VIEWER'S GUIDE, WEEK TWO: THE MARATHON

First?

As a USF student, I have a bad feeling about Auburn. When everyone’s talking about the expected “upset”, it rarely comes to fruition. USF is likely screwed. I can’t wait till half the office is crushed and amazed they lost to Auburn . . . in Auburn. I jut have a feeling it’s not going to be a pretty game, I’d look for something like 13-7 as the score.

UGA/USC and maaaybe VT/LSU are the only two I think would be entertaining…the rest I don’t give a baker’s fuck about. BC/NCSU? Please.

Time Warner cable can go die in a fire. I’m still waiting for Big Ten Network. I mean, there’s a small part of me that wants to watch Purdue-Eastern Illinois (because if there’s one thing Joe Tiller has proved over the years, some games that shouldn’t be exciting are), but mostly it’s out of principle. I’m in the freakin’ center of the chewy and slow Big Ten donut. It’s not like I’m in southern Indiana, where there’s a question if I’m a fan of the Big Ten, SEC, or attacking canoers on the river that runs past my farmstead.

Put it on the damn sports tier for all I care. I already have the sports tier because it’s the only way you’d give me ESPNU and the HD ESPNs. And it’s not like 40 thousand rabid Wisconsin fans (we really are rabid, it’s… a thing) wouldn’t sign up for the service just for the off chance to see something even peripherally related to the Badgers.

Question: If Notre Dame plays badly a second week in a row (and they will), who does Charlie Weis eat on the sidelines? Or does he have someone else recruit a tasty morsel? After all, he’s made his entire career out of coaching talent other people recruited.

That 5.0 Guy, as an Auburn fan, I agree. I was genuinely concerned about that game until everybody started making it their “oh, look how insightful and daring I am” upset pick. Now that’s it’s on the radar, it can’t be a “WTF?” loss, and we’ve only had one non-“WTF?” loss in the last 3 years. Auburn wins. All it does is delay the inevitable, though, as we will now lose to MSU or Vandy or similar.

And Orson, I really, really hope you’re wrong about (Alabama at Vanderbilt), the latter of which will get "better than you expected!" buzz but will not be better than you expected, but you probably aren’t. I’ve given up on picking South Carolina upsetting Georgia, and I’ve pretty much given up on Vandy upsetting bama. Even if Vandy outplays them, they’ll still lose by 3.

“But Oregon’s offense presents precisely the challenge Michigan’s defense has yet to solve the past three years, regardless the coordinator: Dennis Dixon is an athletic quarterback.”

Three years? Try twenty. It all started with Rickie Foggie in 1986 when 9-0 Michigan lost to unranked Minnesota in Ann Arbor. Michigan was ranked # 2 at the time (just ahead of then # 3 PSU who eventually beat then #1 Miami for the national title).

No this problem did not start with Troy Smith, it started a hell of a lot earlier.

BTW in case anyone was wondering, it is day 6 of a lifetime of being a national joke and it still sucks. Carry on.

Excellent guide, sir. We will see if I am allowed to stay for hours 10-12 and “guard the tailgate*” or if the wife can somehow to persuade me to go into the game featuring teams who lost by a combined 128-19 last week.

• Meaning: continue to drink beer and eat leftover fajita meat with my bare hands while flipping channels on the satellite enabled TV.

As much as I detest provincialism, I must watch UT-Austin put TCU and its delusional fans back in their place. It’s a rare day when I’m actually compelled to pull for Sheriff Rosco, but Frog fans are under the impression that they belong in the Big 12 because they’ve beaten Baylor and Iowa State.

BC-Wake was in Chestnut Hill, which isn’t even in Boston. How awesome of BC to be named after a place where they aren’t actually located.

Go Wolfpack.

UGA/USC and maaaybe VT/LSU are the only two I think would be entertaining…the rest I don’t give a baker’s fuck about. BC/NCSU? Please.

Brian,

I share your sentiments, I think. Please clarify the definition of a “baker’s fuck” for me before I wholly endorse your idea. Is it like a baker’s dozen? One more “fuck” added in just because bakers are nice (or fat…or like to fuck)?

Fuck.

USF Football often plays out like a John Woo movie. Some really intense, awesome moments that blow your mind followed by such an immense let down when the action stops. I mean, they managed to knock off WFVA and yet earlier in the season totally blow it against Cincinnati. I love the Bulls, but God, you get kicked square in the nuts every season a couple of times, without fail.

Wow, I do mean late night with this one: with kickoff at 9:15 on the East coast, emotionally invested Virginians won’t be able to think about turning in till this one ends around 12:30 a.m. Sunday. What is this, the World Series?

