOU! The EDSBS official stance is this: when Somali Bantu mothers have daughters, they slap them from infancy. Why? Because life for the Bantu is hard, and for women it is hardest. To the child with the Gator hat, welcome to your baptism in the Church of Arbitrary Laundry-Based Hatred and its first instructional slap–and consider yourself lucky you weren’t dressed for the grill and cut into chops on the spot.
(Check the photo–who knew he had such shiny knees? Your reflection in them would be the last thing you see.)









1
dave says:
Wait, so Orgeron didn’t actually consume the kid’s flesh?
I’m sorry, but I don’t see the outcry on this one.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
2
Orson Swindle says:
No pile of bones sucked dry, no foul.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
3
hamchuck says:
this story isnt true.. made up by a cow college fan
September 13th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
4
DevilGrad says:
And if the Somali mother finds out you’re an Ole Miss fan, she slaps you twice.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
5
MakersReb says:
For the brave Gator fans willing to make the trip to Oxford next week, let this be your warning. There is a zero tolerance policy on the sporting of any type of UF gear inside the Oxford city limits, as decreed by The Orgeron himself. (This ban includes any form of jorts or sleeveless t-shirts.) Wear them at your own risk.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
6
Troy in Columbus says:
don’t worry, kid, we have all the trophies.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
7
Bully Van De Graaff says:
A buddy of mine (a big Auburn fan but don’t hold that against him) once asked Steve Spurrier for an autograph at a private party. My friend had an Auburn hat on at the time. I guess just to be funny, Spurrier refused to sign the football he (my friend) presented yet took of his own visor and signed it. My friend was trying to pick his jaw up off the floor. Then he read it. It said:
To my poor misguided football friend,
Steve Spurrier
Go Gators
To this day, my friend keeps that visor on top of his TV, except for when FLA plays Auburn. He fears it will will induce bad joo joo on his favorite team.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
8
Tim in St. Louis says:
I am sorry, but why would anyone, even a 5 year old, want to ruin a perfectly good Gator cap with that moronic gorilla’s autograph? It reminds me of the time I almost bought a Gator helmet signed by Ron Zook. Why do that?
And yes, I get that he was five. But when I was five, I wasn’t going up to Ray Goof and asking him to sign my bright orange Gator hat….
September 13th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
9
Tim in St. Louis says:
As a Gator fan going to the game in Oxford, I can tell you I will be busting out the Florida Zubaz paints and my 20 year old Albert T-shirt.
In 2004, I wore a Rex Grossman jersey. Not gonna do that again.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
10
Port City Gangsta says:
Orgeron autograph>mark of the beast
September 13th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
11
RaginCajunRebel says:
This is such crap. 1.) This lady was SO heart broken that she decided to wait 2 months to write a letter to the editor? And that happened to fall after the first loss of the year? Bull shit. 2) I don’t think this “Susan” lady actually exits. 3) If this did happen, there would be no one left alive to tell the tale.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
12
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I think the legal age for hunting kids is 6 in Mississippi for kids wearing Florida hats. But, as the kids mom will find out, orphans are made, not born, and for a woman to raise her by God son a Florida fan in the state of Miss, especially in Oxford, well, ma’am, there is no age/sex limit for hunting the mother and father of traitorous 5 yr old and making them pay……Solomon Grundy style ……in the Wooly Swamp………at night……kinda like the Hills Have Eyes 2……lots of empty cars in a secluded wooded area…………you know the rest……
September 13th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
13
Scalz1 says:
This is obviously a fake. Florida hats are so 2006. If it was a USC hat, then I might belive it.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
14
yoyofutbawl says:
Even I will give The Orgeron a break on this one. It sounds fishy.
Speaking of that, The Orgeron will use his 70-pound catfish to whip his minions into line and attack rabid Gater fans once they penetrate the Layfayette County Line or attempt an assault on his Fence Around Memphis.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
15
Scalz1 says:
…. and, is that Charles Barkley officiating the match pictured ?
September 13th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
16
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Point/ Counterpoint:
Doesn’t that woman know that he kid would have been safer at the zoo inside a cage full of gorillas? Hell why doesnt she just throw him in the water dressed as a baby seal during a Killer Whale feeding frenzy?
Does the Gator nation not communicate amongst its supporters about the inherit dangers of fucking with the Orgeron? That kid is lucky he is alive and intact.
