CURIOUS INDEX, 8/27: WHITE CHICKS EDITION.
by Orson on Aug 27, 2007 10:19 AM EDT
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Confidence is good. LSU allowed something like 12 points a game last season. That same pennypinching defense returns much and replaces an All-American (Laron Landry) with a potential All-American at safety (Craig Steltz.) In other words, you're doomed. Resistance is futile. Sign wills. Call loved ones. But in the hors d'oeuvres game on Thursday night that same defense plays Mississippi State, whose running back Anthony Dixon has something just as important as All-American talent, superb coaching, and an air of invincibility: confidence, galldarnit.  "You've got to have that confidence every time you go out," he said. "It doesn't matter who it is. You've got to be prepared and confident." Well, one out of two will get you in the baseball hall of fame. It'll also make you a lousy neurosurgeon and end your career landing jets on aircraft carriers very, very quickly. But hey! Tony "Banana Fingers" Robbins is pulling for you! For easy retard political blogger rage, press one! Dan Hawkins has not hired on a new team chaplain to replace former Buffs chaplain Mike Spivey, thus drawing the ire of political bloggers who just love to get a good, Instapundit-bitten "heh" on now and then. Hawkins says there "are different times and different places" for that. A team that won two games last year stands as a superb case for atheists to argue the chaplain was addressing an arbiter who would never appear, and for believers to consider hiring additional clergy to pray harder. Inane liberals/conservatives CAPS LOCK=PASSION!!! arguments to follow, we're sure. Jim Grobe rules, according to an influential member of the Waffle House family. Jim Grobe's dual life as a Waffle House employee has created the second coolest t-shirt of the football offseason. First being our awesome "Fuck Lion" shirt, of course. Now that's motivation. We're having Austin Murphy of Sports Illustrated on tomorrow night on EDSBS Live!, and got a promo copy of Saturday Rules: A Season with Trojans and Domers (and Gators and Buckeyes and Wolverines) in the mail on Friday. Murphy gets that golden ticket of access that only being an SI writer with long-form permission can, and it's a witty gallop through the 2006 season that reeks of well-used trips to the thesaurus and a boggling accumulation of domestic SkyMiles. Anyway, here's a quote to get you to buy the book. Ed Orgeron's opening line of his pregame speech to the USC d-line before the 2005 Orange Bowl: "You're all a bunch of fucking pussies! Fin. Buy the book. Sometimes, by not blogging on weekends, you lose. Hey, Chris Rainey likes white women! Well, who doesn't. From Alligator Army: "Every time you see a fine girl (in Gainesville), you see another fine girl better than her. (Some people) like different color girls and stuff like that. I'm a white girl man." Rainey's looking to either flame out of the program in two years, or stick around to become a quote buffet for four years. We sincerely hope it's the latter. Watching game tape is important, Chris--when scouting for a vanilla thrilla with a lust for petite but powerful chocolate luvas with eager gigglesticks at the ready such as yourself, we recommend scouting for white chicks flashing gang signs. G-g-g-gang signs. <!-- End content section --> |
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Comments
Actually, it’s “banana hands”, not fingers.
And Hawkins needs to go industrial strength and hire a professional Santeria practitioner: it’s way too late for your run-of-the-mill chaplains.
by chickensupernova on Aug 27, 2007 10:35 AM EDT reply actions
You gotta love how hard core those Long Island chicks are. As LiLo has shown, they are straight nasty.
by Wooderson on Aug 27, 2007 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
THIS IS DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL BROTHER!!! NOT A YOUTH GROUP!!!
Hawkins realized that god only answers SEC football prayers during the UGA meltdown last year. More proof that the rest of the football world lives in our margins, even in the hereafter.
by Stephen on Aug 27, 2007 10:41 AM EDT reply actions
Gotta think that Rainey did pretty well with the palefaces in tripleA ball (Polk County). I think I would be less intimidated if my date had ‘experienced’ C.Rainey rather than C.Ingram or, god forbid Reggie Third F’n Leg Nelson.
by Refuse to stab a pig on Aug 27, 2007 10:50 AM EDT reply actions
Having football come on Thursday is like a free extra long weekend. It’s so glorious I cant speak.
by Brian on Aug 27, 2007 10:51 AM EDT reply actions
Was that the Vulcan hand sign for “live long and prosper” that I saw at the :21 mark? I had no idea the Vulcans where a street gang. You learn something new every day.
by mhentz on Aug 27, 2007 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
I try to have that confidence every time I post a comment. I just come out prepared and confident and leave it all on the text field.
by Ben Million on Aug 27, 2007 10:56 AM EDT reply actions
the great white prize??? rainey may be on his way to the nfl.
by gerry dorsey on Aug 27, 2007 10:56 AM EDT reply actions
Ed Orgeron’s opening line of his pregame speech to the USC d-line before the 2005 Orange Bowl: "You’re all a bunch of fucking pussies!
Of course, all they caught was “fucking” and “pussies” and assumed that was the incentive plan for a win.
If Urban Mayer can just add in “white,” Chris Rainey will be a all -world MVP player.
by DC Trojan on Aug 27, 2007 11:07 AM EDT reply actions
To: Self
Re: Closing Italics tags
__________
nice work closing the italics tag there, dipshit.
by DC Trojan on Aug 27, 2007 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Doesn’t Urban, at some point, do a crash course on what is okay to think versus what is okay to both think AND say outloud, for example to a reporter from the Alligator, or the Miami Herald? Nice job pissing off every non white female on campus before the close of week one.
