SOMEONE FEED LOU

I sincerely miss those heavy metal bands
I used to go see on the landing in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love

Shiny, shiny pants and bleach-blond hair
A double kick drum by the river in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
Another and another
She fell in love

I miss the innocence I’ve known
Playing KISS covers, beautiful and stoned

Jimmy, ESPN procurement director, nods approvingly at his forward thinking acquisition of a dozen sneeze guards for the studio’s HD cameras.

I said it once and I will say it again:

According to Lou Holthh last night,
-Jimmy Clausen had "SHOULDER surgery on his ELBOW"
-Notre Dame still has a chance.
-Lou will be pushing ND for the MNC in 08. That is if nobody realizes he is already dead.

Man, this sucks. I’m screwed in 20 years. I’m going to lose my job and my wife’s gonna run off with the drummer.

Damn! FU@$ dat drummer!

As long as that bitch don’t take his Fuck lion Slocum will be doing just fine.

Michigan is William ‘D-Fens’ Foster, Oregon is the city of Los Angeles.

“the ones you eat with, sleep with, bleed with, pray with, and cry with…”

Wow. That’s a level of commitment that might not even describe marriage. As for people we’ve simultaneously bled and slept with, well…that’s quite a list.

The amazing thing is that a mere 3 years ago, this crazy oldster was the head coach of a division 1-A football program.

"the ones you eat with, sleep with, bleed with, pray with, and cry with…"

Well what am I to make of my situation of living alone, eating alone, not going to church, not going to war, and never crying…am I unloved?

"the ones you eat with, sleep with, bleed with, pray with, and cry with…"

Marilyn Manson knows exactly what Lou is saying. Well, except the praying.

I think he gave the same speech to Jethro after Elly May beat him in indian wrestling. After that he fixed cooked up some vittles.

“Looks like it is you and me again tonight, Rosie.”

#8

HO. LEE. SHIT.

after watching his nursing home review for the past couple of years i had forgotten that fact. shocking.

ESPN should hire some of the NBA towel boys to clean up the floor when Holtz is done speaking.

Someone could slip in fall in all of that drool.

After watching that clip, I wanna go kill every drummer I know.

And when I saw this last night, I knew it would be more than EDSBS could resist. Low hanging fruit, ya know.

Especially the drummers named “Oregon”.

Lou forgot to mention that each player will recieve two buckets; one full of kittens, one empty.

You have the most entertaining football blog around, but you demean yourself by mocking Holtz’s speech impediment. Really unnecessary. I’ve come to expect it on mgoblog but I’d like to see Brian cut that out, too. It is a cheap shot.

I want to go past killing drummers named Oregon. I want to punch an actual duck. Lou hasth pumped me upth.

I thought it was funny when I read that Meyer let him give the Gators a pep talk at practice several weeks ago.

I’m not laughing now.

As Milo Jenkins so eloquently put it, “What the hell was that?”

Uhhhh….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsi4NYYYxyE

#18

… and a third bucket to catch Lou’s saliva.

Re: Making fun of Coacth Holth

In the words of Doc Holiday:
“I have not yet begun to defile myself”

This is right up with the Pacino’s Game of Inches speech. I’m in tears. Put me in pads. Hell, keep the pads, I wanna go out there and bus’ sumptin up.

Ok, then, is anyone else reminded of the Stan’s sister, Shelley, on South Park when Lou talks?

Peter Criss is not taking my wife…. Tommy Lee pretty much has his pick, though. Not much you can do about that.

Is mocking his speech impediment really worse than making fun of an old man’s senility? The latter will obviously not stop? And why should it? Get off your high horse and have a laugh at Lou’s expense. ESPN is paying him to provide comic relief, since he is obviously not employed for his unbiased and coherent football analysis.

1. - B McGinnis -
    “You have the most entertaining football blog around”
   “mocking Holtz’s speech impediment”

Did you miss the class in 3rd grade that dealt with cause and effect? Just asking.

No, it is fair game. How many legitimate journalists are out there who have studied games and reporting and strategies and refined their speaking mannerisms their entire life, who are dying inside every time this man gets the spotlight?

Lou Holtz has a speech impediment and should not be making his living talking on television.

Is it an easy target that should be avoided? Yes. Is it off-limits? No.

As for drummers, Rick Allen can have my wife. He’s got enough arms to take care of himself now that she’s expecting again.

B McGinnith…Ith would be advithable for you to pull your pantieth out of your ath. There ith nothing wrong with poking joketh at the expenth of thothe with speeth impedimenths who choothe to work on a nathionally broadcathed thow.

Ith fair game.

Love,
Coath Holthz

don’t make fun of lou’s speech impediment. where the fuck am i? twisting the heads off of kittens is ok though? unwad your panties and laugh a little.

mark may loves lou holtz for making him look so damn good.

We would thay thith-

As a blog that named the burn mark on Frank Beamer’s neck “Jenkins” and suggested that Lloyd Carr snaps kittens’ necks after losses, this is the least of our offenses.

