Courtesy of the Wiz: Brian Hoyer, starting quarterback this fall for the Michigan State Spartans, has been eating anything that isn’t nailed down in an effort to gain some padding for the upcoming season.

(We interrupt this to remind you that mention of Spartans or anything Sparta-related forces us to post a variation on “This Is Sparta”–enjoy.)

We resume: Brian’s eating around 6,000 calories a day, as compared to the normal intake of around 2,000 to 3,000 calories on a particularly hectic day of dining. He’s gained “eight solid pounds” on the diet, which we’ve done in bad weekends in Tampa, but then again, Stoyer isn’t relying on fried grouper nuggets and a case of beer for his bulk.

“I have to try to eat every two hours. When I wake up in the morning, I try to eat a pretty big breakfast. After I lift, I’ll eat a protein bar or some fruit. After we run, I’ll have a pretty big lunch. I get a rotisserie chicken and eat the whole thing and some pasta. For dinner, I’ll have some pasta with fish or two chicken breasts. Before bed, I drink a protein shake.’

The lack of heavy cream, buttery pastry, or other such diabetes-bombs leaves Mark Mangino stunned–stunned, we say! In related news, Tim Tebow in Gainesville is shedding pounds this summer by only eating the lean bear meat he killed with a paper clip, rubber band, and his own mighty bare hands.