When we hear “misdemeanor charges of public intoxication, disorderly conduct and third-degree assault,” we usually think of one word: Dad. We remain confounded that Arkansas defensive end Donnell Sanders managed to pull off the Papa Swindle trifecta in such convincing fashion this weekend in Fayetteville, but we done seen it on the internet, so it must have happened.


Likes his space.

The details from the Pakistan of the United States

According to a preliminary police report, Sanders was seen leaning out of a car on Dickson Street and yelling at pedestrians. He then approached a man and shoved him down, the report said. The man was not injured.

According to the report, Sanders said he pushed the man because the man had “been in his space.”

We’re sure this all seemed logical at the time. Keep in mind that the arrest was made at four in the morning, a time when the only real positive steps being taken by mankind are either opting to vomit up excess liquor, the purchasing of additional condoms for the night’s festivities, or deciding NOT to approach a slizzrd Pac Man Jones and his crew for an autograph at the Waffle House.

The charges yield one point a piece, totalling a score of three points for the Arkansas Razorbacks. Houston Nutt texted us in response to inquiries with “CNT W8 2 SEX U HOG-EE STILE!!!”, but we think that was meant for someone else.