The Hayley Lafontaine Story ended up in the oddest of places: the lap of Lurch, one of the Sports Junkies, a sports talk show on WJFK in Washington, D.C. It enters the picture during their run through the morning’s stories, and they read as much of it as is acceptable under FCC rules before callers and a few of the crew begin to suspect they’ve stumbled into an “enhanced” story…which, of course, they have.
The audio’s posted below, lovingly assembled by Holly from Ladies…If this isn’t empirical proof that talk radio makes you a dumber person, we don’t know what would do it for you, Flat-Earther.
P.S. We do sympathize with them, as we almost pulled the trigger on a story from the Piedmont Gazette last week before it dawned on us that preventing anyone with a 0.08 BAC or higher on gameday in Tuscaloosa would effectively leave the Crimson Tide playing to empty bleachers, discarded shakers, and one prissy teetotalling asshole named Elmer. A last minute fact-check saved us from our mandatory glaring error of the day, proving once again that Caffeine’s a hell of a drug.
It is Friday, so that means tons of Youtube and little in the way of original content, because a four-day work week does drain one, no?
Your slice of reheated content today: Kirk Herbstreit, who with the collusion of some blasphemously bad tackling by the Minnesota defense runs for 72 yards for a touchdown as a white option quarterback. Again: unless you’re facing Eric Crouch, this is defensive gross negligence at its most outrageous.
One hundred cocktails! to Fowler for suggesting to Herbstreit that he “act like you’ve been there before.”
(We interrupt this to remind you that mention of Spartans or anything Sparta-related forces us to post a variation on “This Is Sparta”–enjoy.)
We resume: Brian’s eating around 6,000 calories a day, as compared to the normal intake of around 2,000 to 3,000 calories on a particularly hectic day of dining. He’s gained “eight solid pounds” on the diet, which we’ve done in bad weekends in Tampa, but then again, Stoyer isn’t relying on fried grouper nuggets and a case of beer for his bulk.
“I have to try to eat every two hours. When I wake up in the morning, I try to eat a pretty big breakfast. After I lift, I’ll eat a protein bar or some fruit. After we run, I’ll have a pretty big lunch. I get a rotisserie chicken and eat the whole thing and some pasta. For dinner, I’ll have some pasta with fish or two chicken breasts. Before bed, I drink a protein shake.’
The lack of heavy cream, buttery pastry, or other such diabetes-bombs leaves Mark Mangino stunned–stunned, we say! In related news, Tim Tebow in Gainesville is shedding pounds this summer by only eating the lean bear meat he killed with a paper clip, rubber band, and his own mighty bare hands.
By popular request, this Friday we go back to where it all began. A country that, after bringing the new world small pox, decided to get busy with the remaining locals and repopulate our hemisphere. For that, we thank you Spain. So today, we give you peace… or at least Paz.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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