MARYLAND/WEST VIRGINIA: REASONS TO WATCH

by Orson on Sep 13, 2007 5:28 PM EDT

Tonight's matchup between Maryland and West Virginia is compelling because it is Thursday, there is football on, and you have nothing else to do but sit and twitch and think about BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. Yet there remain many other powerful reasons to watch the game, too:

--Vrrrooooomm. Pat White and Steve Slaton continue their work as the best sales team imaginable for the spreadbone West Virginia offense (both averaging over 100+ yards a game,) and ran giddily through Maryland's slow-twitch defense last year. Maryland has played Villanova and Florida International, who seem fearsome enough to make the L.A. Times pronounce their defense as improved. We outran a toddler last night for a chicken finger someone dropped at a restaurant--sign us up for the Olympic 200x200, counselor.

--Ralph Friedgen's improbable survival as the last remaining member of the Troll race.

--The sound of Ron Franklin, the voice of college football. Oh, wait...

--Numerous mentions of how Friedgen revoked Slaton's scholarship offer, and how it motivates a man who already can run a 4.3 through almost any defense in the land to do exactly what he does against everyone else, anyway.

--Jordan Steffy's preteen girl name. He should play in a midriff shirt and squeal when he completes passes with an unfortunate moniker like that. We think we went to school with a Jordan Steffy, who was of course hounded from school as "Jordan Stiffy." Or she was abducted by gypsies. We can't remember; they all get mixed up in our memory, they do...

--Rich Rodriguez's anger. The camera manages to always catch one good shot of Rodriguez acting like he just realized he's got a dirty diaper or something.

You could also listen in on the outstanding Football Outsiders' podcast with special guest us covering the week's games and picking them against the spread. We bet on Dan Hawkins upsetting Florida State after he rides Ralphie into the stadium while shooting apples off cheerleaders' heads with the skill of a Zen archer--even more so if Hawkins misses and shoots a cheerleader in the head with one, which he did intentionally just to prove how serious he is.

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Under 48 hours until the Hate Bowl. Even orange shoes can't help Tennessee where they're going.

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Comments

This isn’t intramural archery, brother!

by DevilGrad on Sep 13, 2007 5:36 PM EDT reply actions

Actually… Ralph Friedgen looks more like an Orc than a Troll, but he’s still Horde nonetheless

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Sep 13, 2007 5:43 PM EDT reply actions

Ed Orgeron is an angry Wookie. Just let him win.

by That 5.0 Guy (Now At Work!) on Sep 13, 2007 5:45 PM EDT reply actions

Owen Schmitt on the other hand… definitley a level 70 Tauren

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Sep 13, 2007 5:48 PM EDT reply actions

I’d imagine a 200×200 relay would take quite a long time.

by RedDevilEA on Sep 13, 2007 5:48 PM EDT reply actions

I’m all over it because for once, I won’t be playing hooky from work (Shana Tova, everyone!), and West By God is only the toughest opponent UofL will face this season… on the road, making it extra fun.

I want to scout them and impress upon the Pride of Louisville just why we need to be afraid, very afraid. That is, besides all the reasons we saw last Thursday night, when the Cardinal D looked like it was trying to outpace Michigan for crap-on-a-gridiron.

As a bonus, my boss went to Maryland, so if a miracle happens, he’s going to be be in a good mood tomorrow. Everybody can always use one of those, right?

by PJ from NU in SF on Sep 13, 2007 5:53 PM EDT reply actions

Ralph Friedgen’s improbable survival as the last remaining member of the Troll race.

(chuckle)

Amazingly it only took til comment #2 to get a WoW reference.

by Geaux Irish on Sep 13, 2007 5:56 PM EDT reply actions

The whole bow and arrow thing while riding on the back of Ralphie is old news. Gary Barnett used to do it too, but he was typically firing his arrows at Katie Hnida.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katie_Hnida

by Geaux Irish on Sep 13, 2007 6:00 PM EDT reply actions

Hey, geek stuff is mainstream now, it’s the source material for all the summer blockbusters.

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Sep 13, 2007 6:09 PM EDT reply actions

damn, why’d you have to bring up a lack of ron franklin??

by gerry dorsey on Sep 13, 2007 6:12 PM EDT reply actions

Noel Devine is clearly a Hobbit on speed.

by Kim Philby on Sep 13, 2007 6:20 PM EDT reply actions

All this talk about World of Warcraft makes me think of Southparks “Make Love not Warcraft” episode. How do you kill something that has no life?

I cant believe people actually played games like that using point cards, pencils and action fiquerines, like D&D etc. The West Virginia offence is just like LEERRROOYYY JENKINS , just balls to the wall and shit flying everywhere.

by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 13, 2007 6:32 PM EDT reply actions

Orgerons Rage Vs. Rodriquez Anger……who wins?
Discuss quietly amongst yourselves, I’m getting a lil verklempt.

by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 13, 2007 6:34 PM EDT reply actions

Picking the Cats to beat UahVell, eh??? I will be there with Makers and Ale-8 in hand. Orson, are you coming to Lex Vegas when the baby rhino plays UK?

by Simon Kenton on Sep 13, 2007 10:40 PM EDT reply actions

Do not knock the juju shoes, lawya. Do not you dare.

(Also, they’re not going to get me very far. Holy hell, those heels are high.)

by Holly on Sep 14, 2007 1:11 AM EDT reply actions

Good pick on the the Saturday game in Tuscaloosa. I, for one, am quite curious as to how the field conditions will be, as the next 36 hours still call for over an inch of rain in Tuscaloosa.

by Will on Sep 14, 2007 6:56 AM EDT reply actions