BULLET BULLET BULLET: “Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn’t let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.” Oklahoma 2, Texas, um, 1 or so?

Jason Sam Bradford is named starter at Oklahoma, ending the parlor drama of the three-way race for qb there. Unfortunately, he also laid an unspeakable curse on his knees in process of attempting to frame himself in the Sooner qb tradition.

“I see myself almost like Jason White,” Bradford said, comparing himself to a former OU Heisman Trophy winner. “I’m a dropback passer who likes to stay in the pocket. But if I need to make plays with my feet, I’m comfortable throwing on the run.”

I’m a man with no knees. Absolutely none. Just squeaky brass hinges where once healthy flesh flexed and worked together to get me from point a to point b. Sayonara, ACL; aufwiedersen, patellar tendon.

Yes, he’s old. A 59 year-old is playing college football at D-3 Sul Ross University. We’re not impressed. We saw Chris Weinke play.

Jim Grobe is a good guy. We love the zombieghostpig of what used to be the Sporting News, still wandering the streets of the internet like some kind of half-dead phantom pet left by its owners to scour the pavement for rancid scraps of food. Jim Grobe is a good guy! That’s news! One day, we’d love to see the opposite of this article appear: “(INSERT COACH’S NAME HERE) Is a Lying, Chicken-raping Pederast.”

Do not pay attention to the offensive line. Instead, gaze into my ’stache… Pitt begins the season with a battered offensive line. This should be festive.

And in other qb chases… Tyler Donovan wins out in the race to see who gets to put their hands against the taint of Wisconsin’s center Marcus Coleman. Lucky you, Tyler! Your reward for being harder faster better stronger is the starting position.

(Wait until about 55 seconds in for the cool stuff.)