CURIOUS INDEX, 8/31/07

by Orson on Aug 31, 2007 12:00 PM EDT

Does Type O Negative need a new lead singer?

11/28 120 0 6...and thar's Michael Henig's line for last night's 45-0 loss to Louisiana State. After the first half, the only real entertainment lay in waiting out of sheer malice to see what level of torture Croom would deem acceptable under the terms of the Geneva Convention. Thanks to last night, we now know that you may torment your qb to the extent of exactly six interceptions thrown into coverage without hope, separation from your receivers, or a prayer. Donald Rumsfeld called Henig's treatment in Croom's offense "harsh."

Croom rhymes with doom. He's an offensive coach whose offense makes the baby Jesus weep and that Steve Spurrier develops contact dermatitis to if you merely mention it. Kentucky's defense describes them as "bitches." He let Michael Henig die, then die some more, and then really begin the dying again. Last night, the announcers described next week's matchup versus Tulane as "a must win." He's fired, fired, fired. Formalities describe the rest of the season.

It's gumbo. You should like it. There wasn't as much sandbagging as the announcing team said there was, but Gary Crowton's new LSU offense reeked of the same odds 'n ends stew he peddled at Oregon and BYU: power run sets, bites from the Urban Meyer spread option at Utah that thrashed Crowton's BYU team in '04 for fifty, and plenty of what Irishoutsider called "give the ball to fast guy, pray for YAC, FB dive, and when in doubt, screen or jet sweep because thats what the cool kids do." As the header says: it's Gumbo, you should like it, LSU fans! AIIIEEEEE!!!

When it faces a defense that just stays home and blitzes judiciously, however, you may consider requesting a change of dish...especially if the suddenly mobile Matt Flynn takes an injury and leaves LSU in the hands of Ryan "Grits 'n Gravy" Perriloux, who if you'll notice did NOT see playing time until the 21 point spread was well beyond exceeded.

Suck it, Houston Nutt!!! Tulsa, using the no-huddle attack Gus Malzahn wanted to install at Arkansas, passed 31 times for 307 yards in a 35-17 victory over the tenacious University of Lousiana Warhawks. 31 times, Nutt. Take that, troglodyte! We could have been gods, I tell you---GODS!!!

You've been...shoulder-fucked! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

Welcome back, Brian Johnson. Here's a separated shoulder for ya. Brian Johnson, fresh off the latest AC/DC Wifebreaker tour enjoyed his reward for all the hard work he did coming back off an injury year in the game against Oregon State: a separated shoulder (two weeks) and a 24-7 loss to the very serious-looking Beavers. Playing two ineffective quarterbacks matters not when Yvenson Bernard is busy working his way into your 2008 NFL Fantasy team's tenth round "Why the Fuck Not?" slot with 165 yards to start the season. Utah also lost their starting running back for the season, so they're obviously skipping with delight at with how this whole thing has started.

Phil Trautwein is the opposite of healthy. Florida's starting LT Phil Trautwein has a stress fracture in his left foot, forcing a severe rejiggering of the Florida line to the youngish side: redshirt junior Jason Watkins will move to LT, Carlton Medder to RT, and true frosh Maurkice Pouncey will start at RG. That's true freshman Maurkice Pouncey. Not even the delight of his spelled name can dispel our horror at this news.

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When it faces a defense that just stays home and blitzes judiciously…

Say like Va Tech?

by Sabanite on Aug 31, 2007 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

“11/28 120 0 6”

Casey Dick?!?

/we only hurt the ones we love, right?

by Jerkwheat on Aug 31, 2007 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

“to the very serious looking beavers”
I thought they were in the post prior to the curiosities.

by Scalz1 on Aug 31, 2007 12:30 PM EDT reply actions

We could only hope that Gary Crowton’s new LSU offense calls for that may option runs in Death Valley
Matt Flynn will be on the sidelines after Vince Hall & Xavier Adibi rock his world!

by NC Hokie on Aug 31, 2007 12:42 PM EDT reply actions

I’ve never feel sorry for another SEC school until last night. The students in Starkville deserve better.

by Pug on Aug 31, 2007 12:57 PM EDT reply actions

1) Somebody get Brian Johnson a Mistress For Christmas.

