FULMER CUP: "HO"-TRE DAME

Funny, I don’t recall 574 being in the area code song. But at least that one will be stuck in my head all day now. Terrific.

Charlie Weis was propositioning a chicken breast and unavailable to comment.

Send that man to Congress, he’d fit right in!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/04/12/dc.madam/index.html

Charlie Weis was propositioning seven buckets of popcorn chicken breast and unavailable to comment

Fixed.

I went to Notre Dame. My mind is incapable of summoning an image representative of “South Bend prostitute”. Seriously, the very phrase makes me want to go lay down for a while with a cold compress.

Mmmmm. That’s gotta be some good truck stop lovin’.

How bad do your coeds have to be that even guys on the football team are soliciting prostitutes to get ass. Whew!

Aw come on man….give a brother a break. You seen the girls at Notre Dame?

Mrs. Murphy: Help you two?
Derrell: Do you have any white chicks ma’am?
Mrs. Murphy: Yeah
Derrell: I’ll have some white chicks please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that, honey?
Derrell: No ma’am, clean.
Charlie: Do you have any fried chicken ma’am?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damned chicken in the state.
Charlie: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Charlie: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Derrell: And some white chicks please.
Mrs. Murphy: Ya’all want anything to drink with that?
Derrell: No ma’am.
Charlie: A Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: Be right back

Inconceivable. We all know there’s only one prostitute in South Bend, and she is easily recognizable by her gaudy display of the leg above the ankle. Lascivious temptress…

1. — Brilliant.

Now I’m imagining Weis and this kid dancing with some other ladies to Aretha Franklin’s “Think.” But then again, when am I not imagining that?

Maybe Brady Quinn’s sister went back to work despite A.J.’s contract? Dedicated career woman…

you know quinn’s entire o-line got in on that

that’s when the whores come in!

Of course, this would have been a less egregious offense at Notre Dame had the propositionee been a young boy.

Damn, Pete, that was uncalled for…just plain mean!

#14…WOW

Completely uncalled for….and totally hilarious!

I’m sure he was just going to give her a ride home.

Sincerely,
E. Murphy

How is it a crime to proposition a hooker? I don’t get it.
Shall I be arrested for crapping at the rest area as well? A rest area’s soul purpose is for you go empty your drawers, just as a hooker’s raison d’être is to loan her hole(s) out for a few minutes of disappointing sex. How one is a crime while another is a family activity I’ll never know.
Damn Puritans.

#13

nice one. you get with one prostitute during the war and your life is a living hell ever since.

O,

You write:
“watching the Playmaker get inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame”

I read:
“watching the Playmaker get indicted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame”

I guess it’s one of those word-association-type things

Give the kid a break. How can you make it rain on them hoes when you don’t have any hoes? That’s like eating your pudding without eating your meat.

I’m surprised that the anti-Catholic bigotry didn’t start up until post #14. The SEC must be slipping.

1. - That was Big 12 bigotry, for the record.

Is being a victim of bigotry worse or better than being raped as a six year old?

Shoulda stuck with his namesake.

1. - don’t know…ask your sister/girlfriend you inbred douchenozzle.

#26: Someone reads NDNation.

@ 20 & 13…

Whores running around, doing their little behind-shake for the men folk…

1. takes five finger discount to a new level.

#23: I’m not anti-Catholic, I’m anti-pedophilia. If you want to conflate the two in your mind, that’s your business, not mine, but damned if I can remember the last Lutheran pedophilia scandal to cross the news wires.

Pete: Mainly because Lutherans are too busy forbidding their children from engaging in any competitions whatsoever.

I can’t believe I had to wait until #26 for someone to mention that Hand needed a prostitute. I smell a new psychological disorder defense coming rom SB.

There is probably an Addams Family joke in their too.

South.Bend.Prostitute.Blecchhh.

jebus – missed that, thanks for the correction.

1. - as much as your statement is a setup for a really vile response, I’ll simply state that you’re a bit misguided on the characteristics of the priest scandals.

Statistically speaking, the rate of pedophilia in priests is more or less in line with the rest of the population, somewhere around 1-2%. If you’re looking to stereotype child sexual abusers the common profile is a married middle class white man.

on a less serious note, when I think of South Bend prostitute the first thing that comes to mind is Patty and Selma from The Simpsons.

Also this proves that there is no sex at Notre Dame.

On a lighter note, how many Fulmer Cup points will my Irish receive for this run-in with South Bend’s finest? At least ND will be ranked somewhere to start the season.

