HERO FOR OUR TIME: MARQUES 'GRAND MARQUES' SLOCUM

I don’t know where to begin. Any one of these could be run into the ground for months with glee, but there’s just too much…it’s the internets equivalent of Wonka’s factory….a world of pure imagination…and fuck lions.

They give out Peabodys for this shit, right?

Banner day here on EDSBS for the Big Ten.

HALE TU DA VIKTURS, MUTHAFUCKA

If you think half of your readership didn’t just send a friend request, you’re out of your mind. I hope the fact that I’m already “friends” with Zoltan gets me to the front of the line.

man, waldo down a storm drain or some shit

That was fucking fabulous!

Is this the “Michigan man” Mike Hart was referring to? ’Cause … wow.

[please don’t hurt me, Marques]

As a Michigan fan and alum, I have no comment on Slocum’s quiz. As a fan of college football, I have to say that, even if Slocum never touches the field, he will still be one of my favorite players of all time.

http://michigan.scout.com/2/669440.html

#2

Well done.

I’m left speechless by the Castle Grey Skull of imagination on display here.

Attn: Jim Delaney

Applesauce, bitch.

XOXOX,
The SEC

Yeah Fuck Bubbles! I mean it, how much you want fo im?

Eirishis-
This is just one man posting, but I really think Bo would have approved of “Fuck Disney”, and not just for Rudy-related reasons.

(Also, I can’t figure out how much the electric bill was last summer. Maybe 60% of what it was this past summer?)

Holy shit.

Hooooooly shit.

That is the greatest thing I have ever read.

If walking is over-rated, then surely he could spare a leg after all? I’m surprised he doesn’t just levitate everywhere.

Holly — If Jim Delaney could get the Big Ten Network to pair up with Facebook for a feature show, then we might have something worth paying for on cable.

what da fuck is cold cereal

Obviously, you’re not a golfer.

Define “fortify”.

I axd da bitch how much, she said fortify.

I’m glad to read in that link that Mr. Slocum (a hale and hearty “fuck disney” to you as well sir) is academically troubled but is succeeding. Because, I read that quiz with the Big Televen Commish and the dudes from MGoBlog and MZone floating around my conscience, bragging about how mind blowingly awesome UM academics are compared to the shoddy SEC and thinking, “this is the type of supreriority they are bragging about?” Damn. That run-on sentence brought to you by the letters L, S, and U and the number 72.

i’m glad somebody stepped up and filled the canyonesque void left by the Irons brothers.

I’m ready for the BOOT!! That’s great. This is Irons brothers funny.

“Beerfest bitch! I’m ready 4 da boot!”

Officially in my lexicon.

Like Oops said, that is the greatest thing I have ever read. I just read it for the third time, giggling and lightheaded.

Seriously:

1. That quiz
2. The Holy Bible
3. Fahrenheit 451

I love how, in the midst of all this mind-blowing hilarity, he stops to give a thoughtful answer to the question of “favorite element.”

I like water too, Marques.

I concur w/ #1, this is a trove for more inside jokes than we know what to do with. EDSBS will only become more confusing to the rookie.

Effdat spidah . . .

LSUJoshua-
Football players are the dumbest people at any school not called MIT. What should concern you is the possibility that a similar survey response could have been written by an LSU student /not on the football team/. Also, it’s not like he turned in a term paper with “Fuck Thomas Pynchon!” written at the top; this is on his facebook profile.

I’m just waiting for him to say he’s watching [whoever wins the HEISEMEN trophy]. Slocum like HEISMENS.

This is like one of those movies with so many funny scenes that you can’t even describe it to your friends.

I guess a fuck lion makes a blowjob midget seem tame by comparison.

i just sat here looking at the comment box for five minutes trying to figure out what to write, but i am overwhelmed. maybe the hardest i’ve ever laughed at this site….and that’s saying something.

where can i get a fuck lion???

Also, it’s not like he turned in a term paper with "Fuck Thomas Pynchon!" written at the top.

Although that certainly wouldn’t hurt, nor is it out of the realm of possibility.

Next EDSBS tee-shirt"

“BEWARE OF FUCK LION”

Favorite element?

i would have 2 go with………….. water

I am dying over here.

