INSTANT SENIOR CORRESPONDENTS RESPOND TO ESPN’S NEW SHOW
Our instant senior correspondents are filing their reports to ESPN’s new “College Football Live.” We’ll post them as we get them, since we’re stuck being employed. Viva la cut and paste! The only consensus we can see after one show: Lee Corso is waxing orange at an alarming pace.
Corso Orange Rating, July ‘07: Yam-colored.
From Senior Theology and Media Correspondent Jebus H. Christ:
Right off the bat I’m wondering where Chris Fowler is? Are The Great Outdoor games this week? So as his first act as host of the show Rece Davis runs over to the Grambling State Band and clumsily tries to whip them into a frenzy and they completely ignore him. You got served!
I like the fact that Corso and Herbstreit are wearing matching suits. It’s really cute. It also appears that Corso’s been meringued. Why is he orange? He doesn’t even look real, which is awesome, when you consider that Herbstreit is a lifesize My Buddy doll. Sorry girls, there’s no snake in those trousers, Herbie’s privates are a smooth, shiny plastic. I bet you could get attachments for him though…
Ray Rice of Rutgers is there LIVE! for an interview on the fake field with Rece Davis. Ray looks like he borrowed his suit from the Playmaker’s wardrobe. It doesn’t appear to have any buttons. And Rece Davis gets clowned, again, when he tried to get Ray to dance with him. No more dancing, Rece. Seriously.
Back over to Corso and Herbie. The whole time Corso talks, Herbie stares at him with a glazed expression… why is that look familiar?
It’s the same look David Schwimmer had on his face when he played opposite Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm’s version of The Producers. Corso is Max Bialystock! Wow, these guys are electric…
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1
PeteJayhawk says:
So I initially read the word meringued as “Méringued”, which in the context of Corso makes sense anyway.
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
2
Scalz1 says:
Is it too early to request Bunda on Friday ?
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:46 pm
3
Geaux Irish says:
Note that “bunda” and “Corso” should never appear in consecutive threads, otherwise Orson will be forced to post his Corso album cover fark from about a year ago.
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:50 pm
4
PW says:
I just saw this link on another site and, since we’re talking about Les Miles, it’s worth posting:
http://www.bigheadcaps.net/Colleges-Logos_c_52.html
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
5
Bill says:
Hopefully Gunslingers(http://gunslingers.blogspot.com/) tivod this sucker.
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:57 pm
6
PW says:
Jebus, you’d look like that too if Larry David stole your watch.
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:58 pm
7
jebushchrist says:
Honestly, from a football aspect, the show was a tremendous disappointment. I feel like I could have learned more watching the ticker on ESPN News for half an hour.
Those guys are clowns though, so at least I got a (very small) chuckle out of it.
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:16 pm
8
John says:
The best part was Les Miles saying “we have great respect for the Pac-10 conference” No word on Hayley Lafontaine though.
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:40 pm
9
Brian says:
Since I moved in March, I haven’t had cable, so I can’t watch the ESPN too often. What I have seen in that time has been of poor quality. Other than some games I’ve seen on there, the organic content has been quite weak. Its gotten to the point where its just an MTV level of banality beyond the usual news and games.
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:42 pm
10
Bully Vandegraaff says:
The beginning had me wondering if I was watching some lame ass remake of Drumline w/ Rece Davis playing the part of Orlando Jones.
Rece Davis: So what’s the concept?
Grambling State Band: ONE BAND, ONE SOUND!
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:35 pm
11
yoyofutbawl says:
Dear Jebus-
Will we have to suffer through Corso EVERY day? Can we get Ron Franklin on from time to time? Michele Tafoya would be better, if it’s OK with You. And – PUHLEEZE – no Brent Musberger.
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:35 pm
12
Oops Pow Surprise says:
Bully — You must admit, the resemblance is uncanny.
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:38 pm
13
PW says:
Oh, so Jebus and Bully are the 2 people who watched Drumline?
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:42 pm
14
jebushchrist says:
The GSU band was just on Sportscenter and Mike Greenberg made Rece Davis look like James Brown.
