HERO FOR OUR TIME: MARQUES ‘GRAND MARQUES’ SLOCUM
We really wouldn’t want to hang out with most football players. As a fan, we’re necessarily put in the tension-filled position of being passionate about a sport whose participants would, on the whole, rather chew their own leg off than hang out with our ilk. (”Hey, wanna come over and watch the DVD of Big Love! It’s the one where Marge finally gets that job she’s been angling for! I’m sooooo happy for her!”)
Sprint/Nextel bitches.
Yet, we think we’ve met the first player we actually would love to hang with on a weekly basis: Michigan’s own Marques “Grand Marques” Slocum. His quiz on his facebook entry is reprinted below, and we don’t mean this in a snickering, elitist, or ironic way at all: Marques sounds fucking awesome. In fact, we’re calling our mom right now to tell her she’s the realest bitch alive. She’ll appreciate it, since she did say “motherfucker” live on the EDSBS radio show.
Sprint/Nextel, bitches. Enjoy.
(Begin edited interview. Questions in italics, answers in bold.)
What is your favorite song of all time?
Just another n***a- state property II
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
Fuck lion say what!
i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive
Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
fuckin real
When do you plan on getting married?
it dont matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be playa 4 life
Get the number or give the number?
i would have 2 say bof
Romance or Kinky Sex?
it dont matta however i can get it
How do you feel?
i feel like killin somebody so dont be dat person… lol….not really dont be dat person
What size shoe do you wear?
a big enouf size 2 boot chu da fuck up outta here
T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel
sprint/nextel bitch! dey got da best phones
Would you rather be hot or cold?
fuckin warm fuck dat hot shit and dat cold shit Id rather it be in da middle
Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
what da fuck! i needs bof of my muthafuckin body parts
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
opera- no, musical- no, concert- maybe. play- no, performance- fuuuuuuuuuuuck no, other- no
What is your favorite clothing brand?
state property, im on my philly shit im on my jawn… lol
Most Memorable Past?
shit i couldnt tell u cuz i dont know
If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
96 impala ss
Your favorite Disney Films?
fuck disney
Why did the chicken cross the road?
cuz he was all fiend out
Do you support Paris?
why should i
Where is Waldo?
Waldo: eaten by fuck lion, presumably.
i killed dat punk muthafucka he owed me money
Favorite element?
i would have 2 go with………….. water
What was your last thought?
why da fuck am i doin dis interview
Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
i dont give a fuck i just want 2 get on
Who are you going to vote for in 2008?
me
Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
i want sum milk and cookies
Favorite fruit?
watermelon
Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
dam mafucka u just fucked up da mood, i guess i aint sayin no more jokes
Are you a cat or a dog person?
im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
deaf btu dam neither
Define yourself in 3 words…
im da shit
Do you eat cold cereal at night?
what da fuck is cold cereal
What is your favorite TV show?
the wire
Kill the spider or let it out?
man! fuck dat spider
Do you shower every single day?
shit i at least get a bird bath but yea i shower everyday dis summer its 2 hot not 2
Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
shit ima be askin him 4 sum change
Boat or bus?
bus bitch! i cant swim
Where do you want to travel next?
da future
Fuck Bubbles.
What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out
I be like yea and den ima rob em’, ima steal all his shit and im stealin bubbles and im sellin dat muthafucka
What is your favorite food?
I like 2 licky licky licky licky… lol
Do you read harry potter books?
who da fuck is dat!
If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
come on now i wanna fly i hate walkin dat shit overrated
Have you had a beer in the last week?
shit I downed a forty last night in 2min. and 37sec. yea, beerfest bitch! im ready 4 da boot!
Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Bof of dem shits is nasty but i fuck wit gatorade
Favorite body part?
my whole fuckin body
Flip flops or sandles?
come on now! what type of question is dat?
What do you do on fridays?
whatever da fuck i feel like doin
Do you like bananas?
do u
Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Not strictly college football, but funny, People we love, si si si! by Orson Swindle
182 Replies »
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175
y da fuk do u guyz h8 me im da tru gangsta
Comment by Marques — August 31, 2007 @ 4:31 pm
174
“Fuck bubbles”
Comment by Lewis12345 — August 31, 2007 @ 4:20 pm
173
…and since he’s just getting going at the University and in his career, you can’t say that what you’ve read is proof of Jim ‘Turn Around So I Can Stick The Knife In’ Harbaugh’s comments
Comment by Senore Bitey — August 31, 2007 @ 11:16 am
172
In reading the responses to this ‘interview’ I would venture a guess that the vast majority of you are white. It’s funny how a lot of you seem to think that you know what this kid will be about academics wise because of something you’ve seen on his face page or myspace or wherever this was found.
