Urban Meyer might give us an interview. All we’d have to do is hit a field goal from 52 yards on command. He gave kicker Joey Ijjas a scholarship for doing just this in practice this week–fifteen minutes of a blogger pestering you with questions pales in comparison to the sticker price and non-monetary benefits of being a scholarship athlete at a D-1 university.
Meyer turned the offer into a wager with surprising, un-Meyeresque flair:
Urban Meyer slammed his hat to the turf, looked at senior kicker Joey Ijjas and yelled, “Free ride.”
Suddenly, Ijjas found himself starring down the biggest kick of his life during Wednesday’s football practice ” a 52-yard field goal attempt with a full scholarship to the University of Florida on the line.
Should he make it, Ijjas would fulfill a dream. Miss it, and who knows?
Ijjas made the kick. He’s on full scholarship now after making going 6-6 in practice Wednesday. Florida fans unaccustomed to having a kicker should note: he’s a slightish fellow who makes field goals, occasionally throws a pass or two, and can completely annihilate your season with a single miss. Love him at your own risk, even if he’s the first one you’ve had since Chris Hetland caught schizophrenia of the foot exactly a year ago.
We’ll be warming up our leg in the meantime. That interview’s gonna be awesome.
(P.S. Our unathletic selves have hit a 20 yarder on a dare, but missed from 25. This needs to be some kind of EDSBS contest held at a tailgate this year, of course. No Tony Brackens moments, though, please–we have a mouth to feed.)
Blake Mitchell needs to prioritize like Taneyhill: front, business;back, party.
The tradition of bon vivant quarterbacks at South Carolina continues: Blake Mitchell, d-d-d-d-dancin’ fool, has been suspended for the opener at Louisiana-Lafayette for missing an excessive number of classes during summer session in Columbia. (ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS in the internet marketing department for first announcing the suspensions on his website, spurrierhbc.com. That’s synergy, baby!)
Mitchell, like his predecessor Steve Taneyhill, has had trouble in social situations with alcohol and also enjoys a festive jig from time to time. The game is versus the team whose name appears as “UL-LAF” on the scoreboard in the EA: NCAA video games. And against South Carolina, even without starter Mitchell, we probably will do just that by the late second quarter.
The Miami Hurricanes have made the move to Dolphin Stadium official, foretelling doom for the neglected and ailing Orange Bowl. Despite being one of college football’s most authentic arenas since 1937–”Yes, that’s real, aggressive tropical fungus cracking the support pillars of the northside stands”–the groovy, pastel-lettered OB seems destined for the wrecking ball.
One must bear in mind that Miami’s gotten its investment out of the now-decrepit stadium a hundred times over: the original was built for $340,000, a pittance compared to what its baseball-hosting replacement will cost. (Oh, and it will most likely be a home for the Marlins that replaces it. Worthless, sissified, and pray-for-death-boring baseball.) According to an alumni listserve email, $200 million in improvements would “only provide basic and mostly infrastructural upgrades.” Still, losing the alien transmission light towers, open endzones, and sweltering squalor of the Orange Bowl constitutes a memory loss for college football as a collective.
And it’s not like it couldn’t be restored with 200 mil. Frankly, you give us a hundred grand, and we’ll have the place flossin, lawya.
A stadium befitting the 7th Floor Crew. Drop your pants, show ‘em your third leg.
If you don’t think an entire stadium plated with chrome in the hateful sunlight of a Miami afternoon wouldn’t be the most intimidating homefield advantage in all of college football, then you’re indeed on some fine Colombian booger sugar, sir. RED 32! RED 32! AAAIIIIIGGGGHH GOD MY EYYYYEEEEESSS!!!!!
(Illustration courtesy of the indomitable J-Money of Ladies fame.)
BULLET BULLET BULLET: “Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn’t let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.” Oklahoma 2, Texas, um, 1 or so?
JasonSam Bradford is named starter at Oklahoma,ending the parlor drama of the three-way race for qb there. Unfortunately, he also laid an unspeakable curse on his knees in process of attempting to frame himself in the Sooner qb tradition.
“I see myself almost like Jason White,” Bradford said, comparing himself to a former OU Heisman Trophy winner. “I’m a dropback passer who likes to stay in the pocket. But if I need to make plays with my feet, I’m comfortable throwing on the run.”
I’m a man with no knees. Absolutely none. Just squeaky brass hinges where once healthy flesh flexed and worked together to get me from point a to point b. Sayonara, ACL; aufwiedersen, patellar tendon.
Jim Grobe is a good guy. We love the zombieghostpig of what used to be the Sporting News, still wandering the streets of the internet like some kind of half-dead phantom pet left by its owners to scour the pavement for rancid scraps of food. Jim Grobe is a good guy! That’s news! One day, we’d love to see the opposite of this article appear: “(INSERT COACH’S NAME HERE) Is a Lying, Chicken-raping Pederast.”
And in other qb chases… Tyler Donovan wins out in the race to see who gets to put their hands against the taint of Wisconsin’s center Marcus Coleman. Lucky you, Tyler! Your reward for being harder faster better stronger is the starting position.
(Wait until about 55 seconds in for the cool stuff.)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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