A.M. BLOGTOBERFEST: SEC/BRENT SCHAEF-FAH EDITION

Black Robert Duvall — Charles S. Dutton or Paul Winfield?

ahhh…the very title of this post has me humming the “Orgeron Song” once again

ohweyoweyoweyoweyo-ahh

I’ve seen some fucked-up music videos, but that one takes the case. Profoundly disturbing, and yet . . . I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued by the prospect of being spanked by a girl in a Snow White costume.

Mississippi State needs to hire a crazy, cheating sumbitch if they want to stay in the fun coach/middling western division team competition with Ole Miss. Croom is entirely too dull, much like the Mississippi State imitation of an offense.

A giant girl, Doug.

Rosenrot is also kind of strange…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybJDfi0WlhM

That said, Rammstein RULES!

“Starkganistan”…Never heard that one before. grown

So the Va. Tech QB went on a weeklong binge? That passes for alcoholism? In my day (1999-2003), we called that BEING A MEMBER OF SIGMA CHI!!!! IN HOC BITCHES!!!

Seriously, what college student isn’t an alcoholic by definition? Like Matthew Stafford hasn’t shown up to practice, arms sore from tossing kegs all night, with bloodshot eyes, reeking of Natty Light and with some girls number written on his hand?

Indeed, Nick Saban would not have time for this shit.

Rammstien is one of my favorites.

When you picture a band from East Germany this is what it should look like.

If you are scoring at home, thats a 2 star QB playing RB (Bruce Hall), a 4 star QB play TE (Bob Lane), a 5 star QB playing WR (Shafuh), and a walk-on D2 backup starting a QB.

ugh…

I wish more people would refer to it by it’s proper name, hailstate: Starkvegas.

The (tractor) lights, the glitz and glamor…it’s a one of a kind experience in the south.

Who wouldn’t be an alcoholic in Blacksburg? The only good thing about it is that Radford is very close.

Toasting VT with a WVU drink?? That’s just plain wrong.

1. — tractors? Maybe you were hanging out in the wrong part of town the last time you visited. No one will confuse Starkville with Austin or Athens, but it doesn’t deserve the treatment it gets. As far as podunk towns in the rural south go, I’d say Starkville is pretty f-ing nice. And it’s a lot easier to get to that Fayetteville.

I can’t think of any place more in the boonies than Auburn. There is nothing there. I mean nothing. At all.

Hailstate, for real. The Land that Fun Forgot? Nah. eye rowl

Welcome to Starkville!
Binka! Binka! Binka!
Get yer cowbells!
Binka! Binka! Binka!
Kustom fit!
Binka! Binka! Binka!
PVC handle!
Binka! Binka! Binka!
Padded grip!
Binka! Binka! Binka!

Though it would be easy as a ’Hoo to make a crack about Whitaker … as a fellow member of AA, I offer him ONE HUNDRED LEMONADES. Keep coming back, Ike.

People who say they don’t have any fun in Starkville must be pretty boring people. I spent seven years there and had a blast — hence the seven years. Not once did it involve cow tipping, although we did go searching for mushrooms on South Farm a few times. (You can’t do that in Gainsville! suckorz)

It probably is 11th or 12th in the SEC as far as party towns, but that doesn’t make it the burned-out shit hole people make it out to be.

#19
No pickin’ ’shrooms in Gainesville?!? You, sir, are completely clueless.

“Orgeron admitted at SEC Media Days that guaranteeing Schaeffer the starting job coming out of junior college, where he’d spent a semester after getting the boot from Tennessee for beating the daylights out of a fellow student in a dorm.”

can you finish that sentence please, sir? I think you wanted to go with “was a mistake” but I’m not sure. Maybe you wanted to go with, “was a GREAT idea b/c we need more wide recievers.” I don’t know.

Also, I see port city gangster is a NAFOOM. Well done.

Maybe you’ve never been to Gainesville, Hailstate, but you most certainly can “do that”.

