Dude. That is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I tittered like a schoolgirl at every line. Fucking one for the books, my man.

no words..should…have sent…a poet…

Megan Fox…. GAHT DAYUM. http://static.zooomr.com/images/761264_6226c3d1e6_o.jpg

I can see you have not stopped to consider what Glactus looks like without the helmet…. just look at his eyes, then gaze upon the eyes of the Orgeron

Wow! Not only is Megan Fox dumb as a bag of Habitat for Humanity hammers, she exercises worse judgement that Pac-Man Jones and Lindsay Lohan’s love child by marrying of all people…Brain ‘mother fuckin’ Austin Green. She’s a 9021- HO.

I also hear she’a a cadaverous lay….

That. Was. Awesome. I want to take you into the Harold Reynolds hug closet, whatever that is, just for having written it.

So are the Silver Surfer and PECOTA! the same?

Pete – that thought blows my mind and makes me question my very existance.

mary mother of god, it’s beautiful.

Is this the right time to discuss my meager Fantastic Four comic book collection that I think is still wrapped in plastic in my parent’s basement? If not, I’ll understand.

I still think Zoltan the inconceivable could take Galactus.

“But let’s say you’re at a party, who has the bigger group of people around him, Brady or Galactus?”*

• - This question was asked on every Who’s Now? segment.

Oh yeah, and girls don’t fart. Only skeevy stoners do.

Surfer: THEIR DESTRUCTION IN THE GULLET OF GALACTUS WILL BRING ME NO SORROW. BY THE WAY, WHICH EYE SHOULD I LOOK AT?

Stu: (dejected.) The left one’s fine, man. Just look there.

That pretty much made my summer.

PW—

Galactus. They’d all be screaming and running from him, but still.

The combination of two recent and unutterably shitty creations in one post. That’s synergistic gold.

That’s one of the most idiotic works of genius I’ve ever seen*.

• This is my highest compliment

If Saturday Night Live wrote for a blog it would sound like this. You can almost see Phil Hartman (God rest his soul) playing John K’s smirk to a tee.

1. who are you kidding? Galactus IS the Orgeron.

“THE POWER COSMIC IS BETTER THAN GENITALS.”

+ many cocktails, Orson.

Please tell me this is going to become a regular series. And as dumb as Megan Fox may be, good lord is she hot.

Your excellence knows no boundaries. When the killing time comes, you shall be spared.

Major props for pointing out that ESPN radio sucks since the great orange one left. I knew I wasn’t the only one.

I bow to your greatness. I don’t know if you just had some really good shit in college or if your parents fucked you up beyond all belief, but that was amazing. Your art is satire, and I think you just painted your masterpiece.

I’m torn between asking you to write another of these, or just let it be a “one and done” thing. Sometimes that’s better. Pure classic, by any means.

the best comment on Who’s Now came from WFAN’s Mike Francesa discussing it with ESPN’s senior VP of programming and Mike got really upset…

“Give me a break! Who’s more now, Shaq or a polar bear.”

ZOLTAN!!!

“cool like the other side of the pillow” – - literary prose at its finest, sir.

Anybody who can come up with a creation like this is clearly insane… in a sort of Van Gogh kind of way.

did I seriously just make that comparison

Sweet lord, that was awesome.

I will pay good money to read Silver Surfer’s weekly commentary on the upcoming CFB season…

Galactus woulda’ used a rubber with Bridget Moynahan. He’s not a dumb ass.

That was beautiful. Best. Post. Ever.

Good. God. Damn.

I am in awe.

Megan Fox, bad for conversation but great for cheesecake.

1. - best handle Ive seen in months.

Masterful. Really.

Seconded. That’s a massive name

I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous/surprising. That there are hundreds of thousands of votes for this thing or that Tiger Woods actually made a statement about winning it.

I tried to think about the sports related things that have been on ESPN that I could care about less than “Who’s More Now”. There’s a surprising number of them.

