EDSBS LIVE! FALL PRACTICE EDITION.

Bring our own bukkit.

Fixed.

1) Michigan’s secondary. After getting burned crispy in the last two games of the season, and losing all-everything Leon Hall, Michigan’s pass defense will make or break the season.

2) Mike Hart. Michigan is pretty loaded at running back, but without Hart in there the team tends to lose focus. He’s been the leader on this team since he was a freshman, and I tend to think the offensive line is actually more motivated to block for him than anyone else.

3) Tums, Tressel voodoo doll, Hendrick’s gin, and my lucky boxers.

4) http://www.streetwars.net. I last two weeks and change, and even since I got knocked out of the game my life has been appreciably less exciting. Sigh.

1) can percy harvin stay healthy for an entire season? if so, you can ask markus manson- he’s ankle-breakingly delicious.
2) brandon spikes (orson took the best answer so this is a reach)- he’s the middle linebacker backing up new starters at three out of four positions on the d-line. while other areas of our young D are, well, young, they appear at the very to have young depth. so far no one knows what UF is working with for linebackers after the first line.
3) warm bottle of george dickel whisky, throw-away collapsible tailgating canopy, camping chair, and no less than 6 different kind of sausages to grill.
4) barbecue.

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team? For Mississippi State it’s in no particular order:

a. Can our D-line shape into SEC caliber in three weeks?
b. Can Mike Henig stay upright?
c. Who will take over the fullback spot?
d. Will the passing game finally emerge?
e. When does basketball season start?

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall? Michael Henig, QB. The JC QB we brought in from California isn’t impressing right now (sound familar?) so it’s Mike and Four Stiffs right now.

3. Your preseason shopping list? A decent college football podcast.

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football? Reruns of LOST. Porn.

1. Loaded question here. The D-Line, the 3-4 Defense, The as yet to be named QB. It’s goign to be a fun season.

2. Tommy Z, as he’s goign to be the emotional soul of the defense.

3. Beer. Lots and Lots of Beer.

4. As excited as football? Angie Everheart in head to toe lingerie get up cooking up some brats and delivering an ice cold Toohey’s New. 10 mins before gametime, of course.

For Auburn (and me):

1.) Offensive line (less experience than the folks behind Tebow) and kicking game (ditto, for both PK and P).

2.) Brandon Cox. He’s better than most people realize (injured last year), but he’s much, much, much better and a hell of a lot more experienced (i.e., he actually has some) than anyone else on the roster.
To give an answer that’s not “our starting QB”, it would be Tray Blackmon. One of two guys on Auburn’s D that opposing coaches need to specially consider on every play, and DE is much deeper than LB right now.

3.) Already purchased:
- Tickets and accommodations for a week at Walt Disney World, conveniently timed for the week of the AU/UF game in Da Swamp
- A cooler with wheels
Still needed:
- A jumbo bag of assorted little bags of chips
- More linebackers

4.) Aforementioned trip to Disney World with three girls aged 6 and under. (Also, the one night where they get to stay with their grandparents, he said knowingly.) Oh, and 4-hour season premieres of “24”.

SHOCK!

Auburn:

1. OL, WR, LB.

2. Brandon Cox

3. Xanax, psychiatrist

4. Sex, drugs and rock and roll.

1. For Florida, it’s got to be the defense. Specifically the corners, like Orson said. But still, anyone outside of Tony Joiner the Catchphrase Coiner (mmm… sandwiches) and Derrick Harvey is a walking and talking ?.

2. I won’t say Tebow if only because there’s a lot of talent behind him and because there’s so many weapons on offense that they could line up Jarred Fayson at QB and run the wishbone and still score 35 a game.

I’ll go with Joiner, if only because the only other player in the secondary with extensive experience in actually playing secondary is Kyle Jackson. Think about that for a second.

3. New shirt for wearing on game days (I get a new one each year)
—Tortilla chips and tons of cheese for making copious amounts of nachos
—Maybe ESPN GamePlan since I built myself a PVR and can record tons of game to watch during the week
—Graduate school tuition :(

4. The anticipation of Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It’s going to be epic. EPIC! I tell you.

1. How will the D-line play, will they step up and play above there age and talent or will they struggle all year long?

2. John Parker Wilson, with a still unknown running game Alabama will again lean on the sophomore qb.

3. New game day shirt, and a new shaker.

4. High light videos.

1. Can the baby rhino (Tebow) incorporate the forward pass into his repertoire? His HS highlight films and records seem to indicate that he can, but this ain’t the Pac 10, so he won’t be facing high school defenses.

2. Gotta agree with Orson and go with Tebow here too. We have capable back-ups, but losing Tebow would have a huge psychological impact on the team and its fanbase alike.

3. About $600 worth of effing law books.

4. Smooth music, of course. No hard beats or primal screams.

1. Goodness. A starting QB, Corwin Brown’s new 3-4 defense, receivers, a kicker, and trying to wrap my head around the thought of soliciting a prostitute in South Bend.

2. I’d have to go with Travis Thomas, whom I am expecting big things from this year. Geoff Price comes in a close second (yes, the punter).

