Kirby Kirby Kirby!!! Kirby Freeman is named starter at the University of Miami over incumbent Kyle Wright in what must be the biggest upset in the starting qb battle yet among major schools. Freeman started the last four games of the season for Miami last year when Wright was injured. Freeman is a free-wheeling, mad-scrambling, pick-prone probability monster of a quarterback who believes the outlet receiver is the man standing in double coverage 30 yards downfield. That he got the nod over the more experienced Wright says very bad things re: the severity of a lingering left knee injury.

In his spare time, Freeman collects glitchy personal fouls in NCAA 2007. His mentor will be Patrick Nix, former mentor of Reggie Ball at Georgia Tech. We do not suggest there will be a replay of past events here. (Lighting fuse, eyeing barrels of gunpowder, stepping away and cackling with glee as we twiddle our mustache…)

The pipe sucked with incredible force, like John Blake’s 1996 team. Doug Kennon, an Oklahoma man, was cleaning his pond following heavy rains when a drainpipe sucked him under and spat him into a creek–but not before dragging him through 60 feet of pipe. Kennon survived, but not before a seven minute struggle during which he thought of…Oklahoma football.

Kennon said he thought about his girlfriend, her son, his favorite players on the Oklahoma Sooners football team and his father, who a summer ago had been diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer.

Given that he was an Oklahoman taking 60 feet of pipe, we’d swear he’d think of Vince Young. (That was for Peter. Forgive us.)

The second nice thing we’ve written about Phil Fulmer this year will hopefully be the last. Fulmer’s following Joe Paterno’s lead and donating a million dollars to the University of Tennessee. And no, not for the Fulmer Institute of Batter Adhesion Studies. Or the Fulmer College of Advanced Caramelization. Or the Fulmer Sansabelt Pants Tensile Strength Testing Center for the Gifted and Husky. (Stop it!)

We’re sure ND has a growing market in the bear subculture. Original FOD and FOEDSBS Boi From Troy has his list of the 25 hottest men in college football, which is worth it for the pic (how did we miss this?) of Clemson’s Tribble Reese and the inclusion of Charlie Weis at #25. Why?

Consider this the equivalent of Steve Spurrier voting for Duke on his first Top 25 Coaches Poll ballot every year. Ew. Still, given the men we see in the Gay Pride Parade each year, we figure someone has got to find that attractive, right? Right?

Andrew Sullivan, we’ve found your college football team, sir. A bear coaching a Catholic university’s team? FABULOUS.

Ralphie’s in decline and entering what could be her final year as Colorado’s mascot. If this were the SEC, a Colorado State fan would engage in all kinds of skullduggery to purchase the retiring mascot, and then eat her.