CURIOUS INDEX, 8/23/07
by Orson on Aug 23, 2007 11:02 AM EDT
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BULLET BULLET BULLET: "Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg." Oklahoma 2, Texas, um, 1 or so? Jason Sam Bradford is named starter at Oklahoma, ending the parlor drama of the three-way race for qb there. Unfortunately, he also laid an unspeakable curse on his knees in process of attempting to frame himself in the Sooner qb tradition. "I see myself almost like Jason White," Bradford said, comparing himself to a former OU Heisman Trophy winner. "I'm a dropback passer who likes to stay in the pocket. But if I need to make plays with my feet, I'm comfortable throwing on the run." I'm a man with no knees. Absolutely none. Just squeaky brass hinges where once healthy flesh flexed and worked together to get me from point a to point b. Sayonara, ACL; aufwiedersen, patellar tendon. Yes, he's old. A 59 year-old is playing college football at D-3 Sul Ross University. We're not impressed. We saw Chris Weinke play. Jim Grobe is a good guy. We love the zombieghostpig of what used to be the Sporting News, still wandering the streets of the internet like some kind of half-dead phantom pet left by its owners to scour the pavement for rancid scraps of food. Jim Grobe is a good guy! That's news! One day, we'd love to see the opposite of this article appear: "(INSERT COACH'S NAME HERE) Is a Lying, Chicken-raping Pederast." Do not pay attention to the offensive line. Instead, gaze into my 'stache... Pitt begins the season with a battered offensive line. This should be festive. And in other qb chases... Tyler Donovan wins out in the race to see who gets to put their hands against the taint of Wisconsin's center Marcus Coleman. Lucky you, Tyler! Your reward for being harder faster better stronger is the starting position. (Wait until about 55 seconds in for the cool stuff.) <!-- End content section --> |
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Walter, what’s a pederast?
Donny, shut the fuck up…
by Billy in Baton Rouge on Aug 23, 2007 11:10 AM EDT reply actions
Billy Witch-doctor.com work mostly with… chicken.
by Jackwraith on Aug 23, 2007 11:11 AM EDT reply actions
When Cheerleaders Grow Up and Get Fat and Bored…
by Whitey on Aug 23, 2007 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
A Lebowski quote AND an Aqua Teen quote, with no apparent link to the subject post? I KNEW today was going to be a good day!
by Seven Years in Gainesville on Aug 23, 2007 11:21 AM EDT reply actions
The thought of Marcus Coleman taint is going to have me washing my hands all day.
by lumpy on Aug 23, 2007 11:22 AM EDT reply actions
Jesus! At least A&M fans only grab their own balls.
by DevilGrad on Aug 23, 2007 11:24 AM EDT reply actions
If recent history tells me anything, it’s that the coach’s name to be inserted will be Mark Richt. And then I’ll ask why everyone’s hating on him, and then there will be no response. So, can we just not call Richt a Pederast today?
kthxbai
by jebushchrist on Aug 23, 2007 11:24 AM EDT reply actions
Holy fucking hell…
If anyone tears paper anywhere near me today, I’ll drop into the fetal position immediately.
by Whitey on Aug 23, 2007 11:27 AM EDT reply actions
The real story isn’t that an OU fan ripped a Bonghorn fan’s nuts off. No, the real story is that this Bonghorn fan would rather be out drinking than paying his child support. Typical Texasshole.
by okiedomer on Aug 23, 2007 11:30 AM EDT reply actions
My balls just crawled into my rib cage. Thanks Orson!
by Oops Pow Surprise on Aug 23, 2007 11:32 AM EDT reply actions
So is this guy going to get 14 years of eligibility like Jason White did?
by Rob on Aug 23, 2007 11:35 AM EDT reply actions
that story has been written, although you need to search the ‘alternative’ press to find it. it also details his refusal to recycle, his loansharking, and his addiction to viagra.
the coach’s name? jim tressel.
by matty blue on Aug 23, 2007 11:40 AM EDT reply actions
Nothin’ wrong with showing a little Sooners spirit, I like their team colors anyway. Besides, there’s no better motivator than roughed up nutsack.
by Jackie Sherrill on Aug 23, 2007 11:46 AM EDT reply actions
Point of order, its Sam Bradford, not Jason Bradford.
by The Cheese on Aug 23, 2007 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
he’s no marques slocum….but bama’s roy upchurch says “uapd ain’t shit to him.”
by gerry dorsey on Aug 23, 2007 11:58 AM EDT reply actions
Honestly, Bradford should probably be comparing himself to Nate Hybl, not Jason White.
“I see myself almost like Nate Hybl. I’m surrounded by insane talent, but I’ll probably underthrow enough passes to cost my team a few key wins that will keep us from making a run at the title. Oh, and I may need my backup, Keith Nichol, to step in and win the OU/tx game for me.”
by okiedomer on Aug 23, 2007 12:03 PM EDT reply actions
The Jason/Sam joke was apparently lost on #17.
When I read the title of the article I thought:
“sigh… a bar fight over OU/tx… slow news day”
When I read "extensive damage to another man’s scrotum " I thought:
“someone got kicked in the nuts… not cool”
When I read “grabbed his crotch and refused to let go” I thought:
“ok… wierd way to start a fight… bordering on really not cool.”
When I read "it took more than 60 stitches to close his wound. " I thought:
“Jesus effin’ Christ!!! Who is this guy? Edward Scissorhands?!?!”
by Cincy on Aug 23, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
The Texas Tech bell-ringer should take some notes of the fragile nature of Texas scrotes.
…
Ah, Nate Hybl. I’m so glad he left UGA when Quincy Carter showed up.