3. New “The Shirt,” new BBQ/tailgate setup, Jimmy Clausen hair gel, and Mark May toilet paper.

4. The idea—nay—expectation, of Mark May eating his prediction of an 0-6 Irish team once again (see 2005).

Boy it’s not easy being a UConn fan. Well it is, but…

1) Quarterback. We got a JUCO kid and a redshirt sophomore who hasn’t been seen since 2005. Last year’s starter got banished to WR. All we’ve needed since Dan Orlovsky left was a QB and we haven’t had one. It’s painful. A lot of returning starters make me cautiously optimistic.

2) RB Donald Brown. Coach Edsall loves running the football. Brown broke two bills against Rutgers and carried the ball 78(!!) times against Pitt in a 2-OT win. It’s all Donald Brown this year. Just his mere presence gives our QBs hope. Without him, UConn may not score a touchdown this year.

3) New tent to replace one destroyed during the West FUCKIN’ Virginia fiasco of a year ago. The new Motion City Soundtrack and Hot Hot Heat CDs the day they come out for tailgating music. More chairs, to replace those destroyed during the Cincinnati fiasco. And salad. Why salad? Makes for excellent post-game poops. Ain’t that gross?

4) Almost as excited? The old WWF theme song “All-American Boys” for the Rougeau Brothers. Aly & AJ’s latest jailbait video. Seeing one of my articles linked to in a blog.. http://mysoccerblog.blogspot.com/2007/08/mls-expansion-are-revs-stopping-plans.html

This is completely unrelated, but I got drunk with Sean Salisbury last Thursday night. Okay, that’s not 100% true. I went to Trumbull Kitchen in Hartford on Thursday to meet a friend. While waiting for her, I ended up talking to a girl who wanted me to meet her friend Sean…Salisbury. Salisbury mustve had 100 COCKTAILS! He was completely shitfaced by the end of the night and, as I left, he was flirting with three brunettes whose faces screamed “We’re from Connecticut!!” In other words, bleh.

ChicaGoBlue did Streetwars? I am impressed. Read about it in Esquire or GQ. Sounded extremely fun, but also something that would be easier to do abroad.

The inventors of the game, I think, were burned out lawyers. Sounds about right.

1) QB – far and away the biggest question. If Casey Dick can find a way to be simply decent, then I would expect the Hogs to challenge for the West again. If he is as bad as he was at the end of last year – I’m focusing only on the MAC this season.

2) Humanity Advanced. (although if he is hurt there is at least another 1000 yard rusher at 2nd string in Felix Jones. If Dick gets hurt again, there is a transfer from Missouri Southern and a pair of freshmen.)

3) A shiny new DirecTV HD box and GamePlan subscription, a rub-on “Arkansas Bred” tat, a new cellphone for the neverending calls with my dad and brother during the games

4) The thought of MERCENARIES 2!!! ITS ON SWINDLE!!!!! ITS ON MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!

1) Rutgers has a couple of questions: a now relatively inexperienced linebacker unit, weak depth at cornerback, relatively young wideouts, and new tight end. The importance and crucialness for answers are in order of that list.

2) Ray Rice. I will pray that he stays healthy and so should every Rutgers fan in the world. No Rice = not much of a chance of anything at all.

3) The only thing I need to get still is Phil Steele’s Big East & ACC guide. I desire 6 pages of Steele on Rutgers. I also need to figure out the best way to explain the game of football to my friend (who is from Germany and never saw or heard of college sports, much less college football).

4) Hockey – I BLEED DEVILS RED. BLEED, I tell you.

1. When I was younger, I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered – but now I realize that it all comes down to a competent o-line and special teams (we need a punter).

2. I’m not expecting to grow flowers in the desert but, – we really need Austin Scott to live up to his potential – Tony M is going to have a hard enough time as it is; the running game must be there to take off some of the pressure.

3. Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted (yes, I realize that I have taken this too far) – Other than food and other seasonal tailgating items I think we’re pretty much set. Except, of course, for that outdoor dancefloor I’ve been asking for (Santa? Football Advent Bunny?).

4. (assuming that tailgating is a subsidiary of football) – Paris.

1) LSU – Is Matt Flynn the next Matt Mauck – a new starter with sporadic playing time who pulls it all together to lead a jugernaut? Or is he the next Booty. Josh, that is.
2) Early Doucet. The only WR with experience.
3) a – 10 pounds of pork for first-game jambalaya, 1.75 liter of Evan Williams, industrial-sized bottle of Advil.
b – A brain for Ryan Perrilloux.
4) Rolling up to Stadium Drive at 4 a.m., finding the perfect spot under a big live oak, setting up the satellite, breaking out the charcoal, busting out the first Daddy Drink of the day and settling down for the long slog to Saturday night in Tiger Stadium. (sort of college football related, but what can I say, one track mind and all)

1. Will our kicking game be just as lousy as last year. And then yes, CBs, DTs, etc.
2. Tebow. Duh.
3. A “Congratulations, Emerald Bowl Champions” shirt in Orange&Blue.
    A cheap, portable satellite dish/HDTV combo that is also sand-resistant so that I can actually watch sports at
4. Burning Man, which coincides with the start of the college football season every year. The good news: some of my August anticipation/lust for college football to begin gets blunted by a) expedition-like preparations for burning man and, of course, by b) a week full of lots of naked people and drug use.