I thank God everyday that youtube and facebook and myspace, not to mention video and camera cell phones, were not around when I was in college. I can’t imagine having to explain to future employers or potential spouses the kind of stuff that might have shown up. It sends shivers up my spine sometimes.

When I saw ’ Wat da fuck is cold cereal?’ I thought of Chappelle’s standup… classic, purely classic

Imagine what kind of players they could get if they didn’t have so much of that academic integrity Delany talks about.

Marques is obviously a classics major so engrossed in his studies that when asked to pick an element, he automatically thinks of the Aristotelian world view.

If you do ever end up hanging out with football players on a friday night in the offseason, one phrase you don’t want to hear is “Let’s see how much the white boy can drink”.

Bad things result, trust me.

eliminate the questions here and we have a grammy winning new rap song in his responses

i feel like killin somebody so dont be dat person…
….not really dont be dat person
a big enouf size 2 boot chu da fuck up outta here
sprint/nextel bitch! dey got da best phones
fuckin warm
fuck dat hot shit
and dat cold shit
Id rather it be in da middle

refrain:
why da fuck am i doin dis interview
why da fuck am i doin dis interview
why da fuck am i doin dis interview

I can’t make fun of this….I need bof of my muthafuckin body parts…

Steve Spurrier just called the university president and demanded that South Carolina hire Michigan’s Director of Admissions.

He obviously needs to read a book.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=11302757

“im da shit”

yes you are, buddy. And it looks like I can forget about Waldo paying me back the money he owes me. Also, Man! fuck dat spider.

As far as the academic jokes go, Slocum has actually spent a couple years trying to get eligible, and it’s a pretty great story that he’s now finally getting to suit up. He’s become one of the favorites among a lot of Michigan fans before even taking the field because he’s stuck with it for so long.

Not that the jokes aren’t funny anyway.

If Michigan had a team full of players who spent two years working as tirelessly as Slocum did in the classroom to get into Michigan and give himself an opportunity to be a Wolverine, Michigan would probably never lose. Maybe not something for the University’s homepage, but I’ll ride with Marques any day.

That said, and in the spirit of EDSBS, I am most found of his answer to the bananas question. Lots of possibilities there.

25

You mean to tell me that as sure as gravity and paris is a whore that there very possibly are stupid people at my state school alma mater!?!?!?! Are you shittin’ me Pyle?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Up might as well be down now. I need to sit down and reflect on this.

The point was that Michigan’s AD and adherrent blog nation just got done pissing down on all of the entire SEC when it comes to smarts. When everyone knows we are have plenty of Grand Marques in our respective ranks.

fond*

Chg, If you take a single incident ( Marques’ facebook page) as a counter-proof of a more general thing ( Jim Delany talking about SEC academics ), I can offer your post ( single incident ) as an example of how shitty SEC statistics courses are. Ever heard about outliers?

LSUJoshua, deluded are we? As far as I can remember, MGoBlog and MZone condemned Delaney’s pompous claim. And their insinuations mostly are satire. Just like EDSBS.

Just don’t send Les Miles North-ways.

“im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat”

I now know how I’m signing the Christmas cards this year.

Oh yeah, also, could somehow help me out with what a “bird bath” is?

Continuing the data mining…

opera- no, musical- no, concert- maybe. play- no, performance- fuuuuuuuuuuuck no, other- no

Man, what bad “performance” experience did he have to rank this lower than opera?

Damn, #45, don’t be using that statistics and sociology shit to mess up a perfectly good discussion of fuck lions.

Besides, check out the Penn State photos in the post below this one. It’s TWO anecdotal examples — just today.

honestly, dont know whether to laugh or cry.

Do fuck lions come with rape stands?

Too soon?

Why did the chicken cross the road?
cuz he was all fiend out

If you locked me in a closet for 10 years to think I could not have come up with that. I think I’m going to be sick from laughing.

Holy Cow…Like most others this is way too much material. WAY TOO MUCH. Orson, you could have stretched out each response over the entire season and still had left over material.

Other than that………Chg.

+2 for 35 and 39, both classics.

