THE BRIDGES OF CHAMPAIGN COUNTY
I know it’s late, I know you’re weary.We were trying to layoff after we let whatever dark demon lives under the stairs of our brain write the Galactus/Tom Brady Who’s Now piece. But dammit, Tom Dienhart’s lead-in to this story on [NAME REDACTED]’s expectations for 2007 is too damn suggestive not to post.
CHAMPAIGN, Ill. – Illinois coach [NAME REDACTED] didn’t want me to leave, but I had to. It was getting late, and I faced a three-hour drive back to St. Louis.
“Come on, you can spend the night here,” [REDACTED] offered.
Believe me, I wish I could have stayed longer. Things were just getting heated up at the [REDACTED]-er’s crib.
Ahem.
We’ve got tonight,
Who needs tomorrow,
Let’s make it laaaaast…
Let’s find a wayyy….
Turn out the light.
Come take my hand, Rob.
WE’VE GOT TONIIIIGGHT, babe.
Why don’t you stayyyyyy?
The article then goes on to point out that it was a party at [NAME REDACTED'S] house with other people around, but dammit, up ’til that point we thought Dienhart had the story of the year on his hands, or whatever other body part you want to imagine. (Mind bleach? Aisle six.) Oh, and [NAME REDACTED]’s thinking bowl games for the Illini, an absurd idea if Phil Steele wasn’t also saying the same. Where’s that mind bleach again?









1
TigerNacho says:
Descriptions in the rest of the story sound a little too much like Michael Jackson’s crib.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
2
Signal to Noise says:
Orson, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
3
The Last Dragon says:
I believe Tom and [NAME REDACTED] are butt buddies. At least that’s what Randy Shannon claims.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
4
PeterPumpkinhead says:
All I know is, somebody at that party was barefoot skiing over the lake of fire that Dennis Erickson was driving his golfcart over
August 9th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
5
TigerNacho says:
From the story. I didn’t make this up. Honest.
“I had Chris Leak spend the night here not too long ago on his way to the Chicago Bears,” Zook said.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
6
gerry dorsey says:
SLUMBER PARTEEEEEEEE!!!!!
August 9th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
7
TigerNacho says:
Jeebus juice
August 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
8
Bully Vandegraaff says:
He drove a fast machine
He kept his golf cart clean
He was the best damn recruiter I had ever seen
He had the sightless eyes
Telling me no lies
Knockin’ me out with a record of 13-45
Taking more than his share
Had me fighting for air
He told me to come but I was already there
‘Cause Memorial Stadium starts shaking
Champaign was quaking
My ass was aching
And we were making it and you -
Zook me all night long
August 9th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
9
Orson Swindle says:
ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS TO YOU, SIR.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
10
Palouse says:
[Name Redacted] has both Michigan and tOSU on the schedule this year. I’ll go out on a limb and predict [Name Redacted] will beat one of them. Not to mention Wisconsin and PSU. Making a bowl game is no gimme, but they realistically could be 4-0 to start the season with Missouri, W. Illinois, Syracuse and Indiana. Throw in Ball State and Northwestern, and you have a recipe for a bowl game.
The cognitive dissonance might be overwhelming.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
11
Bully Vandegraaff says:
I’m just a beatnik of bad lyrics, daddy-o! (snap,snap,snap,…)
August 9th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
12
PeterPumpkinhead says:
++++1 to Bully
August 9th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
13
Allahver Fist says:
Goddamn! Wooly Bully!!
August 9th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
14
Derrick in SD says:
[NAME REDACTED}, leaning in: "Seriously. Two minutes. That’s all I need. You won’t even remember it. "
August 9th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
15
Eirishis says:
First, off Bully … you might want to pull a Costanza and head out now. That was OUTSTANDING.
Also … Orson, have you considered a “nightmare fuel” tag?
August 9th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
16
Eirishis says:
[sigh]….”First off, Bully”…
Big East education = bad punctuation
August 9th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
17
Signal to Noise says:
#8 – (slow clap)
Bra-VO.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
18
Biggus Rickus says:
I think any and all further comments in this one should just be reach-arounds for Bully…not in a gay way…ah, fuck it, that was worthy, do what you feel like.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
19
PW says:
Orson and Bully’s combined display of genius has gone a long way toward alleviating any regret I feel for reading EDSBS today instead of working on the paper I’m supposed to turn tomorrow.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
20
EarthyTechnoPop says:
#8
Holy damn. Wow. Amazing.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
21
Nate (ltdomer98) says:
Comment of the year—#8.