1. Clearly corner. However, we started last year with a converted wide reciever and a utah transfer. The previous year we had the same converted wide receiver and a player (Vernell Brown) who made Terry Bowden NOT look a pygmy.
2. Since Tebow and Spikes are taken, I will go with Derrick Harvey. He is the only proven stud on our D and provides that much needed speed of the edge. That and Troy Smith still wakes up in the middle of the night in a pool of his own sweat/urine quivering with fear of Derrick.
3. a. RV
        b. New surround sound speakers to go with the high def.
        c. Some bass for the IROC.
        d. Oakley Blades
4. Fishing.

Coop: I did indeed participate in StreetWars. It just wrapped up yesterday here in Chicago. I had three kills under my belt before I was uncerimoniously soaked on my way to work. It was, however, one of the most electrifying experiences of my life. I never thought I’d enjoy hiding in a bush outside a stranger’s house in the dead of night, but I did.

1. QB. We have a highly touted RS freshman (always trouble) and a sophomore with limited game experience. Fortunately for us, Gary Patterson rarely calls on the QB to do much other than not screw up, but it’s hard to say whether we’ll have the type of QB who can make a big play late in a close game. TCU has won some games over the last few years without really ever having a star QB.

2. Tommy Blake, DE. If all goes to plan, he’ll be an All-America candidate. He’ll bookend the D-line with Chase Ortiz, himself a very good player. TCU is going to have to win a few games with its D this year, as always (see 12-3 over Tech last year), so the whole unit really needs to stay healthy.

3. * Satellite TV (probably Dish) for my new apartment

• A case of the Famous Grouse for during the games and a nice single malt (Talisker?) for after the games we win
• Floor wax because I pace during games and I’ll surely wear out my hardwood floors watching the Frogs on TV or listening online
• A ticket to FW for at least one TCU game, even if its only UNLV in November

4. RUGBY and the upcoming Rugby World Cup—another reason to get satellite TV

1. Quality of defense, our new center, and Steve Slaton’s wrist

2. Pat Slaton

3. Ingredients for Bloody Marys
Lots of Miller Lite
Pepperoni Rolls
(another) WVU hoodie
New laptop
Shoes, because I want them.

4. When things I want are on sale. Open bars. Vacations from work. And the meowing Pat White video.

1) Biggest questions for Louisville are at DB and O-Line, but some Juco recruits should help there.

2) WRs Harry Douglas and Mario Urrutia (tie): Experienced in Petrino-no-Kragthorpe’s offense; Douglas is speedy zone buster, Urrutia is a 6’6" gazelle.

3) a)Gameplan, as I’m stuck in NY, and Cards won’t be back to Rutgers until next year
     b)Bourbon, the brownest of all liquors
     c)Simpsons season 10 DVDs

4) Coming soon, Per Se and Le Bernadin, both 3 star Michelin Guide restaurants that I weasal my way into at the grace of my parents. In general, Pork!!!

1. Improvement of defense, new center, Steve Slaton’s wrist

2. Pat Slaton

3. Ingredients for Bloody Marys
Miller Lite
Pepperoni Rolls
(another) WVU hoodie
New laptop
Shoes. Because I want them.

4. When things I want are on sale. Open bars. Vacations from work. And the meowing Pat White video.

1. Improvement of defense, new center, Steve Slaton’s wrist.

2. Pat Slaton

3. Ingredients for bloody marys
Miller Lite
Pepperoni Rolls
(another) WVU hoodie
New laptop
Shoes

4. When things I want are on sale. Open bars. Vacations from work. The meowing Pat White video.

Boise State

1. QB, but at least I won’t be watching that douchebag ass hat Zabransky tribal tattooing up the backfield anymore.

2. Ian Freaking Johnson, but with the recent nuptuals we won’t have to worry about any groin strains this year. Nothing closes the meat curtains faster than ‘I do,’ at least in my experience.

3. Diet Mt. Dew and any kind of orange flavored vodka, a little concoction I like to call Tard Nectar.

Bulk bottle of Chaser, because no hangover is well worth a day of green shit. Especially when your team plays on two Thursday nights and two Sunday nights.

4. Going dorm room jumping with Colt Brennan and PURPLE DRANK.

1) OL, as always. Hopefully, Trickett can put the fear of Cthulu into them and reach towards average-ness.

2) Antone Smith. 5’8 of pure Mama-slappin’ speed, with enough gold toothness to F your S up.

3) New countertops, an alibi, 30 Rock on DVD, Lonestar.

4) Tests that come out negative.

1. Georgia Tech – Defense I’d say, oddly. Are we gonna get burned in the secondary again and again?

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall? Tashard Choice

3. Your preseason shopping list?

a. bottle maker’s mark
b. ticket to ATL
c. carton of condoms
d. Pants with my team logo, natch.
e. Bama Bangs and a Visor.

4. Flying.

1. Improvement of defense, new center, Steve Slaton’s wrist.

2. Pat Slaton

3. Ingredients for bloody marys
Miller Lite
Pepperoni Rolls
(another) WVU hoodie
New laptop
Shoes. I like to buy shoes.

4. When things I want are on sale. Open bars. Vacations from work. The meowing Pat White video.

No one’s reppin’ USF, and Florida is well covered, so I’ll take a shot as an extremely casual fan:

1. I think the biggest question is can they keep shocking the world? But I always get nervous about their O-Line. Something about Tampa Stadium — the home team can never block.

