BLOGPOLL, WEEK THREE: CONGEALING

Hm, chainsaw dick is appropriate given the ass-fucking they’ve given the first two opponents.

Yes, it clearly is an ass fucking judging by the blood on the chainsaw. Those darn anal tears get you every time!

Coming from a Cal fan I must agree that they might be ranked too high despite their two wins. I have no problem with Florida being ranked ahead. After they have yet to be tested and are the defending national champions. While the national championship game would be nice for Cal, what I really want is a Rose Bowl win. GO BEARS!

Lay off Rutgers fans. They had to come up with something simple. You try working “Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada” into a chant.

oooo right when bama may start to feel good about itself you bring up the dubose/la tech punch to the crotch. well played.

We suck completely on offense, but not completely on defense.

On a positive note, we still make super videos.

http://theauburner.com/ryan_supermario.html

Damn it, i had a list of…like…23 reasons i hated Mike Dubose. I dont remember what all of them were…but i know the La Tech game was on the list, as was the Michigan Orange bowl…but it was mostly about him clapping when we turned the ball over and about 7 or the 23 mentioned his man titties.

Uh, Orson? Colt Brennan threw for 548 yards.

Hokies out of the poll entirely? Ouch… but I can’t really argue given that somehow, for the second year in a row we’ve got an o-line that consists of turnstiles, a lingering effect from having our dull-dull-dull Offensive coordinator also being the O-line coach until last year. The absolute shitacular O-line play is a tangent which will cause that vein my head to pop out so I’ll digress. I look forward to Taylor getting a few warm up games under his belt before conference play starts later this month.

The jury is still out on whether we’ll bounce back from the Geauxrilla dicking we received last Saturday. If we can get our shit together on defense once again and the presence of a mobile quarterback takes pressure off of the woeful line we stand a decent chance of being in the hunt for the ACC this year. Not necessarily because the Hokies are that good underneath… more because the ACC is just that bad. If it goes the other way there’s a solid five games on the schedule that will be very much in doubt, including away contests at resurgent Georgia Tech (being Ball-less has added an ironic amount of testicular fortitude to the Jackets) and Clemson who might or might not have started their inevitable mid season slide by October 6th. Miami, FSU and B.C. being in Blacksburg will help hopefully.

And let it be known that I feel that LSU is more properly described as a Gorilla with a werewolf for a dick; since a chain-saw while scary doesn’t adequately metaphorize the magnificent, hairy, wildness that is the 2007 LSU squad.

#7

phlugner

#7,

having your preseason rank match the W column (3) in 2000.

(You may have had that one already).

rutgers ahead of wisconisn?
georgia in the top25?

This is absurd

Error: No Colorado this week!

I’ll take the #2 ranking with no complaining, as long as if we run the table we still get a shot at LSU in their backyard. (Although, we got two pretty good kids from Louisiana on USC.)

It’s nice seeing 3 Pac-10 teams in the top ten and 60% of the conference ranked! If only Stanford could step it up a notch.

Speaking of that, has anyone seen
http://www.mratings.com/rate.php?lg=cf#group2?
The Massey poll, which is part of the BCS, ranks USC at No. 115. Duke (0-2) is at 96, Michigan (0-2) at (79), Notre Dame (0-2) at (14), and Stanford (0-1) at #8.

Massey’s No. 1 team? UCLA.

Nic…
Obnoxious hand claps of encouragement when So. Miss was handing us our ass?

Pete -

Colt Brennan slings it, but Hawaii plays a bunch of high school teams.

yeah, pflugner missed the extra point…but i still blame dubose for letting michigan come back from 14 point deficits TWICE IN THE SAME GAME and for clapping after Pflugner missed the extra point.

#11, i probably did. that was a shitty season and i like to pretend it didnt happen

It’s nice to see the chainsaw/penis analogy gaining some mo throughout the college football world.

Corso Is A Chainsaw?

as much as it pains me to admit that Auburn is on the fast track to the peach bowl this year (if we’re fucking lucky) i’ll still be laughing my ass off when they roll into the swamp in a couple of weeks and pick Florida’s overated pocket…oh wait, that was just what happened on NCAA 2008…nevermind.

I eagerly await this week’s animated BlogPoll — now with 100% more brain eating zombies!

Tashard Choice has Chainsaws for legs because he’s straight shredding Defenses. Husqvarna son!

As bad as Dubose did suck at beating La Tech, he did kick Spurrier’s ass, not once, but twice that same season. I’m just sayin…

The hell’s my HT, lawya? Don’t you know they’s a war on?

14,

It’s way too early to be complaining about the computer ranking. The sample size is very small so you’re likely to get weird results. Massey’s rating are almost entirely based on strength of schedule and margin of victory doesn’t count. Since USC played one game against a weak Idaho team, of course their ranking is going to be low.

