HERO FOR OUR TIME: MARQUES ‘GRAND MARQUES’ SLOCUM
We really wouldn’t want to hang out with most football players. As a fan, we’re necessarily put in the tension-filled position of being passionate about a sport whose participants would, on the whole, rather chew their own leg off than hang out with our ilk. (”Hey, wanna come over and watch the DVD of Big Love! It’s the one where Marge finally gets that job she’s been angling for! I’m sooooo happy for her!”)
Sprint/Nextel bitches.
Yet, we think we’ve met the first player we actually would love to hang with on a weekly basis: Michigan’s own Marques “Grand Marques” Slocum. His quiz on his facebook entry is reprinted below, and we don’t mean this in a snickering, elitist, or ironic way at all: Marques sounds fucking awesome. In fact, we’re calling our mom right now to tell her she’s the realest bitch alive. She’ll appreciate it, since she did say “motherfucker” live on the EDSBS radio show.
Sprint/Nextel, bitches. Enjoy.
(Begin edited interview. Questions in italics, answers in bold.)
What is your favorite song of all time?
Just another n***a- state property II
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
Fuck lion say what!
i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive
Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
fuckin real
When do you plan on getting married?
it dont matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be playa 4 life
Get the number or give the number?
i would have 2 say bof
Romance or Kinky Sex?
it dont matta however i can get it
How do you feel?
i feel like killin somebody so dont be dat person… lol….not really dont be dat person
What size shoe do you wear?
a big enouf size 2 boot chu da fuck up outta here
T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel
sprint/nextel bitch! dey got da best phones
Would you rather be hot or cold?
fuckin warm fuck dat hot shit and dat cold shit Id rather it be in da middle
Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
what da fuck! i needs bof of my muthafuckin body parts
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
opera- no, musical- no, concert- maybe. play- no, performance- fuuuuuuuuuuuck no, other- no
What is your favorite clothing brand?
state property, im on my philly shit im on my jawn… lol
Most Memorable Past?
shit i couldnt tell u cuz i dont know
If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
96 impala ss
Your favorite Disney Films?
fuck disney
Why did the chicken cross the road?
cuz he was all fiend out
Do you support Paris?
why should i
Where is Waldo?
Waldo: eaten by fuck lion, presumably.
i killed dat punk muthafucka he owed me money
Favorite element?
i would have 2 go with………….. water
What was your last thought?
why da fuck am i doin dis interview
Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
i dont give a fuck i just want 2 get on
Who are you going to vote for in 2008?
me
Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
i want sum milk and cookies
Favorite fruit?
watermelon
Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
dam mafucka u just fucked up da mood, i guess i aint sayin no more jokes
Are you a cat or a dog person?
im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
deaf btu dam neither
Define yourself in 3 words…
im da shit
Do you eat cold cereal at night?
what da fuck is cold cereal
What is your favorite TV show?
the wire
Kill the spider or let it out?
man! fuck dat spider
Do you shower every single day?
shit i at least get a bird bath but yea i shower everyday dis summer its 2 hot not 2
Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
shit ima be askin him 4 sum change
Boat or bus?
bus bitch! i cant swim
Where do you want to travel next?
da future
Fuck Bubbles.
What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out
I be like yea and den ima rob em’, ima steal all his shit and im stealin bubbles and im sellin dat muthafucka
What is your favorite food?
I like 2 licky licky licky licky… lol
Do you read harry potter books?
who da fuck is dat!
If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
come on now i wanna fly i hate walkin dat shit overrated
Have you had a beer in the last week?
shit I downed a forty last night in 2min. and 37sec. yea, beerfest bitch! im ready 4 da boot!
Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Bof of dem shits is nasty but i fuck wit gatorade
Favorite body part?
my whole fuckin body
Flip flops or sandles?
come on now! what type of question is dat?
What do you do on fridays?
whatever da fuck i feel like doin
Do you like bananas?
do u
Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Not strictly college football, but funny, People we love, si si si! by Orson Swindle
182 Replies »
Pages: « 8 7 [6] 5 4 3 2 1 » Show All
Pages: « 8 7 [6] 5 4 3 2 1 » Show All
Loading ...