2. His name is Matt Grothe. He sells alcohol to minors. He might be the best QB in the state of Florida.

3. Auburn/USF tickets (not really a preseason shopping list item, since AU tickets are always DIRT CHEAP outside the door)
UF/UT, AU, FSU tickets.
That fancy mobile satellite TV rig for the roof of my car. 3 of them. BALLIN’

4. Betting on college football.

University of Texas

1) The secondary. . . . The hope here is that after losing 3 DBs to the NFL (2 in the first round), our secondary actually improves.
2) Colt McCoy
3) ESPN overseas coverage of college football
4) friends with benefits . . . . Speaking of which, can anyone offer a spanish translation of this wonderful concept?

Southern Cal.

1) Which running back do we actually use, and can they stay healthy? I suspect there may be such a thing as too many blue-chippers, and last year’s durability among Gable, Moody, and Clark was a question. A close second is which WR will step up.

2) John David Booty. We’re not completely fucked without him, but I haven’t liked a ton of what I’ve seen from Mark Sanchez.

3) Gas money to L.A., two flasks hidden in cargo pants, ticket to at least one home game from a friend with SC season tickets, and a carton of cigarettes for the after-parties (everyone bums like crazy).

4) I must second #16 and go with hockey here.

Errata: Gable, Moody, and Washington above — hoping McKnight is the stud that he was in HS.

1) BC’s head coach. No real experience at the helm, and he is implementing a zone blocking scheme with the O-line. That and we have a brutal first three games in conference. The start may be the finish for BC this season.

2) Matt Ryan. Best QB in the ACC. We just need him. Thankfully, he has a sternum made of aircraft titanium (see dirty spearing hit by clemson during 06 season).

3) Lots of PBR, raw chicken wings, Frank’s red hot sauce, and a new superfan shirt.

4) Tailgating.

1. Definitely the Bama D line. Can they withstand the assraping that will be administered throughout the second half of games?

2. Cop-out answer: Ross Wilson’s brother.

3. Just making sure Comcast fixes my HD channels.

4. Making a birdie on a tough par 4.

#28:

I used to toss around “amigos con ventajas” — but my Venezuelan friend told me that’s more like benefits at a job.

You can always just say: Yo Puedo poner mi lapiz en tu sacapuntas. The latin chicks love that line, trust me.

1. 28. I believe in at least Colombia the term is “Amigos con derechos”

Estimados 32 & 33:

32: I have tried “amigos con privilegios”, but it somehow does not translate well. It sounds like a marketing program — which, now that I think about it, actually is a good description.

33: Thanks for the vocabulary lesson (as I had no idea what “sacapuntas” meant). . . . Not to be presumptuous, but do Latin women really groove to the idea of an inserted pencil? Maybe the better play is “tronco” inside their “aserradero” (log/sawmill)!

No. 35: We have a winner. . . . If “rights” does not describe the concept, then nothing will.

Missouri here.

1. The coaching staff. Seeing as this is Our Year to make or break, if Pinkel does well we might just give him a wide berth. Otherwise he’ll be out of a job faster than he can say “Elson Floyd”.

2. Chase Daniel. The best QB you haven’t heard much about, he pretty much IS the team.

3. A nice amount of malted beverages, including Strongbow cider, Schlafly beer and some nice whiskey. Plus GamePlan and FIFA.

4. The RWC, hockey season and the fact that my birthday this year is the same date as the Kansas game in KC.

I’ve actually heard the term being used by college students in Colombia, so I know that it is directed at the exact concept you are asking about.

As a Penn State guy…

1. Offensive line. If they can raise their game from “porous” to “almost adequate”, it could be a good season.

2. To me, it’s running back Austin Scott. There’s next to nothing behind him — Rodney Kinlaw seems forever banished to kickoff returns and third down duty, while Evan Royster has yet to carry the ball in a real college game. We’re scary thin at that position.

3. Empty bottles for tailgate homebrewing. Deep fried White Castles. Get Out Of Jail Free cards in case of future PSU team brawling. Lightly chilled BRAINS Oh, and a flaming bag of dog shit for Lloyd Carr’s doorstep.

4. Minor league hockey fights. Boobies. Motorboating some boobies during a minor league hockey fight.

Arizona State

1) You think you have problems at corner? I’ll show you corner problems.

2) Safety Josh Barrett. Based on the rest of our defense, I think the safeties are going to be in on a lot of plays this year. Please spare us all from any Pac-10 defense sucks jokes. Thanks.

3) A satellite dish and a grill big enough to cook a side of beef.

4) I’m a beer geek. Anything brewed west of Denver or in Belgium makes my pants fit a little tighter.

1. For Ball State, there are always questions. Specifically, will the defense resemble the early-season sieve that it has the last two seasons, or will it resemble the vaguely ass-kicking unit that was getting critical stops against Michigan and Toledo at the end of the fall? Will the linebacking corps be able to compensate for the loss of all-around badass Wendell Brown? (Dude tore his pectoral muscle while lifting the equivalent of a small Buick a few weeks back and is out for the year.) Will the offense continue to produce even with some new faces along the line? Will they win enough to make everyone forget the fiasco currently engulfing our once-proud basketball program?

