WE OBJECT: AL GROH MERELY SUCKS
Semantics are everything, but we have to clarify this: Al Groh sucks, but he is not categorically “the worst” coach in the country right now. He’s close: the mumbling, the anti-charisma that surrounds him…remember scenes in films where evil men trod the soil, and flowers wilt all around them? Al Groh has a similar effect, but with the color palette: everything he walks past turns a uniform shade of beige. (The radios all turn to the Clear Channel BEST STATION TO LISTEN TO AT WORK, too.)
Al Groh: forever rockin’ to 98.5, but not the worst.
At least Groh produces NFL draft picks, one of the bits of evidence Stewart Mandel cites in his list of the five worst coaches this year to prove how bad Groh is. (Braves and Birds, file and save for the next installment of “Duel of the Jews“. You’re welcome.) He also plays a wicked synthtar on Guitar Hero, and has produced a whole line of instructional booklets.
There’s two examples far worse than Groh or even local mayonnaise sensation Chan Gailey, he of the 7-5 regular season mathematical equilibrium.
1. Sylvester Croom. No one wants to put him on this list because of the huge, huge challenges Croom faces as the head coach of a program located in a town lovingly referred to as “Starkganistan.” They do exist, but Croom’s made a slew of mistakes as head coach, most notably attempting to run his version of the modified West Coast offense (a complex, often too complex system for college) with personnel who can’t possibly execute it. In three years, he’s failed to find talent to match, either.
Croom: sadly, not very good.
Logically the only other person who could be worse than Croom. Of three victories last year, two preceded the losing coach’s firing or “departure”: Mike Shula at Alabama, and Watson Brown’s departure at UAB. Croom’s only other conference win not over Ole Miss or Kentucky…
2. …would be the one that got America’s other worst coach fired.
Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, see: hell, that's correctable by Orson Swindle
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@#32: She was probably a lesbian anyway.
Comment by asim — July 14, 2007 @ 8:58 pm
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I am a UVA grad, class of 85. Watched George Welsh build a football program out of thin air…..
I now have watched an arrogant man with a distorted view of college football tear apart what we labored to build in 19 years…..
I have the second printing of Groh MUST Go!! tee-shirts in the works!
Comment by Mark Smith — July 14, 2007 @ 5:49 pm
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SKLM - point taken- Plus, you emphasize that the Cocks are/were even shittier - they don’t even have the kind of highlights your pal wiki gave you about the crooked letter- crooked letter-i schools.
Comment by Out of Conference — July 13, 2007 @ 8:22 pm
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Wahoo_Law:
I have to echo what your other critics have said. In my limited interaction with Matt Groh, he seems to be a fine guy. And even if this is true, why spread it around here?
Comment by Chuck — July 13, 2007 @ 7:29 pm
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Ole Miss, Miss State Football History Dept.
Here are some Ole Miss and Miss State football history facts, from Wikipedia, so you know it must be TRUE:
Miss State:
1998/1999: MSU won the SEC Western Division Championship and lost to Tenn. They played in the Cotton Bowl against Texas and lost the game 38-11. It was the school’s first New Year’s bowl appearance since the 1940 Orange Bowl. 1999 MSU finished 10-2 with a #12 final ranking. That is the best record and highest final ranking of any Division 1 team in Mississippi in the past 30 years.
Ole Miss:
In its 114-year history, the Ole Miss football program has claimed three national championships (1959, 1960 and 1962), six Southeastern Conference titles (1947, 1954, 1955, 1960, 1962, and 1963), and one SEC Western Division title (2003).
So, both schools have had little to crow about during the last 30 to 50 years or so, which I think, makes my point about how difficult it is to win in these schools against current SEC top dog competition.
Comment by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me — July 13, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
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Miss State has played in the SECCG a couple of times.
One of the biggest problems for MSU and OM is that so much of the local talent can’t gain eligibility.
Comment by RIP Logan Young — July 13, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
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Check That, Dept:
#46 & 47: OOC and Eric:
I wrote my comment quickly, and should have edited it before submitting it that day.
The intent was not to beat up on Miss State and Ole Miss. Ole Miss’ The Orgeron is a former USC coach and a great character. And, Miss State should be given some sort of credit for giving the “Black Man” a chance, especially in the Deep South.
The intent was to point out that to be a great coach you need great players. In football, you can’t teach height nor speed. Miss State and Ole Miss have a very hard time getting a significant number of great players. (I think Lester the Molester Miles has first crack at top local talent, and even LSU cannot keep all great talent home.) So, no matter what coach you put in there, they will always have a hard time winning, especially in the SEC.
I just do not remember the last time Miss State or Ole Miss ended the year in the top 10, or won a significant bowl game.
I was going to put in place of Ole Miss and Miss State other teams, but thought they already get enough abuse each year.
Next time, I will try to temper my comments, and, Eric, the bashing is somewhat deserved.
Comment by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me — July 13, 2007 @ 4:46 pm
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#26,
Not to nitpick, but “the delay of game penalty following a timeout” gambit was invented by Bob Davie, and creamed and buffed with a fine chamois by his successor. Variations on this move include “the false start by your left guard following a timeout” and “the unsuccessful trick play following a timeout that *the entire stadium and TV audience saw coming because you just called a fucking timeout.*”
Not that I’m bitter.
Comment by Lujack City — July 13, 2007 @ 1:58 pm
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Wooderson — the official UVa mascot is the Cavalier. It is lamer than the Wahoo, though.
Comment by RIP Logan Young — July 13, 2007 @ 1:37 pm
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@ Wahoo_Law:
1) Probably not true (at least given my own admittedly limited interaction with the guy–he seems like a good person).
2) Even if it is true, not cool.
Comment by Chuck — July 13, 2007 @ 1:17 pm
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Wooderson
You can always go down the road to Blacksburg and play with the castrated turkey
Comment by hoowaa — July 13, 2007 @ 10:19 am
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Rugby Road apparently began as a parody of Ramblin Wreck from Georgia Tech (hence the same tune) but took on a whole life of its own.
I once saw a page online with dozens of verses each making fun of different schools, typically as raunchily as possible and often talking about plowing whatever school’s women. I can’t find it now, which is pissing me off.
Comment by Jeff — July 13, 2007 @ 10:18 am
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#32 - That’s phenomenal that the ‘cool’ UVA alternate fight song is ripping off Georgia Tech Band inside joke songs. Well played indeed. Why would UVA even be discussing a school 400 miles away?
“A twiddly twat from Agnes Scott went out with a guy from Tech
He brought her to the Varsity, and taught her how to neck
He filled her full of whiskey, he filled her full of beer
And now she is the mother of a bastard engineer.”
Comment by Brian — July 13, 2007 @ 9:55 am