1. The recently defunct NFL Europe
2. The MLS
3. The WNBA
4. The PBA
5. Busch Series racing
6. Moto-X
7. Lacrosse
8. Craftsman Truck Series
9. Formula 1 racing
10. Any EOE movie
11. The ESPY Awards
12. Bonds on Bonds
13. US Paintball Championships
14. Ro Sham Bo
15. World Series of Blackjack
16. World Series of Darts
17. Battle of the Gridiron Stars
18. Anything with Stephen A Smith

There’s plenty more I’m not thinking of I’m sure. Who’s Now could set a new low for the network.

totally fucking hilarious. the perfect mix of uber dork and wit…my only question, what the fuck does this have to do with College Football? i need more info on the state of D-Fad’s pimp ride.

boo! orson. BOO! using john byrne’s galactus instead of kirby’s. boo i say!

Yes, I blame you Orson for making me not keep a straight face after reading this when asked by a co-worker just now about encroachment requirements for highway crossings in the State of Florida.

"cool like the other side of the pillow"
Wasn’t this first stated as “Cooler than the back side of a pillow” from the CNNSI sports rundown at 11pm from several years back? I’m hugely applauding the use of that line on an ESPN satire bit.

I put this one up there with the JoePa/Les Miles conversation about training. Nice work, man.

Mike G, to Megan, leaning in: Seriously. Two minutes. That’s all I need. You won’t even remember it.

Greenberg really is a douche.

The EDSBS writers and staff should take the rest of the day off to admire their work.

Freaking hilarious. Pitch perfect commentary on how gawd-awful ESPN has become.

Orson, this is one of your best. Nice job. Love the reference to Kornheiser on the radio. TK was the best radio guys I ever listened to. However, I think he sucks on MNF but I never watch it anyway. Past my bedtime.

One for the ages … Jesus H Christ that was funny!

Someone should send this transcript to the Sports Junkies. I wonder if, between their abject stupidity and their location in DC, they will cause the terror alert color to change in response to the Surfer’s warnings.

John K: Galactus takes entire planets and crams them into his maw. Um, that’s pretty now, if you ask me. I know the word ‘maw’ because I went to Brown. Maybe you’ve heard of it. (Turns head, raises eyebrows, stares with slight smirk at camera.)

Surfer: HE WILL DO THE SAME TO YOUR PLANET IN 86 OF YOUR EARTH HOURS. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME SOME MORE OF THAT DELICIOUS POLAND SPRING WATER.

Just plain ridonkulous.

ness, that was SO WRONG!!!!!

None of us have any chance at all with MF, so what would have been the harm in leaving us alone with our fantasies that she’s some kind of tantric sex goddess. I didn’t even know she was married, much less to that dirty old man Green (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?!?!?!?!?!?)

Mean ness… just mean.

BTW, Orson this rocked, and I second the call for Weekly Silver Surfer commentary on how the season is going.

I love vacation Orson, what with the free time and the drinking at 11:30 a.m. on a Thursday.

1. - Oh c’mon, man, just because Kirby did something doesn’t mean it’s the gold standard, Byrne’s Galactus was actually a really . . er, um, I mean, uh, NERDS!!!

Orson, put away your keyboard. You will never be able to top this.
Although, the weekly Surfer update would be tits.

If you could have squeezed in a “Holla at a playa when you see ’em in the galaxy” quote from Stu, I might have climaxed.

You know that dream you keep having, Orson? Where you get to quit your day job on account of you got hired to write for some up-and-coming media entity that recognized the comic genius behind your earnest, humorous blog? That dream? It’s over. You ain’t that funny. Consider yourself arch-enemied.

Coming soon: South By South Bend, the college football blog that’s better than EDSBS because it’s about Notre Dame.

And we’ll probably do the mustache thing, too. Cause we were on that, like, ten years ago.