2. Our best player. And I’m not even going to tempt the Gods of fate by typing his name here.

3. – Sunscreen, so my face doesn’t end up the same shade as my Cardinal Red t-shirt.
- A comfy tailgate chair. Yes, any seat will do. But a comfy chair, now that’s living, my friends.
- One of those kick-ass Alton Brown grill set-ups
- Three Floyds Gumballhead Wheat or Alpha Kings Pale Ale… in abundant quantities.

4. The opening riff of just about any recent track by The Hold Steady and the sight of the Cubs taking the field at Wrigley on a glorious summer afternoon. Damn right, you wished you lived here…

I googled “Amigos con derechos”, and “Amigos sexuales” also popped up.

1) How will the offense respond to Jagz’s new schemes?

2) Matt Ryan. Without him, we’d be down to playing Flutie kin.

3)More barbeque chips. Mmm barbeque chips….

4) Thinking up things that I’m sure will get me sent straight to hell, like a Jeopardy Tournament for Tourette’s patients.

UCLA

1. Coaching. Karl Dorrell and crew need no further explanation
2. Chris Markey. Not much (proven) depth behind him at RB.
3(a). Adelphia digital cable w/sports pack
(b). Casebooks. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars of casebooks. damn law school.
©: Trip to DC to buy booze at a reasonble price (fucking Virginia and its “red state socialism”)
(d). Ticket+flight to whichever bowl the team gets into
4. Winning the UVa law flip cup championship, UCLA basketball games not involving UF, #28.

Google does also give me amigo con privilegios… but I hadn’t heard it used.

1. Morelli’s IQ
2. Morelli (sesing a pattern?)
3. RV for ND game (check)
case of beer for ND game (check)
4. rugby (is violent and has early morning drinking)

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?

QB play, when Humanity Advanced is letting the other team rest. Starting corners who can play press coverage; defensive depth, where a lot of Fr. and RSFr. are on the 2 deep; the need for a leader to emerge on the DL; the emergence of depth in the OL rotation; the defensive scheme gelling sooner, rather than later with big games early including Kentucky at Fayetteville.

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?

Freddy Fairchild; Humanity Advanced is a Superhuman, and thus, cannot be lost. Fairchild is an All-SEC type performer, a beast who plays his best in space, and who can anchor the LB core for another 3 years.

3. Your preseason shopping list?

ESPN Gameplan; soundproofing so that I don’t wake my wife at 4 am with my screaming. A grill (harder than it sounds, living in Ireland); a Humanity Advanced jersey; a share in Alabama tap shoe suppliers (between Cox and Wilson, they should have plenty of happy feet in the state)

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?

The prospect of having my impending twin boys sign letters of intent to play at Arkansas.

West F’n Virginia

1. Improvement of defense, a new center, and Steve Slaton’s wrist

2. Pat Slaton

3. Ingredients for bloody marys
Miller Lite
Pepperoni Rolls
(another) WVU hoodie
New laptop
Shoes. Because I like to buy shoes.

4. When things I want are on sale. Open bars. Vacations from work. The meowing Pat White video.

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?

Michigan: Can Michigan replace last year’s stellar (save 2 games) defense
PSU: can PSU’s Morelli get himself together.

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall? Michigan: Mike Hart. M’s record with him is night and day as compared to their performance without him.
PSU: Dan Conner

3. Your preseason shopping list?

a. PSU @ UM tickets.
b. UM @ Illinois tickets.
c. ND @ PSU tickets.
d. a new Penn State jersey – Dan Conner #40.
e. a generator so I can run multiple TVs at tailgate.

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football? Nothing. There is nothing else I read blogs about or obsess about. Period.

Hmmmmmmm… my answers are not showing up. Have I been denied commenting rights?

Guess not… I’ll try again.

1. Defense, the new center, Steve Slaton’s wrist.
2. Pat Slaton
3. Bloody Mary ingredients, Miller Lite, Pepperoni Rolls, another WVU hoodie, a new laptop, and shoes.
4. Open bars, vacations from work, tailgating, travel, and the Meowing Pat White video.

Guess not… I’ll try again:

WVU:
1. a new center, oru defense, and Steve Slaton’s wrist
2. Pat Slaton
3. Bloody Mary ingredients, Miller Lite, pepperoni rolls, another WVU hoodie, and a new laptop.
4. Open bars, vacations from work, tailgating, traveling, traveling to tailgate, and the meowing Pat White video.

1. What, no new couch?

Are you falling behind on your furniture incineration obligations?

Marshall:

1) As it has been for almost the last half-decade, quarterback. Bernie Morris is the returning senior. He’s fast, but his accuracy and decision making have been very mediocre the last couple years as he split time with Jimmy Skinner. DT and secondary are also young or thin.

2) DE Albert McClellan- the reigning C-USA Defensive POY. He’s the best pass rusher Marshall’s ever had, and that includes Jonathon Goddard from a few years ago. Without him pressuring QB’s, the young secondary would have no hope.

3) Kegs, kegs, more kegs, 190 proof Everclear (requires a trip to Kentucky), Cody Slate jersey, and plane tickets to Miami for the opener.

