XBOX NECCESSORIES
by Orson on Jul 17, 2007 2:16 PM EDT
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PrintSince we're going to spend the next week with our eyes glued to the television learning how to run the all-Statue Of Liberty/Fake Punt/Triple Option offense with our custom team, the Gushers of Peter North University (GUSH ON!), we've got to stock up on the peripherals that gamers swear by to make the game complete. Or as we call them: Necessories, because you don't just want them...you need them.
1. Vibrating codpiece. Seriously, we don't know a soul who dares play without the assistance of a vibrating codpiece. Let 'em mock all they like, but no one gets more shock and awe from massive, teeth-rattling on-field hits than he who owns the official EA Sports Vibrating NCAA 2008 codpiece.
If it doesn't have the EA Sports logo, it's not 'in the game.'
Camelbacks are for pussies. Go straight intravenous for the long haul, especially when your Kent State Golden Flashes have finally clawed their way into the national title game in year three, and you've been playing for 13 hours straight. (Thank god for 300 pound fullbacks who can run a 4.3 40)
Ride the Raptor. We're serious, here. One could not make up a four-hundred dollar chair loaded with 12 buzzing motors, embedded stereospeakers, controllers installed on each arm, and plush padding for "HOURS OF EXTREME GAMING."
The Raptor. It could save your marriage, gamer.
Sure, you could donate it to UNICEF or some other bunch of do-gooding, skinny-child collecting global salvation types. Or you could take $400 dollars and buy the biggest button activated vibrator this side of the Hitachi Magic Wand, plug in your video game system of choice, and kill two birds with one stone by putting the old lady in it and scoring in multiple arenas simultaneously.
Headband. Don't laugh. If you're gonna be a champion, you're gonna need a headband, Charlie. There's no getting around it. You'll never make it past Varsity level without one.
Don't forget the headband. It's key.
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so will you guys be doing edsbs live tonight or just playing/researching?
i cant wait till i get home so i can get ncaa and madden.
by larry burns on Jul 17, 2007 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
Why spend $400 for a Raptor to score in multiple areas if you can just get two vibrating codpieces?
by John F on Jul 17, 2007 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, isn’t the Magic Wand a little far out there in the “fun” dept? Not that I would have ever seen one used before… on television.
by Wooderson on Jul 17, 2007 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, I’m sure the former Ontario Minister of Tourism and Member of Provincial Parliament for my home riding of Elgin-Norfolk, will be honoured that you named your team after him.
by Go Blue, Eh! on Jul 17, 2007 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
All the girls wear pearl necklaces to the football games at Peter North University, because they’re classy like that.
by Brian on Jul 17, 2007 2:29 PM EDT reply actions
7 – Hell, I heard they give them out free at the gates.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Jul 17, 2007 2:34 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, + Eleventy Hundred Cocktails for the Tenenbaums pic.
by RedDevilEA on Jul 17, 2007 2:43 PM EDT reply actions
Are you sure that codpiece is big enough for the playas at Peter North U?
by DC Trojan on Jul 17, 2007 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
hey I know that guy ~ he wants to get rid of all the Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator™.
by panhandler on Jul 17, 2007 2:52 PM EDT reply actions
- and #8: Yeah, they may be free at the gate, but the only stipulation is that the, um, receiver have a BAC of, you know…less than 0.3! DO YOU HEAR THAT, DOMINIC JONES?!?!
by Aerobab on Jul 17, 2007 2:57 PM EDT reply actions
The slogan for the college:
“You don’t get into Peter North University, it gets into you!”
by Brian on Jul 17, 2007 3:18 PM EDT reply actions
Peter North University: Asking and Answering Penetrating Questions Since 1984
by DC Trojan on Jul 17, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
It’s pretty safe to assume that The Gushers aren’t scheduling USC (west) any time soon.
by AllWhoYonder on Jul 17, 2007 4:10 PM EDT reply actions
Question for the group:
I have a Playstation 2 and could go pick up the game tonight.
OR
Should I go buy an XBox 360 and have new fun? Is it worth it?
Something tells me I should bypass the PS 3.
Also – how to explain the cost to my wife? Buy her the matching XBox 360 shoes?
by Rival on Jul 17, 2007 4:16 PM EDT reply actions
“Why spend $400 for a Raptor to score in multiple areas if you can just get two vibrating codpieces?”
Uhh…you can just get a bunch of Mum’s.
by Bonghit Gator on Jul 17, 2007 4:34 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, the headband didnt work out to well for Luke Wilson, now did it?
“Steve, He seems to be taking off his shoes. He’s completely given up.”
by Bonghit Gator on Jul 17, 2007 4:38 PM EDT reply actions
“Uhh…you can just get a bunch of Mum’s.”
damn it Focker!
Shouldn’t someone invest in a telestrator so that they can really emphasize the greatness of their skillz with the new replay feature.
by nixforsix on Jul 17, 2007 5:25 PM EDT reply actions
I can’t believe you didn’t list a stadium pal to go with the IV line.
by Kevin on Jul 17, 2007 7:44 PM EDT reply actions
just one more:
Peter North University: We put the “U” in cum and the cum in U!
by DC Trojan on Jul 18, 2007 11:06 AM EDT reply actions
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