COCKS CAUGHT IN PYRAMID SCHEME. OUCH.
South Carolina, which for all we know isn't so much a state as it is a whole chunk of Suriname that some genius grafted onto the continental United States, gives us Cock trouble again. No, it's not a state agriculture official running a cockfighting ring out of a state building, since that is sooooo done to death already.
This time, a good old pyramid scheme like mom used to make 'em strikes South Carolina, proving that success in one professional field does not guarantee professional competence in another. The pyramid scheme in question is BurnLounge, a sort of network alternative to ITunes where investors were promised profits in return for sponsoring sites where music was traded. The SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission in this case) has accused BurnLounge of being a pyramid scheme, and investors include former Clemson coach Danny Ford, Heisman winner George Rogers, and son of current head Cock, Steve Spurrier, Jr.

Mr. Bond, I have a business proposition for you.
A less than brilliant cameo is made by Bob Stoops in the story, who flashes Kirk Kerkorian-like business acumen in this quote:
"When Bob Stoops got me, he said, ‘I’ve spoken to a lawyer about this. I’ve spoken to my agent. I’ve spoken to some people to find out if this is a legitimate thing. And everything they told me, this is a legitimate (business). Put your name on it and go do it,’" said Spurrier Jr., a member of Stoops’ Sooners staff from 1999 to 2001.
It's dumb, but not the dumbest investment we've heard of someone relatively successful making. That would be congressman and former San Diego Charger Jack Kemp's decision to invest money in Au Magnetics, a company that promised to extract gold from sand. Alchemy! It's what's for dinner.
The SEC will continue their investigation, but it doesn't seem like any of the big names associated with this are guilty of being anything other than gullible. (GOLD!) That may not be the case with Todd Ellis, Gamecock football announcer and former quarterback, though--he's identified as a primary point of contact for the scheme in Columbia in the article, and that ain't good for him.
(HT: Marc Isenberg, who has his own take on the story.)
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So who plays Pussy Galore in all this? Lauren Bowden?
by Chuck on Jun 18, 2007 8:44 AM EDT reply actions
Smelled that scam a while ago. I’m expecting a thank you call for saving a friend’s a$$ on that one.
by Allahver Fist on Jun 18, 2007 9:03 AM EDT reply actions
As the laser beam inches ever closer to his cock & harbls:
“Do you expect me to talk, SEC Investigator?”
“No, Mr. Spurrier Jr. I expect you to die.”
And fun was had by all.
by tOSU_radar on Jun 18, 2007 9:06 AM EDT reply actions
Far smarter people got bilked out of much more money than these dudes in the time frame of 1999-2001, I’ll tell ya’ that much. That’s the problem with these (presumably) financial morons being classified as accredited investors, due to their sizable salaries and net worths.
by Brian on Jun 18, 2007 9:14 AM EDT reply actions
Interestingly, it is easier to understand a Surinamese English-accent than it is a South Carolinian one…
by Kahuna on Jun 18, 2007 9:27 AM EDT reply actions
Brian, I don’t know if you are a lawyer or not, more specifically somebody who does securities and M&A work, but if not, allow me to cast a “huzzah” for accredited investors. The AIs mean much less interference from and compliance with the SEC, and, here comes the caveat, as long as everyone is on the up and up.
As for George Rogers and Danny Ford, I believe they merely received franchises for allowing their names to be used, nothing further. I don’t think they will be classified as, “investors.”
Now, Danny Ford had an aversion to the NCAA rulebook, and George Rogers had an aversion legal pharmaceuticals when illegal ones were made available to him, but I sincerely doubt either one were trying to rip people off.
This thing had been running around Cola for some time, and I have an acquaintance, friend of a friend, who was trying to get people involved. I smiled and asked him if he had heard of the phrase, “pyramid scheme.” He told me I had no idea what I was talking about.
Sadly, I understand he lost a couple hundred since then.
by Coop on Jun 18, 2007 9:30 AM EDT reply actions
Please make it clear that Danny Ford is not a former South Carolina head coach.
