FULMER CUPDATE, 8/13/07: WE'RE TOTALLY BEHIND EDITION
by Orson on Aug 13, 2007 2:44 PM EDT
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PrintThe big board, where much changes but like sound and fury, it signifies nothing. A passel of updates, corrections, and 100% more guaranteed errors following the big board. (HT, again, to Brian.)
The Alex Lowe Award goes this week to the fastest climber in the count: Duke, whose Michael Tauiliili was arrested for...
"...a litany of charges, including driving while impaired, failing to stop after an accident, assault by pointing a gun, carrying a concealed weapon and simple assault."
A litany! Yea, a veritable litany of charges, we say. Tauilili did add the Duke touch by pointing not a real gun at the accuser, but rather an air pistol. (Ronnie Wilson is ashamed of you, sir. Be bear, be grizzly.) In response, Ted Roof wept and suspended his leading tackler from 2006 until things can be sorted out in the case, which earns at least eight points for the Blue Devils.
Texas tacks on three more points to a strong tally, which may not be fully tallied above due to a gross mathematical error on our part last-minute change in scoring. Freshman defensive tackle Andre Jones was arrested on a felony robbery charge August 3rd for allegedly participating in a hold up in Austin. His attorney claims the whole thing is a case of mistaken identity, and urged law enforcement officials to actively pursue a suspect who "looked a lot like a bigass dude named Andre, but most definitely not Andre Jones."
Three points to the Longhorns. The eyes of Texas law enforcement are upon you all the livelong day.
If Dan Hawkins likes tougher players, then he'll want to clarify with genus and species of "tough" he would prefer:
three of his players got involved in tough-ish fighting incidents, which earn the Buffaloes a tidy four point sum for generic FnDC.
Tom O'Brien calls the DWI/reckless driving arrest of Pack lineman Jeraill McCuller "family business." We translate that as "player's coach no suspensions WHEEEEEEE!!!" Three points for the Wolfpack, who make a late appearance here in year one of the Electric Age of Nonstop Excitement that will be known as the Tom O'Brien era.
Can you think of a better way to say "I love you"than with a restraining order? How about by breaking that restraining order, as Oklahoma State linebacker Alex Odiari did. That little lady will be back in your life in no time with that kind of dedication. In other news, this is the first real indication that OK State's defense is serious about breaking through protection schemes that we've seen.
One point to the Cowboys for the dogged determination to get cited.
As if Josh Hyman hasn't been through enough in life with that name, he has to go and get himself tangled in a credit fraud charge. Two points for making it difficult for us for having the name Hyman and somehow making it difficult to crack a joke involving the word punctured, broken, or otherwise rent asunder.
Nebraska busts out your classic Huskers' score with a DUI for Hunter Teafatiller, whose name in German we're told means "deep dish." Teafatiller faces a deep dish of trouble with a heapin' o' puke-inducing stadium steps for his arrest on DUI charges in Lincoln. This is Teafatiller's second alcohol-related driving arrest; he put his SUV in a culvert and blew a .123 in March of this year.
Two points for Nebraska for crooked driving on straight, level prairie roads.
Washington loses corner back Jordan Murchison to a failure to appear in court for a hearing on an assault charge from March. Quoth Coach Tyrone Willingham:
"When I get more information I will speak to his status with our team, but not until I get more information," coach Tyrone Willingham said Wednesday evening. "I don’t know the actual particulars. FOOOOOOORE!!!"
We may have made the last part up okay we did. But he wanted to say it. Two points for U Dub.
Louis Holmes is on posters for the U of Arizona as part of their "Live it Live!" campaign to promote Wildcat football. Holmes was indeed living it live, as in live ammunition, when he allegedly punched a fellow bargoer and ripped a doorman's "Kenneth Cole blazer" in an altercation at the Pussycat Lounge in Scottsdale, Arizona. You know the rules, Louis. Mess with the bull, get the horns. Mess with Kenneth Cole, and you get the whole fucking herd stampeding your ass, son.
Three points for young Louis and his maiming of an innocent and likely overpriced jacket.