My apologies to Mr Davis.
yoyo – I’m not sure the Merkin is cut out to be an every day kind a guy. I’ll talk to my people and see if we can get Franklin in there for you. Is Tuesday/Thursday OK?
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
15
The Great Barstoolio says:
I suspect Herbie’s privates have known the inside of a tanning booth.
Excellent report, Jeebsy!
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 pm
16
Orson Swindle says:
PW–
Three people, PW. Three people.
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 pm
17
Nate says:
They already couldn’t fill 2 hours of Gameday without going into excessive fluff about Pete Carroll’s styling gel or Troy Smith playing himself on the Xbox; what maked ANY of you think that a daily 30 minutes is going to be anything but fluffy crap? This won’t be an NFL Live–it’s going to be Sportstainment at it’s worst. I’ll admit, I’m looking forward to the ‘What’s it like to coach at Notre Dame” roundtable with Lou, Ara, and Weis, but only because I’m a Domer–the only other redeeming value would be to watch Holtz spit on everyone.
Though I’m betting AFN won’t pick this up, so I’ll be missing it…don’t know if that’s good or bad.
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:07 pm
18
jebushchrist says:
No, Bully was alone in that theater. I never saw Drumline but I did see You Got Served. If it’s a Steve Harvey joint, I’m there.
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:10 pm
19
PeterPumpkinhead says:
http://www.rolltide.com/pics15/414/EB/EBWICCMZLZJMDHN.20070720142220.jpg
Speaking of sportstainment… why the hell did the Alabama/FSU game this year need a name and a logo? I’m just thankful it’s not being named for its sponsor… the “Texas State Fair Fried Coke River City Showdown”
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:15 pm
20
blazin says:
#17 If that’s what your looking for then you might want to buy Uncle Rico’s time machine ‘cuz those days are long gone. Fight On
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
21
Bully Vandegraaff says:
It should be called “Battle of Two Guys Who Couldn’t Get The Hell Out Of West Virginia Fast Enough”.
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm
22
Nate says:
Blazin’, I know, I’m just sayin’ is all. Any expectations that this would be substantive are completely hopeless.
That said, ESPN is a bunch of marketing geniuses–they know how starved we are right now for CFB content. They could have Mark May mudwrasslin’ Craig James in those Borat swimsuits and we’d watch as long as they promised to talk about their top 25 in between rounds.
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:27 pm
23
Gerbs says:
Wow. Heisman candiates being tossed around no mention of Steve Slaton. Hmmmmm…………
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm
24
MCab says:
I saw on EA 08′ that UF/UGA was simply called “UF/UGA game.” Das Maus has way too much control.
BTW, last night, I played Ark @ UF on All-American. I broke the NCAA rushing record for one game by running ONE PLAY. I called Counter Lead from twins I formation, and broke up 20-50 yard runs each time. Of course, Humanity Advanced was getting IV’s like crazy. Counter plays in general have and still are way too hard in this game if you have a primo back.
Now, of course UF put a similar amount of offense on me, but Arky still won.
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:31 pm
25
Stockman says:
The only thing I can say after watch that show today is, jebushchrist, please help us.
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:31 pm
26
Dave says:
Synopsis:
– The college football-specific ESPNHD thing at the beginning has Manningham, McFadden, Booty, and Ian Johnson. Prepare to see those four all season.
– We open with Grambling State band, even though the show probably won’t cover I-AA football. It promises to be the most fan-interactive show on TV. Rece Davis looks like an idiot trying to conduct the band.
–Highlights from the National Championship game overdubbed with Mic Hubert
–Corso and Herbie are indeed wearing matching black suits, blue shirts, and red ties.
–Lee’s story lines: Bowden and Paterno have coached forever, will the Big 10 add a 12th team? (he recommends Missouri), can USCw run the table with “the second toughest schedule”
–Kirk’s story lines: Saban, Tebow taking over at Florida, Pac-10 is strong top-to-bottom (but not as good as SEC)
–Joe Schad from ACC media days: VT players are still trying to cope with shooting, there will be tributes coming
–ACC preview: Lee likes FSU in the Atlantic division (new offensive coaches, 8 starters on defense back, Chuck Amato back); Kirk likes VT in the Coastal (has schedule, opportunity to win the tougher division); Kirk and Rece pump up Virginia as a good team (??)