I would never imply that Bobby Bowden ever coached at Florida. Some things are just beyond the pale.
by Chc on Jun 18, 2007 9:46 AM EDT reply actions
Just a quick correction… Danny Ford is related to CLEMSON… not USC!
by Cocky on Jun 18, 2007 10:01 AM EDT reply actions
Step 1: Collect underpants and set up online music-sharing networks.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Profit!
by Doug on Jun 18, 2007 10:01 AM EDT reply actions
Sadly, MLM schemes have a foothold in Columbia. I Have It On Good Authority that the men’s basketball team was infected with a nasty case of Quixtar as recently as 2004. I hope that it has cleared up since.
At any rate, here’s hoping that this SEC investigation is quicker than the last SEC investigation.
by impirius on Jun 18, 2007 10:17 AM EDT reply actions
Cocky—
We know. If you click on the State link, it mentions this. It just made such a better headline to type COCKS rather than mention Clemson.
Plus we figure everyone knows this anyway. But we’ll clarify.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 18, 2007 10:26 AM EDT reply actions
Anyone that invested in this is a PUTZ. I invest ALL my money with Coach Bobby Bowdens oldest son Steve, who is a good christian boyah and would do no wrong. Steve has got some GREAT foreign currency trading ideas and Im going to be rich. Suckers!
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Jun 18, 2007 11:01 AM EDT reply actions
We remain a loyal customer of Tank Black Securities, Inc.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 18, 2007 11:03 AM EDT reply actions
I think it’s actually only Rob DeBoar that’s under investigation, not Todd Ellis (yet).
Hey, what’s a little idiotic white collar crime between friends?!?
by Out of Conference on Jun 18, 2007 11:03 AM EDT reply actions
I feel Todd Ellis will, ulitmately, be cleared of these charges.
I mean, anyone who has heard him on radio knows damn well he isn’t smart enough to think up a scheme like this.
by GamecockTony on Jun 18, 2007 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Lots of folks in Columbia who tried to talk someone else into this used Ellis’ name and his status as a former Gamecock QB and current attorney (especially the attorney part) to convince everyone it was on the up and up. I don’t know Ellis and I don’t know if he approved of this, but that’s the pitch a lot of “investors” received.
Former running back John “Pyramid” Ponzi tried to sign me up. He and Tank Black made a very convincing case, but I am currently making a fortune selling Amway, so I refused.
by jbob on Jun 18, 2007 11:28 AM EDT reply actions
I think Doug’s already won the comments for this one with a reference to one of the best South Park episodes.
by Chg on Jun 18, 2007 11:33 AM EDT reply actions
Orson, have you seen Tank Black’s new target retirement fund? Heres how it works: the fund starts out with a more aggresive portfolio weighted heavily in check cashing companies and payday loan stores. Over time, the allocation shifts to more conservative higher yied assets such as car washes and pit bull breeders, culminating in a conservative portfolio by your target retirement date. Brilliant!
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Jun 18, 2007 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
Nothing like some good ole snake oil to get you through the night.
by CockBastard on Jun 18, 2007 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
I heard their sales pitch was making people stand outside in Columbia during the summer until they signed the papers.
by Robert on Jun 18, 2007 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
The part of South Carolina I’m familiar with (Myrtle Beach), people don’t have time for crazy pyramid schemes. They’re too busy luring you into a $25 seafood buffet with a view of the intracoastal waterway, but all the fish are from Thailand.
by Digital Headbutt on Jun 18, 2007 10:42 PM EDT reply actions
#24, you’re wrong. The sales pitch was an all-expenses paid trip to Florence. Everyone signed on thinking they were going to Italy. They were quite disappointed when the Trailways bus headed north on I-95 instead to the airport.
by yoyofutbawl on Jun 19, 2007 8:35 AM EDT reply actions
And to the roadside Shoney’s, no less.
by Digital Headbutt on Jun 19, 2007 11:34 AM EDT reply actions

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