SPORTS JUNKIES FALL FOR HAYLEY LAFONTAINE

Dear sweet Jesus are those boys stupid!

Orson Swindle? I think not. More like Orson Wells. You have fooled them all, sir.

What are you saying? That was fake?

You pwned those guys. What a bunch of rubes.

The best part is the condescension that comes with the backpedaling.

Just another reason to worry over someone who listens to too many maroons talking sports on the air.

I don’t even know what to say right now. Who are these people? What radio show is this?

I love this…+1 million cocktails to you, Swindle.

What a bunch of rubes. The best part being their condescension during the backpedaling.

You should always be concerned when someone listens to too much sports talk. Maroons.

100,000 Watts to you for reporting what ESPN.com didn’t have the pelotas to.

I almost bit on the ’Bammer dress code myself. Finger was literally on the mouse button.

That’s what happens when you don’t listen to Radio Disney.

I’ve been very viva la orson and down with the foolish talkers twice in this comment thread, but the program is eating my words.

They were bitter and acidic to people snowed under by good satire and the site ate them!

My words! My words!

It can’t even be a filter thing because what I had to say was Auburn-Georgia level and not Alabama-Tennessee level vitriol.

All I know is that Haley needs to STFU and get her shit together. Damn that little girl!

100 cocktails O

Orson, I must say, hearing your words read aloud by an incredulous and moronic talk radio host makes them more hilarious than I ever thought possible.

Glad I’m not the only one who thinks sports talk radio is many step downs from static.

Orson Wells indeed. We’re dying over here listening to these guys. 7 minutes in an they’re still trying to figure out if it’s a joke. It’s shows like these that drove me to get an XM radio years ago.

Your brilliance knows no bounds, Mr. Swindle. Even as saddened as I am having watched Kirk Herbstreit do his Frazier impression, you’ve made me laugh through your chicanery.

I sense an opportunity to get Subcomandante Wayne a radio interview this fall.

The best best best part is the amount of freaking CONJECTURE it takes for them to come to the conclusion that it MIGHT be not real. That, and the part where they call EDSBS a “fanblogsite”.

Odell is right…Hayley Lafontaine needs to watch her back. Snippy little beotch.

on the other hand, their website is bundatastic.

That is awesome. If a media member asks Les Miles about this at some point, you win even more points. That’s spectacular.

“Fanblog?” What do you bet EDSBS’ daily hits are higher than that radio station’s arbitron ratings? And if that isn’t the case, god help us all.

I want Haley to get an interview and demand that she get her elephant.

Orson, you NEED to get these guys on EDSBS Live next week

O, +a bunch of cocktails. Should these guys be the special guests next Tuesday night?

I agree with RCR, R84 & Odell – Haley needs to get some Tony Robbins tapes, and power up!

“It has to be a joke…”
“OK…but, there’s a picture of Hayley LaFontaine right here…”

It can’t be a joke because it comes with a picture!
It was so brilliantly ridiculous that it simply HAS to be true!
This is my favorite story and now it can live on forever.

You magnificent bastard.

For those of us not blessed with audio at work, where exactly did they get in the transcript before realizing their error?

Further to Orson’s IQ analysis, Lurch both believes the story and admits that he lifted it from Deadspin — which very clearly described the EDSBS link as containing “writer’s embellishment.” One can only hope these guys don’t breed.

http://deadspin.com/sports/omg%21%21%21-bratz%21%21%21/les-miles-needs-to-work-on-his-sarcastic-rants-274576.php

Oh, and by hte way, I think Mark Schlabach and Pete Carroll are fellating each other again.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=schlabach_mark&id=2923693

I never cease to be amazed be the stupidity of some people.

DevilGrad, I’ve attached running microwaves to their crotches via industrial grade epoxy. Viva la eugenics!

I think for radio, you constantly need material and sometimes…you just find something and just go with it.

All the same, high fives & respek knuckles™ to you Orson Swindle.

This is awesome. Oh man.

Golf clap to you, Mr. Swindle!

Well done, sir. A bunch more drinks to you.

Betcha Marion Barry’s the crack rock hook-up for those boys.