I be like yea and den ima rob em’, ima steal all his shit and im stealin bubbles and im sellin dat muthafucka………..HALARIOUS…… I went to highschool with Marcus Thomas from Florida and if you think this is bad you should sit down 5 minutes with marcus. its close though but once he stole some freshmans note in PE and tried to read it out loud and didnt get past the name…funniest highschool moment

According to Urban Dictionary, a “bird bath” is:
“a quick washing of the genitals just to make them fresh in the chance you may get action. bird bath b/c it is a small bath and b/c if you wanted to you could dip your balls in a bird bath (or the sink) and wash them. The intent is to wash away potential ball sweat which can dissuade a lady from give a bj”

And I thought this was Pynchon….?

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that he won’t be part of the 38%.

Golf clap for #2.

Good Lord, this blog has some quality.

1. - Much thanks, Robert. Fuck the bidee, I’m putting in a bird bath. It’s not like I’m asking for a rusty trombone or anything.

Literature like this makes me proud to be a Michigan fan.

Really.

water isn’t an element

First post on EDSBS…but more importantly, ha, ha, I have hung out with Marques and yes, to answer the question on everyone’s mind, it was amazing.

I won’t get into details, but I can tell you that his fuck lion will get you balls high. And then eat you. Because he’s, you know, a lion.

My favorite part is how he gets so offended by “Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?”

I’m thinking he’s a General Studies major like most of the others. Yeah… General Studies, or maybe Pre-Law.

It had to be done…

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c65/dlucero22/roflbot.jpg

Its so going over your heads boys – tsk, tsk. I’m guessing this was done as part of an assignment for one of UM’s upper-level “urban studies” programs as a study in the ironic uses of Ebonics in modern media. Note how he addresses the “keepin’ it real” motif with his ’96 Impala answer. This is a man of the people, no pimped out Lexus for this man. Then he rejects major media (Disney) that too readily feeds on negative stereotypes of the black man (I mean, have you seen “Snow Dogs”???!!). Finally, he totally bursts the stereotype of the dog-fighting, animal-torturing football player so prevalent at the moment – does he feed Bubbles to the Fuck Lion? No sir, its off to a nice home for Bubbles, probably with some decent, MJ-obsessed fans.

I believe that as a Michigan fan it is my obligation to comment, and I have now done so. Sigh.

I am trying so hard to imagine Loyd’s conversation with this strapping young student-athlete when he was recruited. I know it was unintentionally funny, but it’s just too bizarre to imagine.

I understand Marques is a graduate of a Catholic High School (Philadelphia West Catholic). They must be very proud.

Three simple words.
Funniest.Shit.Ever.

Just to clarify the brilliance of a couple lines that might not have been picked up on:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

cuz he was all fiend out
________________________________
I believe he is saying the chicken was a crack fiend, and it was fiend[ed] out, ie all cracked out. I’m laughin with him on that one, not at him.

Are you a cat or a dog person?

im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat
__________________________________
I believe what he was trying to convey is he’d have a ROTT or a pit(bull) so it can [eat] cha cat

He may not be the smartest guy, and maybe he was even being intentionally idiotic on some, but honestly, I’d love to kick it with this dude. The line about his shoe being big enough to boot someone the F out was awesome!

Holy Fucking Shit.

Are you sure this guy isn’t an Irons cousin?

Next EDSBS tee-shirt"

"BEWARE OF FUCK LION"

I would buy that in a heartbeat and proudly wear it to The Big House.

Speechless.

How about an encore? When can this guy make some time for a drop in again – assuming he can miss a class at Michigan?

I think Marques could do a nightly show on the Big 10 Court TV network that was recently announced.

http://landthieves.blogspot.com/2007/08/big-10-court-tv-network-launched.html

So, is the fact that the only sane answer in the interview (Favorite Show – The Wire) syncs up with my favorite show disturbing?

Man, I’m off to find a fuck lion.

I did not get into Michigan this year, and this guy did.
Wow, I feel awful about myself.

How does Tuberville get such a high APR?

His players can spell Sociology.

EDSBS Radio must interview this man.

Eirishis,

That’s the one that really got me.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no.

I believe “Fuck Lion” is a simple reference to the last eight games against Penn State.

Otherwise, my fucking mind has officially been blown.