–The show will broadcast viewer-made videos, first is from a rabid Husker fan
–ESPN does a feature on Ray Rice: he’s a good guy, outside shot at Heisman; they plug his Heisman campaign
–They do a video game sim of the first Thursday night game, LSU @ Miss State: LSU wins 28-14
–Interview with Les Miles: he backtracks on his anti Pac-10 remarks, plugs the SEC, Rece tries to goad him into making a big deal out of it but Les doesn’t take the bait, Les refuses to say “Alabama”
–Limas Sweed does a 30 second plug of Texas’ program under the guise of a (presumably recurring) segment called “Senior Thesis”
–Poll of who should be #1:
1. USCw
2. Other
3. Michigan
4. LSU
5. West Virginia
–They read fan letters. **ESPN ANTI SEC BIAS ALERT** (you know, if you believe in such a thing) Sandwiched between two reasonable questions is a loon from Kentucky boasting that the Cats could take USCw.
–Other questions: who goes to SEC title game first, Spurrier or Saban? (Lee says Saban); Can Wake repeat in the ACC? (Kirk says no, may not make a bowl game)
Tomorrow: Jim Tressel, Ian Johnson
July 23rd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
27
NewAZTiger says:
This era of ESPN is a repeat of the MTV era when “The Real World” Started.
Bye Bye primary mission. Hello garbled craptaculothon. (Please add that to your dictionaries.)
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:00 pm
28
Pappy says:
It looks like Corso “has a-nother question for you”.
Doompa-de-doo.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:41 pm
29
PJ from NU in SF says:
I’m giving this a week, but hopes and expectations are low. If the best idea Lee can come up with is moving Missouri to the Big Ten, then BFD. We don’t want them. What happens then to fill out the Big 12? Another Texas team? CSU? Wyoming?
We don’t need a Little Caesar’s-AT&T-A&W Root Beer-Kragen Auto Parts championship game, either. It’s already on the schedule, see “Michigan vs. Ohio State”.
Is it just me, or does Herbie’s hair look like blond FieldTurf?
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm
30
hailstate says:
28-14, B@b33!!!!!!!!1
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:39 pm
31
Rob says:
#26:
Craptaculothon. Duly noted.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
32
For The Glory says:
I was waiting to see steam shooting out of Les’ ears and for him to turn green and yell “HULK SMASH! HULK SMASH!” when Rece esentially phrased the question “So, USC’s gonna be in the MNC game. Can you make it?”
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm
33
PW says:
I thought they were going to bill the FSU-Bama game as the coach who doesn’t have time for shit vs. the coach who doesn’t have much time, period.
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:29 pm
34
Dave says:
#28: Agreed. Missouri isn’t even a natural fit for the Big Ten given the region it currently covers. The most natural 12th Big Ten team is Notre Dame, though that’ll never happen as long as ND’s sugar daddy NBC keeps giving it TV contracts (and the BCS keeps giving it easier guidelines to get in than other schools).
What would they call the Big Ten then, though, if they added a 12th team? The Great Lakes Conference, perhaps. But can they really re-brand the conference after setting up a TV network? Probably not. So it’s already bad enough to call itself “Big Ten” with eleven teams, but I guess they took care of that by embedding an 11 in the whitespace in its logo. Thing is, there’s no way to put a 12 in it and keep pretending.
It simply won’t happen, and I’m really surprised that Corso would bring it up on the first show. Presumably he’s had the whole off-season to think this through, so glaring logic holes should have been taken care of by now. Or, at least filtered out of the debut program and saved for later when they’re running short of ideas. Oh well; logic never was his strong point.
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:13 pm
35
DevilGrad says:
We should let the guys from DC radio know that Les ducked all the Haley Lafontaine questions.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:12 am
36
GamecockTony says:
Great stuff, Jebus.
