COLLEGE FOOTBALL COMES TO CHINA

holy shit would i love me some gary barnett in the sec. the comedy factor would should through the roof.

So I guess it must be cheaper for Nike to fly Oregon to the factories than the factory workers to Oregon… “Look, proud workers of Nike Factory 77, this is your work!” It would be the first time that neon uniforms could be proven to have caused re-collectivization.

I’m guessing USCe couldn’t go because Cocky, nay, the entire team, would be offed and eaten?

LSU’s defense would be great, particularly if they played like the Chinese Bandits of the 1950s.

The Orgeron, however, would suddenly find himself profoundly obsessed with genealogy and find himself to be a direct descendant of the Ghengis. He would then take over most of Asia. Brent Schaeffer would not get the start for the Mongol hordes.

 Mike Leach, however, shows his softer side, singing Buffett’s A Pirate Looks At Forty.

Said the man whose school takes more money from Nike than any other in the NCAA except Oregon and Carolina (UNC), at least as of two years ago.

I don’t want to hear Trojans ripping on Nike for making shoes at $7 a pair, less than that really, and selling them for $150 a pair.

The only way it would be better is if you were typing this while wearing your swoosh emblazoned, Leinhart, Bush, White, Booty, Jarrett, etc Trojan jersey.

We are a Nike school, too, (Clemson) but I am not going to look the gift horse in the mouth for a couple of seconds of illusory righteous indignation.

If only there were a phrase for such liberalism, maybe the wealthy decrying that such conduct is unethical and inhuman, then riding off in some sort of luxury automobile. Nuts, such phrase doesn’t exist…

(And there will be a dumbass who responds who will say, “I know, I know, Limousine Liberal!” Yes, I know, dipshit.)

“Gary Barnett, now coaching for the Tennessee Volunteers ‘09, calls his new female kicker "terrible" and "a girl." Chinese reporters nod in understanding silence and then ask why she wasn’t drowned at birth.”

You’re on fire today. Now all we need is something linking Dennis Erickson to Japanese skat pron and the circle will be complete.

If only there were a phrase for such liberalism, maybe the wealthy decrying that such conduct is unethical and inhuman, then riding off in some sort of luxury automobile.

“Yeah yeah, clickclack.”

#5, I think you just sent a challenge to all the photoshop experts out there.

Also, I think Leach should sing Political Science by Randy Newman. Seen here once the poof stops talking.

Regarding the flesh eating river virus, thats not even a joke. It is funny though. I was out sailing last weekend with some guys and one of them told a story about a man they knew who was working on his boat, in the Chesapeak River, fell in, and ended up contracting a flesh eating virus, which led to the amputation of his leg. I can’t even imagine what they’ve got going on in China given that.

You can pencil Leach in for “Mama Tried” in my Chinese Football Fantasy.

What is so wrong with disliking poor labor standards and driving a nice car?

Sorry I forgot, hypocrisy, right…Liberals have definately cornered the market on that one…

Check that, “Elvira” it is…

So wait, does China have the tentacle rape fantasy stuff too, or is that strictly Japan? Mike Stoops wants to know.

BTW, that panda looks delicious.

The only problem with watching a NCAA game in China is after the game is over, you want to see another one 30 minutes later.

Good one, Scalzi.

I’ve got to vote for “China Grove” for the song choice. Not only is it geographically approriate, can’t you see him doing the air guitar between verses?

In China, they loooooove Darren McFadden. They think he’s better than Cadillac Williams. So good, in fact, that they call him “Rincon Continental”.

cricket

College Gameday … they’re coming to your rice paddaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!

But seriously, folks. Take my indentured servant, please.

Coop, I don’t give two shits whether you didn’t like my in-conference dig at Oregon for being Phil Knight’s works team in college football. But otherwise, you’re right: fuck the poor! Let them work 80 hour weeks in a lockdown factory with a toilet break every other month. Who am I to criticize? I own an Audi!

Dixie Chicks, “Cowboy Take Me Away”.

Mike Leach is partial to Friggin’ in the Riggin’ by the Sex Pistols.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQ2eo0EkIjg

Leach will sing the song Koko heard in his childhood dreams, played by a man named Christopher Cross, “Sailing.”

…either that or

damn internets.

…either that or something from Loggins’ catalog.

Pete Carroll will show his players how to become one with nature by climbing a tree with the agility of spiderman and then getting stoned to the bejesus eating Eucalyptus with a friendly panda. No one is surprised that Snoop is already in the tree.

