THAT’S BOLD: MARK BRADLEY, PRE-COG.
Belated, but since little’s going on today, we dig this from the unused pile of things we should have mentioned at the time but didnt:
Mark Bradley offered up his extremely specific picks for the 2007 football season in late June because “deep down you know there’d be a void in your lives if I didn’t.” Howard Stern-like bluster from the starchy, oft-maligned AJC columnist! He’ll be asking strippers if they were molested as young girls any day now and hanging out with alcoholic midgets any day now. I am the king of all poorly-run, barely-read Cox Communications-owned media!
The new precog Bradley predicts:
— Phillip Fulmer will be replaced by David Cutcliffe the first week in December. (The final straw will be Tennessee losing to Kentucky for the first time since 1984.) Hearing the news, Johnny Majors will laugh deep into January.

Mark Bradley knows…things…
My, that’s specific. What a roasting we shall give him should Fulmer be fired in the last week of November instead! We’re ribbing Bradley out of anger here, since he bumrushed our own list of amazingly specific–cough cough SPECIOUS cough–predictions about the season.
On September 18th, Kirk Herbstreit will look at Chris Fowler, and with all seriousness, ask if he just wants to, you know, hang out and play some 360 or something. Or hoops. If he has time, that is.
On October 13th, Dennis Erickson will wake up in a grotty alley in a dim corner of Montreal, Canada, shaking to the core from the cold. There will be $75K in poker chips in his pocket. He will have a game to coach in Tempe on the other side of the continent. Dennis will think: deja vu, daddy. Deja fuckin’ vu.
On September 16th, Tom O’Brien will wake and eat a bowl of Wheetabix, the same cereal that’s been waking up Tom O’Brien and the O’Brien household for twenty years. And Tom O’Brien will say out loud, “That’s a satisfying bowl of cereal.” Then he will finish that bowl of cereal.
On December 1st, Jim Harbaugh will tear a phone book with his bare hands to motivate his team. Because Stanford doesn’t bow down to anyone, and the best way to demonstrate this is by ripping a phone book in half, because only passion and commitment can rip up a copy of the greater Palo Alto area phone book. They will then get pummeled by Cal like no Stanford team has been pummeled in recent memory.
On September 4th, Rich Brooks will kick the ever-lovin’ shit out of a cat. Go ahead and pencil this in every day of the season, because if there’s one thing Rich Brooks can do, partner, it’s kick the shit out of that fucking cat next door every day just to show it who’s swingin’ the huevos around here.









1
RedDevilEA says:
Long live Beetlejuice.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
2
Donk in a Box says:
My father-in-law had cancer surgery at Stanford over the weekend. They took out a tumor that they said was the size of a basketball. A day later, they said it was the size of a football. Naturally, the first thing I blurted out was “Trust Stanford to have forgotten what a football looks like.”
(He sent 2 daughters to Cal, and I married one of them, so I’m sort of stuck with this. At least I can recycle all my old Auburn jokes for these people.)
July 24th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
3
doubtingthomas says:
Will there be a point this season where Nick Saban has time for some shit?
July 24th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
4
Brian says:
Friday morning, Sept 21st – Chris Fowler catches Herbstreit in bed with ‘EA’ but she convinces him not to tell anyone. He agrees because “deep down we have this connection.”
July 24th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
5
Billy in Baton Rouge says:
On Nov. 3 Les Miles will lock eyes with Tyson Jackson as he returns to the sidelines holding the severed head of John Parker Wilson and say “Fuckin’ A young man. Fuckin’ A.”
July 24th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
6
Nick Saban, Lawya says:
#3:
No.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
7
PW says:
Brian@4
He won’t so much “catch” them as he will have been an active participant– assless chaps, ball gag and whatnot.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
8
crabs says:
If the Fulmer Cup’s namesake is fired, will it have to be renamed? Any suggestions?
July 24th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
9
Steve says:
On Nov. 3rd, LSU fans will find out that Nick Saban is to Les(s) Miles as Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corrola were to Doug Stanhope and Joe Rogan.
Piss poor replacements that couldn’t hold the predecessors jocks.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
10
hailstate says:
Sunday morning , October 7, Sylvester Croom will walk out his front door, remove the 137 “For Sale” signs placed in his yard, and mutter something to the effect, “Gated community, my ass.”
July 24th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
11
Digital Headbut says:
On October 3rd…Butch Davis will wake up, drink a cup of coffee, and realize that he is the head footall coach at the University of North Carolina. He will then pack his bags and drive nonstop down I-40 westbound toward Oklahoma City, never to return.
On October 4th…Ed Orgeron’ younger brother, Danny, will drive into Chapel Hill take over as interim head coach. Tar Heels win 4 in a row before Marvin Austin eats the special teams coach.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
12
crabs says:
Doh! I was going to suggest the “Nutt Cup” – but I just read the article.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
13
RedDevilEA says:
Saturday morning, November 17th, Lloyd Carr will wake up, eat some bran flakes, do a quick set of push-ups, tuck a cyanide capsule behind the WJR/Special Olympics Gold Outing score card in his wallet, and head to the stadium.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
14
RedDevilEA says:
*Golf
July 24th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
15
Holly says:
Phillip Fulmer will be replaced by David Cutcliffe the first week in December.
