AP–BATON ROUGE, LA. Les Miles made an incendiary appearance on a local radio show in Baton Rouge last week, lambasting the Pac-10, USC, and the Big 12 for what Miles insinuated were their weak schedules and overall quality of competition. Miles then shocked listeners by attacking 11 year old Hayley Lafontaine, a local Baton Rouge child and neighbor of Miles.

Hayley Lafontaine, Les Miles hates your ass.

Miles began the tirade by responding to a query about a hypothetical matchup between USC and LSU in this year’s BCS championship game.

“I can tell you this, that they have a much easier road to travel,” Miles said. “They’re going to play real knockdown drag-outs with UCLA and Washington, Cal-Berkeley, Stanford — some real juggernauts — and they’re going to end up, it would be my guess, in some position so if they win a game or two, that they’ll end up in the title [game].

“I would like that path for us. I think the SEC provides much stiffer competition.”

Miles’ rant then snowballed into a critique of his former conference as head coach at Oklahoma State.

“The Big 12 is a conference that might have two really pretty good teams, maybe four. I think the Pac-10 may have one or two really good ones. The ACC certainly, arguably, has some quality teams.

“I don’t think there’s any conference out there that has as many quality teams as ours.”

Not done, Miles then lambasted neighbor Hayley Lafontaine, an 11 year old student at Malducul Middle School.

“Never…and I mean never…have I seen such a thoroughly mediocre and pisspoor performance by a child in all aspects of her life as in Hayley Lafontaine. (more…)

Urban Meyer finds suspensions very harsh, usually. That’s what we’re fond of typing, anyway, since there’s been nary a peep out of Herr Meyer since the Ronnie Wilson AK-47 firing incident in downtown Gainesville, or since Brandon James was implicated in a reverse sting operation involving the purchase of weed from a Gainesville police officer and participated in an FnDC incident earlier this year, bringing drama and bustin’ snitches like Terry Tate on a rampage through the cubicles.

Meyer has finally addressed both, according to Pat Dooley of the Gainesville Sun. (HT: The Sporting Orange.) Wilson will receive a year’s suspension from the program, missing the 2007 season entirely, a firm but not final punishment made possible by the reduction of the charge in the case to a misdemeanor. (Viva la Liberal Gun Laws in Florida!) This suspension does not preclude the possibility of Wilson rejoining the team, the little extra wrinkle typical of most of Meyer’s disciplinary decisions: there’s almost always a chance for redemption or sliding, depending on your interpretation of things.

(He discharged an AK-47 in downtown Gainesville like he was at an Iraqi wedding. We lean toward “sliding.”)

James’ punishment seems closer to appropriate: the obligatory one game suspension against the mighty Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky is expected, but James may lose his scholarship for the semester, a nasty piece of discipline as any former student who’s considered donating plasma for money can attest. (Advantages: post aphoresis, you can get positively housed off one beer.)

Meyer refused to comment, but we’re guessing if he were to respond, he’d suggest the punishments were “harsh.” They are also a start in the right direction. [/Economist snappy ending sentence voice.]

Addicted To Quack states without reservation that Erin Andrews, renowned college football sideline reporter/hottie, is not hot. As a Florida grad and fan, we feel obligated to stick up for her, debate, insist that she’s tre fine, etc…but we like the curvy, knife-carrying type with a master’s degree or two. That ain’t Andrews.

Nice, but does not own a knife or master’s degree.

What Andrews is: a competent, knowledgeable sideline reporter who doesn’t feel like ass and titties grafted onto the hide of an otherwise fine football broadcast. (Hallo, Jill Arrington.) Andrews is out and done in thirty seconds or so, usually leaving behind something relevant to the game unfolding in front of you. And that, for someone not into the overcontested skinny blond with big boobs category, is her hottest attribute.

Though this…

Then one morning you wake up, roll over, and realize that you just spent your evening fucking the brains out of Michelle Tafoya.

…is just uncalled for, since we know for a fact that Michelle’s got verve, dammit, and that can lead to some spicy indoor leg wrestling, indeed. But don’t believe us…believe the internet:

Michele caused a bit of embarrassing national controversy for herself as she attended the 2003 University of Michigan-University of Minnesota football game at the Metrodome. According to reports, a drunken Tafoya did not take kindly to rowdy fans below her suite. She dumped a cup of beer [2] (perhaps two) on the fans, drenching many others below, hitting one 13-year-old girl in the eye.[3] Witnesses say she also went on a profanity-laced tirade. Police were called to her suite, removing her from the game.

THAT’S a woman we can watch a game with, sirs. The record of public drunkenness and fighting, an MBA from Southern Cal, and every other factor is adding up to one very important sum: Sugar Momma. All you have to do with her is pay bail and watch the game with her, something we do with half our friends and family members anyway. You get Erin Andrews, and we imagine you’ll be competing in the World’s Emotionally Strongest Man Contest in no time flat whether you liked it or not.

We’ll opt for Tafoya any day, especially because of her Latino blood, since as the governor of California reminds us, they are “hot” and “They have, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood that together makes it.”

Tafoya: beer-tossing, pantsuit-rocking potential.

When we hear “misdemeanor charges of public intoxication, disorderly conduct and third-degree assault,” we usually think of one word: Dad. We remain confounded that Arkansas defensive end Donnell Sanders managed to pull off the Papa Swindle trifecta in such convincing fashion this weekend in Fayetteville, but we done seen it on the internet, so it must have happened.

Likes his space.

The details from the Pakistan of the United States

According to a preliminary police report, Sanders was seen leaning out of a car on Dickson Street and yelling at pedestrians. He then approached a man and shoved him down, the report said. The man was not injured.

According to the report, Sanders said he pushed the man because the man had “been in his space.”

We’re sure this all seemed logical at the time. Keep in mind that the arrest was made at four in the morning, a time when the only real positive steps being taken by mankind are either opting to vomit up excess liquor, the purchasing of additional condoms for the night’s festivities, or deciding NOT to approach a slizzrd Pac Man Jones and his crew for an autograph at the Waffle House.

The charges yield one point a piece, totalling a score of three points for the Arkansas Razorbacks. Houston Nutt texted us in response to inquiries with “CNT W8 2 SEX U HOG-EE STILE!!!”, but we think that was meant for someone else.