West coast bitches! I laugh every year at the east coasters whining about football and baseball starting too late. Expecially MNF. Try Red Bull.

And football starting at 9 am on Saturdays and 10 am on Sundays friggin rules.

Lineup isn’t strong enough to burn up 12 hrs worth of couch equity and plasma. 6 hrs, maybe.

5.0, HFS, totally agree.

Whenever a pick or team becomes the “hot” pick/team, generally that means you get off them, don’t bet them. B/c as popular opinion is generally wrong.

Especially when it’s being done, as you astutely pointed out, to to try to be the “look how insightful I am” faux expertise. Insightful? By jumping on a bandwagon? That’s not insight, that’s following. Baaaaaa… baaaaa…

i’ve never seen a post generate such long comments. i really don’t have time for this shit.

Colorado is going to shit itself on national TV. Thankfully everyone will be drunk or stoned by the time this abortion airs.

1. - actually, likewise for wake, since they used to be in Wake, but moved.

Got a long day of tailgating ahead of me on The Plains. A weekend like this is the only time I question my decision to go to cable TV. W/no satellite, we’ll be forced to watch the Saban/Vandy game on the ol’ rabbit ears.

Guessing the WWL continues to cram more commercials into our game than the Superbowl and plan on arriving back in the ATL around 3:30 Sunday.

1. - actually i jacked that from Vince Vaughn’s character in wedding crashers, so I’m not really sure.

Wooderson -

I don’t know if it’s in the city limits, and natives anywhere tend to be overly picky about insignificant distances and differences that don’t matter to the rest of the world, but I’ve been on the Boston College campus. I was trying to sneak into the library’s computer lab w/o a student ID. Chestnut Hill is definitely Boston. All those little “towns” – Cambridge, Chestnut Hill, Allston, Brookline – they’re all Boston, the same way all five buroughs are New York and everything in the tri-county area is Los Angeles. You may draw the distinction if you live there, but it’s too minor for everyone else.

Senor Pez, cable companies often struggle to add channels because the provider wants them to be on the standard tier, not a special sports tier. That way, they get $1.25 royalty (or whatever) from each subscriber, not just the people that signed up for the tier. This is usually a rare case when the cable companies are actually on the right side of things, although I haven’t paid attention to the specifics about the Big Ten Network. (As I live in Florida, the thought of that channel taking my channel bandwidth is absolutely hideous to me.)

I’m looking forward to a long day of college football viewing. I’ll be checking in at 11am to see Slaton, White and Co. put on their show. Then continuing through to the 9:15 kickoff of LSU/VaTech. With any luck I’ll still be able to see the TV screen by then.

Am I total sucker for taking both Oregon and VT in the Deadspin Pants Party this week? Let me know before it’s too late!

Yes. VT’s a sucker’s bet.

SMQ, everyone you’ve ever met form boston is not actually from Boston, theyr’e from one of those little suburbs you mentioned. BC’s campus isa concrete nightmare, and for Orson to even insinuate that there are comely co-eds at BC means he owes us extra fine bunda today.

Clearly the marquee matchup this weekend is Alabama/Vandy via Linclon Financial/ ESPN Gameplan, and it goes unmentioned, unbelievable

Yeah, I think VT is going to get destroyed by LSU.

If you watch the Big 10 Network replays over a high speed internet connection, are the players still slow?

Threadjack…

I-AA strikes again.

UNH Backup QB Charged with Murder…

http://www.wmur.com/news/14065815/detail.html

I sincerely loathe La State, but they are going to ass rape Vt tomorrow. Glennon is terrible and I think the defense is a bit overrated. LSU’s O-line looked poor against MSU, but I don’t think it’s enough to make a difference in this game.

#4. The corollary is that next year Weis starts a career coaching the elite level talent base he recruited WHILE overproducing with less talent than e.g. a pair of teams that managed 5 losses by his first December.

Next year we’ll judge him against the majority of starters being from 3 classes of top-10 elite level recruiting. This [REDACTED]-building year we’ll judge him by the progress over the first 8 games with an elite underclass of true freshmen and true sophomores/red-shirted freshman. WWL benchmarks are for kool-aid drinkers.

Raider Red, not to nitpick or anything, but we beat another Big 12 school last year, too. Yarrrr.

And let’s just say this: If we don’t belong in the Big 12, then Baylor doesn’t, either. And neither does Iowa State. And you might want to check your own school’s credentials as well. Fair enough? AND, if teams that lose to UT in Austin (as, I’ll admit, we probably will) don’t belong in the Big 12, then the conference is going to be very small indeed.

