THAT'S BOLD: MARK BRADLEY, PRE-COG.

Long live Beetlejuice.

My father-in-law had cancer surgery at Stanford over the weekend. They took out a tumor that they said was the size of a basketball. A day later, they said it was the size of a football. Naturally, the first thing I blurted out was “Trust Stanford to have forgotten what a football looks like.”

(He sent 2 daughters to Cal, and I married one of them, so I’m sort of stuck with this. At least I can recycle all my old Auburn jokes for these people.)

Will there be a point this season where Nick Saban has time for some shit?

Friday morning, Sept 21st – Chris Fowler catches Herbstreit in bed with ‘EA’ but she convinces him not to tell anyone. He agrees because “deep down we have this connection.”

On Nov. 3 Les Miles will lock eyes with Tyson Jackson as he returns to the sidelines holding the severed head of John Parker Wilson and say “Fuckin’ A young man. Fuckin’ A.”

#3:

No.

Brian@4

He won’t so much “catch” them as he will have been an active participant— assless chaps, ball gag and whatnot.

If the Fulmer Cup’s namesake is fired, will it have to be renamed? Any suggestions?

On Nov. 3rd, LSU fans will find out that Nick Saban is to Les(s) Miles as Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corrola were to Doug Stanhope and Joe Rogan.

Piss poor replacements that couldn’t hold the predecessors jocks.

Sunday morning , October 7, Sylvester Croom will walk out his front door, remove the 137 “For Sale” signs placed in his yard, and mutter something to the effect, “Gated community, my ass.”

On October 3rd…Butch Davis will wake up, drink a cup of coffee, and realize that he is the head footall coach at the University of North Carolina. He will then pack his bags and drive nonstop down I-40 westbound toward Oklahoma City, never to return.

On October 4th…Ed Orgeron’ younger brother, Danny, will drive into Chapel Hill take over as interim head coach. Tar Heels win 4 in a row before Marvin Austin eats the special teams coach.

Doh! I was going to suggest the “Nutt Cup” – but I just read the article.

Saturday morning, November 17th, Lloyd Carr will wake up, eat some bran flakes, do a quick set of push-ups, tuck a cyanide capsule behind the WJR/Special Olympics Gold Outing score card in his wallet, and head to the stadium.

*Golf

Phillip Fulmer will be replaced by David Cutcliffe the first week in December.

The thought that this is even a remote possibility chills me to the core. Not Cool, Knoxville, y’hear? Don’t even think about it.

9) – Thanks for the clarification; most people were probably thinking, “Whaddya mean? Guys with similarly long names? Way over my head, pal.”

Re: #9
And on Nov. 25 following the 6th curb-stomping in a row from Auburn, Alabama fans will wake up and think “We paid $4 million for THAT??!!”

Does this mean that Mark Bradley is going to have Terry Bowden run for the US Senate?

On November 25, Nick Saban will receive a voicemail from Mike Shula that simply says “Booya”.

On Sunday November 2nd, Pete Carroll will especially love all you angels – just like every other day of the year.

And on Sunday December 2nd, I will learn how to read a fucking calendar.

Oct 29th, Haley LaFontaine will tell Les Miles where to go… and it ain’t Atlanta in early December. Les replies that her new hair do reminds him of when the cat through up.

September 2: A mass apology email will be sent to most of my friends, who I drunkenly called and told them I was stabbed outside of the bar on my way home and I was just calling them to talk to them until the ambulance came so I could stay awake.**

This would be the second time I would have had to send out a mass apology for the same reason.

On Saturday September 8th, BC will lose to NC State, and BC fans will blame it all on Tom O’Brien…then go back to talking about how wicked awesome the Red Sox are.

Wha?

1. when the cat “threw up.” Unfortunately I know the past tense for vomiting all too well.

On Sept. 29, while their team is on the receiving end of an epic 48-14 ass kicking at the hands of Penn State, Illinois fans will realize that for all the recruiting prowess, their team is still coached by [NAME REDACTED].

On October 11, during a routine press conference, the Wannstache will say “That’s it, I can’t take any more of this”, detatch itself from Dave’s face, and sign a deal to finish out the season with ESPN before looking for a new full-time position.

On August 28, Ed Orgeron will unintentionally nailgun himself 3 times in the frontal lobe. He will go on to coach a triple quarterback rotation throughout the season and Ole Miss will win the Outback Bowl.

On September 1st – I will care not that my teams are playing Kansas and Troy State. I will have already been consumed by the day long orgasam that is the return of foobaw.

At 11:59 AM on Saturday 1st, Lee Corso will put on a Hokie head to absolutely no suspense and generate only moderate applause.

No. 24, you’re making two bad assumptions. The first is that BC football has fans, and the second is that anybody here would ever stop talking about the Red Sox for any reason except maybe to talk about how wicked cool Tom Brady is.

On November 24th, someone attempting to walk into our kitchen and make a cheese sandwich will eat a Tony Joiner backhand instead..

At the end of the first week in December, a sullen Fulmer will walk into the dirtiest Waffle House in Knoxville with a dozen glazed KKs and start slicing them in half while waiting for his patty melts and scattered, smothered, and chunked hash browns to arrive so he can assemble his KK sandwiches for deep frying.

The stock price of Crisco’s parent company goes up $3 in after-hours trading.

#34: so basically Fulmer will walk into the NEAREST waffle house.

Exactly… I thought I made that pretty clear.

On September 12th, at approximately 3:43 p.m. EST, Buffalo Bulls offensive line coach Allen Mogridge will be breaking down game tape of the Penn State defense. He will, unconsciously, begin crying, then quickly regain his composure for moments before sobbing uncontrollably and inconsolably, questioning the existence of a just and loving God.

#26, if I was being completely dishonest with you and myself, I’d say that was how Les will say it. But alas, it’s just because I ain’t very good with them there (their, they’re) words.

From Sept 1 till Dec 1, Mark Mangino will have 5 fried White Castle burgers for breakfast, brunch, lunch, mid afternoon snack, supper and right before he goes to bed. Totaling 35 fried White Castle burgers per day. By being on this diet, his cholesterol will go down 35 points and he will lose 2 tent sizes..

Boston frog,

If parking were available within half a mile of the stadium BC might have fans.