As pointed out elsewhere, Washington’s got a testicle-busting schedule on their hands. (Holy mixed anatomical metaphors!–ed.) Ty Willingham and company have decided what a good day to die is, and that is on Saturday. To wit:
Syracuse: Um, the Washington of the Big East? Even pitching here, but played in the Carrier Dome, which Syracuse actually inflates with pure helium during games. Unaccustomed to the pure, toxic form of the gas, Washington dies a squeaky little death in this game. (Don’t believe it? You come up with a better explanation of why good teams go bad in the unassuming Syracuse game environment.)
Ty Willingham and the Huskies: this year, they dine in hell.
Boise St: Beat a better Pac-10 team this past season in Oregon State, which looked like ashen heaps of shame for the Beavers until the Statue of Liberty Game. Now they’re the favorite here, which means they’ll have difficulty dealing with the pressure, stumble, and still win this game running.
Ohio State: Loss. Will not get ugly after the second quarter. Because it will be 20something to three then, and Tressel and the Sweatervest Mafia will call off the dogs. Fortunately, as this will be Tennessee/Florida week, no one will watch this game anyway, so it will be a quiet death.
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By request, we violate our unspoken policy of not using baseball players and salute the dearly departed Rod Beck and his trademark ’stache, our Mustache Wednesday Mustache of the Day.
Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers. And Godspeed to you, Rod.
Two interesting notes regarding the NCAA, your favorite curiously defined regulatory entity, bear some mention here. Both come courtesy of the good people at Miami Hawk Talk, the smartest damn mid-major board in the universe, and both make sense, which means the sun will go dark today and the man in the rabbit costume is bound to waltz into your office and start talking to you about wormholes any second now–because this is the NCAA we’re discussing.
The NCAA first has decided to pursue where the FBI has relented in the points-shaving scandal at Toledo, conducting its own investigation into the university’s handling of the Harvey “Scooter” McDougle case. McDougle, a running back, had been accused of taking money from a Detroit gambler to recruit others to shave points in football and basketball games at Toledo.
The charges against McDougle have been dropped, but the NCAA presses forward:
“We have had repeated contacts with the university … and have been working collaboratively, including a previous campus visit to interview an individual about a potential sports wagering issue that had been brought to our attention,” NCAA spokeswoman Stacey Osburn said in a statement to USA TODAY.
Meaning that doing this as a MAC school could get you fucking fried by the NCAA, especially on the heels of the stories of Toledo coaches taking the company card to pay for expenses during trips to Germany to go “recruiting.” In Germany. Where the only football played outside of NFL Europe involves guys named Beckenbauer, Voeller, and Ballack.
Second, the NCAA’s reconsidering its ban on text messaging and other forms of digital communication. OMG URBN IZ XCTED NCAA WUZ SO NF!!! More than thirty schools filed override complaints in regards to the ruling, meaning it will be reviewed.
Last year in the early, gawky adolescent stages of the Fulmer Cup, the D-1AA Delaware Blue Hens scored an ineligible but still spectacular Fulmer Cup coup by invading someone’s home and stealing, among other things, the home dweller’s steroids. (Bad form, we say! A man’s steroids are his castle!)
This year’s D-1AA upstart in the Cup of Shame: Samford University, the small Alabama school that spawned the coaching careers of Bowdens Bobby and Terry. The contestant: Michael Sherrod Hall, starting defensive end, who clearly thought his sweatshirt of invisibility was cloaking his true identity when he sauntered into an AmSouth bank in Inverness, Alabama, pointed a gun at a teller, and asked her for a non-tax-deductible donation to his college fund.
Ahm in ur bank, steeelin’ ur cheez.
Moore’s exceedingly well thought out plan came to an abrupt end in Douglas County, Georgia, where police found $18,000 in cash in the car after they arrested Moore. Samford coach Pat Sullivan has suspended Moore from the team, a punishment Urban Meyer called “harsh.”
Were we assigning actual Fulmer Cup points to the incident, Samford would ascend onto the big board with elan for seven points or so: four for the armed robbery, two for interstate flight, and one bonus imbecile point for his sweatshirt of invisibility.
We’re slow getting to this–but we’ve been busy with that purple drank and getting Joel to make Blake dance. Peter had a post re: the players you’d like to steal from other teams regardless of how vile their current affiliation might be to you. (E.g. Texas fan drafting Aggie, Florida fan drafting Nole, Stanford fan drafting poor person…you understand.)
The EDSBS Traitor’s Draft must include the following picks:
Glenn Dorsey, DT LSU. Once we went fishing off Destin with a crusty old redneck friend. At 5:30 in the morning, no one felt too talkative in the car. A flabby, shirtless power walker strode along the road, his rolls giggling to themselves in the early morning sun. Crusty old redneck friend, his voice cut by years of Marlboro Reds, said simply as we passed him: “Good morning, fatass.”
Good morning, fatass. We only mean that in the best possible way.
Good morning, Glenn Dorsey, just the fatass defensive tackle we want to draft onto the Florida Gators. 6′ 2″, 300 pounds, and could double as a riot control barrier if he had to in a pinch. Dorsey’s huge, but possessed of a supernatural quickness you’ve come to yawn at on the mind-boggling LSU roster. (more…)
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