GIMME GIMME GIMME
We can’t wait to post it with the rest of this year’s “Orson’s Favorite Things” piece, so here it is, the solution to all your problems involving weddings and other forms of human interaction conflicting with your viewing of an ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX game broadcast on local frequencies.
America, Fuck Yeah: the NHJ Portable Television.
How awesome is the EDSBS bride, The Conscience of a Nation? So awesome that SHE suggested we purchase this immediately. Too bad for her: in case you wonder how we’re going to die, it’s most likely while pounding the face of this watch in following a Florida turnover viewed while driving to the store for ice for our ninth vodka and tonic of the day. Hand hits watch on wrist, turns car into oncoming traffic, and we’re done. That’s totally how it’s going to happen, and it will be all your fault, Tim Tebow!
Mangino might actually look small on this screen, though, so there’s good news for someone in this.
Enjoy your weekend.
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1
The Conscience of a Nation says:
It’s not entirely altruistic– I need a designated driver.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
2
Allahver Fist says:
You’ll ruin it in the first shower.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
3
Senor Pez says:
Duh: Put the watch on your RIGHT hand so that you swerve into the liquor store parking lot when there’s a turnover-induced wrist-strike. Sure, you might end up stuck INSIDE the store, but you end up with easy liquor access, a memorable parking spot, and a great story to tell the grandkids.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
4
jon says:
thinking of awesome things to watch onscreen:
Kentucky locker room hip hop hijinks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22-gmAuDb2g
check out the white guy (receiver Dicky Lyons, JR) on the left playing Tummysticks with the dude in front of him
July 27th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
5
PSUrob says:
I’m getting married on September 22nd, the same day as Penn State @ Michigan (it was either this day or the day of the Penn State/Notre Dame game, and I let her know where my priorities are).
WHERE DO I GET ONE OF THESE?????
July 27th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
6
PeteJayhawk says:
PSURob…
I know you said that for rhetorical purposes…but, uh, click the link. That’s where you get one of those.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
7
jon says:
….and snap!
July 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
8
jebushchrist says:
As if Tebow’s guns would fit on that thing.
July 27th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
9
odell51 says:
Vodka! It’s Friday!!!!
July 27th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
10
PW says:
as if Tebow is gonna commit a turnover
July 27th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
11
Holly says:
Can I get GamePlan on that sucker?
July 27th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
12
Herringbone says:
“as if Tebow is gonna commit a turnover” …less than 15 times this year…
July 27th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
13
Birdonnell says:
My favorite part of this, for some reason, is that according to Amazon.com people who bought this watch also bought “My Super Ex-girlfriend.” It’s perfect, but for some reason I’m too drunk to fully understand why.
July 27th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
14
MCab says:
Who the hell is broadcasting soccer on UHF/VHF?
July 27th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
15
Out of Conference says:
So you can;t plug in a DVD, DirecTV, or cable? Shit, after the reviews at the link, I was all horned up thinking about what I could do with it…
“works if you are willing to experiment with different positions. ” (I am, but what does that have to do with the watch TV?)
“I’m up and down with this thing” (just don;t eat cheetos while you’re doing that, or you’ll turn your “thing” orange)
“it is awesome for being so small” (finally, some respect)
July 27th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
16
CGKGator says:
Only an hour of viewing time? Booooooooo
July 27th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
17
eric y says:
eric y and jay whitlow :Forget the tonic, and forget the trip to the store for ice!
But, yeah, jay says for weddings, funerals, and any other such type of “service” this would be great!
Also, for those whitlow family reunions in nowhere Kansas!
jay whitlow
eric y
July 29th, 2007 at 10:14 am
18
rebel84 says:
PSURob,
How did you get all the way to the wedding without letting your wife to be know that the fall was off limits for weddings. My wife knew by our third date that fall weddings were unacceptable and sacriligious in my book regardless of whether or not it’s an open date.
In fact, I had it ingrained in her so much that when my mother-in-law said that she wanted us to have a fall wedding, my wife nixed the idea without me having to say a single word.
I even went so far as to say that open dates and away games were off limits, because there would be fans of other schools besides Ole Miss that would be invited to the wedding. Boo to you for allowing a fall wedding to happen.
For the record, my parents actually got married in the fall, but my dad was able to swing it so that they got married on a Friday night, and they flew the next day to South Carolina for the Ole Miss-South Carolina game. So my parents honeymooned in Columbia, SC at a football game. It really doesn’t get more college football than that.
July 29th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
19
doreblogger says:
I don’t trust a man who would get married during football season. Seriously.