Starting today I’m carrying a tape recorded everywhere I go on the off chance I run into Chris Rainey.
by Troy in Columbus on Aug 27, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
Doesn’t Urban, at some point, do a crash course on what is okay to think versus what is okay to both think AND say outloud, for example to a reporter from the Alligator, or the Miami Herald? Nice job pissing off every non white female on campus before the close of week one.
Starting today I’m carrying a tape recorder everywhere I go on the off chance I run into Chris Rainey.
by Troy in Columbus on Aug 27, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
That Waffle House T-Shirt really isn’t that funny.
by Kim Philby on Aug 27, 2007 11:22 AM EDT reply actions
Oops, doulepost.
Is Chris Rainey starting to remind anyone else of a certain former OSU running back and Grey Goose extrordinaire? I give him two years before he drops out, hopefully immediately after winning a national title, then petitions the NFL for early admission.
by Troy in Columbus on Aug 27, 2007 11:23 AM EDT reply actions
Chris Rainey is Exhibit A in why no matter how far I come in my relationship with Gator Grad, I’ll never be able to cheer for her team beyond a pale “go” against FSU and a vehement “Fuck them in the ass!” against the Buckeyes.
by tim in tampa on Aug 27, 2007 11:28 AM EDT reply actions
Unlike most black guys, Rainey likes his fat on the arms, not the ass.
by Warthen on Aug 27, 2007 11:35 AM EDT reply actions
I don’t know about banana fingers, but I do know salad fingers
by Jmuthaf'nT on Aug 27, 2007 11:41 AM EDT reply actions
@Warthen: + 200,000
i too was a white girl man myself. Unfortunately the white girls were not MVFL women themselves. This too in the Ypsi-Ann Arbor area. Kill me
by Michael Vick's Fuck Lion on Aug 27, 2007 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
I expect MSU to give LSU a good fight and by good fight I mean keeping their starters in during the 4th quarter while going up against LSU’s 3rd string in a do-or-die effort to beat the spread.
by blazin on Aug 27, 2007 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
Nice, Warthen – Major Cocktails.
In other news, how can you not love Ed Mother Fucking Orgeron?
by Erik on Aug 27, 2007 11:56 AM EDT reply actions
Something to pass the time at work on monday. A couple friends, one a recent former gator is King Kong in this one. Lemme check with him to see if I can say who it is w/o him getting in trouble
by Jmuthaf'nT on Aug 27, 2007 11:59 AM EDT reply actions
Chris Rainey’s got some competition at RB and white-women chasin’: Emmanuel Moody is transfering from USC to UF. http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2992872
by Mätt on Aug 27, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
We’ll give them some time on Sunday to go to whatever church they want to. We’ll give them some time on Wednesday night to go to church, but here’s my point.
It’s Division I football!!! It’s Catholicism!! It ain’t non-denominational Protestantism!!!
You’ve got Sunday and Wednesday to go to church. That’s probably more church time than you reporters get. And we’re a little bummed because we don’t have a non-denominational Chaplain on staff?
Go play in the Unitarian church league, brother…go play in the Unitarian church league.
by okiedomer on Aug 27, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
Anyone else have a snippet of “Blazing Saddles” run throught their head ?
“Where the white women at ?”
by Scalz1 on Aug 27, 2007 12:07 PM EDT reply actions
Gators Vs Trojans Dept:
RE: Emmanuel Moody at Florida, via USC
1. Why would Urban accept a quitter who is too chicken to compete for his position at USC?
2. If the competition frightened Moody at USC, how can he expect to play at Florida, where Meyer also recruits a ton of top talent each year?
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Aug 27, 2007 12:21 PM EDT reply actions
I must have that Waffle House shirt.
Hashbrowns League FTW!
by Steve on Aug 27, 2007 1:01 PM EDT reply actions
Nothing like seeing chicks flash “the Shocker” or “the Spocker”! You stay classy ladies.
by Major on Aug 27, 2007 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, shame on Anthony Dixon for not standing in the corner pissing himself in anticipation of that Les Miles juggernaut. Doesn’t he know internet fan-boys all over the country have already deemed he and his team unworthy?
Yeah, piss on that dumb motherfucker.
by hailstate on Aug 27, 2007 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
First place goes to Ben Million. That voice has haunted my head since I first saw that cartoon.
And DC Trojan, that’s what makes EDSBS comments so special and fun, all the double posting, post-post editing and other eccentri, such as your italics post.
by LSUJoshua on Aug 27, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions
Chris Rainey’s older brother is Rod Smart- He Hate Me of XFL fame. Maybe Chris could be She (non-white females) Hate Me?
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Aug 27, 2007 1:39 PM EDT reply actions
Wait….can anyone actually explain what a Fuck Lion is?
by J on Aug 27, 2007 1:48 PM EDT reply actions
Ed Orgeron’s opening line of his pregame speech to the USC d-line before the 2005 Orange Bowl: "You’re all a bunch of fucking pussies!"
A guy I coached with at my old high-school had sideline passes to that game and said that even in the fourth quarter with the USC leading by at least 20 points Orgeron was going absolutely ballistic when any of his linemen got cut at the line of scrimmage (grabbing facemasks, yelling at them coming of the field, etc…). Good times.
by RollOnYouBears on Aug 27, 2007 1:48 PM EDT reply actions
that’s what makes EDSBS comments so special and fun
It’s a tough crowd, you’ve got to pre-emptively acknowledge your fuckups or pay the price.
by DC Trojan on Aug 27, 2007 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
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