YOUR 2007 FULMER CUP CHAMPIONS: ILLINOIS
The winner of this year's Fulmer Cup for the Most Feloniously Frisky College Football Team is...

...Illinois, who rode the diligent efforts of Jody Ellis and Derrick McPhearson to victory in this year's competition. (Yes, they were dismissed from the team. Good for them. But they were on the team at the time this happened.) This means the solid gold AK-47 Dennis Erickson Trophy Sponsored by Hosea Williams' Bail Bonds Fulmer Cup Trophy now makes the long trip from Huntington, West Virginia to Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, where it will reside in a local Arby's until next year's competition.
Illinois went up by a huge score early and then fell into a soft zone, nearly allowing the competition to catch them (as Penn State nearly did.) This sounds familiar to anyone with an understanding of [NAME REDACTED]'s NFL-tested coaching philosophies. Yet Illinois got this on the cheap, we think--the points add up, but fine work by other programs deserves mention, as well.
The Ellis T. Jones Award Golden Taser for Individual Achievement goes to... Florida's own Ronnie Wilson, who ensured that we'd get at least eighty annoying emails with the subject line "CHANGE THE NAME OF THE CUP, ASSHOLE" by firing off an AK-47 in downtown Gainesville, Florida. A nine-point offense pales in comparison to the award's namesake, but sometimes merely discharging automatic weapons in front of horrified nightclub-goers is enough to get you the award.
The Golden Taser is yours, Ronnie. Use it well.
The Ben Siegert Award for most amusing arrest goes to Stephen Garcia, Gamecock rapscallion who keyed a visiting professor's car in Columbia just weeks after arriving on campus and thus gave us this beautiful mug shot.
Chill, baby. Just chill.
With that, we feel obligated to mention that it, too, does not live up to stealing a gay sheep. Still, the Golden Ram With Leather Guy Hat goes to Mr. Garcia, who will be riding the bench for the Click Clacktacular one in Sakerlina this year.
Thanks as always to Brian, who maintained the board this year and is hung like Reggie Fuckin' Nelson, and to the boys at SAS Wiki, who assisted with the scoring. Both were indispensable. Readers are owed thanks for their diligence as well: Tomek and Dave W. in particular deserve our thanks.
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35 comments
Comments
So, uh, when are you guys going to do a preseason Fulmer Cup series with a month-by-month breakdown of the winners and losers?
I mean, if ESPN can do that crap with the cfb season, you guys should be able to rock one out for the Fulmer Cup.
by NewAZTiger on Aug 29, 2007 3:29 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Wow. My preseason top ten was waaaaaaayy off.
by DevilGrad on Aug 29, 2007 3:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
BTW, you know it’s a strong competition when an off-season points-shaving scandal won’t even get you into the top ten.
by DevilGrad on Aug 29, 2007 3:36 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
100 trophies for the scoreboard, an endless sense of mirth at others’ contribution to the haltingly efficient legal systems put in place in college towns of mixed judicial sympathies.
Oh, and “harsh.”
by Kenny on Aug 29, 2007 3:37 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The SEC really should schedule some harder out of state arrests, I mean come on… arrested in Gainesville and Columbia?!?!?
Anyone can skate by with a silly in-state rap sheet. Pussies!
by Out of Conference on Aug 29, 2007 3:38 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Was the AK-47 (the one use in Gainesville, not the trophy) left behind in the majestic palace in the People’s Republic of Dee?
by That 5.0 Guy (Now at Work!) on Aug 29, 2007 3:48 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
So is the Big Ten repping 3 of the top five cuz they are slow midwestern, corn fed white guys and can’t get away from cops? You’d think that since they have such high academic standards, they could at least devise a scheme to get out of said offenses.
by bhors on Aug 29, 2007 3:49 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Can we get a link to the wiki page with all the scoring on it? I’d beinterested to see how well represented the entire SEC is.
by Wooderson on Aug 29, 2007 3:50 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Michigan could only pull to 3rd in the Big 10. Dammit.
by Scalz1 on Aug 29, 2007 3:57 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I hope players are starting to realize the the Fullmer Cup is a year round event. There is no offseason anymore.
by LSUFan on Aug 29, 2007 3:59 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Jim Delaney should be so proud. The Big 10/11 was represented well. tOSU finally went scoreless in a good way. And even you, Orson Swindle, have 11 teams in your top ten!
by Crabapple Buck on Aug 29, 2007 4:05 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Y’all’s a bunch of spoiled bitches. Zook finally wins something, give him and his team some due. A real fan base would have set up their own players to get to 25 points.
by Raider Red on Aug 29, 2007 4:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Man, I thought UConn did better. I mean one player got arrested twice in four days….that has to count for something. Doesnt it?
And shouldnt ND have more than one point for some dude get one of them hot South Bend hookers?
by Edsall is God on Aug 29, 2007 4:16 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
That’s what Garcia gets for avoiding my high school in Tampa (Sickles) for one in south Tampa with a good football program (Jefferson, Home of The Caldwells).