150
Dat wuz da fuckin shizznit yo
Comment by Lori — August 23, 2007 @ 8:20 pm
149
Your favorite Disney Films?
fuck disney
I can’t even tell you bad I wish he had answered:
The Fuck Lion King
Comment by Brian — August 23, 2007 @ 7:13 pm
148
Bush’s next recess appointment for head of Department of Education?
Comment by John Patterson — August 23, 2007 @ 5:37 pm
147
As a double MI alum, I am even more proud of him than I was already.
This man rules and will kill all of you with his Fuck Lion.
Awesomeness
Comment by Suavdaddy — August 23, 2007 @ 5:28 pm
146
Mah name iz Beedlejoose…….ahm gonna git hot for da wimmins.
Comment by BEEDLEJOOSE — August 23, 2007 @ 4:32 pm
145
Dood,
I”m reading this in a coffeehouse, laughing my ass off.
…people are staring.
The funniest thing I’ve ever read.
Comment by ImalwaysMoody — August 23, 2007 @ 3:49 pm
144
“Told you so.
Comment by Jim Harbaugh”
_________________________
That was funny.
Comment by Granddaddy Long Legs — August 23, 2007 @ 1:53 pm
143
Says the fan of the school that has a former player in the Ohio state penitentiary.
Typical.
Comment by Scalz1 — August 23, 2007 @ 1:05 pm
142
As an Ohio State fan, it confirmed my suspicions of the typical Michigan student/athlete (aka future felon).
They must be sooo proud up there in Ann Arbor.
Hail! Wif dem punkass bitches
Hail! Kill dem po-lice snitches
Hail! Hail! We got da guns
The future convictees
Comment by Buckeye Bob — August 23, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
141
#132: Jawn is Afrophillyspeak for just about anything. It’s a filler noun. That’s my jawn!
Comment by rolando — August 23, 2007 @ 12:27 pm
140
I thought Rick James died a few years ago?!
Comment by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me — August 23, 2007 @ 12:09 pm
139
#2 — Funniest comment in days (and that is saying a lot here).
Comment by Big Ten Joe — August 23, 2007 @ 12:05 pm
138
I like how all of them have curses, except “Favorite Fruit.”
I could imagine him saying that with an english accent while wearing a derby and eating crumpets
Comment by Rick — August 23, 2007 @ 12:01 pm
137
I like water
Comment by maomatt — August 23, 2007 @ 12:00 pm
136
I think underneath it all, he’s just another snarky, elitist hipster:
i.e.,
“Fuck Disney.”
and his favorite TV show is The Wire.
Of course, he did kill Waldo…
Comment by JPMelk — August 23, 2007 @ 11:57 am
135
When he was a little kid, Jim Harbaugh once ate peanuts out of my poop.
Comment by Barry Pierson — August 23, 2007 @ 11:46 am
134
This scholar athlete makes OSU very very proud.
Lloyd, are you awake?
LCB
Comment by LakeCoBuck — August 23, 2007 @ 11:28 am
133
bus bitch! i cant swim
Comment by clashmore — August 23, 2007 @ 11:20 am
132
here’s my question: What the fuck is a jawn?
Comment by Fuck Lion — August 23, 2007 @ 11:08 am
131
Cocktails for 28, 39
O, heed the suggestion written in 78. I was prepared to make that point, but AZ beat me to it.
Bird bath might also be a good shirt …
Comment by Kenny — August 23, 2007 @ 10:52 am
130
He writes like a present-day Uncle Remus!
Comment by AU_DNA — August 23, 2007 @ 10:22 am
129
I just spent upwards of 45 minutes reading every word of this (with intermittant pauses to regain composure), and it’s the best 45 minutes of my life. “Fuck Bubbles” is priceless.
Comment by Katy — August 23, 2007 @ 10:21 am
128
127 john - I’m guessing he’ll be in the Jarvis Moss Advanced Track Aeronautics program, if he’s not already.
Comment by Out of Conference — August 23, 2007 @ 10:21 am
127
There is a 100% chance he won’t be adding to the list of Michigan alums that go on to be astronauts.
Comment by john — August 23, 2007 @ 10:12 am
126
If he accepts my facebook add, I am gonna be on there all the damn time, sending him more dumbass interviews.
Thanks DAve, my mothers day shopping is now done - 9 months early.
Comment by Trojan Chica — August 23, 2007 @ 10:02 am