HYPERACTIVE MIDGETS LUV MICHIGAN STATE

by Orson on Aug 14, 2007 1:18 PM EDT

If your quirk factors registers somewhere around the Crispin Glover range and you're an offensive player, you're likely a quarterback. If you're playing for the Spartan, kickin'-bitches-down-wells division of football, i.e. the defense, and you're flush with vitamin Q, then you likely end up at linebacker, where generations of hyped-up loonery has found a home smashing skulls. If you do not believe this, consider the classic clip of a young Dick Butkus saying these words in Crunch Course, a video that did as much to mold our personality and philosophy as either parent did.

I want to hit someone so hard their head comes off. You know, kind of like in that movie Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte, where the head comes rolling down the stairs? That scene kind of got into my head.

Ring one more entrant into the bizarro fraternity of eccentric linebackers: Michigan State's Jon Misch, a 200 pounder at strong side linebacker. That's 200 pounds, which you might weigh, dear reader, playing at strong side linebacker in the Big Televen and running through tight end blocks if he's lucky, and defensive ends and worse if he's not. When you're weird by weight already, you're a special variant of strange.

Jon Misch is sorry he killed your brother.

Misch deepens the strange, however, with the bio: he's got a 137 IQ, is a diagnosed hyperactive, plays classical piano, was originally recruited as a defensive end, eschews sports shows for Mythbusters, and has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Brian from MGo has dubbed him the "Samurai," which is a bit of a misnomer considering Tae Kwon Do is Korean. Therefore, in honor of a fellow AD/HD type, we'll dub him "Best of the Best," after our favorite (and really the only) Tae Kwon Do movie from the golden age of martial-arts-specific action movies.

We reserve the right to use the name "Gymkata" for another player to be named later. (BTW, check out Brian's outstanding Michigan State preview while you're at it. Bart Connor would approve.)

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Comments

That guy must be the tiny linebacker in NCAA 2007 you had some videos on a while back

by purpleheart on Aug 14, 2007 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

It was impossible to look at Chris Penn and not think “World Champion Martial Artist”.

by jebushchrist on Aug 14, 2007 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

“HYPERACTIVE MIDGETS LUV MICHIGAN STATE”

Sounds like some sort of gay acronym.

by King Harvest on Aug 14, 2007 1:34 PM EDT reply actions

who doesn’t love the idea that a person can utilize a randomly placed pommel horse in the middle of town to kick ass…

I mean really….who?

I would just love to see the blockbuster site suggestion on "If you loved Gymkata, you might also like…

Rad
Just one of the Guys
Krush Groove
Sideout"

by Turk182 on Aug 14, 2007 1:37 PM EDT reply actions

You forgot “Kill and Kill Again” staring John Ramsbottom!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082612/

by Johnny on Aug 14, 2007 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

Gotta get up early to bust the Chris Penn reference. Damn. Oh well. No Retreat, No Surrender!

by Allahver Fist on Aug 14, 2007 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

Have you not seen Unnecessary Roughness over and over again, Orson? For shame!

by Brian @ MGoBlog on Aug 14, 2007 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

no doubt Penn was a force to be reckoned with…however I think it is James Earl Jones as the veteran coach that brings the reality/credibility of the “film” home to me…that or Ahmad Rashad announcing the final between ‘tommy’ and Dae Han

by Turk182 on Aug 14, 2007 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

I can has midjit in sootcase!?

by Kenny on Aug 14, 2007 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

Gymkata…the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode that never was.

by robert on Aug 14, 2007 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

i must have watched crunch course 200 times when i was a kid and i graphically remember that part with butkus.

by gerry dorsey on Aug 14, 2007 1:59 PM EDT reply actions

Got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, huh? I’d be more scared of the preppy asshole who got a brown belt in the Gap.

by Bully Van De Graaff on Aug 14, 2007 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

I caaan has midjit at lyynbakker!?