4) Beer pong.

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?

Running Back/Defensive Front 7

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?

Already lost him. Tyrone Prothro. The gods were cruel to that guy.

3. Your preseason shopping list?

a) Some real sound to go with the new 50" Plasma
b) Bushmills Irish Whiskey
c) Powerful anti-depressants

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?

The beach at Zaandvort Holland. Nothing like relaxing in a beach chair watching the most beautiful women in the world parade by toplessly with heads high and shoulders back.

oops,

ZANDvoort, not zaandVORT

Will – there is never a need to “shop” for a couch… you just take one off the next porch.

1. CBG— isn’t checking your neighbor’s porch the way that all shopping is done in WV?

Re: 54

The gods were not cruel to Tyrone Prothro. They just felt that we as an unwashed civilization were not ready for the talent that was Pro. The man was a walking Heisman highlight reel.

Here’s to hoping he can come back next year, but I’m not holding my breath.

I’m a dumbass, I meant #55.

Finally, my four: Bammer

1) As bad as everyone is worried about the defensive line this year, I’m going to say the OL. Outside of Human Bulldozer Antoine Caldwell and the Great Wall of Andre Smith, the line lacks a little. Justin Britt is just plain nasty, but the other half of the line is a little weak. Here’s to hoping someone steps up, and in a big way.

Saban is going to have the DL ready to rock-n-fucking-roll.

2) Boy, this is a toughy. JPW was alot better last year than I could have hoped for, but I really feel that if we lose Big Andre, we are in for a bad year. You saw what happened in 2005 when our starting center went down. The next two weeks we lost our only games of the year, to LSU and Auburn, who sacked us 11 times. The line depth just isn’t there yet.

3) I’m boring. But I definitely need some new bama gear. Hat, shirts, and maybe a new motorcycle helmet. Hmm…

4) The testosterone trinity: Motorcycles, guns, and fast cars.

Notre Dame

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?

What ISN’T a question mark for ND this year? Lost just about every major contributing skill position player, the defense was bad last year, lost some players, and has a new DC, and they couldn’t kick a field goal to save their lives. Typing this paragraph has given me heartburn.

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?

This is actually a good question. Zibby is as good a guess as any but there’s no single key player this year, IMO.

3. Your preseason shopping list?

A flag pole to attach to the house so I can show my colors deep in the heart of skunkbear country. Unfortunately, that’s about all I can afford, being house poor.

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?

The sweet, soothing voice of the internet.

The Ohio State University

1.) Did the coaching staff really learn something from the NCG? Will Tresselball return with a vengeance or will Tressel stress test the new arms and receiving corps? Just exactly how is Tressel going to screw Carr out of a NCG appearance, for the second straight year?

2.) Chris Wells. He’s got to step up and be the man, especially if Tresselball is back. Tresselball doesn’t work with shity running backs.

3.) Your preseason shopping list?

a. A new cooler – bitches.
b. The Big Ten Network.
c. Tickets to The Game – (Sweatervest makes it two straight years of denying Michigan access to the NCG)

4.) The thought of Bama getting the death penalty – almost nothing makes me happier.

Domer—Good show tonight, by the way.

1. Everything’s a question. if you ask ESPN, the QB race (OOOHH!!! Jimmy Clausen!!!) is the biggest thing, but regardless of who’s in, ND’s offense will move the ball and score points, though not as much as the last two years, initially. The big question for me is will the move to the 3-4 and Corwin Brown as the DC make any difference in our not-so-stellar record of getting burned for big plays? We can’t win 41-38 this year, our O won’t be that good. The D needs to step up.

2. Trevor Laws or Maurice Crum—Zibby gets the press, but we need them to be solid in the front 7, or we’ll just get steamrolled again.

3. Preseason Shopping list:
a. Coffee—getting up at 1 AM for games is a bitch.
b. Knockout drops/babysitter for Sunday afternoons for the kid.
c. Armed Forces Satellite—got that one.
d. A book on football in Japanese, so I can explain my unhealthy obsession to my neighbors/co-workers.

4. Cheesy, I know—playing with my 18 month old son.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2965321

Thank God…the silence from Tenn. was unsettling…maybe he threw a cup at a parked car/discharged an assault rifle in public/kicked in a door and beat everyone up/stabbed the kicker/headbutted the window of a cop car….Fulmer, who is very fat, has no comment

More Arkansas Drama…

This was posted on an Arkansas board earlier today before being pulled.

My son Colin Tucker turned in his equipment after 18 months of abuse from the Razorback coaching staff. I would rather tell a very loyal fan base first before a small DMG paragraph states he left the team for unknown reasons. I was a fan and very proud that he signed with the Hogs out of Pierce High School in 2005. I and 33 members of my family have graduated from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. We love the school more than many Arkansans. I have read many of the Razors Edge comments and find some truth in the knowledge regarding the program and a majority of insights completely missing the mark. I know many fans will say I am a disgruntled parent. That is their right. Each person has an opinion.