Are Wilford Brimley and Robert Duval just friends, or butt buddies?

Bob Duval is likely to kill you in your sleep for that accusation. He is by far the most grizzled.

Ok, first of all, as far as what’s in Auburn, there’s Opelika, which at least has a few decent chain restaurants you’ve heard of (and I’m a Bammer, so this isn’t really a defense as much as a clarification).

As for Starkvegas (and that is the proper name… you need the dripping sarcasm… Starkganistan is just so literal… it’s sad more than funny), I’ve been there many times and the only fun place in town is a bar in a strip mall that’s an absolute firetrap. And that’s only when Better than Ezra comes to town.

I did have a friend from high shcool who went there for one semester. He blamed his dropping out on access to a secret hash field the school maintains just outside of town that is “legal” for federal research purposes. I’ve never seen this field, so I can’t prove it’s existence.

Ike first sought treatment at the end of last season. Very big of him to realize he’s got a problem at the age of 19… even better that he’s doing something about it. Best of luck to him!

If The Orgeron were not real, we would have to invent him.

As the founder of the Left Field Lounge Lizards sez, “State & Ole Miss? We hate each other. We’re productive and they’re not. We drive tractors for a living and they sue people”.

1. — “I did have a friend from high shcool who went there for one semester. He blamed his dropping out on access to a secret hash field the school maintains just outside of town that is "legal" for federal research purposes. I’ve never seen this field, so I can’t prove it’s existence.”

I think you’ve just confused State with Ole Miss, although the firetrap sounds like Ricks.

#19, #20 — whoa, you mean MSU and Auburn aren’t the only SEC schools surrounded my cow pastures?

If we’re basing a towns worth on the number or chain resturants nearby, then LSU is the ballz.

Virginia Tech: Putting young men on the fast track to the vice of their choosing since 1872.

Jerkwheat: Most folks don’t know that Bob Duvall was the first one to get a team of horses up Bear Mountain.

Orson….I just went back and watched that Rammstein video… man, that is just wrong….

I am sure the frozen head of Walt Disney shed a tear the day that thing was released… maybe tears of joy, but a tear nonetheless

another thought…. if I ever have to fly a helicopter into a battlezone (a’la our revered Mr. Duval) I definitely want their music blaring over the loudspeakers… they may be singing about their favorite ice cream parlor or weinersnitzel but it sounds so…so… satanic… that it would inspire me to my best efforts in helping others meet their makers

okay…back to futbawl and drankin

If only we had an Olive Garden. sigh….

1) Robert Duval can do all, ‘cause he’s got the Holy Ghost Powa. Croom uses cream of wheat.

2) Ike Whitaker’s story finally clarifies the meaning of David Crosby’s “Almost Cut My Hair”. Crosby, perhaps, should have.

ever play the “I sat in peach gum” trick?

Hailstate, like I said, I wasn’t defending Auburn, just pointing out there was something there.

No, he went to State, and he swears to this day that pot field is out there.

And yes, it’s Ricks.

Peter: I roomed with some serious Friends of Cannabis, I can tell you there’s no “legal” pot farm in Starkville. There is one near Oxford where they do federal research.

Hailstate:

Okay, alternatives.

Starkansas?

Starkofthecovenant?

Croom With a View?

Starkology, for those Sim City fans out there?

Starklahoma?

Nashville has take the “name-vegas” thing for us. So any and all other suggestions other than the actual name are welcome.

#8

In Hoc

Did Widespread record that “Hippies from Starkville” song?

I have not been able to download it off Limewire or any system, EVER.

Somebody, hook me up.

Stark Ache City?

The City that Stark Forgot?

A Tale of Two Starks?

Starkville, the “Bismarck, North Dakota” of the South

Stersia

Starksylavania

“See Stark City”

Los Starkangeles

Hey Peter:
The “cannabis” they grow on MSU’s campus is kenaf. It has virtually no THC and gives you horrible bronchitis if smoked. But I’m sure many an incoming freshman coming in on US-82 has looked over at the fields and thought: What.. the..JACKPOT!!!