I just figured out what “bof” was. Thanks #38.
I want some milk and cookies bitches.

Beautiful. Bright, funny, in-your-face. This guy has got it all. In the immortal words of PFC Fancher “Fuck all y’all!”

That was funny omg

I wanna hang out with this kid.

I just read the entire article for the first time…and I’m distressed to say this gentleman and I share the same favorite TV show. This leaves me speechless.

If this kid doesn’t smoke weed already, he needs to check it out. It might just turn him into Pynchon.

I don’t have fucking time for water.

dis be da truist shit i eva wrote.

2:37 to down a 40. I feel like I have a new goal in life. Thank, you, Marques!

1. is the winner, and I will find a way to work “fuck lion” into my everyday vocabulary.

While I respect his answer to the eternal Chicken question, i must expand to the next logical step:

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

If I’m right, he went to Philly’s West Catholic. No wonder he’s dumb.

I can’t wait to yell “Fuck dat spider” everytime this pancakes someone. I can think of about 119 teams in 1A ball that would admit this guy.

So here’s what we know about the human body: It consists of two parts, one arm and one leg. The rest is a mystery. Fuck Lion is the greatest thing since the last greatest thing.

Holy shit, I can’t believe he actually accepted my friend request on Facebook. I can’t wait to keep an eye on his profile updates. According to his Facebook status… “Marques ‘Grand Marques’ Slocum
is fuckin mad right now cuz im fuckin hurt but its cool cuz ima be back real soon, ima grind through dis bitch! EARLY!”

Injury reports from Facebook! Wee!

Oh, and if you want to hit him up on AIM to clarify how you might be able to acquire your own fuck lion, his screen name is GRAND1MARQUES.

Marcus Slocum – a true “Michigan Man”

Now, what’s that people were saying about Michigan football players not quite measuring up to the Stanford standard?

1. fuck lion, I believe, is a reference to one’s genitals, with the hair being the mane.

Someday I will have a t-shirt that reads “My f*ck lion takes bird baths at your girlfriend’s house.” Print that in school colors and you’ve got something.

1. 52

Jack, it is never too soon to drop a rape stand joke. I honestly think I dropped it five times the day I knew MV had one at his house.

I read this for the first time in a restless-but-half-asleep mode last night. Reading it in a restless-but-half-asleep mode at work after only 3 hours sleep somehow makes it even better. Bra-fucking-vo, Marques. Get this man a siren, stat.

Dare I even ask what “2 licky licky licky licky” is?

Matt – Can’t say I can respect handing out his personal information like that. Poor form.

Slocum pwns Maroney

I believe “2 licky licky licky licky” is to perform cunnilingus, perhaps multiple times.

“what da fuck! i needs bof of my muthafuckin body parts”

That is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read in my entire life. I just pulled the whole LOL at work and couldnt tell anyone why I just laughed. What a brilliant answer. I want to plat Edward 40-Hands with this guy tomorrow. And I HATE Michigan.

Jim Delaney is right, the Big 11 does have all the smart kids. This sir is a genius.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Thank goodness one has not been wasted on Marcus.

+100 cocktails to #2.

Ah yes, the “2” threw me as I failed to recognize it as a preposition within that context. I can’t believe I just said that.

Y’all never heard of satire or farce? This STUDENT athlete’s talent is clearly in writing and not on the field. Except this part:

“Boat or bus? bus bitch! i cant swim”

I bet this is true.

Outstanding reporting; I see a new weekly feature on EDSBS, “Facebook Faceoff” or some such shit.

You could have slipped pictures of semi-naked coeds in this article, you know.

Hahahahhaa

Of all the days to leave work early.

Tears just fucking streaming down…

I have no idea what a fuck lion is but I want one!

When your mother calls you, weeping with joy, remember to thank me:

http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n18/dawgterfeelgood/mothers_day_card.jpg

#100, he posted his screen name on Facebook and approved me as a friend without knowing who the hell I am, so that “contact info”can’t be THAT personal.

Sweet job, DAve. Printing now…

This is funny. But some of you need to remember that Marques worked his ass off for two years to get into Michigan. He was supposed to be a freshman like 2 years ago but went to prep school and then had to sit his first year at Michigan to become eligible. He could’ve easily have gone to MSU or Penn State yet he chose to work hard and it will be paying off in the future. He’s going to be a stud on the UM D for the next few years.

