JOE PATERNO'S NEVER HEARD OF YOU

The last sentence is f’ing brilliance.

Someone should be paying you to this instead of lawyering.

Front Page News:

Old Man Angry at Clouds

Once in a blue moon the media here in England might feature a CFB story, but only if it’s bizarre, extreme or seems to confirm cliches about the US. So I imagine my surprise this morning when nationally distributed giveway ‘Metro’ carried the Joe Pa making the Penn State players clean up the stadium after beating FIU story.

Can I be the first to say ‘brains’ in the context of this thread please ;-)

He reminds me more and more of Grandpa Simpson everyday

I’m sending Joe some of my Grandaddy’s Red Skelton tapes.

They’re the bee’s knees.

Someone better tell him about Gerry Ford. Gently.

You ever heard that new music by REO Speedwagon?

I think it’s just swell.

Re #6: He’s at least that caught up. After all, he gave one of the nominating speeches for George Bush at the Republican convention. Of course, he thinks Bush the Elder is still president, but you can’t have everything.

Damn, he’s gonna shit a brick when he starts watching The Simpsons in 2029.

Check out his comments about Notre Dame (“they’re a bunch of good kids expecting different things”) on espn. He’s as loopy as Weis is assholey.

There’s something wrong with tentacle porn? I thought EVERYBODY was doing it….

Last year “Jerry McGuire” was his first “talkie.”

Alan Alda’s smirking makes John Krasinski look positively dour by comparison. I want to be there when Sue throws an Aqua Teen Hunger Force into their Laser Disc player.

lloyd christmas thought joepa should know that we’ve landed on the moon.

Anyway, about my washtub. I’d just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as… a walking bird. We’d always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we’d all watch football, which in those days was called “baseball”

#8

Remember, Bush #41 didn’t know what a supermarket scanner was until 1991…Joe Pa might not either.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force? I see Mrs Paterno as being a big Harvey Birdman fan. She’s not into that New Joisey stuff.

There are a lot of amish around, the fact he has buttons on his clothes is a bit too progressive for some.

We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere — like the time we played Michigan in nineteen dickety-six. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Upper Ypsilantiland, which is what they called Michigan. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em. ’Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say… Now where were we? Oh yeah—the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

Grandpa Simpson: I rembember back in nineteen diggity two, we had to say “diggity” because the kaiser stole the word for twenty. Anyway, I was wearing an onion, which was the fashion at the time when all of a sudden…

Martin: Hah, “diggity”, higly dubious.

Grandpa Simpson: Too much pie, fatty that’s your problem!

I hope nobody minds if I take this opportunity to recite some favorite Simsons moments.

LOL HFS, you are quicker on the draw and have a much better memory than I do.

Great work!

Sometime around ‘75 I was a kid visiting my great-grandmother. I was watching an episode of Little Rascals, one of those where they put on a talent show. Darla was doing a tap dance number in some sort of above the knee dress. My old great-grandmother saw it and commented, "It’s such a shame what they let the kids wear these days." Even as a 8 or 9 year old I thought, “WTF Mamaw, this stuff is as old as you are.”

Relevant for this week:

“The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more ’n a few.”

If C.M. Burns’ driver’s license number is 000001, then JoePa’s must be 000000.

bama_buck: I must admit the assistance of a google search, but I was looking for that specific scene and remembered it pretty close.

Here’s JoePa doing my all-time favorite Grandpa Simpson moment:

“We just beat Michigan! I feel so funny. This must be what beating Michigan really feels like.

No, wait… it’s a stroke."

The aged Homonculus in Paterno’s brain just discovered Dante. A hard rain’s gonna fall once it gets to Martin Luther….

what is this tel-e-vision you speak of?

Parliament Funkadelic is going to sear Joey’s cranium.

From PoePa’s unpublished memoirs:
Dear Mr. Delany, There are too many schools in the Big Ten nowadays. Please eliminate one.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.

PPS, yes I know PSU was the 11th team.

Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Michigan ’til the cows came home! Bo Schembechler spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

I want some puhddinggg

Um, what is tentacle porn?

#18, #19 – Ah, Simpsons, the Great Uniter. Anything that can bring Bama and Auburn fans to agreement is truly remarkable.

Search google for “tentacle porn” = 1,400,000 hits.

@28 – I nearly spit my lunch on my monitor. Viva la Simpsons!!

And it’s not how you play, it’s the final score
They don’t show M*A*S*H* on the tube anymore

Cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl-snap shirts
Are two things that stay the same
So when the world starts spinnin’ and your head hurts
There’s a cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl-snap shirt

I’m guessing he also hasn’t heard of “Depends”.

“And for Thanksgiving we had walking bird stuffed with candied yams and gunpowder.”

They show M*A*S*H on the hallmark channel. Not that I would know, but if I did (big “IF”), it would be on at 5 weekdays and sometimes on weekends.

Since I’m afraid that whatever I pull up on google is NSFW, would someone please tell me what tentacle porn is. I may forget to look it up once I’m home.

It’s porn… with tentacles.

PPS, yes I know PSU was the 11th team.

Brian, that’s what made it just that much funnier.