Wait, did I just say that?
by Rival on Aug 23, 2007 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
Now if Hands guy there wrote it out like Marques Slocum then you’d have a good video.
by Kenny on Aug 23, 2007 12:11 PM EDT reply actions
re: 60 stitches
Hey, someone at deadspin said it was a big scrotum.
At least he didn’t need staples.
by Rival on Aug 23, 2007 12:13 PM EDT reply actions
as an OU fan,
other sooners, please understand the jason/sam connection referenced above. and by the by some of you arent helping.
as a male, I am humbled, ashamed and sore…
if I had a nickel for every time I was in Norman when a bar fight started just like this…
what can I say, our alumni are really passionate…wait…
by Turk182 on Aug 23, 2007 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
Hybl may not have been a national championship quarterback, but OU could have done a lot worse in 01 and 02
by Cincy on Aug 23, 2007 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
The Brady Quinn “nut protection game” just got a lot more popular in Norman.
by letsplaytummysticks on Aug 23, 2007 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
“No, the real story is that this Bonghorn fan would rather be out drinking than paying his child support. Typical Texasshole.”
when you’re finished porking your sister and your 3 neurons that haven’t been ravaged by meth, yet, start flickering again, maybe you’ll come to the realization that divorced folk are free to have a drink like the rest of society, while still paying child support, however when you’re bedridden it could be somewhat difficult to work and earn said child support.
Now, if gooners had evolved beyond a neanderthal state like the rest of humanity, it might be safe to walk into a bar without being molested by a 1 toofed mullet wth an IROC-Z and a penchant for homoerotica.
Unfortunately this is not the case.
by AP on Aug 23, 2007 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
you may not have noticed it but the hands in the video were signing the words “I don’t have time for this shit” over and over
by Futbawl Fan on Aug 23, 2007 12:29 PM EDT reply actions
That video was gayer than the gayest gays in Gayville. On Gay Day.
(Not that there’s anything homosexual about that.)
by Mr. Wrong on Aug 23, 2007 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
You know how I know your gay?
You grabbed that man’s balls and refused to let go.
by bhors on Aug 23, 2007 12:31 PM EDT reply actions
What would you do if prompted in a barfight.
— " i wuld grab tha dudes fuck lion, ripz it off n dunk in it the crackers cold cereal. Fuckin keeps it real like that, cuz momma taut me to do that, bitch lol
by bhors on Aug 23, 2007 12:34 PM EDT reply actions
What would you do if prompted in a barfight.
Marques Slocum — " i wuld grab tha dudes fuck lion, ripz it off n dunk in it the crackers cold cereal. Fuckin keeps it real like that, cuz momma taut me to do that, bitch lol
by bhors on Aug 23, 2007 12:35 PM EDT reply actions
Gawd awful about that nut sack rip. Thats the worst thing a guy can do to a guy. The only way I’m considering a nutsack attack (i like the alliteration on that) is if someone violated my loved one.
Key comment about the meth labs, because its true.
by Brian on Aug 23, 2007 12:44 PM EDT reply actions
Is this the first known male episiotomy?
by crimson daddy on Aug 23, 2007 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
should be:
Is this the first known episiotomy performed on a male?
by crimson daddy on Aug 23, 2007 12:52 PM EDT reply actions
PSA: Discovery is maybe the best “intimate time” record since the death of Marvin Gaye.
Not that anyone can think about sex after that first entry. sigh
by tim in tampa on Aug 23, 2007 12:54 PM EDT reply actions
“Nutsack Attack”
Obscure Hardcore band, or AWESOME fantasy football team name?
by Mr. Wrong on Aug 23, 2007 1:10 PM EDT reply actions
That is totally disgusting. I hope they throw the book at that idiot. Then, I hope he gets his jewels branded in prison by some texas fan inmate.
by Adam on Aug 23, 2007 1:15 PM EDT reply actions
“Beckett didn’t let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.”
Exactly what sound does a tearing scrotum make?
by lumpy on Aug 23, 2007 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
The victim grew up a Texas fan. He obviously wasn’t FROM Texas, or he would simply have gunned down the nut grabber. Um, so to speak.
Another note for the Texas fan: If unarmed, try the headbutt. Nobody ever sees it coming.
by Boston Frog on Aug 23, 2007 2:33 PM EDT reply actions
#49: a headbutt may be effective.
Or anything else this guy says:
by Rob on Aug 23, 2007 5:02 PM EDT reply actions
OU RB Allen Patrick says his nickname is “All out Crusher”. I’m glad it’s not “All Out Castration”.
by HeadThief on Aug 23, 2007 5:16 PM EDT reply actions
Speaking of ’staches……….what the hell happened to my Mustache Wednesday – Mother Fucker?
by The Last Dragon on Aug 23, 2007 5:25 PM EDT reply actions
52 replies and no reference to Sir Thomas a Becket of Canterbury?
I’m a dork.
by Big Jon on Aug 23, 2007 7:46 PM EDT reply actions
according to a lawsuit filed in 1993 by the board of regents for the oklahoma mechanical and agricultural colleges (OSU and some smaller ag schools), the nut grabber is an alum of OSU (or a smaller ag school), not OU
this corroborates the story of the bartender at the bar where this all took place, who has apparantly said the nut grabber was an OSU alum
typical aggie
by okiedomer on Aug 24, 2007 9:55 AM EDT reply actions
nice one #1!
I want the three minutes of my life back I wasted watching that dumb as shit YouTube video. I’d rather have my scrotum torn off than watch that again.
I don’t have time for that shit!
by NickSabanisHungLikeaMule on Aug 24, 2007 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
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