Obviously, his lisp has not impeded him in any way in life. In fact, he could buy us thirty times over.

Am I the only one that got the Drummer Reference?

Lou Holtth has seen the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video.

It explains the reference, and the slobber.

Lou Holthhh should stay in broadcasting as long as he wants to……(even though I am a fan of USC-west)… I think he is one of the great characters of college football.

Holthhh and Beano Cook ought to have a segment together to see which one can “out-Grandpa-Simpson” the other. I think Lou would win that contest.

Holy Wolverines I hope these guys don’t reflect on the week between Appy State and Oregon when all those truly bad things happen.

“We’ll I’ve been evicted and I’m now a single parent of four and paying alimony to a hussy woman who stumbled across the 2007 football results and called me a loser on the way out the door, but at least we snapped a few duck’s necks The Saturday After … Maybe mgo will let me do some freelance reporting so I can buy some happy meals. That’s the never get up attitude coach taught us!”

Talks funny? Yes.
Looks funny? Sure
Old? You bet.

One of the best ever at getting his kids
to run through walls for a big game, like say a Sugar Bowl where they’re hopelessly outmanned against a superior Florida team? Bingo.

Yeah, you guy are soooo going to hell.

Awww….leave McGinnith alone. He’s clearly Irish, so had no choice in deciding what team to root for. God’s having a nice laugh about the last 20 years, eh Irishmen?

He’s just old and crazy enough to make sense. I do worry though that vital organs are going to start flopping out of his mouth. His lisp-spew gets more substantive by the day.

Just an appreciative Michigan fan. The lisp humor was funny maybe the first 150 times.

Stranko’s rule one: if it’s funny once, it’s funny every time.

In the first picture, he reminds me of those commercials for cereal (Life I think), where the adult transforms into a little kid. Where the fuck did Lou get those clothes? Did he break into Tony Robbins house and steal his wardrobe?

BUNDA?

#19
Tell you what, you can be the moral compass in your home but stay the hell out of ours. Don’t you dare pretend that wasn’t hilarious. Don’t you do it. We don’t mock Holtz because we hate him. Hate isn’t funny anyway. We mock him because he’s pure unadulterated comedy gold. There are causes out there worth fighting for. A lisping, millionaire, crazy old codger isn’t one of them.
Take a deep breath and laugh, McGinnis.

Orson,

Jenkins was created by a stabbing of Beamer’s neck..not from a burn.

I bow to Stranko.

The speech problem is not the greatest adversity Holtz has had to overcome. He was also born without a spine. They took a couple of 2 × 4′s, connected them with a brass hinge, and rammed it up his ass so he could stand up. The hinge let him bend over a bit.

This is one truly inspired piece of prose.

B McGinnith just slobbered all over this thread.

#19, I once suggested on Tider Insider that we should not make fun of the overweight Tennessee couple dressed all in orange. This was after the cameramen had started to seek them out and their farks where all over.

I too was put in my place and reminded that there is no expectation of compassion on internet message boards. This is, of course, a good thing in the long run.

Let’s clear this up, where did Jenkins come from? I’ve always wondered.

I find myself watching the K-State video about twice a day. It’s like the Rickroll video. Laugh at it, laugh at it, like it a little. Repeat.

I bet Jenkins didn’t come from too much Friday cheesecake.

I apologize for the buzzkill. Something just got on my nerves.

If we didn’t make fun of fat people, those who cannot speak correctly, or whatever flaw we deem appropriate, then they would have no incentive to change… or to hate themselves. Whichever.

1. google use it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Beamer

Favorite Holthhhh Crack:

Holthhh’ wife, after seeing his legs, tell him that they are so skinny and/or so pale.

Holthhhhh then tells the wife: “If I had better legs, I would have a better wife…” (or something like that).

#19

Thuck my ballth.

Feed him?

I gave him a bag of cheetos once which was fine and dandy until he said, “theeth are delithious! Come on haths thum”.

B McGinnis—

In all seriousness, no apologies needed. This is the people’s show. Say what you like.

Blood alone moves the wheels of history!

It is together that we prevail!

Beamer? Didn’t he run Iraq for a while?

Where’s my cheesecake, dammit?

Cut McGinnis some slack. He admitted he is one of those arrogant (redundant) um fans. A little bitter that a fast southern school get their ass in their own backyard.

kicked

I think the weekly features have dried up.

No Mustache Wednesday.
No Cheesecake Friday.
And worst of all, no Financial Management Thursday from Solon.

Is he gonna do one of these every week? ’Cause I think he ran out of cliches about half-way through this one.

Is it too much to ask to have Lou in the booth for one game with Brent Muthberger? I would wach Duke against Temple if they were announcing together.

1. — if that happened, I’m pretty sure my head would explode from the laughter. I’m in firm support of putting those two in the booth together for the carnage.

1. 44 – No shit! I thought that last night when I viewed about ten seconds of his segment before switching to something, anything else. I assume he has to pass, one, two, hell thirty fasion/dressing experts he has to pass between the dressing room and the studio. It is a TV show afterall. Not one of them suggested he tone down the god-awfulness of his outfit?

