Steve Spurrier has threatened everything short of taking back that beautiful shiny ring he bought you for the anniversary if you don’t let his recruits into school. Spurrier’s enraged over South Carolina rejecting two of his recruits who met NCAA standards but didn’t pass SC’s internal requirements. (Clemson grads and others, fire away with the academic requirements jokes.)

The Fanhouse jokingly suggests Spurrier might just flee to Duke, which remains a joke and a joke only–it’s cruel to do that to Duke fans, and they’re swimming in cruelty as is. Spurrier’s just prone to threats and drama, and thinks he’s in a position to roll shit downhill rather than take it. It’s gambiting on his part, since he’s in exactly the spot where he wants to be at South Carolina as the savior of the program and perpetual underdog. He’s also got a prior relationship with Andrew Sorensen, the president in Columbia, and is in striking distance of Augusta at all times. This matters more than you can possibly know.

Plus, he’s fascinated with the pigeon control system at Brice-Williams stadium–nay, enthralled.