We really wouldn’t want to hang out with most football players. As a fan, we’re necessarily put in the tension-filled position of being passionate about a sport whose participants would, on the whole, rather chew their own leg off than hang out with our ilk. (”Hey, wanna come over and watch the DVD of Big Love! It’s the one where Marge finally gets that job she’s been angling for! I’m sooooo happy for her!”)


Sprint/Nextel bitches.

Yet, we think we’ve met the first player we actually would love to hang with on a weekly basis: Michigan’s own Marques “Grand Marques” Slocum. His quiz on his facebook entry is reprinted below, and we don’t mean this in a snickering, elitist, or ironic way at all: Marques sounds fucking awesome. In fact, we’re calling our mom right now to tell her she’s the realest bitch alive. She’ll appreciate it, since she did say “motherfucker” live on the EDSBS radio show.

Sprint/Nextel, bitches. Enjoy.

(Begin edited interview. Questions in italics, answers in bold.)

What is your favorite song of all time?

Just another n***a- state property II

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?


Fuck lion say what!

i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

Who do you admire most?

My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?

fuckin real

When do you plan on getting married?

it dont matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be playa 4 life

Get the number or give the number?

i would have 2 say bof

Romance or Kinky Sex?

it dont matta however i can get it

How do you feel?

i feel like killin somebody so dont be dat person… lol….not really dont be dat person

What size shoe do you wear?

a big enouf size 2 boot chu da fuck up outta here

T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel

sprint/nextel bitch! dey got da best phones

Would you rather be hot or cold?

fuckin warm fuck dat hot shit and dat cold shit Id rather it be in da middle

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?

what da fuck! i needs bof of my muthafuckin body parts

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?

opera- no, musical- no, concert- maybe. play- no, performance- fuuuuuuuuuuuck no, other- no

What is your favorite clothing brand?

state property, im on my philly shit im on my jawn… lol

Most Memorable Past?

shit i couldnt tell u cuz i dont know

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?

96 impala ss

Your favorite Disney Films?

fuck disney

Why did the chicken cross the road?

cuz he was all fiend out

Do you support Paris?

why should i

Where is Waldo?


Waldo: eaten by fuck lion, presumably.

i killed dat punk muthafucka he owed me money

Favorite element?

i would have 2 go with………….. water

What was your last thought?

why da fuck am i doin dis interview

Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?

i dont give a fuck i just want 2 get on

Who are you going to vote for in 2008?

me

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?

i want sum milk and cookies

Favorite fruit?

watermelon

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?

dam mafucka u just fucked up da mood, i guess i aint sayin no more jokes

Are you a cat or a dog person?

im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

deaf btu dam neither

Define yourself in 3 words…

im da shit

Do you eat cold cereal at night?

what da fuck is cold cereal

What is your favorite TV show?

the wire

Kill the spider or let it out?

man! fuck dat spider

Do you shower every single day?

shit i at least get a bird bath but yea i shower everyday dis summer its 2 hot not 2

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?

shit ima be askin him 4 sum change

Boat or bus?

bus bitch! i cant swim

Where do you want to travel next?

da future


Fuck Bubbles.

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out

I be like yea and den ima rob em’, ima steal all his shit and im stealin bubbles and im sellin dat muthafucka

What is your favorite food?

I like 2 licky licky licky licky… lol

Do you read harry potter books?

who da fuck is dat!

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?

come on now i wanna fly i hate walkin dat shit overrated

Have you had a beer in the last week?

shit I downed a forty last night in 2min. and 37sec. yea, beerfest bitch! im ready 4 da boot!

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?

Bof of dem shits is nasty but i fuck wit gatorade

Favorite body part?

my whole fuckin body

Flip flops or sandles?

come on now! what type of question is dat?

What do you do on fridays?

whatever da fuck i feel like doin

Do you like bananas?

do u