Thanks for posting my quickie photoshop of the Purple 800lb gorilla with a chainsaw for a penis. first one i’ve had actually make it onto someone elses site.
GEAUX TIGERS!

Orson’s original chainsaw/penis analogy is now morphing into a new LSU mascot. In a month it will be replete with ballcaps, t-shirts, coffee mugs, etc.

If LSU jumps USC, why is USC ahead of Oklahoma? Both teams broke their opponent’s face and treated them like fucktards. Neither team appears to have any weakness (aside from gambling or trying to use a condom with a chainsaw dick for LSU), so what gives? LSU and OU have more or less mirrored each other in terms of the level of play. VaTech is better on offense than Miami, but that doesn’t take away from OU’s offensive bloodbath against the candy-canes. If anything, it should be 1. LSU; 1a. OU; 1b. USC.

Homer Rankings:

I would keep the USC Trojans at Number 1. After they whack the Corn-holios this Saturday, they should regain the spot on top on this poll, to match the AP, Coaches, and Polish Polls.

LSU, although they played well last week, really stunk up the joint during the first half of the Missy Hissy Fit State game in the season opener. They are a solid No 2, pun and all.

If Tebow is able to avoid the Sophmore Jinx against real competition (not counting the past to gimmes) should be able to beat LSU in the SEC title game. Though, it would be more pleasing for USC to beat LSU than the Gators in the MNC game.

I’m not surprised LSU has passed USC considering their on the field devastation, but I’m glad you haven’t put Oklahoma in the number 2 spot. I’m always amazed at Bob Stoops’ incredible ability to fool voters into believing that for once, this Oklahoma team is for real. Haven’t we seen enough? I mean look at their bowl performances these last few years. The only bowl they’ve won in 4 years has been the Holiday Bowl.

Notwithstanding all of that, that was still quite an impressive beating that they laid on Da U.

Given the versatility of LSU’s offense, wouldn’t they more appropriately be described as a Werewolf with a Swiss Army Knife—with a chainsaw attachment—for a dick?

“Though, it would be more pleasing for USC to beat LSU than the Gators in the MNC game.”

Jesus Christ, it’s like last season all over again. Don’t people learn? At least the media has largely kept their mouth shut about end-of-year predictions, hopes, and dreams.

6???? We should be no higher than 7 in a blog poll, especially our own. Damn, get with the program Swindle.

Q: How does a Werewolf/gorilla with a chainsaw penis procreate?
A: Very carefully.

#29-
Given the awesome prowess that Rhett Bomar has in the ability to be an ass-hat, that Holliday Bowl win has literally been redacted. As for the game that I refuse to talk about that allegedly happened in Arizona in early January, that was not the same team that’s playing right now. Just because a team blows a big game one year, it doesn’t need to imply that the next year’s team will do the same. Look at texas in 2004 and then look at 2005. The one consistent problem with Oklahoma since ever since Stoops started things in ‘99 has been coaching turnover. It shouldn’t be overlooked (though it should not be seen as an excuse by any means. more of an intangable in grab bag of miscues that precede the laying of an egg before a national audience) that Mike Stoops took the Arizona job the week of the Big 12 title game against KSU and promptly left coaching duties at OU to Bo Pelini. Pelini later left for LSU. The offensive coordinators? Leach coached in ‘99, Mangino afterwards, Chuck Long after Mangino, and now Kevin Wilson. That’s more or less a new offense every other year. Add that to the odd luck with the OU qb’s over that span. Injury plagued Jason White, the asshat Rhett Bomar, playing a wideout with Paul Thompson at qb, and now a stash of freshman qb’s (though that’s working out quite well). It may seem as if it’s “just Bob Stoops and his ability to blow the big game”, it’s impressive that he’s had them in the big games in the first place. This is a rare year in that there has not been turnover of any kind (that I’m aware of) with the coaching staff and there is no longer much concern at qb. They’re three deep in most places, I’m not sold on the linebackers as a unit just yet, and there are already two legit contenders for the Heisman with Bradford (you can’t argue with stats, but it is early) and Malcolm “The Himalaya Playa” Kelly. To sum things up, this is the first year since the 1980’s that I haven’t felt this sense of impending and unaviodable doom. I’m also a Cubs fan, so I know this feeling very well (helloooo Moises Aluo, let me introduce you to Steve Bartman).

USC gets their No. 1 ranking in the dumbass (read: BCS) poll because they haven’t lost and they were preseason #1. Oklahoma looked incredible against Miami. Mind you, the ’Canes may be a shadow of their former selves, but their former selves for a while considered the year to be National Championship or Bust.