1. - riiiight. Because pulling out a pedophilia comment when referring to Notre Dame isn’t about Catholics at all. You’re just all about the children.

Oh, and http://www.spokesmanreview.com/local/story.asp?ID=199318

The man just needed some help installing the wooden dance floor in preparation for fall practice tailgating. Can’t a man get a hand laying down some new parquet?

Re: #27

AIrish, everyone reads NDNation if they’re looking for a good laugh. Funniest pack of warrior-poet worshippers on the Web.

The incidence of pedophilia might be the same in the priesthood as it is in the general population; however, the especially loathsome part of it is the Church’s actions (and inaction) when dealing with an admittedly small number of individuals.

That said, I don’t got beef with most of the church any more than I have beef with religion as a whole. Let’s move on; it’s FOOBAW! season.

The truly frightening thing is how almost every incident of acclaim and value to grace the pages of EDSBS can run through this story. We’ve reached a nexus of some sort.

Supply your own punchline:

Haley LaFontaine
Division-1 Football brother
Erickson
tOSU library geeks
He probably saw her in jorts and gave her Urb’s The Point.

Shoot, if he’s got a particular kink you can wrap that crapping in a cooler thing in this story too.

Unless he doesn’t have time for that sort of thing.

I am Catholic. I went to Notre Dame. Shockingly, I graduated. The Priest Sex Scandals are shameful. And I use the word ‘are’ because they are still in play. Perhaps if the Catholic Church hadn’t tried to sweep everything under the rug, the Los Angeles Diocese wouldn’t be writing a check for 660 million. Oh, and just my 2 cents, but trying to use a statistical fact to mitigate child rape and Catholic Priests is creepy.

The girls in South Bend made him do it. That entire town fell out of the ugly tree.

PeteJayhawk, while I agree that pedophiilia is a bad topic (though not related to this infraction in the least except from your comment), it is always fun to hear condemnation coming from Kansas, where they outlawed teaching evolution (since repealed).

1. - No doubt, there were issues. Catholics were the most upset about those issues than anyone. But I’m glad you’re issue is the seriousness of sexual crimes and not cheap and easy jokes to bash Notre Dame.

Assuming that the charges stick against Hand, I’ll next look forward to your comments about how no-nonsense and principled Notre Dame is when they suspend him for the season over a misdemeanor.

And by “you’re” I meant “your” of course.

Statistically speaking, the rate of pedophilia in priests is more or less in line with the rest of the population, somewhere around 1-2%.

That’s true, but they didn’t have their management covering it up for them. Pointing out that salient detail isn’t anti-Catholic bigotry, it’s a condemnation of the men who abused children and their superiors for losing sight of their mission for pastoral care.

“Pointing out that salient detail isn’t anti-Catholic bigotry”

True, but implying that Catholics are hunky-dory with pedophilia, as the original post did, is.

I’m glad I don’t have a reason to have pedophile statistics at my fingertips.

True, but implying that Catholics are hunky-dory with pedophilia, as the original post did, is.

I think we can agree that 98% of us are against pedophilia and the other 2% need to keep their mouths shut and their zippers up.

That said, I went to a Catholic HS in the 80s in CA, and despite trying, they weren’t completely successful in getting the priests to keep their hands to themselves. As a rule it was the younger ones that one had to watch out for; the older Irish-American priests were far too busy getting sozzled and smoking for that kind of malarkey.

1. - Impressive.

How do you misuse the word “soul” and then use “raison d’être” in the same sentence?

Is the rate of pedophiles in the priesthood actually the same as the general population? I know I’ve seen an analysis that suggested the gay population in the preisthood was significantly higher than the population at large. It just makes too good of a place to hide for someone who faces condemnation from the community at large.

And I’m not equating pedophillia and homosexuality, those are separate things.

Allow me to be the voice of perspective here. You’re dealing with the comments section of a (largely) humor-based sports blog. Of course someone’s gonna be an asshole and bring up the priest thing with ND. It’s like being on a Tech blog comment section on the AJC’s website and expecting some Georgia fan to not come in and spout off about “fukkin nerds, 6 in a row, 51-7, WOOF WOOF WOOF” or expecting Orson to not comment about Phil Fulmer being fat (which he is).

CheeburgerChuck375: Do you like cheezburgerz?
NDteen13: yeah, like who dozn’t
CheeburgerChuck375: I can bring u a Baconator. It’s big, but u can take it slo. I promise u’ll like it.
NDteen13: ok, soundz like phun.
CheeburgerChuck375: Gr8. I promise a Frosty 2.

#37: Fair enough. I’m just giving credit where it’s due.

