Harry Oliver, former Notre Dame kicker, dead at the age of 47 after a long battle with cancer.
Like many of college football’s niche heroes, Oliver was a good and well-liked player with one great and iconic moment he became beloved for: kicking a 50 yard field goal to beat Michigan on September 20, 1980. Watch Oliver’s finest moment below, complete with Bob Ufer sounding as if he’s just been stabbed with a barbecue fork in the lungs and is struggling to maintain composure.
The big board, where much changes but like sound and fury, it signifies nothing. A passel of updates, corrections, and 100% more guaranteed errors following the big board. (HT, again, to Brian.)
The Alex Lowe Award goes this week to the fastest climber in the count: Duke, whose Michael Tauiliili was arrested for…
“…a litany of charges, including driving while impaired, failing to stop after an accident, assault by pointing a gun, carrying a concealed weapon and simple assault.”
A litany! Yea, a veritable litany of charges, we say. Tauilili did add the Duke touch by pointing not a real gun at the accuser, but rather an air pistol. (Ronnie Wilson is ashamed of you, sir. Be bear, be grizzly.) In response, Ted Roof wept and suspended his leading tackler from 2006 until things can be sorted out in the case, which earns at least eight points for the Blue Devils.
Texas tacks on three more points to a strong tally, which may not be fully tallied above due to a gross mathematical error on our part last-minute change in scoring. Freshman defensive tackle Andre Jones was arrested on a felony robbery charge August 3rd for allegedly participating in a hold up in Austin. His attorney claims the whole thing is a case of mistaken identity, and urged law enforcement officials to actively pursue a suspect who “looked a lot like a bigass dude named Andre, but most definitely not Andre Jones.”
Three points to the Longhorns. The eyes of Texas law enforcement are upon you all the livelong day.
If Dan Hawkins likes tougher players, then he’ll want to clarify with genus and species of “tough” he would prefer: (more…)
Matthew Stafford: Shit! Look at that shit, Mo.
Mohammed Massaquoi: Fucking shit.
Matthew Stafford: Holy. Shit.
Mo Massaquoi: Holy. Shit.
Stafford: (downs sandwich) That’s our fucking coach levitating.
Mo: Upside-fuckin-down, man. He’s levitating upside-fuckin’-down.
Stafford: Like he’s Neo, dude. Fuckin’ A.
Mo: He’s the chosen one. He can read the Matrix. Fuck.
Stafford: He just fucking walked right off the board and–BOOM!–he’s just fucking floating there.
Mo: Holy smoking donkey dick, he’s still up there.
Stafford: Just fucking sitting there. Wherever I go, it’s like his eyes are followin’ me.
Mo: He’s gonna do that ’till I stop dropping balls, right?
Stafford: I need a beer. Like, right damn now.
Mo: He heard that. He knew you were gonna say that before you even said it.
Stafford: Holy shit, he did, didn’t he? Holy fucking shit.
Mo: How long’s he gonna be up there?
Stafford: ‘Til we get an offensive line, he says.
Mo: He’s gonna be up there a while, then, motherfucker.
Stafford: Fuckin’ A, man.
Mo: (shakes head) Fuckin’ A.
(Photo of Mark Richt doing a backflip off the high dive at UGA via Sports By Brooks. And that really is Mark Richt, who can also levitate upside down, we’re sure.)
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1. You could just go ahead and call someone a shitbag, but that removes elegant fun from the equation. Or you could write what Paul Finebaum wrote about South Carolina’s president Andrew Sorensen, the source of last week’s brouhaha with Spurrier over disqualifying two of Spurrier’s hard-earned recruits after they met NCAA qualifying minimums. He was at UF when we were, and is an adult man who wears a bowtie and does not work in the gaming industry. This may be all you have to know about him, really, something Finebaum himself proposes.
2. Derrick  Feel it!Wannstedt went 5-6, then 6-6, and just lost his number one receiver. Aside from breaking even on the field, they’re down in the standings in the ticket sales department, offering up season ticket packages at rock bottom rates–$120 for seven games, and another whole set for $10. Their defense, Wannstedt’s specialty as an assistant with the Cowboys et al, Eyeball this year’s schedule, and you’re looking at…um, 6-6. Wannstedt can recruit, but once the talent gets to Pitt, it moulders, and rarely goes to the NFL (two draft picks this year, though, a 3rd and a 6th rounder.) But…um…hey look here’s a shot of Ironhead Heyward trucking a safety in 1987! ROAAARRRGHGH!!! 3. You’ve got a fast car, fast enough that we can fly away.
