DAILY AFFIRMATION: DAY 18

Ralphie once aimed directly for Barry Switzer. Switzer wasn’t able to check his gun at the airport and subsequently got the hell out of the way.

Ralphie was donated by Ted Turner.

Take away the picture and leave the caption, and that’s one hell of a dark sequel to A Christmas Story.

Ralphie gets my vote for best mascot. Unless they start taking Mike out of the cage, or bring back the live wolverine, this is hard to beat.

Hell yeah, Ralphie rules!

I’m waiting for the inevitable day when the timing is somehow messed up and Ralphie absolutely plows into the Sooner Schooner and maims people.

Not sure that could happen though, I’m assuming each university only does their thing for home games?

Was Ralphie really donated by Ted Turner? I guess I’ll have to do some digging online, I’ve never heard that before.

I’m assuming each university only does their thing for home games?

No. Georgia let Ralphie run the field at Sanford Stadium last year.

For UGA, it was really no different than letting the Georgia Tech cheerleaders into the stadium every other year…

There kind of needs to be a midget to ride Ralphie.

Apparently, When UGA and Colorado played each other, they both had live mascots at the game, which evidently is not supposed to be allowed, ever since SMU’s pony Peruna kicked a goat to death — it was either Navy or Fordham’s (different websites conflict). Too bad there were no Fulmer cup points awarded for this.

Never heard the “no concurrent live mascots” rule before.

Uga and UT’s mascot, Smokey, are always at the game together.

And Uga is always present when we barbecue chicken when playing the Gamecocks.

I already mentioned the fat chicks that surface during GA Tech games, right? ’Cause I could mention them again.

#6, that is just plain mean to denigrate Ralphie in such a vile and cruel manner. Where is PETA to correct this injustice?

I’d like to see Ralphie gore Chief Osceola.

It’s a shame such a cool mascot has to go to such a s*itty team. BTW, bison is awesome grilled over an open flame. Those that have heard of Ted’s know what I’m talking about

I saw Ralphie storm the field last year in Athens. It was pretty fucking awesome, much better than the game in fact.

Those WHO..

Agreed with #10: Ralphie doesn’t have as much facial hair as a Tech cheerleader and that hump on her back is not as pronounced

Those WHO..damn southern charm leaking out again

Hey guys, no one at Georgia Tech is going to challenge your claims of beast women. In fact, I was talking to an alum from the 50’s not long ago and he said: “Back in my day we had about 30 females in my class, Id say about 9 were actually girls.” Ouch. Our only rebuttal would be the outside talent that Alumni pull in.

1. - Ralphie will have the chance to main Osceola when Old Man Dirt (ehmm, Bowden) brings the Criminoles to Boulder.

1. - The current Ralphie was born at the Turner Flying D Ranch in Montana after an article in Bison World.

She was voted homecoming queen in 1971. Somehow she dressed better than Nebraska’s queen that year.

I have a great photo of Ralphie running at UGA last year; my limited posting skills prevent me from showing this.

And last but not least, I sample the Athens fruit last September with a knockout coed. I started the conversation with the Buffalo. Yes, Ralphie helped me pull trim.

A mascot is only cool if there’s potential for someone to be horribly maimed on the field.

main = maim

As a Pennsylvanian who recently spent a year in Colorado (my little ladyfriend researched and taught there for a little while), let me say that Boulder is fucking CREEPY. The students are snotty douchebags. Everyone is ridiculously in shape, but not particularly good looking. You can’t buy a cigarette anywhere.

It’s just not a real place. Everybody seems fake-happy. It’s kind of difficult to explain, but it’s creepy nonetheless. Nice place to visit for an afternoon, but I’d probably go insane after a few days.

(Also, the meatloaf sub at Half Fast is fucking delicious, even though nobody can bake bread at that altitude.)

that is definitely NOT intramurals brother.

i heard dan hawkins himself is gonna replace the guy in the front on the left for “running like a girl.”

1. - Mike (the Tiger) died back in May. LSU is currently mascot-less.

#18
If you desire help in posting links or using italics, bold, etc. just send Orson an e-mail like I did last Friday. He won’t reply, by the way.

