FLORIDA TO MOVE TO BIG TEN! NEW COACH: SASQUATCH!

Oh God…Keep this one away from the “Sports Junkies”!

HEY! David Jones is MY piñata!

If The Big Ten got Florida in, wouldn’t that concern Delaney that Florida would bring down the B10’s academic standards?

Daft.

If my courting of Katie Holmes doesn’t work out, I think Giselle is a “resonable fallback position.” It’s within the reasonable realm of possible reality. Really.

The Big Televen: you thought our inability to count was us trying to be clever? No, we really are fucktarded! (greatest. word. ever.)

Wow, did that paper actually pay that guy to write that nonsense ? I wonder if he also suggested that the New England Patriots join the XFL ?

In response to USC’s move to the Bundesliga, Notre Dame moved to Italy and will play all of Serie A, but will remain independant and negotiate their own TV contract.

is bundesliga where bunda comes from??? if so i might follow usc there.

FLORIDA! INDIANA! NEXT ON THE BIG TELEVENWELVE NETWORK!

What the hell movie is that image from?

I’m having vague flashbacks to B movies witnessed in my youth.

and 100 cocktails for working in “harry and the hendersons.” i’m fucking rolling over here.

I think Delany hired Mal Moore as a consultant regarding this issue.

Ah, the ol’ John Lithgow vehicle.

I don’t get to say Lithgow enough.

Lithgow, Lithgow, Lithgow.

There, that’s better.

RUTS, you can always can a couple of free whacks at Ron Bracken any time you like. I’m sure he won’t mind it a bit.

Well, Foley may be talking to Harry, but that unscheduled stop on the way back to Gainesville? Howard the Duck.

The guy that played Harry is the same dude that played the Predator

That would be “Harry and the Hendersons,” a movie I saw in the theater with my family. And enjoyed, shameful as that is to admit now.

Michigan to join the Legion of Doom?

I would have preferred a Pick of Destiny reference, but Harry and the Hendersons is quality kitsch…

We Penn State fans have to put up with that dope’s nonsense year round. Any chance the Orlando Sentinel will take him of our hands so he can start covering UCF?

I already have it on good authority that the SEC will be adding Notre Dame, USC, Georgia Tech and Texas to form a 16-team superconference, so piss on your idea, David Jones. All your conference are belong to us.

#16

Now I’m going to have bad dreams.

I am shocked and amazed that this guy keeps his phone number and email address public.

Conversely, this is just too stupid to respond to. I would not know where to start.

How does he have a job? How is he not considered legally retarded?

Marshall to lose its criminal past by joining the French Foreign Legion!

Bracken’s fucktarded comments are par for the course. He needs to eat some brains.

Oh great. Now David Jones is going national. And I thought his asinine opinions were just limited to central Pennsylvania.

Congrats, you are now driving traffic to PennLive.com and registering them some ad impressions. All it had to do was put up something inflammatory, and people link to it.

It’s a trick that technology journalists have been doing for years, usually saying something dismissive about Apple and watching the Mac fans blow it out of proportion, discuss it in 1000 different places, linking to it each time. It’s a great scam for getting page views and driving ad revenue.

Granted, this was probably published in the newspaper first, but publishing inflammatory material to get readership has been around since the sinking of the Maine. It is now bleeding over into the Internet, and everyone across all the sports blogs who are covering this bit.

You have to watch closely for these guys. If it’s something that has nothing in reality or logic backing it up, it could be a page view scammer. Be vigilant, my friends, and don’t humor them.

If you’re going to go Lithgow, you MUSt go “World according to Garp” transvestite Lithgow. You’re welcome.

This is the kind of thinking that put the Saints and Falcons in the NFC West.

You think Bill Richardson won’t graft seven penises to his forehead in a desperate bid for the Democratic nomination? THINK AGAIN!!!

This isn’t the first time the idea of Texas joining the Big 10 has been batted around. When they planned their departure from the SWC back in the 90s, they looked very hard at joining the Pac-10 or Big 10, the criteria being a conference of schools with high academic standards. The problem as you pointed out is one of geography. Joining the Pac-10 almost happened, but I believe Stanford was the lone hold-out in a consensus vote.

There’s a great article on the whole history of the collapse of the SWC, formation of the Big XII, and how the Governer (Baylor grad) and Lt. Governer (Tech grad) blackmailed Texas and Texas A&M (who was originally interested in joining the SEC) into taking Baylor and Texas Tech with them. I’ll post it if I can find it…

If David Jones were any dumber, you’d have to water him weekly and toss Miracle Gro on him once a month.