While my son was trying to have a personal meeting to discuss his leaving the team and why, Coach Nutt he took three cellphone calls. That is all he could do to pay attention to someone that was making a very hard choice and asking for a small portion of his time. When I spoke to Coach Nutt by cellphone he couldn’t even stop reading his fan mail to give me his full attention when my son was in the room. Colin said he cared less about my conversation. Mike Markuson didn’t have the courtesy to even return my call last night but called my son and was put out. I called him directly to discuss his opinion of Colin. Markuson gave Colin very little in the way of thanks for his efforts. What a man of God he claims to be.

I know that steriods exist in the program and my son was not ever going to go in the direction. He was black balled by the strength coach and his graduate staff as not meeting the strength requirements to play in the SEC because he couldn’t bech press 450 lbs and sqaut 600lbs. Mike Markuson told him today in a personal meeting he didin’t have what it takes physically to play in the SEC – 6’5" 295lbs. He wiped Earnest Mitchell so bad last year in spring practice Earnest started a fight with him and was kicked out of practice. The strongest guy on the team was getting beaten by the weakest linemen.

The medical staff abused his broken foot i.e. Dean Weber. They told him the foot wasn’t broken. An xray technician at the school was the Razorback expert. They claimed he had gout and when I sent him to the Washington County hospital emergency room the doctor clearly stated it was a broken foot. Dean Weber chewed him out for seeking outside medical attention and told him “this was indicative of his career”. That is why our players aren’t helped when they are injured. Dean Weber is a dumb ass.

Folks get ready for much more to come from me. I love the Razorbacks and the U of A but our players deserve better coaching and people that want to develope them into better men and graduates that have degrees. By the way my son has made All SEC Academic every semester he has been at the University and will graduate in three years. I am more proud of that than him wearing the Hog uniform.

Colin recommended to Coach Nutt to give his schlorship to Mike Moffit because the walk on deserved to be rewarded. Colin is not bitter he has a big heart and has class. He will do well in life. The Razorback program did nothing to make him a better person. He had that before he arrived on campus. The players deserve better from the men that dominate their lifes for 4 years while playing ball. Go ask Zac Tubbs or Steve Parker some of Colin’s best friends last year what they got from the program after the stadium lights turned off – not much and very little positives regarding the program.

He wishes the best to his former teammates.

http://razorbacktalk.com/board/index.php?PHPSESSID=c302caf42ea205153ddb9100664e9d63&topic=4974.0

66

I’m not saying that it’s untrue, but sometimes the parents of a kid who doesn’t make the team (or gets kicked off) have a tendency to exaggerate.

USC Trojans

1) Will the wide receivers develop in time? Which running backs will be stand-outs? Can anyone actually kick the ball consistently? How will they do replacing Ryan Kalil?

2) Others mentioned JD Booty, so I will suggest Sedrick Ellis, Ray Maualuga, or Taylor Mays.

3) Well, it was FIOS and a dvr for the new Casa DC Trojan, but that got sorted today. Perhaps an obscure single malt to be purchased while serving as my brother’s best man in Edinburgh next month – to be savored only after victories.

4) Archie Gemmel’s goal against Holland, Argentina 78. Dennis Bergkamp’s goal against Argentina, France 98. Lionel Messi’s goal against Getafe, 2007. Almost as exciting as 4th & 9, South Bend, 2005.

#42

NATE DAVIS! NATE DAVIS! NATE DAVIS! NATE DAVIS! NATE DAVIS!

god i hope that did the trick.

67, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but one thing is for sure, Arkansas Parents are to the Arkansas Program what Athens Police are to Georgia’s Football Players.

Either way, there is a lot of smoke coming out of Fayetteville.

tOSUBuckeyes, (63)

I almost thought you were going to get through an entire post without any Bama-hatin.

Nice save, but WTF??

Texas Tech. Oh, and “yarrr!”

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?
D-line. They’re talented but young…how long will it take for them to realize that our defensive scheme sucks and they should just try to hit the guy with the ball.

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall? The offense has plenty of depth and will take care of itself, so I’ll go with SS Joe Garcia. Team leader in tackles last year.

3. Your preseason shopping list?
A plane ticket from Dallas to Lubbock for the November 17th season finale against OU.
 
4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?
Watching hot girls yogging at White Rock Lake. War sports bras and ponytails.

#68: are you Mark Renton with liking that goal?

#71
I tried, really I tried.

#68: are you Mark Renton with liking that goal?

No, fatter and no smack habit for a start. They revoke your birth certificate if you don’t like that goal, and send you off south to watch cricket instead. The horror…

Georgia Bulldogs

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?
Will the WR corps finally live up to their potential? Will the light go on for Brandon Miller? Will we ever beat Florida and Auburn in the same season?

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?
Tempted to say Matthew Stafford, but last season proved the answer to this question is our PK Brandon Coutu. With him healthy last season we don’t lose embarrassing games to Vanderbilt or Kentucky.

3. Your preseason shopping list?
Coors Light, Crown Royal, Charcoal, etc.

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?
Nothing else even comes close.

Virginia Tech

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?
O-Line and QB are possibilities, but they aren’t question marks as much as known bad entities that hopefully will improve. My actual question mark is replacing the kicker/punter – a team that lives on defense and tight scores can’t flub this.

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?
Brandon Ore. He basically is the offense and barring injury has a good shot at All-ACC. Beyond him the RB situation gets dismal.
You could also say anyone on the O-Line, but we’ve already lost one ankle so far, so I’m going to pretend that’s not true.