Ralphie and Colorado will be coming to Sun Devil Stadium this fall. It’s unconfirmed whether they are planning to let her run though.

That ESPN dude, Adrian Karsten. tried to run Ralphie in the mid-90s. That edition was a mean-spirited buffalo and almost dragged him halfway across the field.

A mascot is only cool if there’s potential for someone to be horribly maimed on the field.

How about the stands? Ralphie could almost certainly do more damage than just about any other mascot, but the fans are relatively safe. That’s where the eagle flight at Auburn comes in. Unless you’re above the release point, you’re not entirely safe…

This makes me wish that biologists at UF (I’m assuming) never determined that marching a live alligator into a screaming Swamp wreaked holy Hell on the reptile’s senses.

#23

acutally…the new mike was identified a couple weeks ago.

mike the tiger

In 18 days we will be forced-fed Lou Holthh and other espn bullshit

#29, I enjoyed how you typed that using “identfied” makes it sound as if a reincarnation of Mike the Tiger was found. I can picture it now LSU fans dressed as Buddihists monks on a quest to find the next spiritual leader of Death Valley and the LSU faithful. The reincarnation of His Holiness Mike the Tiger was identified would be the headlines trumpeted across the Bayou. I do not know what would be the equivalent of “Habemus Papam!” in Tibeten would be.

Those dudes do a hell of a job getting Ralphie to run around the field and into the trailer. They don’t so much run her as guide her.

Live mascots are great, but when they get loose watch out. My sophomore year at Tech the Masked Rider’s saddle malfunctioned and she fell off. The horse did a lap around the field before trying to run up the tunnel. Unfortunately it slipped on the concrete and smashed into the wall. Result: One dead mascot.

There was also the time a ref wasn’t watching where the horse was going, got himself clipped and tore up his knee in the process.

That concludes this edition of “When Mascots Attack!”

1. - Bison World… really?

If Boulder is as creepy as RUTS says, that explains a lot about why Dan Hawkins seems to fit in so well there.

BTW, the Eagle flight at Jordan-Hare is by far the coolest mascot related activity in college football. It just is. I’m not sure what it has to do with the Auburn TIGERS, but it’s really fucking cool.

It’s too bad Ralphie can’t kick for shit. Not because she’s a buffalo, but because she’s a woman.

#31

didn’t really know how else to say it. seclected? named?? drugged and transported to baton rouge???

and don’t think your scenerio is all that outlandish.

29/31,

You know the Party has to approve of all reincarnations now, right? Don’t cross ‘em, they’ll snipe your ass right off that cliff.

#35, How about saved from being killed, butchered, and dismembered and having its organs, bones, and meat sold on the Chinese folk medicine black market.

#29
The new Mike was found the way we always do it. A select group of pure LSU fans met in a boat house in Galliano and spent a week in true reflection, consuming nothing but bourbon and corn dogs, watching a looped replay of Billy Cannon’s Halloween punt return and burning incense in front of a shrine of Cholie Mac.

Commish, that dead ESPN dude Karsten could be a mean-spirited buffalo himself. (I knew him from back-in-the-day; he could have passed for one of Douglas C. Neidermeyer’s children.)

So it must have either been an early suicide attempt or he figured Ralphie was the best piece of ass he was going to get in Boulder, without taking up yoga and a macrobiotic diet.

#36, I had forgotten about that little situation of the party attempting to control what is not found on the earthly plane.

as a person who was born and raised in south louisiana, the replay of billy cannon on every news cast every halloween is funny to me.

#41: Who’s Billy Cannon?

hahaha….funny stuff.

he was the only hero lsu had pre 2000….now their hero is nick saban.

Didn’t Bevo take a big ol’ dump in the end zone during the first Big 12 championship game? I imagine that’s a common side effect of having a live mascot around.

#42
Go ask an Ole Miss fan. Wear kevlar.

I’ll never forget going to my first Auburn game with my future wife and her parents. She was a huge Auburn fan and she had always told me about the eagle flying around the stadium before the games. Anyway, they release the eagle it starts to soar towards the field. It flies right over us. I look over at my future mother-in-law and she has a massive pile of eagle shit on the front of her shirt! Damn, it was sooo funny. Anyway, that eagle thing is not as popular among the in-laws as it once was.