Here’s what confuses me: Sicne Stu Scot looks in two directions at the same time, can he read a teleprompter with one eye and the look into the camera with the other?

Can he just stay motionless and have the two camera angles focus onto a different eye each when they do the shot change?

Who’s more Now? Galactus or Unicron?

Stuart Scott can hunt rabbit and quail at the same time.

Stuart Scott can hunt rabbit and quail at the same time.
Hold your breath until, I read a Notre Dame blog, darkesang.

This article is pretty now. kudos.

Wait, Darkesang – I thought you wanted it called, “EDSBSMD”

From the WTF department (Fayetteville Division)

Check out Rollbamaroll.com

Nutt wanted the Bama Job! More of his personal dirty laundry is splattering all over the blogosphere!

Orson, I think you have something here…. get the Silver Surfer, Subcommandante Wayne, Coach Woody Hayes, maybe Paris Hilton and The Devil to do a round table each week on CFB, I am thinking you could set a pretty high admission….

I would pay extra on weeks where Phil Hartman’s Frankenstein stops by….

+ 1000 gin rickeys to you gents. Plus one for me to replace the one I horked all over my display reading this.

1. - Galactus and the points.

http://www.gatorcountry.com/swampgas/showthread.php?t=14637

If we’re going to start spreading random blog stuff, maybe the Florida fans can enlighten us on what the hell is going on with Tebow.

I’d trade you my signed vol. 2 Lee/Byrne double-sized oneshot for more Surfer!

OK, I doubt I’d let you even look at it for fear you’d somehow crease the spine, but you get the idea.

Weekly appearances might stretch things a little thin though. Maybe SS should only show up when something earth-shaking happens, like down two with a minute left in the 4th, Franchione listens to an assistant coach, or the waterboy or somebody, and goes for the two point conversion.

Dankesgang—

We’ll just have to settle for being the gayest college football blog around. Ahoy, boys!

Orson,

As a 3rd year law student a year ago, i.e. someone who was not required to be anywhere until 10 or 11 on most days, I watched way too much ESPN2’s telecasts of Mike and Mike.

Greenburg, or “Greeny,” would get dogged by that slobbering tub of goo who bleeds Notre Dame, Golic, for all the money he spent on haircuts, hair products, etc.

And, you posted something a while back that discussed your passion for getting your hair cut by a woman or, more likely, a very homosexual man, at the hair salon of your choosing in Atlanta.

I don’t really have a question, or a point, but isn’t there a code amongst you metrosexual folks about not ripping on your own?

Conversely, I severely disliked both of those guys, and would show up in Law Review land ready to extract my anger on whatever 2L spaded what I had to read that day, so thank you for taking “Greeny” to task.

Those guys, and, basically, all morning radio folks, are tremendous douchebags.

PeterPumpkinHead-
Your link didn’t work, but let me guess: Some ‘tards were saying Freshman John Brantley should start ahead of Tebow? See, Tebow had a rough day at practice, and Brantley is the reigning king of Fla. HIGH SCHOOL football. And, like most schools, about 90% of our fans are complete raving morons, and they live on those message boards. So naturally, Tebow is teh suxorzz, Brantley is the young god who’s never made a mistake, and blahblahblah untill your ears, eyes, nose, throat and spleen bleed green acid. It’s the FOURTH day of practice. I’m amazed they can even turn on their computers.

#36, I see you missed the fake MLB news conferences a year or two ago. I officially stopped watching ESPN at that point.

The MTV-ication of ESPN is complete.

I see you missed the fake MLB news conferences a year or two ago

Yeah, I forgot about those. Very worthy of being on that list. Poor Steve Phillips. He was trying to make a go of it, but you could see the pain on his face of having to do those fake press conferences. Just sad.

About the only thing that ESPN has gotten right in the past few years is the WSOP coverage. MacEaren and Chad are excellent.

I don’t know where to start. I will try Orson.

First of all, you are back in my good graces, as long as you don’t screw up the bunda tomorrow.

