Where, pray tell, is the speedy SEC?

Couldn’t be happier to see those two on top, especially considering my first round coach-hating draft pick this year.

It’s Lane “Lose-Lose Situation” Kiffin who left for Da Raiders; Sarkisian is now the OC.

We can’t show all the leg at once—this fan dance requires some teasing. But the SEC’s gonna have some crab/bucket dynamics this year, too, especially in the East.

What are crab/bucket dynamics?

What, coverage of WVU and no mention of Owen Schmitt? Did his restraining order finally come through, Orson?

Ooooh look at the topical/timely use of the word “Peleton.” Someone tell me why the first stage of the Tour de France went through England.

Hey, Pete? Betty White called, she wants her arms back.

Three things about WFVU.

1. Indeed the most fun to watch. I am tatooed on Steve Slaton’s balls I love them so much.

2. WFVU raided the JUCO ranks to improve the D. Don’t worry. They will hold serve more than we think. I would actually be shocked if they don’t play in the MNCG.

3. Whoooooo!!!!!!

Is today National Crab Bucket Metaphor Day? Because I thought that wasn’t until August 15th. I need to know these kinds of things.

great, Crab/Bucket dynamics in the east and crab pinching dynamics from a crazed weasel in the west

Crab/bucket: place a bunch of crabs in a bucket. When you pull one out, one inevitably grabs the other with its claw before it can escape. Metaphor for a situation where no one can get a clear advantage due to infighting/intense competition.

I’m a Michigan fan, so trust me when I say two is too high. The secondary was a major weakness last year primarily because Morgan Trent couldn’t cover the side opposite Lock-Down Leon Hall. The other CBs were a disaster. A few teams poked at this deficiency but had their QB sacked by Woodley or pressured by Branch before they could get too far. OSU and USC were the only teams who had the talent to take advantage of what was a major and (in hindsight) obvious flaw.

Its no comfort that Trent becomes the top CB this year and inexperience and limited talent follow on the depth chart. The fanbase’s hope rides on a true freshman to step up. Even if he is Neon Deon the Second, the nickel and dime backs will be a weakness. Now that teams have seen the OSU/USC tapes they would be wise to go 4 wide and pass like mad.

The front 7 should still be good, the offense should be excellent, but in order to win all the challenges we are supposed to win (Oregon, Wisconsin, Penn State, Notre Dame, etc.) we’ll need to score 40+ points some weeks. With DeBord and Carr it seems unlikely that one or more of these quality opponents won’t find a way to trip us up. And yeah, theres those OSU guys.

MSU by the way has a clock counting down to the Michigan game. Not sure its relevant but their potential to upset based on rabid rage alone shouldn’t be discounted. At least we can laugh at those guys while OSU (please god temporarily) has their chuckles.

Sorry Orson, but must disagree with not having LSU #2. There defense will be scary good and the offense has enough weapons to score the 14 or slightly less points the defense will need to win. Matt Mauck…..err Flynn may actually do a better job than Jamarcus, who’s head would implode on a regular basis in crucial situations last season.

Sure they will get one loss during the season (hopefully circa 2003 style), but playing the SEC schedule and the Va Tech game should get them to the BCS Champ.

I will compare myself to Michigan, but I will not kill myself.

Somebody will play the Baraka/Sub-Zero/Johnny Cage to WVU’s Goro this year and keep them out of the BCS Championship Game. Whenever a top 25 Big East team steps away from its home stadium, it turns into a MAC team.

Orson, are these based on how good the teams seem to be going into the season, or how you think they’ll finish?

BAMA’S #1 BITCHES

Mat, you beat me to it.

Morgan Trent is awful. I watched the bowl game with a UM player’s brother; the brother alerted me to Trent’s presence and went on to explain that most of the completions to wide receivers would come against Trent.

He was absolutely right.

Michigan is awfully talented. That is beyond discussion. But if any team’s one true liability is at one of the corner spots, it can spell disaster when the opposition goes out of their way to exploit it; just look what Indiana and James Hardy did to Iowa and Adam “Shutdown” Shada (which is like nicknaming a fat guy “Tiny”) last season.