Y’all still talkin ‘bout me? I haven’t gotten this much attention since Pervy-Delroy pulled down my toob top at field day. This whole thing is so stoopid! Everybody knows Mr Miles is looking for someone to be his escape goat and now it looks like it’s me. Well listen here, Mr Miles, you can think about me all you want but your secretary is still thinkin about Mr Saban when she tries to get your piddly peter stiff enough to suck. And now that I’m here, I wanna admit that I sorta like this site and I plan to stick around so don’t talk about me like I’m not here. And I’ll watch my back if you quit watching my front, RCR, you weirdo!
I can’t wait til the season starts. Roll TIDE!!!!!

PS I really like TCOAN but the rest of you smell like Billy Joe Willicker’s index finger after he took it outta Mr McGee’s (his kitty) ass.

I don’t think the Mayor-for-Life is agile enough to be anyone’s hook-up these days. He recently beat a drunk driving charge here in Our Nation’s Capital because the judge determined that his speech is that slurred and his gait that is that slow all the time.

Who’s the genius? Those guys or the maroons paying them?

Love the backpedal at the end too.

If the Les Miles story actually does turn out to be fake, I will be forced to stop reading this website. I have trusted EDSBS for too long now to learn that you have deceived your readers.

Tisk, Tisk.

10,000 cocktails to you Mr. Swindle. F’ing wow…..and they didn’t report on Dennis Erickson riding into the volcano?

For fuck’s sake, you know you’re dragging the slimy, algae-covered bottom of the Logic Lake with a broken net patched with soda six-pack rings pulled by an inflatable Orca balloon when callers, CALLERS, to a sports radio show are the voices of reason/properly firing synapses.

Will he get a ticket to the Million Man March?

Can it get any better than this? Only when Les is asked about Hayley and his abusive treatment of 11 year-old girls…with his already well-documented penchant for profanity-laced diatribes, he’s gonna have a hell of a time getting anyone to believe he didn’t say it…only then will it get better.

Orson, you are glorious.

I hear that they’re planning on covering all the shit Trev Alberts talks on FireMarkMay.com

The funniest part is that the picture that they thought proved it true was a picture of a boy.

Hell, those boys are dumber than I am.

Nice job, Orson.

GO HOGS GO!!

I can empathize as I put up the aforementioned Piedmont Gazette on my blog. But these guys are supposed to be “professionals.”

The Sports Junkies are no 2 Live Stews.

These guys are retarded. Corky from Life Goes On laughs at them. It took them like 5 minutes to realize that it’s fake. However, EDSBS was mentioned.

This has truly made my day. A lifetime supply of cocktails you Orson!

of course when i read this story my first thought was, Hayley Lafontaine strikes again.

The only good thing about the demise of WHFS and the sudden change to El Zol was that these jackasses were briefly unemployed. Money!

Bra-freaking-vo. Orson, you’ve gone from being one of the great sports bloggers, e.g. Urban Meyer, to being a legend. You are now the “Steve Spurrier” of bloggers.

Dupes and Dopes Dept:

How in the world did those dummies get a radio show?

 I listened to the piece and even when it was obvious that it was a made up story, one of those dummies still tried to think it was true and chewed out a caller that was letting him in on the joke.

Makes me wonder that I can do a better radio show, even if I dedicate whole segments to George “the Animal” Steel.

That Piedmont Gazette site is pretty funny. Among the atrocities that ESPN ignored while needlessly hammering Saban:

- February, a Purdue football player discharged a firearm into a breast cancer march.

- March, the bodies of 19 women were found under the house of a Tennessee football player. The investigation is still on-going.

Grand stuff, that.

It seems that UA jumped the gun a bit on the “no cut-off jean shorts” and “no shoes” rule seeing that UA doesn’t play UF next year.

But really the no shoes rule means that someone should look into opening a Payless Shoes franchise on Bryant Drive.

You made my day, Sports Junkies.

What complete buffoons – who could possibly read that and think that it was real? Were they actually rationalizing that ESPN would report on the PAC 10 comments, but ignore him trashing an 11 year old girl?

And furthermore, why does the fact that this site is run by UF fans meant that the story is fake? Was it the fact that this site’s colors are orange and blue clued them in that its run by a UF fan? Did the picture of Spurrier and Weurfel escape them?