I suggest “Buckaroo Banzai” Lithgow

#30,

Is this what you’re talking about?

http://www.mysanantonio.com/sports/stories/MYSA081405.3N.SWCbaylor.tech.1ca3e1c.html

that is a great article as i’ve read it too. there was some shady shit going on in that little transaction.

If Florida ever joined another conference it’d be the Big East. Our two Catholic coaches would be a great fit with Providence, Marquette, St. John’s, and Georgetown. (Wait, none of those guys play football. Woohoo! A conference title every year!)

That’s the one!

#32

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy! Still one of the great come back lines of all time…

“Texas is known to be displeased in the Big 12, both because of a low revenue stream and a dearth of big-market, high-academic-profile schools such as itself.”

Ha, imagine that. Nobody listened to Tom Osborne when he said adding four schools from Texas was going to be bad for the Big 8/Big 12, and now Texas reportedly doesn’t even want to be here.

Guess he knew what he was talking about all along.

Harry and the Hendersons was definitely my favorite Sasquatch-related film. The actor who played Harry incidently has a Bacon Number of 2.

Where in the hell’d he get “six million televisions in the state of Texas” from…? There are a hell of a lot more TV households than that.

First off, a hearty thanks to Orson for his evisceration of this latest piece in the now-annual off-season ritual wankery involving conference re-alignment.

However…

“There’s plenty of midwesterners, sure, but they’re in Orlando, fearful of that "water" shit surrounding the coasts. "

I take it you’ve never been to the Fort Myers-Naples metroplex, then? More sunburned, chunky Midwest ex-pats there than are people left in the Midwest, I think.

Saw more Chicago Bears car flags on my recent trip down there than I do driving around the city. No joke.

Hah!

#39…how many sasquatch-related films have you seen for “Harry” to be your favorite?

Re: MILF Tuesday? Go or no go?

This just in: USC will join NATO and finally take care of that Darfur situation.

The it’s off to the AFC West.

1. - Do the Star Wars movies count? =)

I live in the Northwest, and I try to make it to the Sasquatch Festival every year. I see several Sasquatches there every time, and there’s sometimes a screening of a low budget 70’s Sasquatch movie there too. Good fun!

1. - That would bring a tear to Rick Sutcliffe’s eye.

@mlmintampa, G’town plays 1-AA football

Orangeblood, that is correct it was only Stanford that said no. The rest of the Pac-10 wanted Texas. In fact the city of Austin would have been a better fit with the cities of the Pac-10 than the cities of the Big 12. It would have also opened up Texas to the Pac-10 and California for Texas for recruiting. I can see it now an annual game between USC and Texas. The Pac-10 cheering for Texas to beat Oklahoma, Texas playing the Big 10 and Notre Dame on a more regular basis for out of conferance games, and Nebraska playing Oklahoma on a yearly basis, etc.

What could have been :(

I’m glad my MILF Tuesday idea is embraced by the unwashed masses … but it might be a strain to post 2 decidely hot women in one week. A suggestion to make it simpler: Nikky Taylor.

You know what I always love about conference realignment chatter is when they forget to do the math on travel costs for non-revenue sports.

Sure, Iowa City is only 1,000 miles, give or take from Austin, State College is only 1,500 miles from Austin (by comparison, Iowa City to State College is about 800 miles and about 900 miles to Syracuse).

I love Austin as a city and have enjoyed it every time I have been there. I’d love to have them in the Big Ten, but I’d also like several million dollars tax-free and a girlfriend that looks like Rachel Specter. I don’t see either one happening in this lifetime.

By the way, here in Florida, Sasquatch prefers to be called Skunk Ape
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk_ape

That settles it. Next year will revert back to the old #1 Big-10 team vs. #1 Pac-10 team Rose bowl match up, for that year only. Winner gets the Longhorns in thier league. More to the point, winner gets a hot cheer squad in chaps.

Ah yes, the reviled Skunk Ape. Where I live, Titusville(read: twilight zone), the city actually instructed the wildlife control officer(read:Gator catcher) to search a wooded area for said ferocious beast.

You shouldn’t mess with Sasquatch…unless you are eating beef jerky.

