WVU'S OWEN SCHMITT LAUGHS AT YOUR BLOOD.

by Orson on Jun 13, 2007 4:54 PM EDT

In West Fuckin' Virginia, rest assured that fullback Owen Schmitt was NOT the one shot in this incident involving a wild and wonderful resident of the state on Sunday morning at 4:20 a.m.:

Michael Lusher of Huntington, West Virginia was asleep yesterday morning when a bullet hit him in the head. He woke up four hours later surprised to see blood dripping from his skull.

Lusher was fine, but he did bleed and go to the hospital. That's how you know it wasn't WVU fullback Schmitt, whose titanium skull would have deflected the bullet directly back into the weak-ass rabbit-stabber of a gun it came from, destroying the weapon and severely injuring the no-doubt ass-drunk rifleman.

Like Lusher, though, we doubt Schmitt would have woken up. That would be letting the bullet win.

Schmitt: laughs at your "bleeding."

Read Feldman's bit on Schmitt if you don't already have a mancrush on the guy. (in$ider stuff.)

(HT: DCTrojan.)

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You’d pretty much have to stay that drunk to live in Huntington.

by DevilGrad on Jun 13, 2007 5:06 PM EDT reply actions

Looks like Florida is begining to rack up some points:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2902082

by Blakestyle on Jun 13, 2007 5:09 PM EDT reply actions

this dude had to have been completely shit-housed not to wake up after getting hit in the head with a bullet. i’ve been hit with pillows, hands, blankets and even a handful of flour in the past without waking up, but i think metal shot out of a gun is a little different…

by rjsplow on Jun 13, 2007 5:13 PM EDT reply actions

It’s Moustache Fuckin Wednesday.

Where the hell is my moustache?

by Brian on Jun 13, 2007 5:21 PM EDT reply actions

The bullet was later discovered to be a rock flung hypersonically from the foot of Steve Slaton as he walked down the street.

by Dawg 05 on Jun 13, 2007 6:09 PM EDT reply actions

Why would you dignify the World Wide Leader’s bulls##t “IN” crowd crap by linking to it? I refuse to join “IN” on principle…..as the old saying goes, why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free?

by Buckeyejla on Jun 13, 2007 11:01 PM EDT reply actions

Even if he is a probably OSU fan, I have to agree with Buckeyejla. Death to ESPN.

by War Eagle on Jun 14, 2007 9:36 AM EDT reply actions

Owen would eat the bullet, screw that guys girlfriend, then help the Mountaineers win the national championship this year. Its coming folks, get used to it.

by mike on Jun 15, 2007 10:36 PM EDT reply actions