Hate to nit-pick, but a Tomahawk perches you upon a V-10, not a V-12.

The only reason I know htis is because it’s a Dodge Viper engine, and Dodge Vipers kick major, major ass.

Too bad detroit dropped the ball and didn’t go all out for a V-12. Go Big or Go Home, guys.

Somewhat agree with Mike @ # 14. LSU is almost so good that they are scary. The defense will be awesome, but the offensive personnel changes could be shades of Gerry Dinardo/Lou Tepper. Will be holding my breath, but not as much as last couple of seasons, when they seemed to steal a few wins where the games should not have even been close with all of the offensive firepower they had.

Does mp stand for “methed pecker”?

1. Brian,

Because if a large group of people came in from Germany, everyone would start surrendering?

Listen Orson, with Les Miles verbal smackdown of Hayley Lafontaine causing reverberations coast-to-coast, I just don’t see how you can’t have LSU #1. That team is gonna be fired-up after Les metaphorically bitch slapped that 11 year old.

1. Since Orson is taking schedule into account, it shows that his rankings are predictive. I dislike this method and think that a good pre-season poll should show which teams are best at the beggining of the season, not who has the easiest schedule.

I am not convinced that losing Lane Kiffin to the Raiders is the end of the world, offensively. IIRC, it was Sarkisian who came up with the innovative half-time adjustment of “Stop running and start throwing” in the most recent Rose Bowl, and he is also more clearly a Norm Chow kind of guy – having played for him in college, and been the QB coach under Chow at SC…

If the O-line can do a better job of keeping pressure off Booty, if the coaches adjust their calls to his throwing style, if the defense can actually score some points this year, if the WRs actually deliver on their apparent promise, and if the Mongolian horde of running backs actually get some decent run blocking – in other words, if SC actually has a walking fullback or two after September… well, then the pre-season #1 ranking might be justified.

In the meantime, it’s more a reflection of the number of question marks for all the other usual suspects.

It’s semi-predictive, meaning we take schedule somewhat into account, but try to mix a good dose of absolute value in there, too.

I agree with DC. The real problem in the UCLA game last year was the lack of a running game, which went back to the lack of a fullback. Even a team with the depth of USC is going to have issues when you are down to your #5 guy.

At least you adhered to the ESPN mandate that the winner of the Rose Bowl would be number 1 to start the year. They only mentioned that roughly 2,000 times while failing to show the OU-BSU highlights.

I think you’re spot on with West Virginia, Orson Their 3-3-5 defense doesn’t have to be great, just good enough. Their offense should be worse than Goro, more like Akuma (if you allow me to switch fighting game franchises) – frighteningly fast and powerful.

They’ll should win the Big East again. They should run the table within the conference – including Rutgers on the road.

I’m trying as hard as I can to think of why they won’t; but I got nothing short of a comical upset by, let’s say Cincinnati.

That definitely means we have to revise, then, Tummysticks.

Noel Devine.

you think he plays right off the bat? dude looks like he’s 30 so im guessin maybe, if deion is ok with it.

How many more years do we have to hear about the “LSU has so much talent they should win every game by a half-hundred speech?” For all of that talent and annual hype, they could be the biggest underachiever over the last 10 years in college football…IMO

It is a bit tired boys…

Since Michigan’s chances are almost all schedule related, a couple of notes. MSU (road), ND (home), Wisconsin (road), OSU (home) , and Minnesota (home) all start new QBs this year.

The teams with returning QBs are Northwestern (road – Bacher 59%, 6 td and 8 int), Oregon (home – Dixon 6%, 12 td and 14int), PSU (home – Morreli 54%, 11td and 8int), Purdue (home – Painter 59%, 22td and 19 int), and Illinois (road – Williams 40% 9 td, and 9 int).

I didn’t list EMU or Hot! Hot! Hot! University because it shouldn’t matter who quarterbacks those teams.

For comparison sake, Henne completed 62% of his passes with 22tds and 8 ints.