Idiots!

I’m pretty sure if Orson didn’t mention a Zorb, they never would have figured it out.

Orson, aren’t you a lawyer? you should run for federal office, because clearly the Wash DC area is short on brain power.

100 cocktails to you the next time I fail to find the tailgate you’re partying at.

This is hilarious.

It doesn’t reach the depths of human emotion, the rage, despair and loathing, as the post ND-MSU meltdown by that call in show in Detroit, but it’s fun to hear the pieces slowly put together in by each of the hosts.

Can’t wait ’til Orson writes a story about 2001-2004 not existing.

Check ESPN

I’ll check Brookstone…

By god, baba, you’re probably right.

My god, I didn’t even realize this until I was catching up to the podcast and heard it. This is the greatest thing ever. And I’m just getting to the segment where everybody is grilling Lurch for botching the story…

+1 x 10^200 cocktails for The Mercury Theater of the Blogosphere.

In case no one saw my apology in the earlier Les Miles post, here is the apology reprinted re: my accidental mistyping of tOSU’s name instead of my own:

Sorry guys, no mischief was intended.

I was intending to praise tOSUBuckeyes in my post but without thinking, I accidentally typed that part in the name required section instead of in my actual post, that’s why I immediately put please ignore the first post, as soon as I realized my mistake. I was hoping Orson would notice the mistake and not post it.

Sorry tOSU for the mistake, there was no intent to misappropriate your identity. I blame it on the fact I was watching tv while typing out the post.

Oh and you would have gotten the apology earlier had I bothered to check the original post earlier. I had assumed that the original mistyped post never got through.

“SPORTS JUNKIES FALL FOR HAYLEY LAFONTAINE”

Really, haven’t we all, at some point, fallen for a Hayley Lafontaine? I’m still paying those therapy bills.

100 cocktails to anyone that calls into their local sports talk radio station to discuss the “Haley Lafontaine story.”

They are not a sports talk show, and they have not been called “The Sport Junkies” in about five years. For anyone in the southeast to call another person dumb is like Rosie O’donnell calling Nicole Ritchie fat. I lived in Gainesville and Panama City for a few years, and it does not take long to figure out that the stereotypes about the south are true. The reason people stay down there with their fat, racist parents, and swampy humidity, is because a city like DC would eat them alive. Most southerners simply don’t have the mindset or character to handle those big city pressures. I reckon y’all must enjoy gettin an apartment for six dollars a month.

#60…I think you may be the only one to have fallen for her. Most of us on here realized early on that she’s a whacked-out bitch so we’ve stayed clear.

Well, at the very least, their stupidity caused you some amusement, which in all honesty is about as far as one should raise the bar for morning radio. Working with morning show sucks, because they. never. do. their. research.

But like I said, laughting at stupidity is kind of what morning show radio is about. Regardless of whether it’s the audience or hosts who are causing the stupidness.

Although as a DJ after the first F bomb it should have been obvious.

Still a great fucking article though.

You can laugh all you want about “THE JUNKIES”, it’s not “The Sports Junkies” BTW, but Lurch does very little show prep, yet is still a co-host of a popular radio show in A MAJOR MARKET. Meanwhile, EDSBS has a show that runs on a thursday night ONLINE…ONLINE. Are you fucking kidding me? hahaha. And who the hell is holly from ladies? Ladies what? I don’t care enough about her to even click the link. Oh, one good thing is, I’ve never heard of this site until Lurch botched the story, and I wont bother to ever come back. Yawn.

“that would be picked up on ESPN…”

“I believe I saw it on espn.com”

I never thought you’d top the Swedish Chef post, but done. How they hell do they go to work on Monday?

I listen to these guys every morning and they are actually really funny. But this was one of the dumbest things I have ever heard them do. I just don’t understand how someone could be such a dumbass not to notice that the story was obviously fake. They are not really blog-savvy so cut em some slack.

What’s more pathetic? Some radio DJ’s falling for the story., which if you listen they really didnt that much,.. or you for gloating about fooling some radio hosts? Congrats!

PS: (You for posting this) is not one of the choices.

#62: I said “a” Hayley Lafontaine—not “THE” Hayley Lafontaine.