MILF suggestion #2: Catherine Zeta-Jones

And to continue the Messin’ With Sasquatch thread:
http://www.messinwithsasquatch.com/

“In Search Of…Sasquatch
That was a kick-ass In Search Of…
With Leonard NiiiiiiMoy
Kickin’ out the ja-aams”

I went to PSU and lived on both coasts of Florida, and my sister went to UF.

West coast = Midwestern snowbirds. Your Tampa crack is just total BS. Ohio, Michigan, Illini retirees out the wazoo.

The east coast (southeast) is exactly like Seinfeld portrayed it. Del Boca Vista uber alles.

UF’s all the way up in Gainseville, i.e., in the middle of redneck country, and neither batch of snowbirds gives a crap about UF, but I suppose the ones from Tampa might drive up for a game, and there’s still a huge PSU alumni walking-dead contingent in South Florida which might watch on TV. Big deal – that’s worth about a buck fifty economically speaking, since UF already makes about as much money as a Big Ten school does, and as noted, they don’t have to send the lacrosse team 18,000 miles a year to do it.

Hailing from the Land of 10,000(+) Lakes, I have to take umbrage at the suggestion that Midwesterners—at least of the Minnesotan variety—have less familiarity with water than Floridians. I feel compelled to point out that Minnesota has more shoreline than Florida, California, and Hawaii combined. It is the birthplace of the Mississippi River (Itasca) as well as water skiing. It is home to the largest water-based national park (Voyageurs National Park), and the world-famous Boundary Waters Canoe Area. We have more recreational boats per capita than any other state, about one for every six people (although I have seen similar claims by Arizonans, so maybe Minnesota is second now, or maybe the Arizona folks are including non-recreational watercraft). I know Michigan and Wisconsin have lots of water too. So, bottom line, is Midwesterners (or at least Minnesotans) = aquajunkies.

See Minnesota Fast Facts and Trivia for more tidbits.

Papa Lou BSU is right. Miami and Tampa may be full of New Yorkers, but Naples and Fort Myers at least are major outposts for well-heeled refugees from the Twin Cities, Chicago, and Detroit (well, suburban Detroit, anyway). There are a fair number of Minnesota businesses (grocery stores, restaurants, banks and investment firms) that have only one location outside of the Twin Cities, that being in Naples. If they have a third location, it’s in Scottsdale, AZ.

#53..Twilight Zone…The Movie: Crazy-shoot-up-a-plane Lithgow. In the original Shatner episode, that plane critter looked a bit like the Skunk-Ape…..maybe that’s where he originally came from….THE MOON!

Hailing from the Land of 10,000(+) Lakes, I have to take umbrage at the suggestion that Midwesterners (or at least those of the Minnesotan variety) are unfamiliar with water. I would like to point out that Minnesota has more shoreline than Florida, California, and Hawaii combined, and Wisconsin and Michigan can make similar claims. Minnesota is the birthplace of the Mississippi River (Itasca) as well as waterskiing. It is home to the largest water-based national park in the U.S. (Voyageurs National Park) and the world-famous Boundary Waters Canoe Area. Minnesotans also have more recreational boats per capita than any other state, about one for every six people (I have read that Arizona claims to have the most boats per person too, so maybe Minnesota is now second, or maybe Arizonans are counting non-recreational watercraft too). In any event, Minnesotans = aquajunkies.

Also, Papa Lou BSU is right. Miami is full of New York snowbirds, but from what I know Naples, Fort Meyers, and Sanibel Island are primarily outposts for well-heeled refugees from Big Ten country, especially the Twin Cities, Chicago, and Detroit (well, suburban Detroit, anyway). There are a number of business from Minnesota (restaurants, at least one upscale grocery store, banks, investment firms) that have only one location outside of the Twin Cities—that being in Naples or Sanibel Island. If they have a third location, it’s in Scottsdale, AZ.

See, e.g.,
Jerry’s Foods (http://www.jerrysfoods.com/Store/StoreHome.aspx)
Lowry Hill
(http://www.lowryhill.com/profile/profile.htm)
D’Amico & Sons (http://www.damicoandsons.com/frame.asp?s=location)
Campiello (http://www.campiello.damico.com/)

#56

excellent tenacious d reference.

Minnesota pride! That’s just great, but it’s still freezing there in winter.

M1EK:

and those of us from “redneck country” are still hoping the bottom half of the state drops into the sea, taking you and all your midwestern/yankee bluehair friends and relatives with it.

curse you, henry flagler!

I guess Dave Barry said it best when he observed that “happiness is one hundred thousand Canadians heading home — with an Ohioan under each arm.”