Viet-stark

Starkutta?

Starkbaw !

starknobyl

JackieSherrillTown, Republic Of Cheat

“Stark of the covenant” has to win. A friend of mine, an Orange Park native, refers to Jacksonville as “Actionville.” The funny part is that he’s serious about it.

Or just “Stark.” Where things are grim.

+1 to panhandler.

“I can’t think of any place more in the boonies than Auburn.”

Scalz1, your knowledge of SEC geography appears to be as good as Orson’s knowledge of mountain ranges in the Pacific NW. I-85 goes right through the Auburn city limits. No way that can be the “boonies”. “Boonies” is reserved for schools that hope to one day pave their mule path to the 4 lane road that leads to the interstate.

Auburn ain’t ATL, or even Baton Rouge… AU would probably be ranked 4th in the SEC on the remoteness factor. But there’s a pretty good separation between the top 3 and the rest of the pack — kind of like the SEC East most seasons. Plus, we got our golf on, bitches!
http://golf.advance.net/courses/index.ssf?/courses/gd200508metrogolf1.html
(I’m sure that last comment will make Orson flock over here double quick.)

P.S. TIGERinATL — we’ve got an Olive Garden now. Or, at least Opelika does, which is basically the same thing. Still working on the TGIFriday’s, though.

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!

New Stark City? Starkravingmadistan? CornStark?

or how about just plain Shitville.

So, an interstate makes a place not in the boonies. Good lord, man. The top 3 places at Auburn when I was there:
1. Sani freeze.
2. A&P
3. Finleys
I classify boonies as no citification at all. You did have to drive to Opelika just to freakin’ find an indoor toilet.
They bring the internets to Auburn by wagon train and carry it up to your door in buckets. On a brighter note, I hear there’s a microwave there now.

#35

is that the same as when my buddy used to ask “who left gum on the table”…..and the gum is his nutsack???

Why become an alcoholic in Blacksburg with all the good dog fighting around?

Yes, since “boonies” carries with it the connotation of being “out of the way”. Being on a major transportation artery with relatively easy access to a Delta hub is not “out of the way”. I was in Starkville just 3 years ago, and there is NO comparison.

Sani-freeze? Really? That’s been gone for over a decade. Were you here before the interstates were built? Maybe that’s why you consider it the boonies. It probably was the boonies back during the Great Depression. Did you vote for FDR?

Scalz, a lot can change over the years, my friend. I was attended Auburn from 1996-2001 and while the establishments you mentioned were there, they were far from the top 3. A&P and Anifreeze were closed while I was there though, and, sadly, the place continues to gain more chain (generic) establishments. So maybe you will bless us with your seal of “citification” soon.

But you are showing your birminghamification, by defining city by the density of chain restaurants. Guessing you take all your dates to Ruby Tuesday’s and wonder why you never get laid.

Threadjack complete.

We Iron Bowlers are the Galactus if EDBS. We devour unrelated threads and suck all the life out of them.

we’ve got an Olive Garden now. Or, at least Opelika does, which is basically the same thing. Still working on the TGIFriday’s, though.

Thank god you’ve still got something to look forward to – because when a man is tired of the Olive Garden and TGI Friday’s, he is tired of life.

We were in Pittsburgh for a wedding a couple of weekends ago and needed to feed the kids in a hurry, so we admitted defeat and went to the Olive Garden near the hotel. The kids were fascinated, not having been in one previously, but there was nearly an incident when my 5 year old surveyed the other folks waiting for a table and announced, “I think you have to have a tattoo to eat here.” At about 85 Db.

And I am a typo whore!!!!

Oh, and the only way that Rammstein video could be improved would be if the spanking was being handed out by Nigella Lawson in a Snow White costume. Mmmmm yummy.