Secondly, 100 cocktails to you at no charge on and around October 6th (if Holly will spring for it, otherwise, like, 5).

Thirdly, the asking which eye. Thank you. My underpants don’t.

If you want to skip a week or few after this, feel free. Don’t push teh genius. Just let it flow when it wants to.

Quintupely, I am in awe and envy of your ability. I doff my LSU hat of a tiger wearing a LSU hat backwards. Seen it? It rocks like jorts.

Orson#64:

(snort)

Nope. You don’t get that either. Check it: 1)Tommy Zbikowski fanfic will be very much a part of the SXSB experience. 2)There’s only one direction that can go. 3) It isn’t ‘not-gay’.

Darkesang – first off, what’s that name mean. I’m not very adept at making out what clever license plate abbreviations mean, so maybe your name is somehting obvious. It kind of looks asian to me. Not trying to be an insenstive dick, but if it is asian, do you feel as if no one takes you seriously, that everyone is out to get you, that the rich bitch in freshmen lit shouldn;t have made fun of you? Well, if so, let me take this chance to reach out to you, to tell you that people do like you, that you are accepted, and to suggest perhaps if you weren’t such a dick, people would try to hang out with you more. But if you aren;t asian, haven’t rented a u-haul, bought fertilizer, diesel fuel, or think allah is the fashizzle, well then, you’re just a penis. There. I feel better. Thank god most domers don’t act like you.

On behalf of all the Domers who make EDSBS a daily visit, precisely because of wonderfully hilarious posts like this:

Dankesgang, STFU. Your comment confirms, in many minds, the image of Domers that non-Domers have—namely, that we’re a bunch of douches. I prefer to belive I am not one; neither are most of the Domers who frequent this wonderful blog. Please don’t make being a Domer in non-Domer country any harder for those of us who venture out of NDNation. Make your blog, and if it is funny, they will come. If it is not, it will be my last stop of the blog-checking day, after EDSBS, BGS, Rakes of Mallow, House Rock Built, Fire Mark May, Kelly Green, HerLoyalSons, IRT, and many other quality ND blogs who don’t feel the need to go to top-shelf blogs of other fanbases and act like asses.

All-Sorry about that. Pay no attention, move along.

Nevermind. Clearly that last comment indicates Dankesgang isn’t actually a Domer, just an idiot.

great read. it just makes Megan even hotter thinker of her that dumb

Megan Fox…Tennessee trash at it’s finest.

OK, this thread has gone way to long without a current update from Sports section of the major newspapers in Alabama. And I quote…

Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban Saban

epic post, Swindler. It ranks up there with the “Beano in Bangkok” thing.

Reason #41 I can’t wait until CFB Season:
Watching ESPN “College Football Today’s” EA game pre-enactment thing. Good god, have they no shame??

Best EDSBS post ever, and that says a LOT.

Since nobody else has said it yet, here’s the requisite reply to all of your posts:

Yes, Nick Saban might just have time for this shit.

Excellent work Orson. Pure genius.

66- I thought that thread was a joke. The fact that it appears to not have been makes it even funnier. Hail UF fandom!

If this isn’t your best story, it has to be in the top 5. I still laugh my ass off thinking back to the “52 Things that are wrong with ESPN” story. The story that made me a daily visitor to this great site.

For all of your wonderful work, I will kick [NAME REDACTED] in the balls if I ever see him.

There’s no way Galactus would have trouble reading coverages…his head is ginormous and so are his eyes. He can see everything at once. I mean he’d have to be just plain stupid to not see a zone blitz coming from the weak side of the formation

I think the surfer’s just trying to get himself fired or something

Too. Fookin. Funny.

Silver Surfer should give his “college gameday final” every week.

Next up for former Norrin Radd: sidekick duties on the Dan Patrick/rumored Michael Irvin syndicated radio shows.

Frustrating! Some of my best friends would love this post as much as I do IF they followed CFB.

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