Thats right! We gonna make your team look like a bunch of inbred West Virginia couch burning-banjo-pickin-sister- kissin- jean overall wearing-sanford and son truck driving-outhouse tippin-goat huggin-family tree dont fork-still fightin Northern Aggression-moonshine drinkin-rattlesnake handling- strick-nine drinking-marrying your cousins- aluminum foil on the new fangled black and white tv antennae-Swanson Tv dinner/ road kill-flat squirrel or armadillo-possum on the half shell- eatin-bunch of redneck somena’ bitches.
I think that about covers it. The End. The characters depicted in this are purely fictional and any resemblance to persons alive are dead are purely intentional and cannot be used unless express written consent is obtained via the NFL Network, or West Virgina University admissions dept, located at Ed’s Bait Shop and Tax help at the corner of the “paved” road and Tornado Trailer Rd. Geaux Tenneseeee!
Weeee dogggie!

Or a the lead song from “Rent-” A Butt Pirate looks at Forty….Asses"

UGA Will travel to China only to have the pre-game meal be their beloved dog Uga. Don’t forget to save the bones, they make excellent soup stock!

PW, You’re talkin’ Yacht Rock, right there!

Oh Yumm! I love Orange Panda!

Thats right! We gonna make your team look like a bunch of inbred West Virginia couch burning-banjo-pickin-sister- kissin- jean overall wearing-sanford and son truck driving-outhouse tippin-goat huggin-family tree dont fork-still fightin Northern Aggression-moonshine drinkin-rattlesnake handling- strick-nine drinking-marrying your cousins- aluminum foil on the new fangled black and white tv antennae-Swanson Tv dinner/ road kill-flat squirrel or armadillo-possum on the half shell- eatin-bunch of redneck somena’ bitches.
I think that about covers it. The End. The characters depicted in this are purely fictional and any resemblance to persons alive are dead are purely intentional and cannot be used unless express written consent is obtained via the NFL Network, or West Virgina University admissions dept, located at Ed’s Bait Shop and Tax help at the corner of the “paved” road and Tornado Trailer Rd. Go China!

Liberals are hypocrites?

Nice broad brush there.

I would very much like to hear why you think liberals are more hypocritical than people with other political affiliations. Let’s hear it.

Me? I think all people are hypocrites. I do especially enjoy “family values” politicians of any stripe, though, being ratted out by the prostitutes they paid to pee on them on the way to a prayer breakfast. Makes my day.

Phil Fulmer finishes his 20th donut, and then he’s ready for dessert, but is suddenly bitten by the Yangtze bird of paradise, infecting him with avian bird flu. On his way to the Shanghai hospital, he’s playing with his Optimus Prime transformer and is infected with lead poisoning. He sends Optimus Prime to Jimmy Clausen as a present…

Keep it Kwanzaa,
Phil

Leach definitely sings Chivalry by the Mekons.

#11, that’s Japan only. In China, they’re just happy to get any kind of porn.

Leach doesn’t sing. Leach performs ‘Somebody to Love’ a la Jim Carrey in Cable Guy:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VhtIydTmOVU

But you don’t understand, Mrs. Of A Nation. You only get to decry inhumanity and/or injustice if you are a victim of said inhumanity and/or injustice. Thus people who drive Audis can’t condemn poor working conditions in China, people who have good health care can’t criticize the health-care system, people who have ever ridden in an internal-combustion automobile ever can’t talk about global warming, etc.

(Note: Special exemptions are made for people who promote wars in the Middle East while not actually serving in the military themselves, for they are brave soldiers in the “war of ideas” here at home.)

Full disclosure: I am 1) a pinko liberal asshole and 2) damn proud of it.

Miami Hurricanes get off their plance wearing army fatigues sparking fear of a surprise attack. World war ensues and as part a peace agreement, US adopts the preference for squat toilets.

Out of all the many entries, this one causes a liberal/conservative discussion?

Wow.

And, for the record, am I a hypocrite if I am for sweat shops but hate super-affordable consumer goods? So confusing…

I’m in the unenviable position of being for the war but against the troops.

Awww so thats what happened to the “Sexual Harrassment Panda” from South Park?