And the season hasn’t even started yet…
August 9th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
22
crazy tom says:
When are you guys going to come clean and realize that the redacted one built the foundation for the MNC? Unredact him, and set him free, for he is the builder of others’ empires, as we will bear witness to when the mighty Fighting Illini^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H Angry Indigenous Woodlands People of the University of Illin^I^I^I^I Politically Correct Midwestern State leave a swath of destruction, piled high with the mangled, bloody corpses of Wolverines, Badgers, Spartans, and various other chickenous sluts in their wake, once they fire the redacted on and hire some new guy with half a brain to guide the heretofore undirected masses of talent that the redacted one has gathered in the beautiful metropolis of Chambana.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:27 am
23
Will says:
Minor threadjack:
Arkansas’ All-SEC WR Marcus Monk injures knee at practice:
http://www.razorbloggers.net/
They apparently did an MRI yesterday, and are either getting the results this morning, or a second opinion this morning.
You may well see the return of the Triple Option to Fayetteville this year, if it’s a season-ender.
August 10th, 2007 at 6:28 am
24
PSUrob says:
#21 – i second the nomination
August 10th, 2007 at 7:01 am
25
TIGERinATL says:
Looks like humanity advanced will really be all alone this year.
August 10th, 2007 at 7:05 am
26
GamecockTony says:
Take a victory lab, Bully.
Derrick in SD to place.
Orson to show.
On an unrelated note:
You know what I could really use for breakfast? Some cheesecake.
August 10th, 2007 at 7:43 am
27
rebel84 says:
I know you guys don’t like [NAME REDACTED], but I think he’s honestly a good hire for a mid-level BCS program that has fallen and needs rebuilding.
Let’s face it. Illinois likely wasn’t going to do much better in their hire, and with [REDACTED]’s recruiting ability, when they do eventually fire him, they’ll probably have a team that’s talented enough to compete for Big 10 titles with a new coach. That is, once they get tired of going to mid-level bowls with [REDACTED].
August 10th, 2007 at 8:06 am
28
Edsall is God says:
I heard that if you say “Zook” three times in front of mirror, he immeaditely shows up behind you shirtless.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:22 am
29
Scalz1 says:
Bully for you, Bully. Tut tut, cheerio !!
August 10th, 2007 at 8:26 am
30
FutureExMrTexasGal says:
sweet jeebus!
I step away for one day….
August 10th, 2007 at 8:51 am
31
Give me a beer says:
Anybody actually click the link to the article? Smallest… tie knot… ever
August 10th, 2007 at 9:20 am
32
quixotehan says:
Not only did I learn about the secret to [REDACTED]’s recruiting success – Neverland Ranch II – but this one almost slipped by:
There’s a multimillion dollar renovation of the Memorial Stadium, one of America’s classic venues.
Yup, I’d put Uof I’s stadium right behind Fenway Park and Lambeau field on my list of iconic sporting venues.
Champaign, Illinois – more than corn!
August 10th, 2007 at 9:35 am
33
Big Ten Joe says:
So I get in the car on the way home from work, and when I turn the key and the radio comes on, Bob Seger’s singing “We’ve got tonight . . . .” I started laughing, but there was no one else around to ask me why.
August 10th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
34
Job says:
Is the memory of Ron Zook as coach at UF so scarring to the EDSBS creators that he’s only referred to as [NAME REDACTED]? You guys didn’t have Terry Bowden or Mike Shula as coach, it’s not like Ron Zook was anywhere near as bad as those 2(and several others). I’m just saying that Ron Zook isn’t worthy of the [NAME REACTED] label when you consider the fact that Florida teams weren’t horrible under his reign.
August 10th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
35
JoesDeliGatorTail says:
#34, please politely refrain from repeating his name. It hurts us.
August 10th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
36
Job says:
As an Auburn fan, so does Terry Bowden but you don’t see us referring to him as [NAME REDACTED]. We just call him Buster Brown or Tiny Terry. Frankly it’s funny that you guys want to act like he was never even your coach(which I can understand) but at the same time at least he didn’t break the rules like Coach Pell did. Now that was a coach that knew how to cheat and cheat right. Kinda a trademark among any coach that was one of Bear’s Boys, Pat Dye included.
August 10th, 2007 at 5:53 pm