Also, coat weather? Pfft. It’ll be 87 and sunny here in Boston tomorrow. Beach weather, more like. Except that there’s football on. Oh, and Chestnut Hill is part of Newton, not Boston. Close, but not the same thing. Remember, Boston College is neither a “college” (it’s a university), not is it in Boston. The University of Newton just didn’t test well with the 18-25 demo, I guess.

Charlie Weis invented football. Just ask him. So the GT debacle as well as the unavoidable ones in the coming weeks are all part of his evil plan….

Clausen: What are we going to do tonight Charlie?

Weis: The same thing we do every night, Jimmy. Try to take over the WORLD!

Good try, but let’s go with “nor” is it in Boston.

And Wooderson, you’re totally right about BC “co-eds” (a term I use loosely, as they look nothing like what you get at Ole Miss or Arizona State). The great tragedy of Boston is that there are so many universities here and so few hot chicks attending them. Damn academic reputations. You’d think the profs would at least want something a little hotter to pressure into sex for grades…

My DirecTV Sports Package scoffs at your “Provincialism”. All games, all the time.

The introspective shit can wait for Sunday, during the four-hour beer ads occasionally interrupted by ads featuring an all-new verse of This Is Our Country And There Is No God.

Fixed.

1. - I think you mean Boston University’s campus is a concrete nightmare. I’ll third your second, Boston Frog, on the heinous women. But, tragically, its not just Boston, but the entirety of new england. You’ll see a couple skanky-hot girls here and there, or a few out of towners who got tricked into the whole “College in Boston” thing, but as far as home grown, forget it. The best place to find cute girls in new england is at an ice cream stand in any random town during the summer. Other than that, don’t bother. Even then we’re talking soccer hot.

I went to the Spring Fling at University of Pennsylvania once….I couldn’t believe the horrible selection of bunda. Worst I’ve ever seen. It might be the same throughout the Ivy League, dunno. It’s no wonder they drink so damn much there.

Thank goodness for the cheesesteaks at the HUP truck, and for Koch’s deli.

What’s the story behind that picture of the marathoner and the elf attack?

Isn’t fly fishing fun? I mean, you just wave the lure above the surface of the water and sooner or later, the fish, or Frog as the case may be, leaps to catch the bait.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/recap?gameId=242622641

It takes more than one game to make a home and home series…your victory last year narrows the 2 game margin to 26 points in Tech’s favor.

As far as credentials, Tech and Baylor went to bowls in the 90s, when the decisions were being made. (Not to mention the fact that we’re fourth in B12 wins this decade) Your history is a giant black hole between 1960 and the arrival of LT. As for Iowa State, they outdraw you…what does that say about your fan base?

You guys have done a hell of a job sustaining recent success, but the Big 12 ship has sailed. See if you guys can beat SMU this year.

Yeah, New England is hurtin’.

Manhattan however, is amazing, and puts the SEC to shame.

And Frog, as far a “sex for grades”, I would think it’d be easier to convince, say, a Radcliffe girl to get busy by threatening her with an A- instead of an A than it would be to convince an ASU hottie to get busy by offerign to pass her dumb ass.

Retro! SWC hate!

In Defense of Boston Women Dept:

Boston vs Cambridge: When I lived over there, to my California friends I would tell them I lived in Boston. And, within Boston, I would tell the locals that I lived in Cambridge.

Pretty Boston Women: I always found plenty of pretty women when I was over there. Simple math: Within the Boston area there are a hundred thousand plus students. Half are females, and out of those females, lets say 20% are attractive. (MIT being the exception, with the hot percentage there being 1%, in my experience.) Overall, the calcs resulted in a high number of babes for big stud SKLM!

Wooderson: You cannot convince a Cliffie of anything. (Actually, Radcliffe disapeared years ago and its ex masculine she-male director now heads up the whole univ.)

Can we please stop talking about/trying to stick up for Boston bunda? They need not be mentioned again. Hell Tom Brady is the most eligible guy in the region and hes traveling to south america for his fix. No home cookin’ in new england people.

". . . pass out with a stranger in a public doorway while tearfully professing your guilty love for Nick Saban," for the lucky ones. Ah, to be twelve again . .."

Or, in other words, yet another day in the life of Haley Lafontaine.

Wooderson, SMQ -

1) Chestnut Hill is nothing more than a mailing address that spans part of Newton and Brookline (not part of Boston – have their own town governments) and Brighton (part of Boston). Why this exists I can only imagine because it looks good on an envelope and drives up property values, Cambridge is its own city as well.

