Everyday Should Be Saturday

June 25, 2007

SEVEN INCHES OF FURY

Hope that even with steady beta-testing and years’ worth of improvement that the NCAA franchise doesn’t lose its its glitches, the hiccups and oddities of programming that reward the gaming addict with little unintentional Easter Eggs of high-larity.

And please, please don’t lose the best glitch of all, one that should have been turned into a special unlockable character in Campus Legend Mode: the seven-inch tall linebacker.

We’re not sure what his name is, but one thing’s certain: if Ron Prince doesn’t stop calling us and asking us for the kid’s highlight tape, we’re changing our private number, bayyybeeeee. We’ve never seen a man with such a passion for midget running backs in our lives. And plus, as the YouTube clip makes clear, he’s obviously just a linebacker and special teams guy…albeit a hellacious one.



Filed under: Big 12 Conference, College football, Not strictly college football, but funny, bizarro superman says you're welcome, video game stabbin'  by Orson Swindle

FULMER CUPDATE: THE BIG BOARD RETURNS

Last week’s Fulmer Cupdate is this week’s Fulmer Cupdate because very little happened in the universe of bad behavior in college football. The sums, followed by pondering, speculation, and other manufactured metacontent.

Notes, Speculation, and the usual errata.

Texas peeks in at the bottom of the big board following the arrest of Robert Joseph for breaking into cars in a (presumably) drunken stupor.

Anyone looking for examples of sober stupors may take a jumbo carton of Hot Tamales, dump the whole thing into your digestive tract in two minutes, and then report back to us on what a sober stupor truly feels like. We want no commentary on the Tamales’ remainder in twelve to sixteen hours, please, as it will truly be the most horrifying moment in your life when you meet it.

The rest stays static, with the “better and better” Illini still riding high on the burglary ring charges from way, way back in the Pleistocene reaches of one hundred and eleven days ago. The only real consolation is that you’ve lived this long without college football–sixty-eight days more is surely a cakewalk for a grizzled old scudder like yourself, no?

Crimes we expect to see from the summer lull: and and all involving the following.

75% will involve: Beer. Bars. Ladies. “Disrespect.” Hours past 12:00 local time.
Charges of public intoxication.

50% will involve: Theft. Property damage. Resisting arrest, which by itself is the Fulmer Cup equivalent of owning the utilities in Monopoly.

20% will involve: Construda, a.k.a. just plain old weed. Place this in the 75% bracket if the University of Florida is involved.

5% will involve: Jet-skis or other stolen watercraft. Dog-fighting. Tasers. Homoerotic content. Mudcat Elmore’s car. Gay sheep. Casinos (Ryan Perriloux edition only.)



Filed under: All-Conference, College football, Fulmer Cup  by Orson Swindle

OLE MISS LADIES WANT YOU TO TAKE IT OFF

Women, tackling dummies, lots of 40ish women doing deep squats: it all sounds like one of Carl Spackler’s more feverish sexual fantasies, but no! we say–it’s the Ole Miss women’s football camp, yet another one of those marginal offseason fundraisers that fill the long, empty, desolate, but now only 68 days or so until college football season begins.

And this article from the Memphis Commercial-Appeal is really the first and last thing you need to read about this year’s wave of camps, because we can assure you with scientific certainty that nothing, and we mean ABSOLUDDDELY NOFIN’ GONNA TOP DA OWE MISSAH CAMP with your honored host, the Orgeron.


LADEEZ DA OWGERON GONNA LURNYA SOMMADAT GOODOWWFASHUNNED FOOTBAW!!!

OXFORD, Miss. — Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron stood at the center of 400 screaming women.

“WAR TIME! TAKE IT OUTSIDE! WAR TIME! TAKE IT OUTSIDE!”

This is precisely what Ed Orgeron says to all the women he takes back to “The Tannery,” (more…)



Filed under: College football, Southeastern Conference, my god the Orgeron, the Orgeron  by Orson Swindle

BLAKE MITCHELL FEELS LIKE D-D-D-DANCIN, DANCIN’

Late Friday, With Leather posted these pics of Blake Mitchell, noted eccentric and South Carolina quarterback, sweating like a meth-head running wind sprints in the Kalahari at a wedding of some sort.


Blake Mitchell, dancing, sweaty fool.

This immediately went straight to the Department of Gloriously Stupid Ideas in our head, so we contacted someone who might actually make the video. The conversation went something like this:

Orson: Joel, can you make Blake Mitchell dance?
Joel: Yeah. It’ll look like JibJab, but yeah, I can do that.
Orson: That’s awesome. Why don’t you get started on that great idea I just had? Like, now?
Joel: Um, sure.

And so a classic was born. Frankly, we deserve no credit on this one, since we merely told a Tennessean with a rudimentary working knowledge of Flash the idea, and he ran with the rest. And if you haven’t seen Graceland, the story of Mary the Murderous Elephant and Her Unfortunate Hanging, or seen a Nashville-area Golden Corral at 5:30 p.m. on a Sunday, you’ll have to understand that things get out of hand and get out of hand fast in the Volunteer State once the enthusiasm kicks in for a bit.

We now present Blake Mitchell, who contrary to the soundtrack, feels like dancin’, dancin’. For those of you who have the Youtubes blocked at work, try Joel’s embedded Flash file after the jump.

(more…)



Filed under: Blog Buddies, College football, Southeastern Conference, joel is a frickin' genius, reinhold messner would do it, woo!  by Orson Swindle

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