by Hook'em Tide on Aug 14, 2007 2:13 PM EDT reply actions

What’s the Korean equivilent to seppuku ?

by Scalz1 on Aug 14, 2007 2:15 PM EDT reply actions

There is no Korean equivalent, because Koreans have no honor.

by Biggus Rickus on Aug 14, 2007 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

Or stay up really late, like the big man used to.

sprinkles a little blow onto the floor in memory of fallen homey

by jebushchrist on Aug 14, 2007 2:32 PM EDT reply actions

OK(and thanks for the spelling correction), so who’s his favorite actor ? Arec Bardwin ?

by Scalz1 on Aug 14, 2007 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

Ah yes… Best of the Best. Several hours wiled away watching that dreadful film. I just cound not turn away, even though I desperately needed to go to class, or study. Shortly after the spell was broken, I noticed BOTB III. Unbelivable that movie warrented a sequel, much less a third, and I now know there is a fourth. Someone in Hollywood should be fired, probably the same idoit who the Abyss was a good storyline. Great beginning, only to go Contact on us at the end.

by skinnyphatman on Aug 14, 2007 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

Charlie Weis’ Belt Dept:

Comment No. 12: Bully Van De Graaff: That was a funny comment, but I think Charlie Weis’ belt would be scarrier. That thing has got to be made of materials developed by NASA to support the countless buffet dinners, cheeseburgers and dozens of donuts and pitchers of chocolote milk that Charlie mows down each morning, noon and night.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Aug 14, 2007 2:58 PM EDT reply actions

I just assumed that now D’Antonio was coach that meant we, at the least, could have a Japanese cornerback; you’re telling me I have to settle for some wannabe from Detroit who’s no faster than I am? That’s bullshit, man.

And thanks to MGo for that review. And when I say “thanks”, I mean “fuck you.” I felt like I was reading my last will and testament. I know it’s gonna be bad, but I didn’t need all that info at one time. At least Steele was somewhat polite about it.

by spartymike on Aug 14, 2007 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

Isn’t he the guy in the back of this photo?

http://91screamingotters.blogspot.com/2007/08/spartan-flag-hijinx-continue.html

by quixotehan on Aug 14, 2007 3:04 PM EDT reply actions

SKLM,

I come to this site and learn something new everytime. I always assumed that Charlie took a mouthful of Rolos and then got his milk straight from the heifer’s teat. Man, do I feel like the ignorant asshole. A thousand apologies to the ND nation.

Love, peace, and soul
Bully

by Bully Van De Graaff on Aug 14, 2007 3:28 PM EDT reply actions

more news confirming the trend of quirky linebackers who want to maim you in the worst way.

Oklahoma linebacker Ryan Reynolds was a national judo champion in HS.

by Cincy on Aug 14, 2007 3:50 PM EDT reply actions

our linebacker offseason training involves lifting under waterfalls.

by Turk182 on Aug 14, 2007 4:26 PM EDT reply actions

spartymike, if it makes you feel any better I really, really like college hockey and last season killed me.

by Brian @ MGoBlog on Aug 14, 2007 4:31 PM EDT reply actions

wait, a midget comment and no one brings up the Irons bros???

by socalirish on Aug 14, 2007 4:54 PM EDT reply actions

Brian @ MGo,

Because I am a Spartan, I know pain; so I can totally see what you’re talking about…though after my 10th viewing of the Finals, I’ve come to the conclusion that it was a gift given to hockey fans everywhere. It belongs in the library of Great Sporting Events. (Eat It, BC!)

by spartymike on Aug 14, 2007 4:54 PM EDT reply actions

Alabama had a 6’4" 200lbs linebacker about ten years ago named Ralph Staten. He turned out to be a fucking stud of a linebacker, starting all four years and making All SEC on the other side of that other guy who’s name I can’t remember but went in the 1st round of the Draft. Dwayne something.

by Steve on Aug 14, 2007 6:05 PM EDT reply actions