Right, you can take your date to Chewacala(sp?) and dine on some grass before some scroggin’. As to the Birminghamication: never been, never will go. I saw enough of Alabama to know to leave after a quarter. Anyhoo, I never said chain restaraunts were a sign of civilization. The point I was trying to get across was: there is nothing to do at Auburn. Nothing. Unless you like to play hackey sack, then you’re in vahalla. There is no way in your right mind you can tell me that there is anything besides that school for miles.
When people start saying “Let’s go to Columbus” for some kind of fun, then you know you’re fucked.

Oh, and I do get laid. Rohypnol even works at Ruby Tuesday’s.

Its obviously been quite a while since you’ve been to Auburn.

Its just a college town, man. All the trappings of modern civilization, but also a lot of one-off restaurnats, bars and shops.

What exactly type of activity are you looking for that you can’t find there?

Here’s a suggestion, Orson: “Gators cant win here-ville”

TIGERinATL: I’m wondering what these people want.

Good local restaurants – CHECK
Places to get drunk – CHECK
Hot Coeds – CHECK CHECK
Good football -

Agreed, it has been a while.
Ummm .. some kind of nightlife, maybe. A downtown area to stroll around in, maybe get a beer and sit outside and people watch, to start. Kind of hard to quantify. I find florida more to my liking, so I guess painting the broad stroke on AU was a little unjust. I digress.
Jordan Hare was always a good time, though. I was there the first season it opened.

“some kind of nightlife, maybe. A downtown area to stroll around in, maybe get a beer and sit outside and people watch, to start. Kind of hard to quantify.”

Bodega
Bourbon Street Bar
Finks (think its changed names now though)
Buffalo’s (chain but good wings)
Botchers
The Highlands
Niffers
Mama Goldbergs
Buffalo Connection
Struttin’ Duck

And on nearly every football weekend (which I am guessing was the purpose for your visit) most students are at band parties – not the bars.

Hackey sack? Really? That’s better than the Sani-Freeze.

So, were you also disappointed at the selection of 8-tracks at the local five and dime? Were you annoyed by the draft demonstrations? Did you go to the Herman’s Hermits concert? (OK, scratch that last one. That could have very easily happened recently.)

It was about 10 years ago, and as noted things change, but I went to Auburn for a Florida game and without question, the bars there sucked. What few of them there were. Pretty tame nightlife it was.

Athens, Knoxville, Tallahassee, Baton Rouge, Gainesville. Auburn’s not even close to those places.

Scalz1 — thanks for the clarification. I’m very surprised by your response. When you thought that there was nothing to do, I can’t believe “maybe get a beer and sit outside and people watch” would qualify as something. If Auburn’s got anything, besides football and golf, it’s got that. I figured you were complaining it had too much of that. TIGERinATL — some new places since you left are the Sky Bar and 17-16 (hey to bama fans). There’s also some even newer place, but I don’t know the name.

AU has never been a bar scene town with a large downtown like those mentioned in #72.

But every fraternity has open band parties for home games and at least ours were far from tame. Could probably count on one hand the number of times I went to a bar on game day in five years.

The rest of the year, the bars are much more populated.

I know we are a sensitive bunch, but its all the bammers fault. Rather infuriating when your school is called a cow college by a redneck who came this close to having Saban sign his man boob.

Lol .. I actually attended school there. Yes, I went to band parties, but that’s not all there is to life. Did I just say that? People watching is one of my pastimes, not the only one. Like I agreed, things changed, and I misspoke. Not the first time, and not the last I’m sure. I enjoyed football season, but after that, it was like the whole town died.

People watching? Stroll/drive past the Hill Dorms in spring time. Good GAWD! Know more one guy who had a minor accident while distracted by the bunda.

But the bars are packed on non-game weekends. Still not sure what you were missing.