That was incredible, absolutely wonderful! The addition of people trying to explain his answers in the comments just added to the amazing humor— I’m looking at you 71, though I worry that people think the average EDSBS reader couldn’t interpret those responses.

Hail to the Kinesiology majors!

I assume he won’t be one of the 32% of black players who actually gets their a degree at the Whore?

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y101/solidkane/FDS.jpg

Re #113 and with a shoutout back to #66:

I, for one, look forward to the next installment of “The Hermeneutics of ‘Fuck Dat Spider’.”

1. that was priceless!

Make that #117. I love it when these threads grow from the middle.

I know Marques and have to let you guys in a couple things.

1) I’ve seen in him in a fish out of water situation and he handled himself a mature manner. In fact, of his peers he was the best behaved and most under control.

2) He understands how to manipulate the media. Kids these days watch Paris Hilton and know how to generate a little press. He is not hurt, but he got some mention on Mgoblog, saying he was.

3) 2 weeks back into football after a 2 year break and he is 2nd string. This kid is a Beast and will be owning QB’s all season. This interview will just add to his hype.

Say what you want, but I’m telling you I think he has a pretty good idea about what he is doing. I wouldn’t be shocked that all the ink on the net leads to a call into Lloyds office tho.

Short on time, I skipped over this yesterday thinking it wouldn’t be that funny. Then I see it linked on another board this morning. Glad I caught it.

Cocktails to many of the responses, especially #2 and #35.

And as funny and unintelligible as I find the Irons brothers, this guy is in a whole different league. They can’t hang wit dat. But they have the comedy team banter thing, so they’ve got that going for them.

I can only assume he hasn’t passed Comp I and II yet . . . please, don’t tell me he has.

If he accepts my facebook add, I am gonna be on there all the damn time, sending him more dumbass interviews.

Thanks DAve, my mothers day shopping is now done – 9 months early.

There is a 100% chance he won’t be adding to the list of Michigan alums that go on to be astronauts.

127 john – I’m guessing he’ll be in the Jarvis Moss Advanced Track Aeronautics program, if he’s not already.

I just spent upwards of 45 minutes reading every word of this (with intermittant pauses to regain composure), and it’s the best 45 minutes of my life. “Fuck Bubbles” is priceless.

He writes like a present-day Uncle Remus!

Cocktails for 28, 39

O, heed the suggestion written in 78. I was prepared to make that point, but AZ beat me to it.

Bird bath might also be a good shirt …

here’s my question: What the fuck is a jawn?

bus bitch! i cant swim

This scholar athlete makes OSU very very proud.

Lloyd, are you awake?

LCB

When he was a little kid, Jim Harbaugh once ate peanuts out of my poop.

I think underneath it all, he’s just another snarky, elitist hipster:
i.e.,
“Fuck Disney.”

and his favorite TV show is The Wire.

Of course, he did kill Waldo…

I like water

I like how all of them have curses, except “Favorite Fruit.”
I could imagine him saying that with an english accent while wearing a derby and eating crumpets

1. — Funniest comment in days (and that is saying a lot here).

I thought Rick James died a few years ago?!

#132: Jawn is Afrophillyspeak for just about anything. It’s a filler noun. That’s my jawn!

As an Ohio State fan, it confirmed my suspicions of the typical Michigan student/athlete (aka future felon).

They must be sooo proud up there in Ann Arbor.

Hail! Wif dem punkass bitches
Hail! Kill dem po-lice snitches
Hail! Hail! We got da guns
The future convictees

Says the fan of the school that has a former player in the Ohio state penitentiary.
Typical.

“Told you so.

Comment by Jim Harbaugh"
_________________________

That was funny.

Dood,

I"m reading this in a coffeehouse, laughing my ass off.
…people are staring.
The funniest thing I’ve ever read.

Mah name iz Beedlejoose…….ahm gonna git hot for da wimmins.

As a double MI alum, I am even more proud of him than I was already.

This man rules and will kill all of you with his Fuck Lion.