Having made that joke, we will now run to the west and away from Marvin Austin for the rest of our natural lives and perhaps afterward, as well. 4. Perverse logic reigns. The best two quarterbacks in the SEC may be at Vanderbilt and Kentucky. When the moon runs red with blood later tonight, don’t blame us–blame Michael, who brought this up during a phone conversation this weekend. In fact, per his calculations for a college fantasy league, Nickson ranked higher in his methodology than John David Booty in terms of absolute value, especially in terms of big plays. Nickson is a classic whack-a-mole qb; seemingly pounded for a loss, then popping up from certain death for a first down or worse. Dameyune Craig is not an inaccurate comparison. Nickson should mean more, of course. He’s got significantly less talent surrounding him than Booty, who’s nose deep in blue-chip accomplices. Yet the falloff from Jay Cutler was briefer than one might have suspected at Vandy, who we’ve always respected since they seem to save their best game each year for Florida and play like possessed dervishes against the Gators. Beating Georgia was no coincidence. They’ll slip a crap burrito into someone’s diet this year again. We can only hope it’s not Florida at home. Michael’s also got his Charles Rogers Theorem ‘07 ready to go after it suffered a fair reaming last year. His overrated pick for ‘06? Florida. 5. Notre Dame sings! Hat tip to Kevin from Fanblogs for the video of Notre Dame freshmen forced to sing the alma mater at practice. Compared to drinking a “crack shot” for freshman lacrosse players or whatever godforsaken homoerotic torture rugby players put noobs through, freshman initiation for football players seems downright genteel in comparison. 6.Watching: Big Love on DVD, notable for a few reasons. One, Chloe Sevigny has not performed oral sex on anyone on camera yet. It’s just a matter of time.  Bill Paxton: American Hero.Two, we will watch anything with Bill Paxton in it, since he won our hearts as Hudson in Aliens and has been on a rip through the dark, brilliant heart of American cinema ever since. Regardez:Navy Seals, Mighty Joe Young, True Lies, Weird Science, Commando, Tombstone, Spy Kids 2, Twister, Near Dark… everything the man touches turns to velvet-covered platinum awesome ballsness. This can’t be different. It’s a law of the universe. There should be statues of this man in public places gesturing boldly to the future with an outstretched hand like Jebediah Springfield. Three, we want to put jorts on Jeanne Tripplehorn and rip them off her manually. We cannot explain this–she’s older, has no bunda to speak of, and spends a good bit of the series looking pensively out the window while scrubbing something. Whatever. Polygamy seems insane when you’ve got Barb ready to meet you at the Fields of Distinction for some lunchtime furniture stress testing. 7. Sammie Stroughter remains out of Oregon State’s fall practices for murky “personal reasons.” Message board rumors without substantiation: Stroughter’s off the team completely, Stroughter’s trying to find the lost CIA plutonium on Nanda Devi, Stroughter’s “stressed out” from his relentless work as a spokesman for Oregon State football… 8. Your HE’S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PLAYER THAN THE ONE YOU SAW EIGHT MONTHS AGO story of the day: Anthony Morelli. The market scoffs at your feeble concern for Morelli’s foibles last season: Notre Dame/Penn State’s average ticket price on the “it’s new to you!” market of scalperdom still hovers somewhere around the $1000 mark per ticket. 9. Currently reading: This morning? Michael Statsny’s take on Black Swan. Because we love to read things we don’t really understand in the least, especially when it relates to something we don’t really have: money. 10.We watched Tim Brando, Spencer Tillman, and Terry Bowden do some one-off preview show on CSS this weekend, and noticed that Terry Bowden remains nearly perfectly spherical. Matt Hayes from The Sporting News was on there, and displayed his usual shocking lack of convention by picking USC and LSU 1-2 in the nation. He also chose UCLA as his dark horse, meaning UCLA fans should begin drinking heavily five minutes ago.
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Today’s Daily Affirmation brought to you by Curmudgeon Motors of Ann Arbor.
When you’re tired of all that bullshit, come to Curmudgeon Motors. I’m Lloyd Carr, and I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you buy a car. God, I hate this shit. Where’s my windbreaker? Jesus…these people…
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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