“I was attended Auburn”

TIGERinATL, you’re just lobbing ’em up there man, how am I supposed to avoid hitting ’em out of the park???

“Nigella Lawson in a Snow White costume”

DCT, you gotta stop that, I’m at work!!!

You’re right, Pete. I really should proof read. I mean EDSBS posters are a high brow bunch, what with all the lawyas.

LAY OFF THE B’hAM. There lots of good eats here. Lots of good bars. Lots of good Bitches. It’s a very pleasant midsized city.

Now T-town, I only trifle with on Gameday. It’s got bars and girls, but for anything classy/quality I make the trip back to the Steel City.

Auburn is cleaner and less shady than T-Town granted…..
…..but it’s not worth it when the only thing you have to be proud of is 3 H-winners. Also, check out Mandel’s assessment. Auburn = 2nd tier.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/stewart_mandel/08/08/cfb.bag/index.html

Game, set, match.

But the bars are packed on non-game weekends.

So the students at Auburn have a double secret plan to make nightlife lame for visiting football fans. I knew it!

Honestly, the bars in Moscow, Idaho are better. A lot better.

TigerinATL, HFS- how can you forget the Alehouse? One of 3 brewpubs in Alabama, and the only one where you’ll find a Double IPA- the wonderful Hopdragon (Don’t tell the ABC Board, or they may go testing kit on that ass):

http://www.bwcitypaper.com/1editorialbody.lasso?-token.folder=2007-08-09&-token.story=199716.112112&-token.subpub=

OR the Supper Club? If you make until 4am, you’re pretty much guaranteed to get laid. And yes, Bammers, we actually have a bar that stays open past 2AM, unlike T-town (on Saturday nights, too).

Hook ‘Em- the Steel City of the South sucks- I’ve lived there for nearly 3 years. Mobile is 10X better, at least if you like to have fun- “What time do the bars close? Whenever we decide!” I will admit there is decent eye candy in the ’ham, though- and GREAT BBQ.

Scalz- have you been to T-town lately? All the bars are disappearing (THE BOOTH IS NO MORE! WTF?!), but Galette’s makes sure to overflow itself with sewage ever-so-often. LSU night may be a good day to go this year- in 2001, a Corndogger drank a cup of that shit (pun intended) for about $100.

DC Trojan- I had forgotten who Nigella Lawson was- it won’t happen again. I will stare at a picture of her for at least 20 minutes as penance.

#69
The Strutting Duck…isn’t their motto “Plenty of rags to sop up the blood”?

#70
I have attended many band parties at AU with guys I grew up with. I always got a kick out of the U.S. Smokeless Tobacco reps who set up tents outside the door…

I never liked the bars at Auburn…Blue Room, Highlands and there ilk sucked ass. BUT, War Eagle Supper Club gets this Bama boys seal of approval.

I just looked back at my last post. My grasp of the english language is just like the bars at AU…

Futbawl Fan (#32)—

When I was a tank platoon leader in Korea, my tank crew had our internal comms net wired so we could hook up a CD player. Never used Rammstein, which would have been a fun choice, but shot tank gunnery to both Metallica and Dr. Dre. Made the long drive out to training areas more interesting too. The best part? They had it wired so that when I had to key the external radio to talk to the boss, the CD player cut out.

hook, I grew up in the ham, pal. I know what I am talking about.

Mandel also stated very clearly that you can SUCK BALLS today and still be a “king” in this ranking as long as you have a storied history. Congrats to bammer on that one.

High FIVE big guy!

#48….

We all call it “Actionville”, and we are very serious. Heck, I was in Asheville, NC and went white water rafting. Our guide called it Actionville.

In defense of Starkvegas, Since 2000 it has changed dramatically. The downtown has been completely redone and the baptist mafia has lost its stranglehold on local political power. As much as I bitched about it during my years there, there is plenty to do there…now. As for Tuscaloosa, who wants to hang out with a bunch of coke heads made of marshmallows….regardless of the strip malls?