I think the big litmus test for USC is if they beat Nebraska. If they show spine on defense, I think they’ll pull it off, and then they’ll have earned a No. 1 spot just because OU and LSU have beaten up the little brothers wearing their older brother’s jerseys in Miami and VaTech.

As for Georgia Tech, is it unsportsmanlike that I wanted them to break into the 100 point range against Samford this past weekend? I mean seriously, Choice could’ve easily gotten to 200 yards with no more than 25 carries, and I think it would have done Taylor Bennett good to have seen more than a quarter of game play going into a very important game against BC this Saturday. That makes me nervous.

On the other hand, Jon Tenuta has his own Wheel of Many Cocks (one of which is a chainsaw), and it has never let me down*.

*Okay, fine, his defense has had some historic second half collapses in the past. But those are primarily due to Reggie Ball-less’ inability to “adjust to halftime adjustments” and get “first downs” to keep his defense off the field for longer than a three-and-out series.

1. - We are going to kick your ass. We are going to hurt Tyrod Taylor. We are going to force you to deliver Sean Glennon to us, because of what happened last year.

October 6th, we are going to hurt you badly.

We might lose at Tech. Hell, we might/probably will lose in Columbia.

But, I know this. We will kick your ass, and I will enjoy every minute of it.

God, I hate Frank Beamer.

Of course, I am sorry about the tragedy in Blacksburg, obligatory, but oh how I hate your school and can’t wait to right last year’s wrong.

It is like you gave us seasonal herpes or syphilis, and our thing fell off after losing to you in Blacksburg that Thursday night.

And I, as one of many, have not forgotten that game.

Again, sorry about the tragedy in April, but I want your football team’s blood, and Beamer’s, as payback.

1. 35, wow, I am surprised indeed to have provoked such a lengthy defense of OU’s recent difficulties. I agree that for once OU has cut down on its coaching turnover, and seems to have figured out the QB situation, but I reserve the right to wait until OU plays a ranked team to decide if Stoops’s (and yes, its s’s, look it up) team has finally managed to find a way to win the big game.

We find out this Saturday if USC qualifies. However, USC hasn’t struggled with big games in recent history, only with teams against lesser opponents (see UCLA), so I feel that they have less to prove.

Oh and I know there’s always a big temptation to do it, but don’t use the “at least he gets us to the big game defense,” because even Charlie Weis “gets his team to the big game” as exemplified by 2 BCS appearances, but as ND shows, that is far from enough.

Oh and when I say hasn’t struggled with big games, I’m stating that USC did not struggle in the 2006 Rose Bowl. We just got outperformed by a spectacular player who beat us with 19 seconds left. Luckily, our shame has been lessened by the fact that “The QB Who Will Not Be Named”* has had no trouble beating up on actual NFL teams since.

*A Longhorn fan will now appear to relive the glory days in
4…3…2….

Predictions, Predictions….

1. Tim: People do NOT learn. Predictions? That is done every day of the football season, even by your favorite media types. It is part of the fun of following the sport. If your team was as good as mine, you would also be planning ahead.

1. 36 – GTSteve: Prediction (oooops Tim): The USC defense, with 10 returning starters, will totally dominate Nebraska AT Nebraska. (I cannot think of another top-tier school that consistently plays good teams on the road. ) The Nebraska game plan prediction (oooooops Tim,again) is for them to open up the playbook and not lay down like dogs like they did last year, just not to get blown out of the game, like it happened before with Arky, Auburn, blah, blah, blah.

I don’t have any problem ranking USC behind teams that have shown more on the field at this point in the season.

I still have some doubts about LSU in the long run though. I think MSU and Va Tech might turn out to be really bad teams this year. I still expect LSU to stumble somewhere in the SEC.

OU beating Miami is certainly a solid win, but USC has a chance to surpass that with the game against Nebraska. Things should work themselves out as the season goes on (and then new problems will arise).

1. dammit, I’ve been zinged!

I predict an enjoyable weekend of drinking and football.

38- Charlie Weis doesn’t get Notre Dame to the big games, Notre Dame’s substantial marketing pull gets them to the big games. While you could argue that ‘05 was a real team, I tend to think more along the lines of it being a case in which USC played down to the level of the competition at South Bend. When I say, “gets them to the big games”, think more of a Tom Osborn in the mid to late ’80s role. Great teams, but would lose (even up into the early ’90s) the big ones. That isn’t to say that that discribes Stoops in a nutshell, but it’s a rough example. Don’t forget that for a handfull of years he was nicknamed “Big Game Bob” by a few of the media outlets. For most teams, success is cyclical. Success is cyclical in college ball, so I would suspect that there are a great number of coaches that will “lose the big one” but aren’t really labeled as such. Heck, judging from a recent Michigan, USC’s Pete (I reserve the right to call him that, just like that guy mocked Bobby Knight. It feels right) could be a recent big game dud. Lost to texas and then to UCLA. Of course, they’ll eat Nebraska’s soul. In the mean time, I do think that USC, LSU, and OU are all at a tie as far as who should be #1 at the moment.