I have but one filter, the little lady, says “you gonna wear that today, huh?” Most of the time without even looking up from what she is doing.

FUCK…. I guess not, I say and sheepishly limp back to the closet to try again.

Masterthful…like something from Philip K. Dick!

1. - ESPN doesn’t need to hire towel boyth to clean up after Holtz. They can just call the K-State fans.

re: #31 — I know what you mean, Out of Conference, I know what you mean . . . .

(And congratulations to you! We’re due next week.)

Thank God for Steve Spurrier.

No ftheaking thway.

Ginnith ith a clostheth Iristh fan. No thsane Mithigan fan thinks Lou Holth ith thsane.

#1:

Damn, I can’t believe I missed the Wilco reference. Going to see them in Chicago on the 12th.

In the words of the Big Lebowski, “What in God’s name are you babbling about?”

Fortunately, Michigan is going to surprise everyone tomorrow what with all the new shit that’s come to light.

blathering*

Dammit.

Why do they continue to let this man speak on ESPN? It’s like nails on a chalkboard listening to him babble. And if he isn’t being fed, maybe he is slobbering through his speeches while smelling fried chicken from a distance. Man, someone get the man a drool towel, that’s just embarassing. Although, the flash from motivation to mass lunacy and car impoundings was rather quick for a man his age.

Wow. Suddenly I feel like going to Eugene, Oregon and kicking a guy in some weird green uniform square in the jockstrap.

That is some nine kinds of crazy right there.

Things not off limits on ESPN:

Lou’s speech impediment.

Stu’s lazy eye.

Corso’s tan.

Beano’s fourth chin.

Shiny shiny pants and bleached blond hair, double kick drum by the river in the summer.

Damn thats priceless.

Shit, I didn’t realize you used that verse #1. My bad

1. - ESPN is in a bind. If they keep Holtz, they look like idiots. If they fire him, the NCAA will place ESPN on probation.

fyi: “the drummer” is an old term for door to door salesman – like Willy Loman

Maybe Harbaugh was onto something when he was bashing UM about their educational situation.

Lou Holth, thecond couthin to Thilvester tha Cath.

And THAT’S WHY I killed Keith Moon.

You all thought that was an accident? Lou’s been giving this speech since 1978. He tried it out on me after I smoked a lid at Heathrow. We were in the bathroom and he waved to me under the stall and tapped his foot.

Well, I exited the stall and proceeded to ask him what the hell that was all about, and he gave me that speech.

I was pretty fired up by it.. Sorry, Keith — blame Granny.

A Wilco reference on EDSBS today and a Built to Spill reference on Deadspin? Me encanta el blogosphere!

Did I just hear Granny say that Notre Dame players sleep with each other?

Hello everyone, this is Coach Holtz.

Nobody types with a lisp, even me. Just remember that looks are skin deep, but ugly is like a rolling stone that gathers no moss.

Be careful, ‘cause the toes you step on today are connected to the @ss you’ll need to kiss tomorrow. That’s why I’m sure that The Irish are gonna win this weekend by beating Michigan by a score of 188-3 on the way to a 20 win season and the National Championship.

Yup, I’ve double-checked my math and I’m certain that nobody short of the ’72 Dolphins could beat the Mighty, Mighty Irish this season. Why, Coach Weis has the rest of the NCAA right where he wants them, dazed and confused.

Everyone knows that it’s better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, so all cliches aside, it is a matter of any given Saturday and the clouds look darkest right before the early bird eats sour grapes.

As for the Michigan Wolverines…

Why, as sure as I’m an advocate of dilusional geriatric hallucinogen therapy, Lloyd Carr will have these fine fellas back in fighting form in time for the NFC playoffs. They might just be able to hold off the Vikings if they can keep Tim Biakabituka healthy.

I’ll tell ya, the best thing to do is not let anyone give up on each other again. Y’all need to get the team members together and bleed with, sleep with, eat with, cry with, sob with, spoon with and cuddle with each and every one of them to show how to become tough.

Every time a door closes, Ringo Starr crawls through the window and runs off with my wife, so I’ll be here at the end of the season when they redesign the BCS trophy to look just like Touchdown Jesus in honor of the best Irish team in history when they defeat the perennial juggernaut from North Carolina A&T State!

Now get out there and win!

P.S. – I wonder if that little hobbit fella has any eligibility left?!?!

I love Lou Holtz. He’s still a Gamecock all the way.

Listen kids -
its not easy living with a speech impediment, you should give the coach some credit for going on national tv as a college football analyst. In terms of pep talks, he brings a lot to the table, almost as if you would sacrifice your life in order to win him the game. There are not many coaches you can say that about.
It hard enough picking up women with a speech impediment, give these people a break

Hate Lou. He has sadly brought yellow journalism and BS analysis to college football. Bring back Trev!!! …and I hate NU, but respect opinion!