Orgeron must be getting soft, to politely turn the kid away and not break his little neck in a fit of rage has me concerned that he didnt make an example of this kid by stapling his lifeless body to the nearest tree as his mom watched in horror.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
17
PW says:
of course it’s only hearsay, the kid still alive….
that’s like telling a story about the time you were riding on a plane that crashed and left no survivors
September 13th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
18
PW says:
Re: #7
…and that friend’s name is Needham.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=3630
September 13th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
19
Mr Pelican Pants says:
#15
No that is Sylvester Croom, and he is next if he gets any closer…..or it could be Brent Shay-fah
September 13th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
20
okiedomer says:
reading ole miss fans getting riled up, like posts 11 and 12, really makes me wonder what a Baylor pep rally is like
September 13th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
21
RaginCajunRebel says:
okiedomer–that’s not even CLOSE to me being fired up.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
22
Mr Pelican Pants says:
All I can say is-please God let Ole Miss win enough games so that Coach O can stay around for another 5 yrs. His legend is something of legend. You cant make this shit up. Truth in Oxford is way better than fiction in Jacksonville. Kinda like the WWE without the tragic ending, although no one would be surprised, Im just sayin……
September 13th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
23
Mr Pelican Pants says:
#20
Obviously, you haven’t been to Human Sacrifice Fridays in Oxford, have ya?
September 13th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
24
AtomicDog says:
Does the beer ban in the Grove get you fired up?
September 13th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
25
PJ from NU in SF says:
No deafening bellow? ‘Tis not the Orgeron, then. He should have reduced the child to a quivering mess with one mighty roar.
Dem some shiny knees, on the other hand. Younger daughter looks like she wants to be at home playing with her Bratz, or IMing with Hailey Lafontaine.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
26
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Just a question:
If you were to cast the A-Team using SEC coaches, what part would Coach O play? Murdoch-the psycho nut job or BA Barracus-the physically dominant short tempered psycho?
Urban Myer- Faceman?
September 13th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
27
Raider Red says:
I wouldn’t think the Orgeron would give you the chance to say “ma-te”. He would just rip out your heart and show it to you while it was still beating, Chong Li style.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
28
rjsplow says:
re: #26
Spurries MUST be Hannibal…I know he doesn’t have white hair (Bobby Johnson probably looks closest to the part), but who else could you see chomping on a huge stogie with a machine gun in his hand saying “I just love it when a plan comes together!”
September 13th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
29
Brian says:
Pffft, beer ban, everyone in the grove’s drinkin’ whiskey anyways.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
30
rjsplow says:
re: #26
Spurrier MUST be Hannibal…I know he doesn’t have white hair (Bobby Johnson probably looks closest to the part), but who else could you see chomping on a huge stogie with a machine gun in his hand saying “I just love it when a plan comes together!”
September 13th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
31
Mr Pelican Pants says:
If I knew how to Photoshop the A-Team thing, I would.
As far as the beer ban on the Grove goes,
beer dont matter, its straight Moonshine from a Mason jar, or Everclear , then Jim Beam and a whole host of whiskey and sour mash a close 2nd. GOD help you if Orgeron catches you with Riunite Box wine.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
32
Coop says:
#26
Obviously, Murdoch would be played by Houston Nutt. As for the others, I don’t know.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
33
R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger says:
MA TE! MA TE!
Gah… even photoshopped, that hold Van Damme put on the other dude hurts just looking at it.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
34
BearWithMe says:
The story is obviously fake! If that really happened the Orgeron would have castrated the kid OU-style…
September 13th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
35
That 5.0 Guy (Now At Work!) says:
Nerd Question:
Is Sylvester Croom “Black Bolt”?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Bolt
What would Orgeron be, then? Hulk?
September 13th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
36
Coop says:
Dude, Orgeron = Solomon Grundy, of Justice League fame. Perfect match.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
37
King Harvest says:
Orson, am I late on this or have you previously announced it?
http://www.rammerjammeryellowhammer.com/weblog/
September 13th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
38
gerry dorsey says:
so someone is working on the “sec a-team” thing right???
September 13th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
39
Mark says:
Anyone can have Orgeron’s autograph. Just take said item and draw a circle on it.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
40
LSUJoshua says:
So it’s:
Hannibal : Spurrier
B.A. Baracus : The Orgeron
Face : Urban
Nutt : Murdock
That Girl That Was Sometimes With Them : Richt
The General That Chases Them : Miles
I see Fulmer as Dominic in Airwolf. And maybe Urban is better suited for Jan Michael Vincent’s role there. So Richt gets Face in the A Team.
September 13th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
41
gerry dorsey says:
so what 80’s tv hit is the saban?? i haven’t heard any mention yet?? thomas magnum?? michael knight???
September 13th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
42
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Maybe Orson or someone with some mad-skillz-yo on the Photoshop thing can create it. I’d go with that A-team lineup, Urban already has the only working Leather Members Only jacket from 1982, Limited Edition, no doubt. I also thing Coach O could double as Jason in the Friday 13th series. Literally, I think you would have to set him on fire while he’s chained to a rock, then throw him in the lake. You cant kill evil, you can only hope to contain it.
September 13th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
43
fife in the bay says:
im guessing thats his daughter, homegirl looks exactly like him.
thats scary.
September 13th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
44
CHARLIE MURPHEY says:
You know the ORG looks more like Rocky.
Paste his head on rock’s body it would look better.
Way to go rocko.
September 14th, 2007 at 6:35 am