Yeah, the student section chants “YOU GOT FUCKED UP” whenever a Rutgers player jacks up an opponent. Not an injury, just a big hit. They do it to everyone. Navy, Louisville, whoever.

My point? The Rutgers Student Section doesn’t care about your opinion of them. They will shake their keys and chant “BULL SHIT” loud as possible whenever the ref makes any kind of call against Rutgers and with the Cartmanesque attitude of “Whateva’! We’ll do what WANT!”

My other point? That things are generally going good if all you can complain is about the students – though Rutgers does need to cut down on the penalties like whoa.

imbeciles. Hook ’em

1. Stoops deserved the credit for beating Texas those years and the MNC. He has not done as well in the past couple of years but hopefully the Okie fans won’t start acting like the goofballs at Arkansas or UCLA.

The big thing in both Charlie Weis signature win (the loss to USC in 05) and the UCLA upset last year is the rivalry factor. One of the basic rules of rivalry games is that anything can happen and I’m sure we can all think of plenty of examples where a superior team was upset by a rival juiced on pure hatred.

Considering that Carroll has won 4 out of 5 BCS bowls and the lone loss was to a great Texas team, I don’t think the idea of him being a “big game dud” is going to get much traction.

1. I’m not trying to say that Carrol is a “big game dud”, just saying that calling him is (at the immediate moment) not unlike calling Bob Stoops the same. Both have lost a couple of big games last season. Both have also won a few big games. Nobody is going to be undefeated forever, not even Bud Wilkenson or Bear Bryant. My entire point, aside from calling into question why LSU would jump USC while OU would not, is that making a judgement on this year’s OU team based on two games from last year (no, I don’t view Oregon as a big game loss, but it could have had the affect of a monumental loss given the circumstances) doesn’t follow reason. It’s a very different team, most notably with the offense. It’s more than just running between the tackles with the play-action pass here and there. I could buy questioning OU based on the run-defense or even the vertical passing game, but not the coaching staff.

USC looked very unimpressive against Idaho. The Vandals had some really good looking drives against the most overrated unit in college football over the past three seasons: the USC defense. Leave it to the special brand of dipshits known as USC fans to believe that they earned a preseason ranking and have some right to keep it until they lose. Penn St. looks better than USC right now.

#37… Yikes that got kind of dark there, and while I can appreciate the Clemson perspective that things didn’t go right after last October’s meeting I think you might find more fruitful focus for your coach-hate closer to home. We couldn’t help it if Tommy failed to prepare the team beyond handoffs to Spiller and Davis. 2006 wasn’t the first year that Bowden flirted with the hotseat. It won’t be the last either.

Looking forward to the game, haven’t caught one in Clemson since ’98.

USC met all the team goals against Idaho. That game was more about trying guys out in a game situation and filling in the depth chart than about running up the score against an outclassed opponent.

Is USC’s defense overrated over the last 3 years? That’s an odd claim but considering the team has only lost 3 games over those 3 years, then they are worthy of some respect, I’d think.

I’m fine with saying that Penn State has shown more on the field than USC so far this year, after all they have played two cupcakes this year to USC’s single game against a weak opponent. I’m not worried about USC looking better later in the season though. Les Miles was totally wrong about the Pac 10 this year.

Yes, USC is worthy of respect. However, consider that this vaunted defense was ranked 20th last year and 64th against the pass. That’s OK. It’s nothing near great. I don’t care how many starters they returned, finishing ranked 20th should never warrant placing them atop the defensive world before a game was ever played. They’re a good defense. Several are better.

I think overall numbers don’t tell the whole story sometimes. And don’t forget the schedule was killer overall, including the winners of the Big 12 North and SEC west. And while the Rose Bowl victory over Michigan has lost some of its luster, the defense looked great in the season ending string of games against Oregon, Cal, UCLA (held to just 1 TD), and Brady Quinn led ND.

Considering that the defensive team got more former starters back from injury than they lost to graduation, I think some hype is deserved. Maybe I’m looking at the team through Cardinal and Gold colored glasses, but I wouldn’t swap the defense for that of any other team right now.

BC wins 37-17 and drops a spot?? Huh??

“I think overall numbers don’t tell the whole story sometimes.”

Then you need to tell a story so good that it vaults them over 19 teams who have not only their own “story” with plenty of returning starters (LSU has eight) along with the numbers to back it up.

Here is a story from last year that I really like. LSU didn’t win the SEC east. USC played the team that did win the SEC east and crushed them.

and right after I hit send I realized that I meant SEC west not east.