I can assure you that as is the case with most minorities, we have separate faces that we use when we deal with people and situations outside the normal experience of our culture and environment. I get the feeling that he is the big, gregarious, happy go lucky goof ball that he comes off as…I mean he did say of his mother that ‘dat bitch is the realist bitch’…but just because you’ve seen a glimpse of what he’s probably like when he’s emersed in the culture that he’s familiar with doesn’t mean you know what he’ll be like or do when he’s sitting in the classroom or in the meeting room or any situation that is white male authority driven…OR, just authority period without regard to skin color or ethnicity, just a situation that requires discipline and submission to authority. You have no idea how the guy will respond to that by reading his face page/myspace/blog or whatever it was.
Particularly to the people who’ve responded with some sort of smugness that the notion of Michigan having high academic standards is bull because you just read one of their football players using slang and talking like he’s straight ot of ‘the hood’…you honestly don’t know a damned thing about this kid…really, you don’t. You don’t know how he’ll do in the classroom, you don’t know how he’ll represent the university or how his time at Michigan will impact it’s academic record. You don’t know the first thing other than when he’s not in a serious situation, he’s something of a goof.
Comment by Senore Bitey — August 31, 2007 @ 11:09 am
171
That was totally awesome.
Fuck lion is the best line.
Comment by Nichole — August 30, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
170
Fuck Marques Slocum.
Comment by Walt Disney — August 29, 2007 @ 2:36 pm
169
It follows, then, that the mane of Lee Corso’s fuck lion is artificial.
Comment by Petey Wheatstraw — August 28, 2007 @ 3:01 pm
168
U in da dog house.
I hope da shit likes to run bleachers at o’dark thirty in da morning.
Comment by LLyod — August 28, 2007 @ 12:51 pm
167
I am in complete agreement with him about favorite car. The 96 Impala is a car inspired by Mayra Veronica.
Comment by MCab — August 25, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
166
Inspirational.
Marques ventures into James Lipton’s Inside The Actor’s Studio…
http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/marques-slocum-michigan-football-intellectual-ventures-inside-the-actors-studio
Comment by brushfire bill — August 25, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
165
Sprint/Nextel bitch, I’m muthafuckin out
Comment by Nutsac Sailboat — August 25, 2007 @ 9:40 am
164
Is this guy related to Kenny Irons??
Comment by Nutsac Sailboat — August 25, 2007 @ 9:39 am
163
I have poked Marques “Grand Marques” Slocom
Comment by Ben — August 25, 2007 @ 1:06 am
162
Who are you going to vote for in 2008?
me
That makes 2 of us.
Comment by Liam — August 24, 2007 @ 9:40 pm
161
Anyone who can’t see that Marques’s use of slang and profanity was part of the joke, is as stupid as you are trying to make him out to be. Very poor judgement on his part to post this on such a site. And naive to think that the so-called friends that he let read it are friends.
Another classic example of cultures clashing and others passing superior judgement, when it is quite obvious that the answers were written in an urban dialect/text form to enhance the humor. The kid has a lot of wit but is naive when it comes to the intentions and agendas of people.
This will serve as a very good lesson. We love you Ques, and you will get pass this
Comment by Will — August 24, 2007 @ 9:03 pm
160
truly a “brotha from another planet”. An ignorant one at that. He’s taken ebonics to a whole new level.
Comment by poindexter — August 24, 2007 @ 12:25 pm
159
truly a “brotha from another palnet”. Certainly isn’t from this one…
Comment by poindexter — August 24, 2007 @ 12:24 pm
158
Vick may be a moron but this jack-tard is totally brain dead . Even reading the comments several times I couldnt figure out what this goon was talking about.
Comment by solorunner — August 24, 2007 @ 11:54 am
157
149…bravo, man. Bravo.
I have a brother that goes to OSU and I’m pretty sure his boys are laughin their asses off right now!
Hail to those old dumb fuckers!
Comment by Cowbearsfan — August 24, 2007 @ 11:38 am
156
What a moron, he should be locked up with Vick.
Comment by poindexter — August 24, 2007 @ 10:14 am
155
Viral. Absolutely V I R A L.
Grand Marques, EDSBS = Innovators
We = Early Adopters
“Fuck Lion”
“More Cowbell”
“Nunchuck Skills”
There are just some things a Renaissance Man has got to know.
Comment by Malcolm Gladwell — August 24, 2007 @ 9:16 am
154
Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
fuckin real
Fuckin real indeed man. Fuckin real indeed.
Comment by Kentucky Prophet — August 24, 2007 @ 1:49 am
153
Can we have a little poll here to see what the funniest line was?
I vote for the mom question:
Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive
Sheer effing poetry bitch.
Comment by Robuka Kenderle — August 23, 2007 @ 10:25 pm
152
I see that this student athlete will make great use of his english degree from Michigan.
He is qualified enough to be president and he is waaaay ahead of the 50% of adults in Detroit who are illiterate. Or 50 Cents.
The guy’s future looks great.
Comment by Robuka Kenderle — August 23, 2007 @ 10:21 pm
151
Sub-Human
Comment by MrP — August 23, 2007 @ 8:27 pm