If you are put on probation, your university President will be Caned in a public place, on his private place. “For everwy infrwaction- wif feewinnnng”- Chinese acting instructor from “Kentucky Fried Movie” and will be forced to watch “They Call me Bruce”

I remember the ’86 Tokyo Bowl between Arizona and Stanford where they discovered after the game the field was actually 94 yards long.

Unfortunately, “Mike Reach” in China will only happen if he decides to go there for vacay in the offseason. Tech fans are up in arms over the possibility of moving a home game in Dallas…you think they’ll go for a game in frickin’ China?

Gotta go, you guys made me crave some Panda Express for dinner…“Chinese for ‘mediocre’ .”

I think we can all agree that people who discuss politics in the comments section of a jocular college football blog are assholes.

Man, I can’t wait to see the blowback from someone calling TCOAN an asshole. Wow. Just Wow.

Leach would sing Major Tom. Duh.

TCOAN, I don’t believe you were referring to my post, but just in case, I was being sarcastic.

Mike Leach can wear the orange camouflage shirt, but only if he wears it inside out like Bill did. And make sure that Erin Andrews is there to play the Scarlett Johannsen role—I’d love to see her booty in panties to open the movie.

Before this happens in China, though, ND and Navy need to get their asses back to Japan to play here. Of course, they probably will, now that I’ve moved to the other end of the country from Tokyo. Bastards. Take it from me, though, that football in rice paddies WOULD NOT WORK. I drive on tiny rice paddy roads to work each day, and you think the grass at ND Stadium against USC 2 years ago was long? You ain’t seen nothing.

The best thing about football in China would be the concession stands and rude Chinese guys selling Orange Chicken(yummm!) in the stands! They would be always in a hurry and would seat you anywhere they wanted to sit you, even though you had tickets, they would decide, just like in a real Chinese restaraunt where you sit! “How many!?” You come, you follow, you sit here by aquarium!" Even in an empty stadium 2 hrs prior to kickoff they would sit you in the nosebleed section even with sideline tickets, why? because this is China muthafockers!

Oh yeh and there would be no time outs, no 30 sec clock, it would be hurry up offence for a solid 48 mins , highly effecient just like a Chinese restaraunt- " You come here!, you prlay now!, you finish!, you pay! , you rrreave now bye bye! If man get injured, he get cooked for dinna! One big frickin Chinese fire drill for 48 mins!

To jump back from the frivolity for a sec, I have to say: huh?

As a resident of Shanghai and a Pac-10 fan, I have to applaud this. But I think it will be me . . . and uh . .. about 2000 other expat Americans in the stands.

The comment Nazi over at Deadspin would go in a fucking tailspin over this thread. Man, I love this place!

Godwin’s Law bears out again.

Agreed, T. At least here in Japan you’d have the military population from the bases.

Gotta do it:

Go play intramurals, panda. Go play intramurals.

I’m waiting to see a Oregon signal caller go under center, and yell out ‘Blue 32, ZY-90’, and watch as the concessions guys rush to the field side with Orange Duck and Sweet and Sour Pork

That guy is the same doctor that did Weis’ gastric bypass.

#52: You just made me LOL.

Biggus Rickus—

Orson has asked me not to swing my “Sword o’ Righteous Political Indignation” all up in his blog, so I guess that he dislikes politics here as much as you do. However, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think I’m an asshole. Just a hunch.

Allahver Fist, Will—+100 cocktails to you both.

NB: This goes for everyone. If anyone comes knuckledragging in here with their easymoronspeak paleoblogger DailyKos/Instapundit pussy liberal/nazi conservative knives out, I will fucking annihilate you from this blog.

Sincerely, The Editor

Ooh, snap!

Dan Hawkins coaches Colorado not Boise State…

Remember, DC Trojan @ 17, that efficiency and progress are ours once more, now that we have the neutron bomb.

But Chuck, what shall we do with the efficiency and progress when everyone is too drunk to fuck?

Gotta love Dead Kennedy’s lyrics on a CFB blog.

DC Trojan—run a quixotic campaign for mayor of San Francisco?

Chuck, does that mean having to schtup an aide’s wife now? I’d be willing to take one for the team, but I think that Mrs DC Trojan would have a different view of the situation.

If the city provides a mayoral mansion, I’d certainly give it a go – a few hundred bucks’ worth of fliers and my vacation time seem like a good offset for a crack at high quality free housing in San Francisco.

I don’t know about schtupping aides, but I think you’d have to blow the leaves off of Dianne Feinstein’s yard.