Drunken driving express lane: Two points for Washington State; two points for Iowa. Thank you and drive around...slowly.
And finally, two points for a Fresno State player's vandalism of a car. This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, Larry.
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you’re killing your father, Larry.
by Seven Years in Gainesville on Aug 13, 2007 2:55 PM EDT reply actions
Missing is Michigan’s recent indecent exposure charge, LaTerryal Savoy, and DUI charge, Obi Ezeh.
http://blog.mlive.com/wolverines/2007/08/two_michigan_football_players.html
by maskedavenger on Aug 13, 2007 2:55 PM EDT reply actions
lame joke time- do you think Tauilili said “the blue devil made me do it?” i’d kill a litany of small woodland creatures to make that thing stop staring at me
by swampchomp on Aug 13, 2007 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
- Hyman, 24, used her debit card without permission to make a $49.99 purchase. -
$49.99? That has late night infomercial written all over it. I am willing to bet it was Kevin Trudeau’s “Natural Cures”. With 2 DUIs in a year, the kid is just trying to get off the shine.
by Bully Vandegraaff on Aug 13, 2007 3:04 PM EDT reply actions
The best part of Arizona WIldcat Louis Holmes’ story is that the fight started because he was assaulted by “an Arizona State player named Chris.” Prosecuting attorney Lionel Hutz will be bringing multiple charges since ASU’s roster has multiple players named Chris. He would also like to know if you’re going to finish that sandwich.
by Big Jon on Aug 13, 2007 3:10 PM EDT reply actions
Its really a shame to see Hyman get busted.
Hiiii-Ohhhh!
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Aug 13, 2007 3:11 PM EDT reply actions
“This is what happens when you feed a soldier scrambled eggs.”
by Matt on Aug 13, 2007 3:16 PM EDT reply actions
A 49.99 charge screams BangBros.com subscription to me.
by omar on Aug 13, 2007 3:16 PM EDT reply actions
Argh, all the good Lebowski lines from that scene taken.
And I demand Duke’s total include points from their prior incident. What kind of rogue program is Coach K running down there, anyway?
by Herb on Aug 13, 2007 3:25 PM EDT reply actions
I was surprised to see that the UCLA coach ended up in the clear on that alleged stereo heist.
by Brian on Aug 13, 2007 3:30 PM EDT reply actions
@8 – …at least that’s what you’ve heard it costs.
by tOSU_radar on Aug 13, 2007 3:33 PM EDT reply actions
12- im saying that the only thing i can think of that is 49.99 and tax free would be a porn site subscription. he’s in va, so theres tax on nearly everything.
Although, there is a tax holiday in VA the first weekend in August.
by omar on Aug 13, 2007 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
other Lebowski dubs..
"i"ll wash your car for a thousand dollars"
“shut your mug up Donny”
“Nobody flies with the Jesus”
USA network killing one of the best flicks ever!
by ness on Aug 13, 2007 3:45 PM EDT reply actions
I feel like Navin R. Johnson. Iowa made the board! We’re somebody!
by jebushchrist on Aug 13, 2007 3:49 PM EDT reply actions
“I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don’t roll on Shabbos! "
by Signal to Noise on Aug 13, 2007 3:50 PM EDT reply actions
urban thinks tom o’brien is being a little harsh.
by gerry dorsey on Aug 13, 2007 3:51 PM EDT reply actions
ness: I maintain that the funniest way to deal with swearing on non-pay channels is to break out the old censor beep. It gets funnier and funnier the more it needs to be used.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Aug 13, 2007 3:52 PM EDT reply actions
Da Fino knows all about Houston Nutt’s text messaging.
by Raskolnikov on Aug 13, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
#15, now it’s time to show the rest of the Big 10 your “Special Purpose.”
by Heath on Aug 13, 2007 4:01 PM EDT reply actions
My favorite Lebowski dub:
“This is what happens when you meet a stranger in the Alps!!”
by Larry on Aug 13, 2007 4:30 PM EDT reply actions
Sorry Orson but you must take the points off the board for the busted Hyman. The charges were dropped for lack of evidence. So the Hyman is intact sir.
by pfhokie on Aug 13, 2007 4:33 PM EDT reply actions
A really underappreciated line from that movie:
“My son can’t hold a job, my daughter’s married to a
fuckin’ loser, and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can’t hardly siddown. But you know me. I can’t complain.”