Awesomeness

Bush’s next recess appointment for head of Department of Education?

Your favorite Disney Films?

fuck disney

I can’t even tell you bad I wish he had answered:

The Fuck Lion King

Dat wuz da fuckin shizznit yo

Sub-Human

I see that this student athlete will make great use of his english degree from Michigan.
He is qualified enough to be president and he is waaaay ahead of the 50% of adults in Detroit who are illiterate. Or 50 Cents.

The guy’s future looks great.

Can we have a little poll here to see what the funniest line was?

I vote for the mom question:

Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive

Sheer effing poetry bitch.

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?

fuckin real

Fuckin real indeed man. Fuckin real indeed.

Viral. Absolutely V I R A L.
Grand Marques, EDSBS = Innovators
We = Early Adopters

“Fuck Lion”
“More Cowbell”
“Nunchuck Skills”

There are just some things a Renaissance Man has got to know.

What a moron, he should be locked up with Vick.

149…bravo, man. Bravo.

I have a brother that goes to OSU and I’m pretty sure his boys are laughin their asses off right now!

Hail to those old dumb fuckers!

Vick may be a moron but this jack-tard is totally brain dead . Even reading the comments several times I couldnt figure out what this goon was talking about.

truly a “brotha from another palnet”. Certainly isn’t from this one…

truly a “brotha from another planet”. An ignorant one at that. He’s taken ebonics to a whole new level.

Anyone who can’t see that Marques’s use of slang and profanity was part of the joke, is as stupid as you are trying to make him out to be. Very poor judgement on his part to post this on such a site. And naive to think that the so-called friends that he let read it are friends.

Another classic example of cultures clashing and others passing superior judgement, when it is quite obvious that the answers were written in an urban dialect/text form to enhance the humor. The kid has a lot of wit but is naive when it comes to the intentions and agendas of people.

This will serve as a very good lesson. We love you Ques, and you will get pass this

Who are you going to vote for in 2008?

me

That makes 2 of us.

I have poked Marques “Grand Marques” Slocom

Is this guy related to Kenny Irons??

Sprint/Nextel bitch, I’m muthafuckin out

Inspirational.
 
Marques ventures into James Lipton’s Inside The Actor’s Studio…
 
http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/marques-slocum-michigan-football-intellectual-ventures-inside-the-actors-studio

I am in complete agreement with him about favorite car. The 96 Impala is a car inspired by Mayra Veronica.

U in da dog house.

I hope da shit likes to run bleachers at o’dark thirty in da morning.

It follows, then, that the mane of Lee Corso’s fuck lion is artificial.

Fuck Marques Slocum.

That was totally awesome.

Fuck lion is the best line.

In reading the responses to this ‘interview’ I would venture a guess that the vast majority of you are white. It’s funny how a lot of you seem to think that you know what this kid will be about academics wise because of something you’ve seen on his face page or myspace or wherever this was found.

I can assure you that as is the case with most minorities, we have separate faces that we use when we deal with people and situations outside the normal experience of our culture and environment. I get the feeling that he is the big, gregarious, happy go lucky goof ball that he comes off as…I mean he did say of his mother that ‘dat bitch is the realist bitch’…but just because you’ve seen a glimpse of what he’s probably like when he’s emersed in the culture that he’s familiar with doesn’t mean you know what he’ll be like or do when he’s sitting in the classroom or in the meeting room or any situation that is white male authority driven…OR, just authority period without regard to skin color or ethnicity, just a situation that requires discipline and submission to authority. You have no idea how the guy will respond to that by reading his face page/myspace/blog or whatever it was.

Particularly to the people who’ve responded with some sort of smugness that the notion of Michigan having high academic standards is bull because you just read one of their football players using slang and talking like he’s straight ot of ‘the hood’…you honestly don’t know a damned thing about this kid…really, you don’t. You don’t know how he’ll do in the classroom, you don’t know how he’ll represent the university or how his time at Michigan will impact it’s academic record. You don’t know the first thing other than when he’s not in a serious situation, he’s something of a goof.