2) Hey Croom, as Winston Churchill say, “I will begin by saying what everybody would like to ignore or forget but which must nevertheless be stated, namely that we have sustained a total and unmitigated defeat.” Suck it Dogs!

3) Someone please explain why Trautwein, at LT, is being replaced by the RT though Tebow is left handed?

by Allahver Fist on Aug 31, 2007 1:01 PM EDT reply actions

jizzactly. should be interesting to say the least.

by gerry dorsey on Aug 31, 2007 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

Did anyone notice ESPN played an Ole Miss commercial last night instead of a State one. Even in the arena of Paid Advertisements, State can’t win.

by Dave(not that one, the other one) on Aug 31, 2007 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

Mighty SEC?

MSU—> Stupid interceptions, stupid penalties, stupid coaching, stupid commercials (Faulkner? Priest baseball player?) stupid preparation + endless cowbell noisemakers? What a waste of Erin Andrews’ journalistic sideline journalistic skills being stuck there for that flea-bag of a game. At least it was better than a baseball game.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Aug 31, 2007 1:11 PM EDT reply actions

Too bad Sean Glennon is more similiar to Henig in talent level than he is… well, any decent QB, really, NC Hokie. ANd a whole lot less mobile than Flynn. Which = “lunch” for Glenn Dorsey & Tyson Jackson.

Thanksgiving’s early in Tiger Stadium this year… Mmmmmmm, turkey!

by One And Done on Aug 31, 2007 1:12 PM EDT reply actions

- jizzactly - im adding that to the dictionary.

- yes, it was noticed and talked about some in the Affirmation post.

by Brian on Aug 31, 2007 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

Yvenson Bernard’s one handed catch on 3rd and whatever in the second half was a joy to behold. Unlike the sustained ruck of the first half, good gawd.

by DC Trojan on Aug 31, 2007 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

- Yea, Glennon is no good. GT is going to tear him up again this year.

by Brian on Aug 31, 2007 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

" ‘to the very serious looking beavers’
I thought they were in the post prior to the curiosities."

No, those beavers have never looked serious.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Aug 31, 2007 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

Was I supposed to be astonished at the offensive prowess of this #2 team in the land? Or was I supposed to be impressed by the fact that corners are often able to catch the ball when it is thrown to them?

That wasn’t the mismatch the score indicated. Of course the WWL is pretty sure that LSU was dominant.

by Erik on Aug 31, 2007 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

Allahver Fist

2) = +1 to you sir.

by d761 on Aug 31, 2007 1:32 PM EDT reply actions

Carlton Medder, who started 14 games at RT last season, is moving back to that position to protect Tebow. Watkins is moving to LT because he’s not as experienced as Medder, but he’s the best candidate for the other guard position.

by BDoc on Aug 31, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

Erik, the only teams we’re going to learn anything about this weekend are Cal, Tenn, UGA, and OSU… everything else is just pulling out jives and jamboree handouts.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Aug 31, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

> At least it was better than a baseball game.

Um… the Diamondbacks-Padres game last night was more competitive than this.

I thought Mississippi State was a basketball school anyway, if by basketball school you mean “Been to the final four once in the last 20 years”

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Aug 31, 2007 2:04 PM EDT reply actions

Why wouldn’t ESPN play an Ole Miss ad? If Ole Miss bought the advertising space, what’s the problem? ESPN’s a business last time I checked.

by One And Done on Aug 31, 2007 2:10 PM EDT reply actions

PeterPumpkinhead, actually I think we learned that LSU’s offensive line is, at this particular moment in time, pretty ineffective.

by Erik on Aug 31, 2007 2:16 PM EDT reply actions

by Sabanite on Aug 31, 2007 2:21 PM EDT reply actions

DC Trojan,

how did you get the Oregon State game in DC? I ws left in the cold up here in New England. What channel?

by tzubear on Aug 31, 2007 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

This weekend some may learn that the Domers suck and GT might be a little better without Ball at QB…

Some may also learn Monday night that Jimbo’s idea of offense is a little different than that display in Starkvegas….

by Sabanite on Aug 31, 2007 2:26 PM EDT reply actions

#12

Bernard’s catch was on 4th down.