(No, I was not the one who posted it originally. I’m not nearly that clever.)

I know the statistics because I volunteer with a parish youth group. In addition to all the background checks and fingerprinting everyone is required to take a course that covers child abuse, how to notice signs and it went into great detail about myths and facts about sexual abuse. The guys who do this are sick, manipulative bastards and there isn’t a punishment harsh enough for what they do. The thing is they’re everywhere, they put themselves in positions where they’ll have lots of contact with kids, and they build up trust with the kids and their families before they start abusing.

I’m all for a good laugh, but I can’t find child abuse funny and I don’t want an inaccurate stereotype about it to be perpetuated

The guys who do this are sick, manipulative bastards and there isn’t a punishment harsh enough for what they do.

…so we just shuffle them on to another parish.

Charlie Weis was propositioning seven buckets of popcorn chicken and unavailable to comment

From there, he went to DQ for a quadruplesnickersblizzard, and then the bariatric surgeon and a lawsuit-to-go.

Mario wasn’t so super after all.

#36

Statistically speaking, the rate of pedophilia in priests is more or less in line with the rest of the population, somewhere around 1-2%.

First of all, what an unbelievable retarded statistic. “somewhere between 1-2%”

O RRY?! LOLZZ

secondly, 100% of the male population isn’t placed in a position – by a higher being no less – to mold the lives of others’ children

i can’t believe someone is throwing statistics like this around trying to seemingly justify priest pdeophelia or in the very least be unapologetic for it?!

Allhaver, what is with the Baconator/frosty obsession? Remind me not to accept an invitation to go to Wendy’s with you, lol ;)

I’m Chris Hanson, with Dateline NBC.

#62

i can’t believe someone is throwing statistics like this around trying to seemingly justify priest pdeophelia or in the very least be unapologetic for it?!

Reading Comprehension is not really a strong suit of yours, is it?

The stats were used against PeterJayhawk’s blanket statement ( @ #14) that all Catholics (at least those at ND) are obviously ok with pedophilia.

"Of course, this would have been a less egregious offense at Notre Dame had the propositionee been a young boy.

NDTom quoted the stats not in defense of pedophiles, or even of how the Church has (mis)handled them, but merely to point out that this is not just a Catholic problem, but a problem with our culture as a whole.

People continuing to make this lame-ass joke whenever Catholics are mentioned isn’t funny. It’s just tired.

#64
The first time I used it I thought I was being clever. I’ve mostly recovered from the subsequent puncture wounds, but I figure I may as well wear my scar proud and continue to lower the bar.

1. - It’s called homonym humor. I use it at every opportunity. For me, emptying myself is a soul cleansing of sorts. You should try it.

One of my good friend’s dad was a partner at one of the national firms in charge of the civil suit against one of the New England dioceses. He told me that when the firm was trying to decide whether to take up the case, quite a few Catholic leaders and political leaders who were Catholic told him that if his firm took up the case, their law firm would “never work in Boston again.” He thought that it was just a few over the top individuals until he kept getting the same message over and over again.

So, let’s be clear, the main problem with the sicko priests was the handling of some of the Catholic leaders when they found out about it, i.e. shipping the priests around and trying to intimidate the victims.

Anyway, I have no beef with Catholics in general. How could I dislike them when they have such great comedians (Stephen Colbert).

Stephen Colbert = the real enemy

Have the Hand-job jokes made the rounds yet??

If it’s any consolation for Hand, non-athletes aren’t on campus yet so he didn’t even have an opportunity to check with the homely coeds. #8 As an Irish fan and Charlie Weis lover, that’s hilarious.

Domers, don’t sweat it. Speaking as a non-Catholic Domer, this isn’t about Catholic hate, it’s about Dome-hate. No one makes little boy/priest jokes about Boston College or Georgetown; ignore it, and move on.

The REAL story here is that a varsity football player couldn’t even get a piece of townie action. Hell, I was a ROTC dork under the Dome and I got my fair share.

1. — You got townie action? Gross. That’s even worse than fat-girl action. Actually, it probably was fat-girl action. Fat-girl townie action. Excuse me while I hurl.

The folks at NDNation have their underwear tied up in knots wanting this kid to be punished, banished, or otherwise sanctioned. Just like the hypocritical purists they can be.

I’m a 3rd generation ND grad, and my son and nephew made 4 generations.

But sometimes I just don’t understand the need to beat something like this to death. After all, no one died, no one got hurt, no one was abused or harmed in any way. So…big deal. It isn’t like he beat the crap out of his girlfriend or started a barroom brawl.