…and since he’s just getting going at the University and in his career, you can’t say that what you’ve read is proof of Jim ‘Turn Around So I Can Stick The Knife In’ Harbaugh’s comments

“Fuck bubbles” :D

y da fuk do u guyz h8 me im da tru gangsta

Daym we beet dem beitch ass nigga at dey big hizouse mayne marques got rulled on like da tru bitch he izz

What the hell is wrong with this kid? A fuck lion? And how did he even know Michael Jackson’s monkey was named Bubbles? WHY WOULD HE REMEMBER THAT!?

Define yourself in three words…“I’m da shit”.

omfg this was just the pick me up i needed today…i’m laughing so hard i’m crying….gotta love ignorant people!

Senore Bitey: Face page?

I had a class with this kid for one day — greatest experience of my life. He now has a drew gooden beard. Oh god. Awesome.

Re: last comment

I, too, had a class with Marques Slocum my senior year of undergrad. It was actually one of professor Hagen’s classes, one day, we split into groups to do survey work. When one of the group members called on Mr. Slocum to answer a question, he said, “Aw, shit, I don’t know — I’m not used to standing up in class. I’m used to standing up to get awards and shit.” And then he left the room.

What a stereotypical person….now people will feel sorry for him for absolutely no reason. We are all that much more dumb after reading his slow minded retarded azz response.YO…Im da Shiznit homey…bow down or get rolled up…Holla..what an idiot.

K for your information, asshole, I have seen a lion. And not one of your crap ass queen of the jungle homoerotic pussy-cat lions. A real lion, with fangs and horns and wings and shit. Don’t pull your fucking wierd ass african voodoo hypnosis crap on me when you don’t even know wtf you’re talking about.

I too am often confused by cold cereal. It is like…you have to chew it, but at the same time you are eating it with a spoon…that just doesn’t happen anymore. Not since yogurt anyway. I am so glad that University funds help people like Grand Am get a college degree. That was easily the most productive accopmlishment in the last half century.

i’m speechless. pure genius. the only thing i found wrong was w/ the element question.

he should’ve answered…

“the element of surprise, bitch.”

Jawn is just “Joint” with a little flair.. You can pretty much insert it anywhere. And not that joint for all you weed heads. More like joint like in place.

I’m out this Jawn.

“Senore Bitey says:

In reading the responses to this ‘interview’ I would venture a guess that the vast majority of you are white. It’s funny how a lot of you seem to think that you know what this kid will be about academics wise because of something you’ve seen on his face page or myspace or wherever this was found.

I can assure you that as is the case with most minorities, we have separate faces that we use when we deal with people and situations outside the normal experience of our culture and environment. I get the feeling that he is the big, gregarious, happy go lucky goof ball that he comes off as…I mean he did say of his mother that ‘dat bitch is the realist bitch’…but just because you’ve seen a glimpse of what he’s probably like when he’s emersed in the culture that he’s familiar with doesn’t mean you know what he’ll be like or do when he’s sitting in the classroom or in the meeting room or any situation that is white male authority driven…OR, just authority period without regard to skin color or ethnicity, just a situation that requires discipline and submission to authority. You have no idea how the guy will respond to that by reading his face page/myspace/blog or whatever it was.

Particularly to the people who’ve responded with some sort of smugness that the notion of Michigan having high academic standards is bull because you just read one of their football players using slang and talking like he’s straight ot of ‘the hood’…you honestly don’t know a damned thing about this kid…really, you don’t. You don’t know how he’ll do in the classroom, you don’t know how he’ll represent the university or how his time at Michigan will impact it’s academic record. You don’t know the first thing other than when he’s not in a serious situation, he’s something of a goof."

http://varsityblue.blogspot.com/2008/07/marques-slocum-leaves-program.html

“While rumors swirled around Slocum throughout his career with Michigan, it was his incompatibility with Director of Strength and Conditioning Mike Barwis, along with his academic struggles, that finally caused Slocum to give up on his Michigan career.”

Shocking, I know.

