COACH DEMANDS PANTS. WELL, WHO DOESN'T?

This coach obviously doesn’t have time for pants.

I know this is a horrible story and all, but it puts me in mind of an old The State skit in which Michael Ian Black is striking out with the ladies until someone suggests, “Have you thought about wearing pants?” Then Cannonball by The Breeders kicked in, and the rest is comedy history.

What’s the difference betwwen the Catholic Church, JC Penny, and Curt McKinney?

The Catholic Church and JC Penny only have little boys pants 1/2 off.

Thank you. Be sure to tip your waitress and I’ll see you all in the 7th Circle of Hell (blasphemy).

Sigh. This is why Deadspin will eventually break down and create an “Ohio” tag.

Don’t worry Bully. I have it on good authority that God hates Catholics.

#2..in high school, we used to get stoned and re-enact the “pants dance” from that sketch. Good times.

May I have your pants? Please?

Red Stripe! It’s beer! Hooray beer!

I hope Coach McKinney runs into a fucklion in the near future.

Curt McKinney is a University of Cincinnati fan.

6 – That’s a helluva lot better than my acting out the lightsaber duel at the end of Empire Strikes Back when I was 12. At least I never videotaped it.

Something tells me that this happens all the time in the SEC states.

“You….you are not fast enough….give me my pants.”

Nice to know the parents in attendance were such a big help. Youth coaching is fucking terrifying. If y’all aren’t doing it, you need to, because there are a lot more guys like this out there than there should be.

This guy deserves time in a jail cell with Maurice Clarett. But only if MC is told that Curt’s hiding a bottle of Goose up his tailpipe.

Am I the only one that’s appalled by the fact that the kid was WALKING during sprits. DOWN the hill? This kid deserved to get his pants taken. Hell, this isn’t intramurals, brother! This is Cincinnati rec league football brother! You’re a Midwest Marauders! Whoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fat boy’s just lucky he wasn’t wearing coaches drawers, too.

Myself, I always thought the Black’s Captain Monterrey Jack sketches were hilariously underrated.

“And remember, ’ring, ring…”Hello Cheese?" NO! Cheese can’t dial a phone!"

His work as Levon, of course. It goes without saying.

#3: Hi, I want my joke back.

“He said he walked to a neighbor’s house nearby because he didn’t want cheerleaders to see him in his underwear.”

Just wait 5 years son…

levon and barry have $240 worth of puddin’.

aawww yeah.

How many dolla’s worth ?

And why is this appalling?

in his best Dan Hawkins voice IT’S NOT DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!

Q: What’s black and blue and shakes all over?

 A: The five-year-old boy in my closet.

I’m here all week!

Coach sounds like the coach from ’Not Another Teen Movie"

I’m not usually one who thinks that violence solves anything, but Mr. McKinney should be on the receiving end of the “well, officer, his ass needed a kicking” corollary here…

I help run a youth football league and we had a coach for a 9/10 year old league that was measuring kids’ body fat. I shit you not, he emailed to tell us about it like he was proud. He also runs about thirty formations and has over a hundred plays. So far he is 0-2 and has lost by 30+ in both games.

Mother Ship: Barry! Levon!

Barry & Levon together: Yes mothership.

Mother Ship: Shut up and get your asses in that pudding.

Barry & Levon walk over to the trunk of the car and start grinding their asses in the pudding. Suddenly pull out of thei haze!

Barry & Levon together: Awwww Yeah!!!!!

two hundred forty dollas worth.

aaawww yeah

Now this is my kind of story!

Keegan -

I coached a youth league (2&3 graders on one team, 4&5 on another) and I had a grand total of three plays I ran on offense. SOL Pass, Direct RB shotgun snap and center sneak (flag football, mind you). Defense was mostly man-cover. How many championships did I win in two years of head coaching? 1, and appeared in another. I also terrorized our coach who was like your example . . . simplicity pissed him off because he couldn’t stop it at all.

5.0 guy,

The two teams who beat him maybe have a combined total of 15 plays and most of them are the same. Dive right and left, sweep right and left, qb sneak, a pass play, maybe a second pass play and a reverse. He too gets so pissed about losing that bad. They wanted to use head sets to call the plays from one coach to another (there is no booth) One coach can be behind the play but is usually near the sideline when it starts. The guy is crazy and what scares me is that most of the parents were okay with it.

and you wonder why pro athletes are so maladjusted

That 5.0 Guy (Now At Work!), you coached at Nebraska?

Did the coach yell THIS IS DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL! at the kid too?

>

Frank Solich located.

More related to the article, youth sports is kinda terrifying these days. I mean, you get this alpha male crazies who take football way, way WAY too seriously, and think that because he’s drawn up more plays than any six year old kind is ever going to remember that he’s the next Bill Callahan.

Hell, when I started playing basketball I was the slowest, least athletic person on the team. By the time I finished, I was about the fastest. That’s what this shit is for, get the kids out and let them play. Not to satisfy your fucking ego.

If I actually had the time I would consider volunteering to coach just because I hate to see shit like this. Anybody remember autistic kid + beanball a year or two ago?

Urban Meyer thinks that punishment is harsh.

Les Miles doesn’t have shit on this guy

What’s up with the weaknut league officials that won’t suspend him? Everyone leans on the crutch of the police before they can stand up and do anything.

While I don’t agree with the coach’s decision, I will say this: if that were my kid, and he told me WHY he had his pants taken away, I would be just as pissed at the kid as I would be at the coach.

I also coached at Air Force for years, utilizing my patented “Option Left, Right, Middle, Punt” offense.

Keegan -

I was always afraid of the parents. I mean, I was trying to win but always did my best to find a way to get all the kids involved and having fun. But sometimes . . . Lord, some of those parents want their kids to be winning by 90+. What the hell is that?

Plus, when those parents are cops and they glare at you for not running it up, it’s crazy.

In High school, totally unrelated, I have a parent charge the field during a playoff football game and punch my right guard in the head. True Story.

#37

here’s hoping you’re not and will never be a parent, then

I’m from Florida and heard about this from a family member. This coach should be ejected from the league for life and not allowed to coach with any organization. This is appalling!!!

The league needs to get a backbone and stand up for the kids they are suppose to be protecting and dismiss this coach immediately.

And we wonder why American kids are fat. Let’s see: A pants-less walk through the neighborhood (past cheerleaders!) vs. Xbox, Skittles, Mountain Dew and no asshole coaches humiliating you. I’d rather be a fatty.

Sorry 1980’s. I’m Protestant sooooo…

That joke could’ve been done in the 1580’s(delete JC Penny and insert storekeeper in town square) and it would still be funny.

What you going to do? Excommunicate me.

While I beleive the Coach has every right to dismiss or “cut” a player, this Coach deserves to be reprimanded and removed from a position where he has responsibility for children.

They (the Youth League) have decided not to punish him for the child leaving in his underwear, because they don’t beleive that it is what the Coach intended when he told the child he was off the team and to give him back the football equipment, and that the Coach supposedly walked away before the child left.

At a minimum this Coach should have ensured he knew where and what the children, HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR, were doing! At BEST he was neglectful of a 10 year old child (by my calculations that would make the child a 4th grade elementary school student) who was entrusted to his care.

Even if the Youth League won’t hold him to his duty, I hope the police charge him or the child’s parent’s take legal action against him and the Youth League which seems more interested in covering their collective butts than in doing the right thing on behalf of our children.