FIVE QUESTIONS WITH ROCKY TOP TALK

It's HATE WEEK!!! Joel from Rocky Top Talk answered our five questions, and we answered his over at RTT. We also appeared on the Corn From a Jar podcast, where we discovered why we left our birthplace: we speak far faster than anyone else in the state.

1. Are the rafters squeaking in Knoxville from Phil headed out the door? Would we be stretching if we called this late Imperial period the Butterdammerung?

Being from Tennessee, you should know that the sun nevers sets on dairy products. Or if it does, they are fresh and new each milking morning. Or something.

There is a certain segment of Vol fans that is dissatisfied with coach Fulmer and always will be, but Fulmer has friends in high places with fat wallets. Fulmer's really in a lose-lose situation: if he has another Season of Which We Do Not Speak ("SOWWDNS"), no amount of support from donors will save him, and if he wins another national championship, he'll merely buy himself another eight years on the Throne of Perpetual Torridity. It's the price one pays for a $2M+ salary.

2. How does it always happen that Tennessee and Florida meet each other in games with complimentary weaknesses? (We have no dbs, you have no wideouts, etc.)

That is odd, isn't it? I blame Chris Leak.

Our QBs have been mostly out of synch with our receivers ever since he left us in a lurch (great, experienced receivers paired with a rookie QB some years, experienced QB paired with inexperienced receivers other years, like this one). It's affected our secondary, too, because we've been known to rob John Chavis's defense to fortify our offense (and vice versa) when in dire need.

Why Florida might be in the same predicament at the same time, I have no idea. With the Gators' recent streak of VHT recruiting classes crammed full of VHT players, having any holes whatsoever is practically unforgiveable, isn't it?

Man, you can't give dong away in Tennessee.

3. Bad Erik hasn't made an appearance yet this season. Any chances of that? Could you make that happen, if we paid you several million in a Southeast Asian currency of our choosing?

No. Won't happen. Bad Erik was buried in the LSU end zone along with the corpse of the SOWWDNS in a secret ceremonial cleansing in the summer of 2006. And really, Ainge was just a bit player in that whole tragedy anyway. David Cutcliffe fully reanimated Ainge in Orange soon thereafter, and I can't really recall any cover-my-eyes-in-horror mistakes from last season. If he didn't make like a mushroom cloud after a three interception half against Alabama and instead actually ran the interceptor out of bounds to save a touchdown and the game, then he's going to be fine. Hey, he has as much command of the offense as any Tennessee quarterback since Peyton Manning. Wait. Never mind.

Injured Erik, now that's another story. He's much more likely to make an appearance than Bad Erik, whose spirit is beyond the summoning dimensions regardless of what you offer. And besides, have you ever tried to pass a Ho Chih Minh Dong note in East Tennessee? If it can't get me a Krispy Kreme, it ain't no good to me.

4. You crave Tebow. Attempt to deny it.

I don't want Tim Tebow. I don't want Tim Tebow. I don't want Tim Tebow. I don't want Tim Tebow. I don't want Tim Tebow. Kittens. I don't want Tim Tebow. I don't want Tim Tebow. Kittens. I don't want Tim kittens. Kittens.

Where was I? Oh, if Tennessee could have Tim Tebow for four years, that would be just dandy with me. He's a Baby Rhino, but with arms, too. Like you said on the Corn from a Jar podcast, Tebow's a one-man play-action passing threat. Which means you essentially have 12 guys on offense. Which is terribly unfair for the defense.

But here's the thing. If I had to choose between senior Erik Ainge and sophomore Tim Tebow playing only his third full game and only his first full game against a team more protein than carbs, I'll go with Ainge every day of the week and . . . well, ask me again on Sunday.

5. Predictions, naturally, which we will mock after the game.

41-31, Florida. It certainly appears that the offenses are going to dominate the defenses on Saturday, with the only question being which will dominate more. Ainge is hot and our running game is clicking, but, against Cal at least, it seemed like we were playing with three possession receivers on the field at once. I feel much better about them after the Southern Miss game, as we were able to stretch the field a bit more than we seemed to against Cal, but I can't recall anyone yet getting behind the defensive backs, and that's alarming. At the end of the day, Meyer on the sideline, a rhino in the pocket, and a few more playmakers at the skill positions equates to at least a 7-10 point advantage.

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