The point of all this is that Michigan’s most glaring weakness (pass defense) is obvious to all, but there are no proven great QBs on the schedule.

I still think that Michigan is likely to trip up once or twice somewhere since its defense is so unproven, but given the relatively soft schedule this year, a championship game appearance is not entirely out of the question.

Baseline is 10-2 with Wisconsin, OSU, Oregon, PSU being the toughest games and Purdue, ND, MSU, and Illinois being potentially loseable. Losses to Northwestern, EMU, Hot, Hot, Hot or Minnesota will lead to sniper fire from campus landmarks.

Crab bucket metaphor = genius.

“For all of that talent and annual hype, they could be the biggest underachiever over the last 10 years in college football”

Sadly, you’re dead-on here. Not that I’d turn in the last 10 years of underachieving – which include a MNC and two Sugar Bowl titles – for anything in the world.

Hey Michigan fans, please keep LLLLLoyd there forever!

ALABAMA WILL WIN 2 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS THIS YEAR, MARK IT DOWN BITCHES

Carr’s has a 9.41win and 3 loss average over 12 seasons. So it is supposed to be WWWWWWWWW.41WLLLoyd?

The newspapers in Tuscaloosa and Birmingham don’t count as national championships.

1. re:Big East on the Road.
   You mean, like when WfVU embarassed UGA in the Sugar Bowl for which they were given no chance to compete?

I can’t figure out SEC-instigated bashing of the Big East. They get crapped on because they don’t draw as well as SEC teams (doye), but now apparently they are dependent on sleeping within the coziness of their own 500-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets to be able to win.

Tiger – #35

I am downplaying any of LSU’s accomplishments, but it just seems that every year LSU is supposed to be a MNC contender just on talent alone…it doesnt work that way from my recollection…otherwise USC and Texas would win every game.

“Linebacker named John Holmes…penetration”. Truly breathtaking, sir. Literary genius.

Obviously, Dixon is not a 6% passer; rather, he is a 61% passer.

The WVU player named John Holmes is from my high school in Rockledge, Florida.

No word on his penetrative abilities, but, hey, he is a hybrid LB/DE.

Then we would be talking about Reggie Ball, sir.

Understood Orson, btw I agree with your schedule but would swap LSU for Michigan. That whole speed thing.

Lane Kiffin was still at USC during the 2006 season; a year under Al Davis will likely make him wish he could go back in 08.

Orson, as to LSU being left out of the top 3, I think you are dead on with that one…LSU might not be lacking in the talent department, but in the coaching arena, he of "le tres mal chapeau " will gift a game or two to a lesser opponent.(ie Auburn 06).

So your punditry is twice as smart as the rest of the world’s, but only by half.

Drop LSU down any further than #4, Orson, and see what happens. I’ll beat your scrawny bloggin’ ass into next week.
And BTW, what a piss poor way to handle the unveiling of a pre-season Top 25 poll. THREE at a time? Jesus, son. Put some Goddamn effort in. Your cooter hurt or something?

USC, Texas, Miami, and LSU should never have a talent issue. If they do, the coach obviously has some ’splainin to do.

For SC to win the MNC they will need McKnight or Moody to establish themselves as a consistent breakaway threat to bail them out of the two or three tight games that invariably happen every year. If they don’t reach that level, the Trojans will have to hope that one of their receivers is the next Mike Williams/ Dwayne Jarret. Booty is a very good quarterback, but he’s a notch or two below Leinart/Palmer. This begs the question, will the offensive line be great or just good? I also agree with DC Trojan’s concern about fullback health. When Powdrell went down last year the offense was never the same.

Rambing comments that are apparently more important than my work deadlines:

USC- Solid pick. As an aside, Pete looks like one of those guys that you can’t imagine scruffy and disheveled in the morning. This is in stark contrast to Lawd Cah, who starts disheveled, throws on his block M cap (or does he sleep in it) and moves along to frumpy as the day progresses. Just an aside.

