GLEN MASON...PLAYA?
by Orson on Jun 14, 2007 11:45 AM EDT
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PrintThe former Minnesota coach...dastardly poonhound? That's not who we'd pick as a serious serial philanderer, and yet there it is, firmly alleged in sources both bloggy and more paper-oriented.
The guys we want to be absolute skirt-thieves really aren't:
--Pete Carroll, who'd invite you over for some macrobiotic dinner, a gentle round of Pilates, and then a night hike through the canyon capped with a really great Willamette Valley Pinot Noir they only make thirty bottles of a year and some quality chundle-rubbin' in the hot tub while Thievery Corporation plays in the background.
--The Orgeron, who'd bust your door down drunk and pantsless, but in an irresistably charming way.
--Urban Meyer, who would text his way into your heart with relentless intensity.
--Rich Rodriguez, author and creator of the unstoppable spread option. (If anyone should be a playa, it's the guy who invented the spread option. )
--And lastly, Alvin Wyatt, Bethune-Cookman coach, purveyor of the "Wyattbone" offense, and best-dressed coach in the NCAA. If anything screams instant and reckless sex, it's a man who runs the Wyattbone straight up the middle for a score.
Come on go with me...come on over to my plaaaaace...
But Glen Mason? That's just incongruous and wrong. We like our womanizers slick and obvious, and our homosexuals FLAAAAMING. We insist on some surefire certainties in our lives, like [NAME REDACTED] blowing fourth quarter leads and headbutting coke machines, for instance. It just helps us sleep through the sounds of the screaming lambs in our head at night.
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I hate to be anal about this (ha! get it?), but “chundle-rubbing” may be redundant — according to Urban Dictionary, the chundle is the act of rubbing itself, specifically as applied to the perineum (i.e. grundle, choad, taint, etc.).
But I believe the rest of your speculation to be sound. Thievery Corporation is indeed a virtually sure-fire panty-dropper; Air’s “La Femme d’Argent” is another highly reliable choice, at least in my experience.
by Doug on Jun 14, 2007 11:58 AM EDT reply actions
So…“grundle chundle” would be a better and more melodic choice of words here, right?
by Orson Swindle on Jun 14, 2007 12:01 PM EDT reply actions
I hate to keep beating a morbidly obese horse here, but Mangino totally qualifies, especially if he puts those vats of nacho cheese to good use. It’d be like that scene in Varsity Blues with the whipped cream, except your eyes will burst into flames.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Jun 14, 2007 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
Drogue, Richard Pryor is offended that you would compare him to Steve Harvey.
by Billy in Baton Rouge on Jun 14, 2007 12:11 PM EDT reply actions
Why is he dressed like he’s going on a safari?
by mlmintampa on Jun 14, 2007 12:12 PM EDT reply actions
#5, +1.
I immediately wondered where Steve Harvey’s double-breasted suit jacket was.
by Albino Tornado on Jun 14, 2007 12:22 PM EDT reply actions
Adding onto #5…offended, and will now haunt you from the grave!
by Aerobab on Jun 14, 2007 12:24 PM EDT reply actions
While we’re talking about Big 8 teams and boning…
Big 12 Commish Kevin Weiberg expected to resign to work for Big Televen television network:
by Albino Tornado on Jun 14, 2007 12:27 PM EDT reply actions
White people philander like this.
Black people plilander like this.
by Jerkwheat on Jun 14, 2007 12:33 PM EDT reply actions
Glen Mason is a certified dog. I spent many a night battling that erstwhile Lothario for honeys at Kelly’s. The best was on a Friday night around midnight when I literally had a stare down with him over this fluffy breasted brunette. He finally relented when he realized he had a game to coach in 11 hours and I had 2 tickets to Pleasure Town, neither of which said “Failed Coach” on it. He ended up leaving with a sub-20 year-old blonde with a sloppy ass and a hitch in her gait.
by jebushchrist on Jun 14, 2007 12:41 PM EDT reply actions
Not fair. Corso wears a merkin. He’s in an entirely different class.
by jebushchrist on Jun 14, 2007 12:56 PM EDT reply actions
Steve Harvey?
It’s plain to see that is the dude from Cameo. Word Up, bitches!
by Rex Cramer on Jun 14, 2007 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
Coach Wyatt! His closet has to look like the wardrobe used for the “Player Hater’s” skits on Chappelle.
And yes, he does dress like that on a regular basis. It’s not just for football games. Though, the getup for the “Florida Classic” festivities is usually the best of the year.
by BDoc on Jun 14, 2007 12:59 PM EDT reply actions
Off Topic:
Nick Saban, baby-eater
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2904086
by RedDevilEA on Jun 14, 2007 1:14 PM EDT reply actions
Judges? . . . Yes, we will accept “grundle chundle.” We would also have accepted “choad check” or “taint feint.” It’s times like this I’m really glad my mom doesn’t read this site.
by Doug on Jun 14, 2007 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
Douglas, I did not raise you to talk like that.
Sit up straight!
by Mrs. Doug on Jun 14, 2007 1:25 PM EDT reply actions
Thievery Corporation and a hot tub. Brilliant, sir!
by Orangeblood on Jun 14, 2007 1:45 PM EDT reply actions
Charlie Weis Dept:
Charlie not on the list of players?
He would woo the ladies with a plethora of cheeseburgers, fried finger foods and a BOX of the finest wine from the Piggly Wiggly.
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Jun 14, 2007 1:48 PM EDT reply actions
Alvin Wyatt: “Perhaps I could invite you over to my houseboat for some Courvoisier and a fish sandwich and the run the Wyattbone all night long. Yeah, that would be nice.”
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Jun 14, 2007 2:10 PM EDT reply actions
Isn’t Mason that former KU ball coach who accepted the UGA job and pulled a Donovan to return to KU “…and the promises he made to his players…” only to leave the next year for Land O Lakes?
Some things are easy to understand, others not so easy. Like that guy as a player…whatever.
by sb on Jun 14, 2007 2:11 PM EDT reply actions
Actually, Mason was right on the verge of picking up Gisele Buendchen in a bar the other night — had her hotel keys and everything — but then Mike Leach swooped in, started chatting her up, and in less than 30 minutes, Mike was getting his freak on in her BMW. Must’ve been the pirate talk.
by Doug on Jun 14, 2007 2:15 PM EDT reply actions
After the Steely Dan references from the last post, I put on the whole box set. Now I’m looking at this picture of Venus Flytrap’s better-dressed older brother and listening to “The Fez.” It’s disco-tastic! If only Bailey were here to sit on my lap…
by panhandler on Jun 14, 2007 2:15 PM EDT reply actions
The best-dressed coach in the NCAA is Howard Schnellenberger.
by smq on Jun 14, 2007 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
Saban’s game is just yelling at the poor girl, going “bitch, now!”
Smooth Mike Leach pulls Ying Yang Twinz flow by tellin’ shorty “wait’ll you see my ship.”
by MCab on Jun 15, 2007 11:22 PM EDT reply actions
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