Two seasons ago, attending someone’s wedding during football season caused the most massive blowup argument with my wife during our marriage. I didn’t want to be there. We left the reception early to find a place to catch the game, which embarrassed her. Everywhere we went was packed and we wound up taking fast food back to the hotel and listening to the game over the internet.
We wound up losing the game, and I nearly got left there to find my own way home over the whole episode. It’s not worth it.
The good news is that another of her friends is getting married in September and I’m off the hook. I’d rather spend more on the gift and send my regrets.
July 30th, 2007 at 8:14 am
20
Cincy says:
Big XII South teams getting some late Fulmer Cup points.
Texas:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2953220
and Aggie Lite: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2952558
July 30th, 2007 at 8:23 am
21
PSUgirl says:
rebel84 –
My parents too were married in the Fall – In State College on a Friday – but they drove down to Maryland to see PSU play Navy the next day.
When friends or family announce fall wedding dates I always have to shake my head – they obviously do not want me to be there – I do make exceptions for events scheduled on away dates – but only if I’m sure to have a radio and/or tv close by.
July 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am
22
rebel84 says:
I do know someone who scheduled a wedding the weekend of the Ole Miss-LSU game in 2003. The game was in Oxford and the wedding was in Memphis and took place not long after kickoff. For those that don’t remember, that was Eli’s senior season, and the game was essentially for the SEC Western Division title. I had a friend who was asked to be a groomsman before the season started and declined because it was the Ole Miss-LSU game in Oxford. Normally, I’d say that declining to be a groomsman is not a nice thing to do to someone, but I’d say that scheduling your wedding on the weekend of the Ole Miss-LSU game in Oxford is much worse and therefore I don’t blame the guy. By the way, this was a wedding between two Ole Miss graduates. I could possibly understand if they were from another school that had an off weekend or away game that weekend, but the worst possible thing you can do is schedule your wedding on the weekend of a big home game at your alma mater. If you do that, you’re asking for a small turnout.
July 30th, 2007 at 10:26 am
23
Scalz1 says:
I have a 4 inch Sony TV that I take to the beach on Saturdays or Sundays. Sitting on Cocoa beach, ice cold Budweiser in my hand, and the Bundas frolicking. You’d be surprised how may nice, young, scantily clad women come and ask: ” You got the score to the Gators game?”
July 30th, 2007 at 10:38 am
24
PW says:
What if you have your fall wedding at Legion Field? Does that make it any better?
July 30th, 2007 at 11:32 am
25
PSUgirl says:
now see – that’s an interesting issue/question – I’ve often pondered the logistics of the tailgate wedding (or at least reception) – It would be a PITA for non-fan guests and (at least in State College) accommodations would be non-existant (you think people plan weddings far in advance – ha!) – You’d have to find a hotel (or such) that was far enough away that you could get a block of rooms – have all the guests meet at a central location and rent a bus (or buses) that would drive them to the ceremony and parking lot – it’s possible – but with the fluctuation of football scheduling/start times and general craziness of both weddings and football games – I don’t think I’d recommend it.
July 30th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
26
rebel84 says:
Here is the solution. If the bride insists on getting married in the fall, she’s probably not right for you anyway, so you should just ditch her altogether as soon as it becomes apparent that she’s not going to budge on the fall wedding idea.
Think of it this way. If you give her a fall wedding, she’s going to start thinking that college football is not necessary EVERY Saturday in the fall, when in fact, it most definitely is. Before long, she’ll have you scheduled to do dinner with her parents the night of the Alabama-Auburn game, or a cocktail party at your place the same night of the USC-Notre Dame and Penn State-Michigan games, and she’ll insist that you leave the TV off, because TV distracts from conversation. She may even have the nerve to try to have a your first born on a Saturday in the fall. And then not only will you miss all the games that Saturday, but she’ll also insist that every one of his birthday parties be held on a Saturday, and you’ll miss countless Louisville-WVU shoot outs in the future due to Junior’s birthday parties.
In short, you give an inch, she’ll take a mile. My suggestion is to never let the snowball get started rolling. Otherwise, one day you’ll find yourself as a 65 year old man, sitting in your recliner, flipping past UT-Florida and Texas-Oklahoma so that you can catch the Olympic Figure Skating trials.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
27
Max Fischer says:
You think I could get one of those with a bayonet attached?
July 30th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
28
PW says:
re:26
A wife who has the gall to bear your child on a fall saturday probably also won’t let you name it any of the following: Headballcoach, Orr, Klickklack, or Excellencepisser.
July 30th, 2007 at 4:15 pm