Orgy? Did I say orgy? Ohio State’s former president Karen A. Holbrook may have “exaggerated” when she referred to OSU fans’ behavior at games as being like a “drunken orgy.” Holbrook made the remarks during a taped interview, whose really spicy bits are excerpted below:

“When you win a game, you riot. When you lose a game, you riot. When spring comes, you riot. African-American Heritage Festival weekend, you riot,” Holbrook said on the tape.

“They think it’s fun to flip cars, to really have absolute drunken orgies. … I don’t want to be at a place that has this kind of culture as a norm.”

How would a reasonable, sensible OSU fan respond? By saying what others say: that this isn’t the norm, that they mayhem is mild and strictly that of frisky youngsters enjoying a festive fall weekend. How would Subcommandante Wayne respond? Quote: “Fuck you, ladybitch.”

Tressel has been too entranced by the magical voice of Celine Dion to respond.

Pinky, shminky. Erik Ainge has a broken pinky finger (that’s a medical term, y’alls) but will start versus California on Saturday night anyway, according to Phil Fulmer, who remains very, very fat. Tennessee fans making the cross-continental trip may also enjoy the sight of hippies behind oddly permanent-looking fencing, designed to “protect” the protesters living in trees behind the stadium from…from Tennessee fans, we guess. Remember, Berkeley police: crossbows may be stored in carry-on baggage. Fencing won’t protect them from that. It has holes in it.

Mormonz r weerd! When football and Mormonism meet, mockery ensues! We’d rail about how anti-Mormonism is the last acceptable prejudice in this country, but frankly we can’t care: they don’t like profanity, caffeine, premarital sex, or alcohol, four things that gave us immense joy in life. Oh, except for anti-Spaniardism, right? Because those assholes blew up the Maine, and we will not rest until both Cuba and the Philippines are subdued! Never forget!

The most productive running back in the country toils in obscurity in Chadron, Nebraska, and stands just 699 yards shy of breaking the all-time NCAA record. He’s white, too–DUH DUH DAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (music of shocking surprise.)

Oh, god, Vince, wait ’til we get on the field, ok?

Burritos again, Vince? Vince Young knew how to lighten things up in the huddle, according to Limas Sweed.

He’d do things like fart in the huddle. I was young, so I guess he could see in our eyes that maybe he needed to loosen things up.”

A legend in so many ways, that man.