3. Your preseason shopping list?
New orange and maroon effect shirts
Beer
Wings
More beer
Brats
Even more beer
Replacement liver

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?
Patent litigation and Mario Kart

Californee-eye-aigh

1. Can Justin Forsett handle the starting job? Can Desmond Bishop, Daymeion Hughes, Brandon Mebane etc be adequately replaced on D?

2. C Alex Mack. Longshore fat. Need more time throw. Graaaargh.

3. Hm…student section T-shirt, Oregon game ticket, Big Game ticket.

Oh, and how can I forget:
http://images.lowes.com/general/p/poulan_gas_chainsaw.jpg

Memo to any Tennessee fans: feel FREE, and I mean FREE to take ANY liberties you wish with the oak trees and their inhabitants outside the stadium.

4. Badminton. Don’t you dare fucking laugh. I will destroy you at leg-wrestling.

tOSU-
1. Will a QB be able to make some decent passes or are we going to be looking at the 1999-2002 era all over again. Also, will our D-Line prove decent after losing 2 300 lbers being replaced by two gus that are 270-275?

2. A lot of people expect me to say Chris Wells, but I am going with Malcom Jenkins here. A true corner, he is physical (6-1 200) and fast (first in NCAA 400m 4×4). I think we have alot of talent behind wells, included the other wells, and Brandan Saine and Boom Herron.

3. Shopping list-
a. A tv, my gf still lives at OSU and I dont wanna watch fucking Gilmore Girls on my hungover Sundays
b. Some new OSU t-Shirts, or possibly a Possession Receiver T-shirt from the EDSBS store.
c. Who knows, Ill start a new job October 1st, and I dont know what kind of hours Ill be working

4.Vagina, some Birth Canal, some Hairy Mooseknuckle, whatever you call it. Im a fan.

PENN STATE

1. What’s your fall question marks for your team?
Can the offensive line gel fast enough to open holes for question mark #2, RB Austin Scott? Can Austin Scott finally live up to the expectations of his stellar high school career? Will the DT rotation be solid enough to eat up blockers for the AA LB crew (Lee & Connor)?

2. Who is the player your team CANNOT lose this fall?
I’d like to say Dan Connor, but there really is enough quality depth at LB to survive an injury to #40. I’m going to go with TE Andrew Quarless…that’s right, at TE. He’s Morelli’s go to guy in the red zone and has no proven backups.

3. Your preseason shopping list?
Lots of babysitters. Two new babies in my house (twins, bitches!) so they’ll eat up my CFB watching time if I don’t enlist an army of sitters to distract them while I swear at Charlie Weis, Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr on the TV.

4. What’s something that gets you almost as excited as football?
More than three hours at a time of sleep (see twins above).

Alabama:

1) The entire defense, aside from the cornerback position. The LB’s look serviceable, but the DL is a big question mark. True Freshmen might see play time at this position.

2) Antoine Caldwell. Andre Smith might be our monster tackle, but AC is the guy to call the assignments to keep JP Wilson standing upright. He’s also the only other guy on the team that AS doesn’t manhandle in competitive drills.

3) An HDTV cable receiver for my HDTV.

4) An EDSBS 10-update day.

The Ohio State University

1) QB- even though Boeckman has been in the program so long he’s old to enough to have fathered our incoming frosh, he hasn’t played any meaningful football here yet.

2) RB Chris Wells. The other options at RB are Mo Wells and two true freshman (shudder).

3) Phil Steele’s preview mag, because if I don’t see the letters “VHT” in sequence at least 300 times I go into seizures. Plus, not knowing who is projected to be UAB’s 3rd string free safety is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

4) Almost as excited as CFB? I tried to come up with something witty, but the truth is our annual beach vacation in Playa Del Carmen & Tulum, Mexico.

Also, maybe the noticeable irritation of others when I refer to my school as “The” Ohio State University…

1. Auburn is a team with 4 new offensive linemen, no known entity at WR2 (or WR3), no experience at punter or kicker, a quarterback trying to shake a reputation that labels him “frail” and “slightly above average”, and Steve Gandy just left football after concussion #4 of 2007 (which means Auburn just lost their second starting linebacker since the beginning of spring practice). BE THAT AS IT MAY, the secondary scares me more than anything else (our #1 corner, Jonathan Wilhite, was humiliated in several games last year, chasing 5 steps behind Gamecock and Georgia Bulldog wideouts the way Wile Ethelbert Coyote chases Roadrunner)

2. Though there are better all-around players on the defensive side of the ball (Quentin Groves, Tray Blackmon, and Sen’Derrick Marks), Brandon Cox remains the most important player on the team. A 9th-year senior on an inexperienced offense, he’s the key to any success that the Tigers have this year.

3.
a. some listeners for MY radio show
b. time machine so I can attend both Auburn/Florida and Alabama/FSU on Sept 29th
c. ring polish for 2004 National Championship/SEC Championship/Perfect Season ring
d. ESPN “Who’s Now” tournament on DVD
e. cigars to celebrate Auburn upset in Baton Rouge this year

4) NBC’s Thursday Night lineup, fantasy drafts in any sport, Beck live in concert, and sorority bid day here in Auburn

- DP