You suck Stephen. And your blog sucked too.
by mlmintampa on Aug 29, 2007 4:26 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
mlm, you went to Sickles? The first yr. y’all had a football team and came to my HS (Hillsborough) for a game, I distinctly remember thinking to myself when I was walking around the field before the game that I was bigger than everyone on your football team at approximately 5’11" and 165 lbs. (Needless to say I was not on the HHS team, but Elijah Dukes was [he still gives me nightmares every time I see his face])
by TX_FL on Aug 29, 2007 4:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I think Ellis T Jones is the Tiger Woods of Fulmer Cup play…a player so good that everyone must elevate their game just to get to a close second.
by HeadThief on Aug 29, 2007 4:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Aw, you’re closing the scoring just as Iowa was starting to pick up momentum!
by Hawkear on Aug 29, 2007 4:42 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Weren’t Ellis and McPhearson freshmen in 2005 when [NAME REDACTED] got there? So did [NAME REDACTED] win the trophy with Ron Turner’s players? Inquiring minds want to know.
by Palouse on Aug 29, 2007 4:44 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
It doesn’t appear as if Cook’s gun possession by someone under 21 made the Wiki board.
Don;t pay me no attention – just another delusional Cock fan fighting for relevance.
by Out of Conference on Aug 29, 2007 5:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
THE UNIVERSITY OF IDAHO SHOULD MOVE ABOVE PENN STATE!!! APPROPRIATE POINTS WERE NOT ADDED FOR 2 CURRENT FOOTBALL PLAYERS BEING BUSTED FOR POSESSION OF MARIJUANA 2 WEEKS AGO…just sayin’
by Blue Turf on Aug 29, 2007 5:11 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Stephen A? Is that you? Bring any Cheez Doodles to share with the group?
by DevilGrad on Aug 29, 2007 5:15 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
RE 14:
Technically ND should be back at 0 since both incidents resulted in pretrial diversion and the charges magically disappear unless there’s a repeat offense
by NDTom on Aug 29, 2007 5:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Re #23: That brings up my issue with Fulmer scoring, generally. Schools shouldn’t avoid recognition because they have an unusually captive local judiciary that tends to make charges go away before two-a-days start. That arguably biases the Cup standings toward (a) schools in larger cities and/or states that don’t elect local judges and (b) schools whose teams are so bad that the judge won’t be influenced by the possible devaluation of his season tickets.
by DevilGrad on Aug 29, 2007 5:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The New York Knicks are TERRIBLE. Scott Layden is TERRIBLE….HOWEVA….
/Scott Van Pelt doing Stephen A Smith…perfectly
/not turning CapsLock off when clicking off CAD
by Blue Turf on Aug 29, 2007 5:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
actually the PTD program in south bend is designed to scare college kids into paying fines and doing community service rather than actually fight the trumped up charges with no supporting evidence the SBPD is known for. Neither JC or Hand got any special treatment.
by NDTom on Aug 29, 2007 5:48 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
It is pretty rad that in a couple of years Andrew W.K. is going to be slinging the ball around for the kids in the Dead Cockroach. Forty feet up the road from the stadium: a pulley store. Fucking A.
by SmoothJimmyApollo on Aug 29, 2007 7:15 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Great race to the finish, great job boys. EDSBS became my go-to spot for more signs the world would come to a fiery end due to the glory of college football. My mamma said football is the devil!
Why aren’t ya’ll live blogging this four-house suck-fest known as the 4 hour College Football Live special?!
by Snead on Aug 29, 2007 7:38 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Orson, oh Orson…
You referenced Hosea Williams, which an 1987 Lewis Grizzard article did as well when my father was cleaning out the basement in May. Bless you, my brother, and I am in Charlotte…Myers Park…WHAT! that was for you…
You referencend Stephen Garcia, Willy “I NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG” Korn says “how’s it hanging BITCH” as the most ridiculous criminal, even thiough you know that Garcia would be a Gator if Spurrier was a Gator, well, except that Spurrier would not accept Garcia if Spurrier was at Florida, but I digress.
Thank you for not further ripping on Miss Teen SC. I may or may not have gotten to 3rd base with her sister at the ’05 Clemson/USC game in Cola. All is fair in love and war after we kick your ASS on 3rd and 34.
See you in November, AND IN HELL!!!!!
by Coop on Aug 29, 2007 8:19 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Looking at this mugshot would make one think Creed has reunited!
by Touchdown74 on Aug 29, 2007 10:01 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
2007 Totals…counted in the dark of night with barely one eye open:
SEC 65
Big Ten 87
Big Ten – (minus) – Name Retracted = 65
How’s that for ironic…of course that is if I counted right…
And once again Ohio State is the boat anchor for the Big Ten conference – we can’t do anything right.
by tOSUBuckeyes on Aug 30, 2007 1:22 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
[threadjack]
Sport star stupidity is universal,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/6969651.stm
[/threadjack]
by Not a Fifer on Aug 30, 2007 5:47 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
How in the world did South Carolina not win this trophy? You need a bingo card to keep up with all their arrests. I smell more ESPN Big 10 bias cooking!
by Pawmillionaire on Aug 30, 2007 10:02 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

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