I can’t possibly be the only one who’s fallen for a girl who ended up being decidely mediocre upon further review. What you’re saying is that essentially, except for me, all of you out there broke up with ex-girlfriends because YOU were the psycho hosebeast, and not her? Doubtful.

You donkeys can joan all you want. The Junks do a good show. Lurch had a temporary shutdown – but he DID say at the very beginning that he thought the whole thing was a joke.

I’m sure you’ve all had moments where you buy into something ridiculous – like the idea of having a profitable career or a healthy relationship with a woman.

Awesome work Orson. When are you and Peter going to take over their spot on wjfk?

Wow, just wow the perfect cap to an amazing piece!

If Kenny Irons were to consider carrying mental midgets in his suitcase, those guys would be prime candidates. Is there a Wonderlic test for sports talk radio hosts?

Stewart Mandel’s got a story up about Miles calling out USC—I can’t believe he got through the article without mentioning Lafontaine. You know he saw this and thought it was real.

Criminy, Orson, I didn’t realize you were so incredibly gifted. Not only do you have time to run a blog, but you offer consulting for a DC area law firm?

http://www.hunton.com/bios/bio.aspx?id=16727

I especially like this part:

“Distinguished military career in the US Marine Corps, flying 205 fighter missions in Vietnam. Awarded over 20 military decorations for valor in combat including two Silver Stars, two Bronze Stars, two Legions of Merit and two Purple Hearts. He was held in North Vietnam as a prisoner of war for more than six years. Mr. Swindle retired from the Marines in 1979 as a Lieutenant Colonel.”

100 Cocktails To You, Sir.

+Infinity for Orson “Welles” and Holly “. . .”

Should the ‘Sports Junkies’ have Michael Irvin as a guest? Being a junkie is old hat for Crack Pipe.

Amazing.

Can we give Kansas State some Fulmer Cup Points? This was definitely made under the influence of drugs.

The second one is definitely better.

Totally Frickin’ Strange, Mini Me, but definitely better.

+1000 cocktails to you, Orson, for bringing the Sports Junkies Apologists onto your site to defend their favorite DJs

Excellent stuff. As a part time francophone I especially liked Malducul High School in the original post ;-)

And who the hell is holly from ladies? Ladies what? I don’t care enough about her to even click the link.

Mike—I really think we have a connection. Call me.

kill yourselves. nice work writing “lay-up goals” like those are a thing. go do something useful like i’m doing right now

Okay, we now have conclusive evidence that the Junkies have at least five listeners bright enough to type . . . so I guess I lost that bet. Shit!

(BTW, kudos to post #60 for its unintentional humor value. It wasn’t quite “fat bitches in haystacks” quality, but the guy obviously doesn’t realize that you can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a DC-area resident.)

RE Piedmont Gazette article; "only Nike jerseys will be allowed in’ is a great call.

It’s amazing how nothing good comes after 12AM. Even on this blog.

And tell that little bitch Haley that she needs to work on her lay up goals!

the guy obviously doesn’t realize that you can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a DC-area resident.

Your tax dollars at work.

I thought that the most interesting part of “Orson’s” Hunton bio is that he has been lying to us all this time. Sure, he went to Georgia Tech as claimed, but his other degree is from none other than FSU. Seems he is a bandwagon UF fan.

On the other hand, the military record and age lend more credibility to his earlier bloodfued in East Asia with Beano Cook.

Finally, he looks a lot younger in the pictures you see here and other bloggers sites. Has Orson had work done to hide an earlier resemblance to Bobby Bowden and further distance himself from his FSU past?

“It was harrowing, soul-destroying stuff–in our case, we’ve never recovered the ability to write in the first person, so destroyed was our soul from the work we did in the name of Reagan and liberty.” -Orson, from the archives, May 19, 2006.

New readers should definitely look it up, its one of his best posts—I look forward to part two (some say foolishly, I say Orson will never let me down). Who knew that in addition to being a superspy assassin, he was also Assistant Secretary of Commerce in the Reagan Administration? And which role was the soul-destroying part? Orson, you become more fascinating by the day. A man for all seasons (or some such twaddle).

NUMBNUTS ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!