Your soundtrack this morning: the melodious sounds of Rammstein, saluting the sun like only German metal schlock gods can.

Brent Schae-fah, former insta-starter for the Ole Miss Rebels at quarterback, has lost the sheen one might instantly associate with a College of the Sequoias transfer and has been moved from qb to wide receiver. Orgeron admitted at SEC Media Days that guaranteeing Schaeffer the starting job coming out of junior college, where he’d spent a semester after getting the boot from Tennessee for beating the daylights out of a fellow student in a dorm…was a mistake.

Delta State transfer Seth Adams will get the start for the Rebels. Schaeffer will attempt to learn wideout and race Xavier Lee in the contest for biggest recruiting bust currently still enrolled in D-1 football.

In Starkganistan, Sylvester Croom had a succinct PR strategy ready to go after an abysmally hot and frustrating practice.

“Short conversation, gentlemen. There was nothing good at practice today. Any questions?”

Then, per his role as Black Wilford Brimley, he went off to eat some oatmeal and test his diabeetus before giving his close friend Black Robert Duvall a call.

Ike Whitaker, backup qb for Virginia Tech, is a bit of an overachiever. Not only is a D-1 athlete on scholarship, he’s done something it took us until our late 20s to acheive: becoming an alcoholic. We don’t really know if this is possible, since when we woke up with beer seeping from our pores in college, we merely rehydrated instead of going to meetings and getting angsty about the whole thing.

In all seriousness, we wish him luck. With a toast and a Velveeta-tinged “I Never Really Wanted To Coach Alabama” Slammer in hand.

Phil Trautwein, O-line stalwart for the Gators, committed the memory of last year’s championship to flesh in glorious black ink on his shoulder. He also has the memories of the 2005 Peach Bowl in ink, too, in the form of a tiny “WTF?” tattoed in his armpit.