Ralph Nader’s mother-in-law is the chosen one!

Worst mascot? Probably our nut with arms and legs.

I’ve been wondering where Billy Zabka was.

The TV half-time special on Ralphie’s road trip from Boulder to Athens was excellent TV. If memory serves, the CU bunch boarded Ralphie at farms along the way…

Cav-Man at UVa is slick—digital footage of Cav-Man riding through C’Ville toward the stadium, timed to coincide with real Cav-Man and steed bursting through the tunnel for a lap around the field. No mocking the “first Americans” (official Commonwealth of Virginia term for Indians) and no flaming lances, followed by erratic offense and heavy drinking…

They need to put an organ-grinding monkey on top of Ralphie.

1. - It would also go well on the shoulder of the office manager here.

Allahver-

He usually doesn’t reply to my emails, either.

To all: To generate HTML tags, you enter the correct instruction inside a set of less than/greater than signs, like so: "< " “instruction” ">"without the quotation marks. Then, when you want that formatting to stop, you type the same thing with a slash before the instruction, "< " “/instruction” “>”.
For bold text, substitute “b” for the “instruction” above.
For italic text, substitute “i”.
For underlined text, substitute “u”.
For strikethrough text, substitute “strike” (although I think “s” works, too.)
For colored text, substitute “font color=red”, etc.

To create a link, you would type
(< ) (a HREF="http://www.pageresource.com/html/index2.htm) (>) Beginning HTML Tips (< ) /a

so it becomes

Beginning HTML tips

OK, the post above is a fucking mess. Just follow the link and it will explain (but I don’t think you can use the underline or font color commands here).

1. — Billy Cannon won the Heisman for LSU in 1959 on the strength of his 89 yard punt return TD on Halloween night vs. Ole Miss. It’s a ridiculous run where he breaks what looks like 2 dozen tackles

The Tigers were defending national champs entering the game, and both teams were undefeated at the time.

It was and arguably still is the biggest game ever played in Tiger Stadium …..at least until Georgia and LSU battled as Top 10 teams in 2003.

Cannon’s run is an iconic part of Southern Football mythology. It’s “their thing.”

And in typical LSU fashion, they lost the week after the biggest win of the season. That is also “their thing.”

pwd

Those refs at Tennessee sucked ass. It’s no wonder we lost.

USC’s Horse (Not Matt Leinart’s latest bimbo) Dept:

Ralphie is cool, perhaps the top college football mascot.

Though, I am partial to USC’s Traveler (the white horse), especially when he dumps the rider on a run in the Coliseum. Saw that once and still laugh about it. The rider was ok, ego and bones just bruised a bit.

TCOAN you blew my mind, again.

Most underrated job in college sports—Ralphie handler.

Sure, you put your life at risk.

But those dudes had their pick of the women in Athens last year.

My girlfriend talked about them for the entire game.

Actually, I would guess that the mascot with by far the most disaster potential is the Sooner Schooner. That thing gets out of hand, and there will be some property destroyed, no doubt.

1. Dang, I had no idea that Karsten had passed away. RIP.

1. Went out to the UGA game last year and ALL they wanted to talk about was Ralphie. They thought it was the coolest thing ever…nevermind the Buffs nearly pulled off the upset.

1. Pumpkinhead – what does a sad-ass stuffed elephant have to do with the Crimson Tide?

I currently reside in norman, and my dad went there in the early 70’s and told me one time they took that big loop to sharp and rolled the sooner schooner.

dirty fucking “ruff necks” yes they spell it ruff, and i heard that the ruff neck queen broke her leg and cried in front of like 60,000 people.

Ralphie leading the team out of the locker room is an impressive sight. However, every once in a while, Ralphie just doesn’t feel like running and stops in his tracks (just to remind everyone that he is a goddamn buffalo and doesn’t dance fer nobody iff’n he don’t want to), which is a decidedly unimpressive and anti-climactic ocurrence that usually portends badly for the game, if you ask me.