Best. Movie. Ever.
by Palouse on Aug 13, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions
#15. Watch out for rogue Mexican Cat Juggling rescue groups. They could wreak havoc on your big time donors. Also, does Iowa sell Cup-o-Pizza at the concessions?
by Brian on Aug 13, 2007 4:51 PM EDT reply actions
This is not ’Nam. This is the Fulmer Cup. There are rules.
by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Aug 13, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
An air pistol? Fuckin’ amateurs.
by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Aug 13, 2007 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t seem to remember so many high-scoring teams in the Fulmer Cup from past years. Did Dennis Erickson manage to insert clones of himself at low-level coaching positions at every non-ACC program?
by Steve on Aug 13, 2007 5:36 PM EDT reply actions
Hey, did you do the Blake Powers (Indiana) case already? http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070801/SPORTS0601/708010486/1247/SPORTS
Notre Dame also had a player arrested for soliciting a prostitute: http://www.southbendtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070804/News01/70804018/1130/Sports01
Those two and the Michigan one need to be added. This was a pretty big update, we’ll try to have the wiki updated soon.
by SAS Wiki on Aug 13, 2007 6:17 PM EDT reply actions
orson – dropping lines from macbeth? your knowledge of shakespeare, purple drank, and bunda continues to impress. keep up the excellent work.
by da weasel on Aug 13, 2007 11:18 PM EDT reply actions
“those fucks down at the league office”
Yup – thanks for choosing this year’s name for my fantasy football team.
Now if only I can get work to accept that for our softball team next summer, it will show those fucks down at the league office a thing or two.
by Cock D on Aug 14, 2007 7:49 AM EDT reply actions
- Yeah they got those. Those arrest points were hidden away in other posts between yesterday and 7/31, but points were awarded.
Like Orson said, lots of activity, but the big board top 10 remains more-or-less as it was.
by Cincy on Aug 14, 2007 9:12 AM EDT reply actions
Isn’t Brian supposed to be referred to as Brian “hung like Reggie mother fuckin Nelson”?
by The Last Dragon on Aug 14, 2007 9:31 AM EDT reply actions
LaMarcus “Ganja Toker” Coker, the bastard son of this Cup’s namesake, burns his fourteenth chance and UTK doesn’t even get a ping. You turds are slippin’.
by JND on Aug 14, 2007 9:49 AM EDT reply actions
LaMarcus was not charged with anything. Therefore, no points.
by Orson Swindle on Aug 14, 2007 9:54 AM EDT reply actions
Keep an eye on the possibility of some of the Penn State charges being dropped shortly…
by immikfefazz on Aug 14, 2007 10:05 AM EDT reply actions
The charges against Josh Hyman were dismissed over a week ago.
by Justin on Aug 14, 2007 11:01 AM EDT reply actions
alabama is making a charge to get into the Top 10, pun intended.
by vanjohnwill on Aug 19, 2007 6:07 PM EDT reply actions
Guess you losers didnt like the comment about the bama players.
by vanjohnwill on Aug 19, 2007 7:18 PM EDT reply actions
Alabama should be getting way more attention. Starting DB Simeon Castille just got arrested for disorderly conduct outside of a Tuscaloosa bar. This is Bama’s fourth arrest since spring practice. Nick $aban, in an effort to become Fulmer Cup eligible as soon as possible, said ther matter will be handled “internally.” That’s exactly how Phil would handle it.
by Fritz on Aug 20, 2007 7:49 AM EDT reply actions
Mac Brown can recruit talent, but appearently he is a poor judge of caracter. It is going to be the reason that UT will start to slide in the football world.
There are a couple others that got off because the cops like the longhorns. (one of my buddies is a cop in Austin)
Keith
in Austin Tx.
by keith on Aug 20, 2007 8:52 AM EDT reply actions
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