2) BC is half in Brighton (Boston) and half in Newton (not Boston). So the name is half-correct. I’d also say that you’re thinking of BU’s campus, which is a monstrosity. BC’s campus is quite nice when not covered in snow.

3) I really think BC girls are generally pretty. BUT if we want to compare them to Manhattan (where every attractive person moves to) or the South (where there’s something in the water)…. I’ll walk away quietly.

1. that sounds fair, I mean it’s exactly what you gave your last coach right?

And after all this I forgot what I originally wanted to post:

Did you say BC has questions of sustenence at QB? Matt Ryan? Really? The pre-season POY for the ACC? The only good QB in the league?

Did I read that wrong?

I would like to say that I am extremely, extremely happy that the two big SEC games on ESPN start later. I am going to UConn’s ceremonial beatdown of Maine that starts at 7pm (and televised in New York and Connecticut for God knows why). That means I can get home by 10, so bombed I may not know what my name is, wearing my Dan Orlovosky jersey covered in beer and BBQ sauce AND get to watch some quality football. I’ll also see some Miami/Oklahoma before tailgating and the Michigan/Oregon game on the small portable TV during tailgating.

I would like to invite any and all strangers, and people I have never met, to come to a UConn game. Having been to Notre Dame, Maryland and Army for football games, it’s a different world. We’re still new to this college football thing. It’s still shiny. Our stadium is just a big lot. We drink far too much in an uncool manner (we just chug beer until we can’t feel feelings anymore) but it has a certain cache to it. Why? Because it’s UConn. We want them to be good but no one is clinging to it that bad. When we blow games, we’re disappointing but gosh darnit, they’re trying.

The point of this rant? I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT FOR TAILGATING!!!

Edsall, it sounds like you got the basics of college football down in CT at least.

Try not to throw any full beercans at your opponent’s fans.

I would think it’d be easier to convince, say, a Radcliffe girl to get busy by threatening her with an A- instead of an A…

Ha, they’d be more likely to tell you to come back with a better offer – nothing like a resume enhancer to get some Ivy ass.

…than to convince an ASU hottie to get busy by offerign to pass her dumb ass.

Least challenging persuasion job ever.

Brighton and Allston are part of Boston; Brookline, Cambridge, and Newton are not. Chestnut Hill is officially a district of Newton, but unofficially applies not only to the actual district of Chestnut Hill but also to parts of Brookline and Brighton (which is part of Boston) as well. BC’s campus straddles the line between Newton and Brighton, is immediately bordered by Brookline, and has a Chestnut Hill mailing address.

Confused yet??

As for the poon at BC, obviously we don’t stack up with the SEC schools (either the ones that play in the SEC, or the SEC schools that happen to play in the ACC such as FSU and Clemson) but we’re definitely punching above our weight by northeast standards. There’s not a lot of local talent but we’ve gone leaner and quicker and bolstered the roster by bringing in a lot of talent from places like Florida and California.

Re #51: There’s also the very real possibility that the Radcliffe strategy would work better for, say, Holly, than for you or me.

I can’t believe that neither Frog nor Raider mentioned TCU’s win over Oklahoma.

It wasn’t even one of the games OU forfeited. I mean, it was a real victory and stuff.

I think TCU has a great chance to be us this weekend if they can stop the pass. Greg Davis has already stuffed the running game for you.

It’s Saturday Night… you should have nowhere to go the next day. I think you east coasters can handle a 9:15 kickoff.

Brian needs his ACC pass taken away, ASAP.

We let you has-beens in the family in 1978 or 1979 because of Homer Rice and that we thought it would be a good idea to bring a Georgia school in.

Regardless, you left the SEC because Bobby Dodd thought you were as national as Notre Dame, when in fact you were basically a joke at that point.

We through you a lifeboat, saved you from becoming ECU or VPI, and you thank us by turning up your nose at the State/Catholic affair?

Know your role, and remember who you are. You were NOTHING, NOTHING, and we saved your tails.

Respect the family, or return to independence land, whence you came.

As Lewis Grizzard said, paraphrasing, “Delta’s ready when you are. We can have your ass back in Papa Johns Bowl land before nightfall if that’s what you want!”

You are here ONLY because we allowed you to be here.

Always remember that…

Don’t know if anybody else caught the “Shinerbock” reference, but having been born and raised in FL I had no idea what this was until a recent trip to Austin, TX where apparently it’s all they drink out there. This new dude must be from Texas unless he knows somewhere in North-Central FL to buy Shinerbock . . . and to be quite honest, it’s damn tasty.