I dont think you know what you are talking about because I know him, and I talk to him almost everyday. And as far as Mike Barwis, he was the best Strength and Conditioning coach he ever had, he told me. He had marques benching 415 and running 100 yrd. sprints in 14-15 seconds. Marques is always talking about how he wishes he could have stayed at Michigan and worked with Barwis, because he believes that he would have made him a monster. He was always telling me how Barwis pushed him in the right way, how they were both from philly, which was a main reason he connected with Barwis, he said he felt like he and Barwis had been through the same struggles growing up. He also said, how he was always in a group with either Brandon Graham, Brandon Minor, or Carson Butler. He said being in the group with either one of those guys always made the workouts easier, more fun, and that there was always a friend there to help push him to the next level. Fact, Marques stopped trainning with Mike Barwis because he did have academic problems. He said to me that he overheard his head coach at the time say to his academic advisor, that he was not dealing with any players dealing with academic problems. Instead of listening to some of the coaches advise he decided to do his own thing and stop trainning. Marques tryed to figure out what was going on with his academics. He said to me that he believe it was better for him to stop trainning and take care of these academic problems first, so that he could be on the team. Marques said to me that when the new staff came in, his head coach was truly Mike Barwis. He is always talking about the wieght room(and he still is) and from talking to him a number of times he said when he got back in the wieght room after a year, he said he wanted to do it just like Barwis did it, just how he taught him. Trust me the kid loved Mike Barwis. Barwis was the man!!!

As far as the interview, If you know Marques, then this was not a big deal, this was just Marques having fun. Marques did that for his friends, the people that really know him. It was something that if his TRUE FRIENDS went on his page and read the survey it would make them laugh. Marques is the type of person that if you ask him left or right, he would say straight and then say “sike naw” right… or something like that. I have heard Marques say plenty of times, “don’t be so serious have some fun” or the most memorable one he said to me " We only live life once, we gotta do it big, so why not do it big and have fun". Marques is the type of person that if there is a dull room he’s going to try to say or do somthing to light up the room and make people laugh. I truly know, that if this was a real survey he would have not answered those question the same. This is just a kid who thought the survey was something fun and something that was going to stay on his page not in the open. If he knew it was going to be in the open he would not have put that on his page. I say this because I also know that this kid has alway had problem with trust and privacy. And that day, that person took his survey off of his page and put it on the internet, which was wrong but it convinced Marques even more that he could not trust certain people with things such as this or anything that he is dealing with.

And as far as the comment he made about his mother, we all fail to realize that where he comes from that is a sign of respect. We all have different ways of giving our mother the praise, that all mothers should have and truly deserve. It just up to you, on how you want to prasie your mother. And I’m not saying that his choice of words where respectful, but like I said where he comes from the hood (Southwest Philadelphia) those word mean nothing but respect. In the hood women call other women bitches, men call men bitches better yet, most women in the hood call themselves bitches (but please dont say that to them). So for Marques, to say that he ADMIRES HIS MOM CARLA is already the utmost respect right there. But, we cant forget we are dealing wit a kid from the hood so we have to know that he is going to add some flavor to it. That is where the second part comes in, the realest b**** part. In his case, he said she alway kept it real with him, she always told him when he was wrong, right, doing good or bad and if you put it together you get " I ADMIRE MY MOM CARLA, SHE IS THE REALEST B**** I KNOW"(Just think about it, its a powerful statement). l Like I said, I talked to Marques plenty of times and we talked about all types of hings that went on at Michigan and the thing that bothers him the most was that people took this comment as a joke. I have said to him that he made the whole survey nothing but a big joke, so people are going to take it as a big joke, and think that this comment about your mom was joke. Marques said that from day one his mother has been in his corner, she put the clothes on his back, put the food on the table, and put a roof over his head. He said he would never put a comment out there to try to hurt his mom. He also said that when his mom read the comment she understood exactly where he was coming from, with his messeage. The last thing that he said to me is that, if he could let all the people know that read the survey, it is that out of that whole survey the question that he truly answered is that question about his mother Carla, in his own special way. If u did not know, Marques also has a tattoo of his mothers name on the right side of his neck that says CARLA and under it M.S.L., which stands for My Sweet Lady, he said he got the tattoo for her birthday when he was 18 because he knows that he would not be here if it wasnt for her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. CARLA (JAN. 15)

188, thanks for all that.

Man, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for Marques at Michigan. He was crazy talented and you could tell that the guy was funny as s****.

I hope he finds success and finds a place where he can have fun, do the right thing, and keep on keeping on.