We can’t wait to post it with the rest of this year’s “Orson’s Favorite Things” piece, so here it is, the solution to all your problems involving weddings and other forms of human interaction conflicting with your viewing of an ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX game broadcast on local frequencies.
How awesome is the EDSBS bride, The Conscience of a Nation? So awesome that SHE suggested we purchase this immediately. Too bad for her: in case you wonder how we’re going to die, it’s most likely while pounding the face of this watch in following a Florida turnover viewed while driving to the store for ice for our ninth vodka and tonic of the day. Hand hits watch on wrist, turns car into oncoming traffic, and we’re done. That’s totally how it’s going to happen, and it will be all your fault, Tim Tebow!
Mangino might actually look small on this screen, though, so there’s good news for someone in this.
Play this to get you in that smooth West Coast frame of mind…
Yeah, we’re smooth now. Toto-smooth. Ready to talk about the Pac-10, who’s not trying to be harsh or anything when they suggest that they’d COMPLETELY FUCKING BAIL on the BCS if anything resembling a playoff were instituted. Even a “plus one” format falls under this umbrella statement, which isn’t a threat, but you know…we’re just saying.
(Great rhetorical device there. If you should ever want to say something completely untowards or inappropriate towards someone, just include “I mean, don’t take this personally…” and then conclude with “I’m just saying.” Congratulations! You’ve effectively managed to compliment a co-worker’s ass without violating HR regulations!)
Hansen also takes the bait laid out by Les Miles by going out of his way to say this, quoted in an LA Times piece by Chris Dufresne:
The Pac-10’s national image will change only when teams other than USC start making national noise.
The conference will get plenty of chances this year: Oregon plays at Michigan. Washington plays host to Boise State and Ohio State. Cal, this time at home, gets another shot against Tennessee.
UCLA gets a do-over against Notre Dame; Washington State plays at Wisconsin.
“It’s very, very important,” Pac-10 Commissioner Tom Hansen said of the matchups. “We have to win games like that.”
All true, sure. But we would like to say this to USC on behalf of the rest of the SEC: stop looking at us like that. Here–perhaps try a tasty petit-four we made last night. See? Those are delicious, aren’t they? Have another? Now you didn’t think we were talking that kind of shit about you, right?* Of course we weren’t, now.
The historical parallel popping up in our minds at the moment is the ACC under Florida State, which featured some very good teams (like Mack Brown’s UNC squads, O’Leary’s Georgia Tech teams, and the moonshot 1990 UVA team that held the #1 ranking for 3 bizarre weeks.) Ed–okay, as Michael points out, FSU didn’t join the ACC until ‘92. Then how ’bout the Barber Brothers mid-90s teams? Not bad. There are good teams, but there’s one big lobster clubbing everyone else in the tank into submission. Said lobster is USC, and will remain so as long as Carroll’s there.
The other great quote fluttered from the mouth of Captain Kaboom, Jim Harbaugh, who will bow to no man as head coach of Stanford. After stating that this year’s USC squad “may be the greatest football coach of all time,” causing John Skipper of ESPN to rush to the bathroom to take care of the raging hardon he got on hearing this…
OW! Jesus, the little bastard is straining my fine summer-weight wool pants…
That noise you hear is Ed Orgeron speaking at SEC Media days, where he’s just finished up a booming and “optimistic” rundown of the Ole Miss Rebels, all the while winning the Al.com pool for “most likely to fry our audio equipment.”
Mock at your own risk. The Orgeron has endured tougher battles.
The Orgeron, putting down his croker sack full of blue chippahs, had two of the most intriguing quotes thus far from the Alabama equivalent of the Cannes Film Festival. One, he took a nifty slap at that pipsqueak Saban:
Orgeron first commented on Saban’s impressive record saying, then belittled him saying “he won a share of a national championship.” Saban claimed the 2003 BCS championship at LSU while Orgeron was an assistant coach at Southern California, a team the AP and others declared was the real national champion.
Then he finally explained how a Delta State walk-on became the starting qb at Ole Miss, saying that Brent Schaeffer’s automatic spot as starter under center was an error on his part.
Orgeron raised eyebrows last year by naming Schaeffer the starter before he played a down. Now, he calls that a mistake.
“I wish I hadn’t done that,” he said. “That was for recruiting.”
OWCOACHOBARRINDASOLETODATUBBYNINNYBOYMEDIATAHPES! BEENWATCHINDAOPRAH, GEDDINTOUCHWITHDAFEELINS’! Please, please let Ole Miss have a moderate amount of success this year–a league without Orgeron would leave us rent with grief. He’s learned how to elbow other coaches properly at Media Day. He’s evidently starting to learn from his mistakes (though the John Thompson hiring still has us befuddled.)
As long as the tally of wins doesn’t include a victory on September 22nd, we’re fine with whomever he beats, on the football field or in a dark alley in Oxford. Judging from some of the advance stuff we’ve heard about Feldman’s book following Orgeron’s recruiting around for a season…you’ll be pulling for him, too.
We’re extremely literate, hard-working, degreed and responsible people here. We do not wear Axe Body Spray. We have never gotten a DUI. We do not wear necklaces made of dull gray metal shaped into mock-chain link. We accept our eventual mini-vanned fates with glee. We love our wives and go to bed at responsible times only after sorting the recycling, making sure our BillPay account is in order, and taking the dog out for a walk.
And yet….CHEESECAKE STRIKES!!!
Andrea Rincon, a Colombiana, we think. This is the safest picture we could find for the front pagina. The rest are technically safe for work, but again, probably not a great idea to have on the front page, as they feature extremely distracting amounts of bunda. (Seriously–if you have an ounce of hesitation, don’t click more.)
Sometimes, we imagine Bobby Bowden looks behind him and thinks “How the hell’d I end up in Nuremburg?” Ah, but for a ninety degree twist of the wrist at full extension, sir.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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