GIMME GIMME GIMME
We can’t wait to post it with the rest of this year’s “Orson’s Favorite Things” piece, so here it is, the solution to all your problems involving weddings and other forms of human interaction conflicting with your viewing of an ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX game broadcast on local frequencies.
America, Fuck Yeah: the NHJ Portable Television.
How awesome is the EDSBS bride, The Conscience of a Nation? So awesome that SHE suggested we purchase this immediately. Too bad for her: in case you wonder how we’re going to die, it’s most likely while pounding the face of this watch in following a Florida turnover viewed while driving to the store for ice for our ninth vodka and tonic of the day. Hand hits watch on wrist, turns car into oncoming traffic, and we’re done. That’s totally how it’s going to happen, and it will be all your fault, Tim Tebow!
Mangino might actually look small on this screen, though, so there’s good news for someone in this.
Enjoy your weekend.
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re:26
A wife who has the gall to bear your child on a fall saturday probably also won’t let you name it any of the following: Headballcoach, Orr, Klickklack, or Excellencepisser.
Comment by PW — July 30, 2007 @ 4:15 pm
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You think I could get one of those with a bayonet attached?
Comment by Max Fischer — July 30, 2007 @ 2:48 pm
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Here is the solution. If the bride insists on getting married in the fall, she’s probably not right for you anyway, so you should just ditch her altogether as soon as it becomes apparent that she’s not going to budge on the fall wedding idea.
Think of it this way. If you give her a fall wedding, she’s going to start thinking that college football is not necessary EVERY Saturday in the fall, when in fact, it most definitely is. Before long, she’ll have you scheduled to do dinner with her parents the night of the Alabama-Auburn game, or a cocktail party at your place the same night of the USC-Notre Dame and Penn State-Michigan games, and she’ll insist that you leave the TV off, because TV distracts from conversation. She may even have the nerve to try to have a your first born on a Saturday in the fall. And then not only will you miss all the games that Saturday, but she’ll also insist that every one of his birthday parties be held on a Saturday, and you’ll miss countless Louisville-WVU shoot outs in the future due to Junior’s birthday parties.
In short, you give an inch, she’ll take a mile. My suggestion is to never let the snowball get started rolling. Otherwise, one day you’ll find yourself as a 65 year old man, sitting in your recliner, flipping past UT-Florida and Texas-Oklahoma so that you can catch the Olympic Figure Skating trials.
Comment by rebel84 — July 30, 2007 @ 2:37 pm