Meechigan- Don’t need to know the depth chart. Don’t need to know the schedule. Michigan will dissapoint early with loss to an out of conference geeked-up team or ND (which is in conference-ish). Failing that, they might even lose to MSU. Not because of talent, but because MSU likes to give their fanbase a once in a decade win that they can replay for years until the next time. Then comes the aforementioned sweater-vest game. Result 10-2 and a forgettable victory/loss in some good New Years day or thereabouts bowl game. Top ten ranking, but #2——NO.

Talent is always there, but at least two teams a year are able to effectively scout the Lawd Cah offensive strategy of 1st down- power run, 2nd down- power run, 3rd down- pass, 4th down- harumph

3- WfVU. 10 to 11 games of the year Slaton, White and company look like they all run 4.2 40’s and the other team is on depressants. Then, something happens for one game and I still don’t know what it is. All of a sudden they don’t look as fast or the defense mails it in. Whatever. They’ll drop one. 11-1 might get them #3.

Disclaimer- Don’t care about any of the above teams. Closest link is the wife is a WVU grad.

Why’s Louisville worse than WVU all of a sudden? Probably the best non-Hawaii passing game in college football + okay defense + Big East schedule = undefeated Cardinal squad in the BCS Championship game. Against Oklahoma. You heard it here first folks!

Herringbone #42, are you saying that USC has underachieved? After all they only have 1 title, 2 if you count the AP title. This after pulling in all kinds of all-world talent over the last few years.

LSU hasn’t underachieved more than a Texas, Florida or any other school.

#54

Maybe because the mastermind behind that passing offense now resides in Georgia? Duh.

Why does Les Miles remind me of a cross between Mike Ditka and George Custer? Minus two just because he’s the coach.

He is “Shute” to my Loudon Swain. Bama is supposed to be an easy win for LSU?

I hope that is the ugliest, bloodiest game of the entire year.

And I hate him for attacking a perfectly innocent if intellectually challenged adolescent girl.

Keep talking, dumbass.

Did all the West Virginia fans forget USF? Week 4 in Tampa? That would be prime time for an early season fuckup.

Hey Bobby #55, Petrino may have moved to Atlanta, but Louisville football has been a Brohm Bros. operation for a few years now. I’m not predicting that they’ll run the table, but they’ll give it a good effort.

Maskedavenger, you’re a funny guy. That’s why I love the occasions where Northwestern does manage to beat Michigan, because you guys take it so well. OTOH, if UofM loses to Directional Mich or HotHotHot, I call Tower Plaza…

I’m OK with Michigan behind ‘SC… it doesn’t smell nearly as bad as it does behind tOSU. These are all just guesstimates, anyways.

PJ – perhaps I was too flippant with NW seeing as they won in 95, 96 and 2001, with both the 95 and 2001 games being of the WTF variety (at least from a UM perspective). But those three wins constitute all the Wildcat wins that have occurred against UM since 1966. Sutton does come back along with 15 other starters and the game is a road game for Michigan so maybe I should move it to potentially loseable. But even if I do that doesn’t mean that our largely irrational fanbase will, so if the upset happens, flak jackets would still be highly recommended.

#58-Louisville has had Chris Redman, Dave Ragone, and Stefan Lefors, all of which were first day NFL picks, before Brohm. And even after Brohm went down last year, they didnt miss a beat with whoever the hell their backup is. Louisville was/is Louisville because of the system set in by John L.(the Mike Martz of college ball, genious offensively, just dont let him actually coach) and carried out by Petrino. Thats in jeopardy now.

1. The difference between LSU and USC is that since 2002, LSU’s Bowl game list reads as Cotton, Sugar, Capital One, Peach, and Sugar, with their record being 3-2. USC’s bowl games read Orange, Rose, Orange, Rose, Rose, which includes 2 national titles, a would be third if that Vincent character didnt have a say, and 2 other BCS victories. Oh, and 3 Heisman winners. So no, USC hasn’t underachieved.

I am Lloyd Carr please insert manssiere…

I think this Michigan = Bender thing’s got legs. 33 degrees….32 degrees…..31.