Sweet serious Beavers!

by Patrick on Aug 31, 2007 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

Tzubear, I got the game here in Dallas on Fox College Sports – Pacific, I’m sure it was a national broadcast on that.

As for that fourth down catch: this Beaver fan would like to say, "nice catch, Bernard, don’t ever fucking do it again."

by BennyBeav on Aug 31, 2007 2:44 PM EDT reply actions

BDoc, thanks for the info – it makes sense now.

10 Bourbon Meyers and a Baconator for you.

by Allahver Fist on Aug 31, 2007 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

True freshman eh O? Lately I was reminded of Dye’s law which equates freshmen starters to losses on the season. Ouch.

SKLM … Erin she of the stumble and forget which team is playing tonight? Granted it was State, and they weren’t really playing half the time, but the Mute button might be renamed Andrews …

by Kenny on Aug 31, 2007 2:48 PM EDT reply actions

#22, Tzubear, it was on one of the Fox College Sports channels. That’s on Comcast in DC and it’s somewhere in the low 300 range on FIOS tv in Montgomery Co, MD, now that I have embraced the burbs.

#24, uh, oops. Obviously I hadn’t been giving the game my full attention immediately prior to the play. It was still a nice (if slightly fluky) catch.

by DC Trojan on Aug 31, 2007 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

- Kenny: Regarding Miss Andrews, I was being sarcastic. I am sure she got her job because she looks great in tight fitting attire.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Aug 31, 2007 3:11 PM EDT reply actions

PeterPumpkinHead with the far and away smartest statement on this thread.

Second place is the Glennon sucks post.

by LSUJoshua on Aug 31, 2007 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

Erin Andrews has journalistic skills?

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Aug 31, 2007 3:21 PM EDT reply actions

I have to say that what I saw last night seemed more a case of MSU looking bad than LSU looking like a great team.

I’m more convinced that LSU is not going to win the SEC than I was before the game.

by oc phil on Aug 31, 2007 3:23 PM EDT reply actions

Erin Andrews’ skills are readily apparent and approximately 34Ds…

by Sabanite on Aug 31, 2007 3:31 PM EDT reply actions

Allahver, no problem.

I will gladly accept those Bourbon Meyers and the Baconator. Anyway you can get me out of the office early too?

by BDoc on Aug 31, 2007 3:38 PM EDT reply actions

It’s a pity that Croom is essentially unfireable. I’d feel for Miss. St. if I cared about the SEC West at all.

by Techie on Aug 31, 2007 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Coach Saban doesn’t have time for that game last night.

by lawtool on Aug 31, 2007 3:46 PM EDT reply actions

“Why wouldn’t ESPN play an Ole Miss ad? If Ole Miss bought the advertising space, what’s the problem? ESPN’s a business last time I checked.”

that’s assuming that Ole Miss bought that spot. I don’t remember ever seeing a rival schools ad play during a game before. Usually it’s just the two schools that are playing that have spots air.

by Dave(not that one, the other one) on Aug 31, 2007 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

How cool would that be if schools bought up spots during a rival’s game? What a great way to stick it to opponents. This could be a whole new revenue generator for networks. Bama ads during Auburn games. Florida ads during FSU games. You can just imagine the expletives flying at all the bars…..

I bet every UF rival hates seeing those Gatorade ads with Keith Jackson….

by Palouse on Aug 31, 2007 6:05 PM EDT reply actions