The thought that this is even a remote possibility chills me to the core. Not Cool, Knoxville, y’hear? Don’t even think about it.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
16
Oops Pow Surprise says:
9) – Thanks for the clarification; most people were probably thinking, “Whaddya mean? Guys with similarly long names? Way over my head, pal.”
July 24th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
17
Billy in Baton Rouge says:
Re: #9
And on Nov. 25 following the 6th curb-stomping in a row from Auburn, Alabama fans will wake up and think “We paid $4 million for THAT??!!”
July 24th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
18
robert says:
Does this mean that Mark Bradley is going to have Terry Bowden run for the US Senate?
July 24th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
19
Junior04 says:
On November 25, Nick Saban will receive a voicemail from Mike Shula that simply says “Booya”.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
20
DC Trojan says:
On Sunday November 2nd, Pete Carroll will especially love all you angels – just like every other day of the year.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
21
DC Trojan says:
And on Sunday December 2nd, I will learn how to read a fucking calendar.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
22
Heath says:
Oct 29th, Haley LaFontaine will tell Les Miles where to go… and it ain’t Atlanta in early December. Les replies that her new hair do reminds him of when the cat through up.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
23
bhors says:
September 2: A mass apology email will be sent to most of my friends, who I drunkenly called and told them I was stabbed outside of the bar on my way home and I was just calling them to talk to them until the ambulance came so I could stay awake.**
This would be the second time I would have had to send out a mass apology for the same reason.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
24
Herb says:
On Saturday September 8th, BC will lose to NC State, and BC fans will blame it all on Tom O’Brien…then go back to talking about how wicked awesome the Red Sox are.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
25
RedDevilEA says:
Wha?
July 24th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
26
JoesDeliGatorTail says:
#22- when the cat “threw up.” Unfortunately I know the past tense for vomiting all too well.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
27
Papa Lou BSU says:
On Sept. 29, while their team is on the receiving end of an epic 48-14 ass kicking at the hands of Penn State, Illinois fans will realize that for all the recruiting prowess, their team is still coached by [NAME REDACTED].
July 24th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
28
Devin McCullen says:
On October 11, during a routine press conference, the Wannstache will say “That’s it, I can’t take any more of this”, detatch itself from Dave’s face, and sign a deal to finish out the season with ESPN before looking for a new full-time position.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
29
Allahver Fist says:
On August 28, Ed Orgeron will unintentionally nailgun himself 3 times in the frontal lobe. He will go on to coach a triple quarterback rotation throughout the season and Ole Miss will win the Outback Bowl.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
30
Jerkwheat says:
On September 1st – I will care not that my teams are playing Kansas and Troy State. I will have already been consumed by the day long orgasam that is the return of foobaw.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
31
John says:
At 11:59 AM on Saturday 1st, Lee Corso will put on a Hokie head to absolutely no suspense and generate only moderate applause.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
32
Boston Frog says:
No. 24, you’re making two bad assumptions. The first is that BC football has fans, and the second is that anybody here would ever stop talking about the Red Sox for any reason except maybe to talk about how wicked cool Tom Brady is.
July 24th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
33
dogtown gator says:
On November 24th, someone attempting to walk into our kitchen and make a cheese sandwich will eat a Tony Joiner backhand instead..
July 24th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
34
PeterPumpkinhead says:
At the end of the first week in December, a sullen Fulmer will walk into the dirtiest Waffle House in Knoxville with a dozen glazed KKs and start slicing them in half while waiting for his patty melts and scattered, smothered, and chunked hash browns to arrive so he can assemble his KK sandwiches for deep frying.
The stock price of Crisco’s parent company goes up $3 in after-hours trading.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
35
chickensupernova says:
#34: so basically Fulmer will walk into the NEAREST waffle house.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
36
PeterPumpkinhead says:
Exactly… I thought I made that pretty clear.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
37
Whohah says:
On September 12th, at approximately 3:43 p.m. EST, Buffalo Bulls offensive line coach Allen Mogridge will be breaking down game tape of the Penn State defense. He will, unconsciously, begin crying, then quickly regain his composure for moments before sobbing uncontrollably and inconsolably, questioning the existence of a just and loving God.
July 24th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
38
Heath says:
#26, if I was being completely dishonest with you and myself, I’d say that was how Les will say it. But alas, it’s just because I ain’t very good with them there (their, they’re) words.
From Sept 1 till Dec 1, Mark Mangino will have 5 fried White Castle burgers for breakfast, brunch, lunch, mid afternoon snack, supper and right before he goes to bed. Totaling 35 fried White Castle burgers per day. By being on this diet, his cholesterol will go down 35 points and he will lose 2 tent sizes..
July 24th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
39
tzubear says:
Boston frog,
If parking were available within half a mile of the stadium BC might have fans.
July 24th, 2007 at 6:01 pm