Say hello to your dad for me.
I still can’t get past the first sentence in Brian’s comment. No cable since March?! What do you do all day? Talk to your wife/girlfriend? That’s no way to live, my friend.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:46 am
37
drogue says:
They interviewed the Urb on the phone this morning. Most was about a playoff, Tebow, Leak, and Donovan.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:53 am
38
Scalz1 says:
Easiest way to fix the Big 10. Drop Indiana. Thank you, I’ll have my Nobel prize drop shipped to my winter home in Florida.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:55 am
39
Scalz1 says:
Oh, and: there’s always room for Bunda and Corso in the same thread, as long as it’s not Corso’s Bunda.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:56 am
40
Brian says:
Internet dude, Internet…browsing around and downloading TV shows & movies by the boatload. Its actually quite awesome not to have TV per-se. Its basically like longhand TiVo. And what’s more, the internet connection I use is “borrowed” shall we say. I’m just living the dream, you might say.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:57 am
41
drogue says:
Also, this morning, on Mike and Mike without Mike and Mike but with Rece and Herb and Lee, about the only thing Corso said was that M Vick and others should surround themselves with character, not characters.
Then he repeated it two more times.
He is still a penis, a dick with ears.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:00 am
42
Brian says:
Oh I guess it would be prudent to mention that the Apt building I live in has a theater room which has a HD projector hooked up to it, so in about 39 days I will be setting up my cot and mini-fridge and not leaving ’til they threaten to void my lease.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:00 am
43
GamecockTony says:
B,
Good stuff.
Just be careful with the borrowed interwebs.
My bro-in-law in NYC had his entire hard drive hacked and wiped because the dude he was “sharing” from found out and was none too pleased.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:05 am
44
Out of Conference says:
Brian – just don’t eat Cheetos while watching porn all day. You’ll just have to trust me on that one.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:36 am
45
Kecalf Bailey says:
Dave, wasn’t there talk recently of them going ahead and renaming the whole thing “The Big Conference” without even adding a #12?
July 24th, 2007 at 8:59 am
46
Brian says:
True, if you’re gonna beat off and eat anything, it aught to be Funnions. God those things are nasty.
July 24th, 2007 at 8:59 am
47
Scalz1 says:
I prefer okra and liver. .. but enough about my girlfriend.
July 24th, 2007 at 9:13 am
48
rusty says:
#45, that’s only allowed if Gregory Peck replaces Delany as conference commissioner.
July 24th, 2007 at 9:42 am
49
PeterPumpkinhead says:
“This era of ESPN is a repeat of the MTV era when “The Real World” Started.
Bye Bye primary mission. Hello garbled craptaculothon. (Please add that to your dictionaries.)”
I can’t believe NewAZTiger and I agree about anything, but he’s absolutely right here.
Oh, and ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS to Pappy.
July 24th, 2007 at 10:14 am
50
Dave says:
#45: I think so, and if they did adopt that name, why stop at 12 when you can absorb the MAC and make 25? That’ll show those obnoxious rednecks from the SEC.
July 24th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
51
Papa Lou BSU says:
I certainly agree with NewAZTiger’s analogy, except I quibble with his timeline somewhat. ESPN is currently closer to year three or four of that MTV era…
Real World started around ‘92-’93, and while it was a harbinger of the demise of the music video on MTV, the channel was still watchable both from a music (during the height of the alternative music era, they ran a nightly version of 120 Minutes, if memory serves) and a non-music standpoint (The State, Liquid MTV, etc.)
[/Guy who went to college in the early 90s and spent way too much time parked on the sofa]
It wasn’t until three or four years later that MTV death-spiraled into a music-free schlock-fest of Real World knock-offs (hello, “Road Rules”) and lame celebrity toe-sucking. ESPN has definitely reached this point. I can barely stomach five minutes of non-game programming these days…
July 24th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
52
yoyofutbawl says:
Jebus-
Tu/Th is OK w/ me. Thanx. Are you sure Corso can’t contract lockjaw?
July 24th, 2007 at 3:52 pm