USC’s biggest problem…. they have a Booty at starting QB. Anyone from Louisiana will know what I mean; JD is will cost them at least one game this season they shouldn’t lose.

Hmmm….try and convince me that Sedrick Ellis isn’t just an obese Reggie Bush.

http://usctrojans.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/ellis_sedrick00.html

1. - Is it just me, or is claiming “Heisman winners” in a college football supremacy argument worth about as much as a sack of assholes?

#64, I’d say that the award given to the most outstanding college football player has SOMETHING to do with college football supremacy…not the most indicative factor, but one nonetheless…

Granted, I don’t know how much you value a sack of assholes, though. I guess your post could be literal.

My take on the LSU underahieving bit is that it all started with Nick Saban; that guy got more mileage out of that 1/2 MNC than any coach in history.

What a sack of ass holes.

I love it.

I think you all missed the most important part of the USC breakdown…and that was the break down forced upon them by Football Jesus.

Thank you for bringing up wonderful memories.

Underachieving….still got sleepers in my eyes.

Sorry if this appears to be a thread-jacking, but I figured since there is a picture of sweatervest in this thread, along with reference to his brilliance, it would be alright to drop this on you guys. Tressel just donated 1 MILLION dollars to YSU….1 Million fricking dollars. Orson, you should do a piece on coaches’ donations just to see who’s really paying it forward and who’s just in it for the money.

http://www.buckeyecommentary.com/files/tressels-pays-forward-again.html

Sept. 8th, John Holmes vs. Chubb Small, the rematch.

Hmmm….well….no I just think personally that Sedrick Ellis looks like a fatass version of Reggie Bush….(I’ll provide a comparison link after finding one)

http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/407605

Same dude….(minus the fatass-ness)

Rob @ #40… AULivesn’ is a Tiger… pay attention

The hype surrounding LSU is begining to approach Auburn ’03 levels… All we need is Leslie on the cover of the SportingNews with a #1 next to his head and their fate is sealed.

HOW DID WE GET THIS FAR DOWN THE THREAD WITH NOBODY POINTING OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THIS LIST!?!?!

Orson started at the top. Everyone else starts at the bottom, their small brains telling them that keeping people in suspense as to who’s #1 is a good thing. Nobody cares who’s #1. The good stuff comes from seeing who gets left out. The 23-25 post is going to have a squillion responses. I can’t wait!

Erik, I’m with you. The sportsbots on the WWL will spend the entire goddamn season boring me with their endless heisman “debates”, and I will never care which big school QB they annoint.

Just like Jarvis Moss, I don’t care about your Heismanns.

1. Alabama or LSU fan? Having a Heisman winner at your school is the next best thing to winning the MNC. It’s better than winning a BCS bowl and certainly better than making the championship game but losing. I’m sure the Auburn or South Carolina fans can vouch for that.

1. SeaTrojan. When you say that Booty is a notch below Leinart & Palmer, remember he still has a year to make his mark. Leinart had done better going into his last year, but Palmer’s USC legacy was made in his last 3 games (UCLA, ND, Iowa).

How can a team with the word “Fuckin” in its name NOT be in the BCS title game…

Spot on!

oc phil,

I was thinking that Booty is a notch below in ability. His ceiling isn’t as high as Palmer’s or Leinart’s. But I agree, the light switch didn’t go on until the middle of Palmer’s senior season. Overall, I’m just glad that it’s this difficult to nitpick this team.

Neither, Oc phil – Are you trying to imply that LSU has never won one of those heavy turd colored trophies?

What team’s record over the last 7 years has been 9-3, 8-4, 10-3, 10-3, 9-3, 7-5, 11-2?

The most overrated team every year is Michigan. Period!

1. - OC Phil – Now you did it!
   We, Like AU, are also at 100% rate of Heisman trophy winners that have not stabbed anybody. Maybe that’s our problem.. we need more passion!

If a guy can win the Heisman and then suck in the last game of the season, does he really deserve the Heisman? Why isn’t it given out AFTER the bowls?

Nice picks there.